H.H.S.A Guidebook for New Inhabitants
Originally published in 803 A.D by V. Atticus
Edition 34
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12. As is previously stated, you cannot die, nor sustain serious injury. We heal at a remarkable speed. Fatal injuries repair in a week. Your body is merely a vessel for a soul; it can be replaced. However, if somehow a body is damaged beyond repair, it will Crumble and the Inhabitant will reappear in the 'Alien' Room.
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Trigger warning: graphic descriptions of suicide and self-harm.

I should preface this by saying it's been some time since my last entry. A little over a week ago, two new Inhabitants arrived not only on the same day, but within just five minutes of each other. And to top it off, not only did they both know each other, but they were both murdered by the same man, on the same night.

The first was a girl of eighteen, a trans woman named Gwen who became the victim of a hate crime. She'd gone to a bar with a fake ID and hit it off with an older man. The two got wasted and stumbled back to his place to have sex. He hadn't realised she was transgender, and in her inebriated state she'd forgotten to disclose this fact to him. When they got in bed and the man saw this he, drunk and outraged, strangled her.

The second victim, Caine, was the killer's own seventeen-year-old son. His father was a violently abusive alcoholic, and Caine had the misfortune to have woken up to Gwen's cries for help. He ran into the bedroom and, because he was a witness, was murdered alongside her. Beaten to death.

So, to say their arrival made for a stressful situation for me would be an understatement. I had only just taken Gwen into the next room over when the ground shook yet again, signalling another arrival. She was still in a state of shock, not even close to beginning to process the fact that she had died and woken up in another world, and I had to leave the poor girl and call X for backup.

But without my noticing, Gwen followed me out of the room. She'd seen Caine burst into his father's room as she lay dying, and when she saw him in the hallway she let out a horrified gasp, and then completely fainted. Just collapsed. Seeing this, Caine ripped himself away from X and ran to her, wrought with an uncontrollable wave of emotion and grief.

The situation had become too much to handle, so I called for Rina, the head nurse in our psychiatric ward. X helped her take Gwen downstairs while I stayed with Caine in the room I'd taken Gwen to. Through tears, he told me his story. How he'd always watched his father abuse the women in his life; his late mother and his various girlfriends afterwards, powerless to stop him. So when he woke up to the sounds of struggle and found him strangling her lifeless body, he was overcome with rage and attacked him. But, as he told me, his hands trembling and his face distraught with trauma and grief, his father was both brutal and merciless. In the end, he died from a series of blows to the head, wounds which were now gone, relics of the past.

Eventually I came and put my arms around him, and let him cry into my chest. He grabbed my shirt with his fist, whispering 'dammit, dammit...' through clenched teeth.

It takes some time for people to get all of the initial grief out of them, but eventually there comes a point where your eyes are too swollen to cry anymore and all you can do is curl up into a ball and sit there, staring into nothingness. By then, the only thing that'll help is time and rest. I gave him sleeping pills and stayed with him overnight, reading once he was out. But, it was hard not to think about him and Gwen. There were several times in the night that he cried out in his sleep, for his mother and for God.

Later in the evening, Aleida came to visit me. Gwen had regained consciousness after almost an hour and was getting bed rest. She offered to stay with Caine so I could pay them a visit, which I thanked her for.

X hadn't heeded my advice. He was adamant on helping me take care of Gwen and Caine, so reluctantly I put him in charge of Gwen while I looked after Caine, who seemed to be the most unstable of the two at the time.
But, Caine was actually very easy to handle. He went every day to see a therapist, and he really didn't need much supervision. Gwen on the other hand was a nervous wreck. She was obviously still suffering from a deep sense shame and grief because of her traumatic death. When he wasn't in her room, she spent most of her time in the gardens, where she'd sit by the waterfall in silence or listen to music while she hit her vape and drank copious amounts of wine.

Well... I guess I didn't take my own advice, either.
Despite being Senior Initiative for three years now, the arrivals of Gwen and Caine have left me out of sorts. An Inhabitant arriving in hysterics always wears me out, but I haven't felt this kind of secondhand exhaustion in years. I don't know why exactly they've had such an impact on me. Maybe Ryuzaki's arrival has made me lose some of my nerve.
...I've been avoiding him lately. Its nothing about him, I just don't want to talk to anyone. You know, I couldn't stop thinking about how Caine wept over Gwen when he saw her. I've been stuck in that moment. There was so much sorrow and pain coming out from him then that I had to look away, but the image was seared into my psyche. In the back of my mind I kept hearing the small sounds he made as he cried out in his sleep for his mother, invading my thoughts as I accompanied him through the night.

