H.H.S.A Guidebook for New Inhabitants
Originally published in 803 A.D by V. Atticus
Edition 34
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11. Psychopomp is a cat that lives in the Halfway House. He's very friendly, and has lived here as long as anyone can remember. His favourite foods are milk and tuna.
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X was sitting cross-legged on my bed facing me, staring at me as if I had just grown another head. A cigarette hung loosely out of his mouth, smoke floating above him in wisps.
"What?" I went. "I don't care if you think it's vapid or in bad taste or whatever. This is important to me."
He eyed the papers between us and picked it up to examine it, exhaling a large cloud of smoke.
"I never called it vapid, just odd. How am I even supposed to know who to give this to?"
"Let me bum a cig first."
He frowned. "That's not a polite way to ask. Do you mind non-menthol? I'm not a baby like you with your Newports."
"Good to know your cigarettes tasting worse makes you superior." I replied, rolling my eyes. "I don't mind, I just prefer menthol. I smoked your cigs the other day, remember?"
"I figured that was because you were drunk, but ok." He tossed me his pack of Pall Malls and I took out two sticks, setting one aside and lighting up the other.
"Really, dude?" He swiped his pack out of my hands indignantly.
"Oh, lay off. You could spawn a whole carton of these any time."
He shot me a dirty look. "I couldn't, actually. Spawners keep you from getting more than three packs per week. These have to last me till Monday."
"What? Jesus X, you smoked two packs in five days? You're lucky you can't get cancer. There's a limit on these for a reason, you know. Spawn a vape or something."
"Ugh! Vapes are gross, why would I want to do that?"
"How is a vape worse than a cigarette?"
"They taste like shit!"
"...Ironic. Just find a flavour you like."
X rolled his eyes. His hair was down (usually he ties back the top half) and wildly messy, which might have been more endearing if it weren't for the pouting.
"Tch. As if. I prefer my emphysema all-naturale. How about you get a vape, if you like them so much?"
I wrinkled my nose. "No thanks, I rather like my Newports. I'll get you a pack of Pall Malls later, so stop complaining."
X stuck out his tongue out at me and let out a rather pointed puff of smoke at me, to which I gave a caustic smile.
"...Cute. Now, back to what I was saying. I'm not asking you to go very far out of your way. If someone comes in that could possibly be affiliated with my orphanage, just ask if they've heard of the Wammy's House. If they say yes, give them my entries. That's it."
"'Wammy's House'?" He repeated. "How do you spell that?"
"W-A-M-M-Y. Like the inventor."
"Wait, Quillish Wammy? Is he the one that created your little genius cult?"
I nodded. "He discovered Ryuzaki as a child, and made him into the detective he is today. I don't know how much you know about L, but he's the guy known as Watari. He's like L's representative, surrogate maybe. Later he went on to found my orphanage so he could raise more children like him."
"Oh... wow." He leaned back on my bed frame and was silent for awhile. His eyes had taken on a faraway look.
"Yeah. I used to be an investigator for the NPA. L stepped in to assist us after a kidnapping of a Japanese politician. I quit before the case was over, but I worked directly under him and Watari for some time."
"Really..?" I was surprised by his sudden forthrightness. Usually we kept such personal details to ourselves. "It's pretty ironic that you were a cop, seeing how much you admire the profession."
I was being sarcastic. Living here for seven years, I've noticed that a disproportionate amount of the HHSA's members are political radicals - Marxists, anarchists, communists, etc., - and they're not exactly big fans of the police.
"Yeah, I know." X sighed. "I used to be a pig. Thought I was doing the right thing. I joined the NPA before I being radicalised, but it came in handy from time to time."
I smiled.
"Yeah, I bet it did."
X and me, we're the mysterious type. That's why we get along. I've never questioned why he only goes by X. He's never questioned why I call myself Above. We both understand that those are questions neither of us want to answer. I've never asked about his life, and until Ryuzaki arrived and he didn't know much about mine. We've only had a vague picture of the other's time on Earth.
From comments he's made over the years, I've gathered that he's a Marxist radical and a revolutionary, and he spent his last months alive imprisoned and tortured. If I had to guess, he was probably involved in some kind of guerrilla movement. But again, I wouldn't know. Only he could tell you for certain.
That's why this felt so strange. He'd revealed so much about himself with less hesitation than I'd expect. Why? Maybe it's because he knows my own past. Maybe he was trying to be vulnerable. Or maybe it's better to let him keep his motives to himself.
Though, it is interesting to think we had a common link connecting us on Earth despite entire continents separating us. I suppose we're all more tied to each other than we think.
The sound of X lighting yet another cigarette brought me back to present. I cleared my throat, which was a bit scratchy from my own smoke.
"By the way, I'll probably bind this into a notebook or journal." I told him, putting my papers aside. "I'm not done yet, though. I'll probably keep writing till I Crumble. I'll stow everything away in my closet, and I'm trusting you to take care of them after that."
X didn't look too happy with this.
"You know, I really don't get how you're able to talk about this so casually. Don't you find it depressing?"
I shrugged. "No, not really."
"You have the emotional range of a housecat - you know 'annoyed' and 'vaguely amused by other's misfortune'. Well, I find it puts a damper on my mood to talk about you fucking off to eternity without me. It's gonna suck once you're gone, you know. Good company is hard to come by."
"Well, poor you. I rather like cats. They're noble creatures. Prideful and solitary."
"Which is why I compare them to you."
"...Nya, fuckface." I went, rolling my eyes. "Come on. You'll still have Ryuzaki, won't you?"
X shrugged.
"Yeah, but I like you better. Ryuzaki's too aloof. Besides, you can never really make sense of him. But you don't bother to hide how you feel, so I can always tell what you're thinking. I appreciate your candour."
"Mm, I'm sure you do..." I muttered. "But I know the real reason you prefer me. It's because you can get away with acting like an idiot, and because Ryuzaki's harder to tease than I am."
"....Yeah, that's part of it too." He admitted with a smile. Then out of nowhere, he said,
"I don't want to read your entries."
"Er... okay. Why's that?"
"Because I have too much respect for you."
"I don't mind you reading it." I said, shrugging. "You're in it, after all. You have a right to know what I wrote."
"Well, I don't want to." He said, frowning childishly. "I already know you'll just say I'm a 'slippery little bastard' and make me out to me an ass. Which is fair, but still."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Really now? The X I know would love to hear what I have to say about you. I figured you'd get a real kick out of it."
X sighed, and leaned back against the wall.
"Yeah, that's true. I just think it would be wrong for me to read about all of your pain and trauma and agonising. It feels like trespassing, and I respect you too much as a friend to want to see you like that. Besides, you're detailing a process of painful self-examination and acceptance that I'm not ready to confront just yet. So I won't read it."
"I mean... if that's what you want." I said. "But, you have my permission if you ever change your mind."
He nodded. "...Yeah. Maybe I'll read it one day, when I inevitably go