Well, eventually Ryuzaki got on my case for ignoring his texts and dodging his calls. Knowing he was sure to be looking for me, I'd hide out in the Alien Room or coax Gwen into visiting our therapist on the third floor where he wouldn't find me. Because of my efforts to give him the slip, it took him almost two days for him to finally track me down. He barged into my room as I was taking a break, reading on the bed with a can of Guinness while Caine was at therapy.

"...I finally found you." He said, looking rather surprised himself. His hair was a mess, as it so often is. "...Look, I know you're an introvert and all, but this is ridiculous. I haven't seen you in days. And is that beer you're drinking? It's one in the afternoon."

I gave him a sour look, less than pleased at the arrival of an unruffled (and uninvited) guest.
"So?"
"-You know I say this in all kindness, but you look like a mess. Look at the floor, it's covered in empty beer cans and wrappers. What's going on with you? Are you okay?"
Between him in the doorway and me on the bed was an obstacle course of dirty clothes and rubbish I hadn't bothered to toss in a bin. I admit, I tend to neglect these kinds of things when I'm under stress, but it was still irritating
"Oh, piss off." I said, glaring sourly at him as he shut the door and sat on the bed. "I don't come barging into your room criticising your mess, do I? Look, I'm sorry I haven't answered your texts."
"And calls."

"-And your calls." I said, sighing. "It's always like this with me when there's someone new, especially when they're emotionally unstable. And now I have to deal with two people at once. X has been helping out with Caine, but I can't help but worry about him too. Taking care of people when they're at their most vulnerable moments can be rewarding at times, but it's a lot of responsibility. I hope you won't have to stay here long enough to have this job one day, but if you do, you'll understand. It's not easy."

Ryuzaki's shoulders dropped, and his expression were unbearable to look at. His wide, dark eyes looked so worried and uncertain, like he wanted to comfort me, but instead he just sighed.

"I can only imagine. I definitely don't envy you guys. Hey...do you mind if I share a drink with you?"
"Yeah... sure." I said, surprised, and got up to get another can of Guinness from the six-pack on my desk, tossing it to him in the bed before sitting down with him. He open the can and took a long sip, sighing before he set it down on my bedside table and leaning back on the wall, his gangly legs dangling in the air aimlessly.

"X told me all about the new people, Gwen and Caine. It's horrible, murdering such a young girl over something that she can't help, and then your son after he witnesses the crime. Evil. I hope Caine got a couple good blows in before he was out."
I smiled faintly.
"...Yeah. He really seems like a good kid. Its unforgivable, what happened to those two, but... at least they're here now. And hey, you never know - maybe Kira will kill Caine's dad and he'll burn in hell for all time. You said using his notebook means you can't go to heaven or hell, so we know it's a place people can go. At least we can look forward to that."

Ryuzaki shook his head, grinning.
"You're saying that to L of all people? You know, if you ask me, that's a dumb rule. Anyone who uses a Death Note deserves to go to hell."
I laughed.
"Of course you think that. Nah, what's really dumb is heaven. What, only good people who love God get to go there? I love the godless bastards of this world, why should only pious people get to enjoy heaven? They're more fun than most people who spend their lives preaching about God, that's for sure."
Ryuzaki laughed. "No wonder you're so fond of X then." He said, and we both chuckled. I was grateful to him. He's actually succeeded in cheering me up.

"...Hey." Ryuzaki said, turning to look at me with that same doe-eyed look on his face that made me want to look away and wince. "I know Gwen and Caine are a lot to handle, even with X's help. Are you... you know, okay and all? These past few days I haven't even been able to talk to you, and I can't help but worry. Are you sure the pressure isn't to too much?"
"...Ryuzaki. I'm the second-longest lasting Senior Initiative in the history of this entire place. I've taken care of people that were tortured, abused, killed and mutilated in all sorts of ways, etc. etc. I'm not fazed by the tragedy of the two's situation, I've just got a lot on my plate. But... it's better than spending all my time just reading books and smoking in my room.

He sighed.
"I'm sorry. I know you can handle it." He said, and shook his head. "I just worry. X is really shaken by all of it, you know. He's been smoking a ton, always seems to be on edge."
"Yeah, I know." I said, sighing. "Once Gwen's asleep he just drinks himself to sleep. Yesterday I ran into him in the elevator holding a bunch of liquor, because he was raiding the bar on the roof after his Spawner reached its limit on alcohol."
"...Christ. And X is a tough guy. You can see why I'd worry about you."

I looked down at my lap. I was clutching my can of Guinness, staring down at the gold-plated cap. It's... difficult, Ryuzaki being so concerned about my well-being. It was very sweet, don't get me wrong, but I felt guilty for being so withdrawn, and for bothering him with my own problems.
"Sorry, I know you're just worried about me. I'm okay. I've just been stressed is all."
Ryuzaki was quiet for awhile, before nodding.
"Okay. As long as you promise you're alright, I'll let you be."

I smiled at him and leaned over, intending to kiss him, when the sound of a woman's shriek interrupted us.

"What was that?" Ryuzaki wondered aloud, and my eyes widened.
"I should see what's going on."
"What? Why?"
"That could be Gwen." I said, and then rushed out of my room and entered the hall, where a few other confused Inhabitants had also opened their doors upon hearing the sound.

...My suspicions were confirmed. Standing at the door to Gwen's room was a girl named Avery. A bag of cookies laid scattered on the ground.
"Whats going on?" I demanded. Trembling, she lifted a finger and pointed at something inside.
"Gwen... sh-she..."

I opened the door all the way.
Inside was a thing of horrors. I don't know what else to call it. There was blood splattered on the carpet, the bed, the walls, everywhere.

I took a moment to process what I'd seen, then swore under my breath.
"Ryuzaki!" I called out to, who was standing in the doorway. "I need you to call X and Rina and get them here now. Call Rina first. Let us handle it. And Avery, don't let anyone come in!" Before either of them could respond, I strode in, shutting the door behind me.

The bathroom was even worse than the bedroom. There was so much blood that it splashed beneath my shoes. On the floor was Gwen, covered in a shock of crimson. Lashes and gaping wounds covered her - down her arms and legs, across her stomach. Her neck had been deeply slashed, and was gushing blood everywhere.
Suicide attempts aren't uncommon here, especially within the first week of death. You can't actually kill yourself when you're already dead, but some have to learn that the hard way. The tremendous blood loss should've killed her, but because of our ability to self-repair, she remained alive.

Immediately I ran to her, and in my haste slipped in a pool of blood and fell headfirst into the floor. Blackness rang in my ears, and I was overwhelmed by a wave of nausea. The smell of blood is awful. Just... awful. I've had to deal with it several times in this line of work, and after falling face-first in it I can only describe it as something like raw meat. Acrid and nauseating.

I blinked. My forehead was covered in blood, and when I tried to wipe it off and saw that not only was my hand covered as well, but the front half of my body was a brilliant shade of red.

A horrible sound came from beside me. Gwen was trying to cry out, but it was hoarse and air was literally gurgling out of the hole in her throat, red and frothing.
The gruesome image was enough to jumpstart me into action. Her knife. I had take it from her.
I pulled myself up from the ground and lunged at her, searching for the weapon. My vision was blurred, and through the chaos all I could see was red, red, and more red.

A silver glint by her hip saved me and I froze. She must've realised that I'd seen it, because we both reached for it at the same time. I tried, but she had gotten hold of the handle first. Actually, it was a boxcutter. She must've stolen it from somewhere, because we try to keep anything sharp hard to find. I tried to pry it from her hands, but froze in shock when I the deep, long gashes running down her forearm.

Suddenly I realised I could use this as an opportunity. I grabbed her bloodied arm, squeezing her wrist he until she let out a guttural howl and released the blade. I kicked the boxcutter away as far as I could, and then collapsed.

"Shit..." The world was spinning, and my head was throbbing. I probably had a concussion. I was trying to get up when an arm came around my waist and I was pulled away and thrown onto the bed.

"Above!" My eyes shot open and Ryuzaki was inches from my face, white as a sheet. "Are you okay?! Are you hurt? I cant tell with all this blood. What happened?

"Its okay... I just fell."
This only seemed to make Ryuzaki even more upset.
"What were you thinking, Above?! You ran in there without even saying a word! Above, you can't just-"

I wasn't listening. X and Simon had arrived at the scene, alongside Rina and another nurse with a stretcher. X and Rina were in the bathroom, and at the door was Simon. He was blocking the entrance from Caine, who'd gone completely hysterical.
"Gwen! GWEN!" He was screaming. "Let me through, goddammit! Let me through, I know her! Is she okay? She can't be dead, right?!"

I turned back to Ryuzaki. He was waiting for me to reply to whatever he had said. The worry in his eyes sent a pang of guilt through my gut, but I pushed it away.

"Go!" I said. Behind him I saw that Caine was trying to force his way past Simon. "Go!" I repeated, louder this time. "I'm fine, so go help Simon! Don't just stand there!"
Ryuzaki blinked, unsure of how to react, but then he turned his feet and ran out the door.

Promptly, I threw up. Vomited everywhere, all over the floor. It burned like hell too, thanks to the beer I drank. When he heard my retching, X came in to get me. He hoisted my arm over his shoulder and took me out to the balcony, away from the crime scene of a room.

"Thank you." I said breathlessly as he closed the sliding door. I crumpled down to the ground and groaned. My eyes were swollen and my throat ached.

X was strangely quiet, his back facing me. He had blood smeared on his shirt.

"Hey." I said. "Turn around."
Slowly he obliged. Tears were streaming down his face, his eyes wide and his expression blank.
"Above," He whispered. "This is all my fault. I was so careless. I shouldn't have let her out of my sight. I should've-"
"-Stop." I interrupted, lifting my hand. He stared at me with wide, bleary eyes, like that of a wounded animal. I know I was harsh, but I couldn't let him break down like that. He had to stay strong.

"This doesn't have anything to do with you." I told him. "I'm the one in charge of her, so if you want to blame someone, blame me. Gwen was stable before now. There's no way we could have predicted this, so stop beating yourself up over it. It's pointless."

X blinked a few times, likely struggling to process everything. He finally let out a long sigh and shook his head, grimacing.
"Of course that's what you'd say, Above." He muttered, wiping off his face. He laughed a little. "You know, sometimes I wish I was more like you. You're a lot stronger than I am."
"I'm just as weak as anyone else." I replied, looking down. I was still soaked in red. "I'm just more used to it. You'll understand one day."
"If you say so." He muttered. "Are you okay? Hurt anywhere?"
"I'm fine now." I said. If I did have a concussion, it'd already healed. "Just covered in blood is all. I can wash it off later."
"Okay." His voice was small.

For a while we were quiet, trapped in the grim stillness that always lingers in the air after disasters. He lit a cigarette to calm his nerves, and I declined when he offered one. I just stared out at the forest's evergreen treetops, barely visible through the fog.

"I'm sorry, X." I said quietly. "You didn't need to see that. I should've better protected you and Gwen."

X let out a sigh of smoke.
"I don't need your protection. This just means now, every other new Inhabitant will be easy in comparison."

I couldn't help but smile. Only a few minutes ago he was on the verge of a meltdown, but he'd manage to spin it in a positive light.
I realised I was proud of him. I knew he'd make a fine Senior Initiative one day.

"I'll miss you, you know." I whispered.
X smiled weakly. "Ah, don't lie. You won't be able to miss me once you're reincarnated."
"Still." I said. "I want to believe the people you held close in life stay with you for the next. I may just be grasping at straws looking for meaning in all this, but... I guess what I mean is... I'll keep you in my heart, if you'll keep me in yours."

X didn't reply. There was this heavy look in his eyes that told me it would be better if I left him alone. Men are proud creatures. They prefer to keep their inner wars private.

Slowly I got to my feet.
"Rina and the others will care of Gwen from here. Go help the others once you're ready. I'm gonna go wash off."

X nodded. "I will. Make sure to wipe your feet so you don't leave bloody footprints everywhere."
"Right."
"Hey, Above."
"Yeah?"
"...I'll keep you in my heart too."
I looked back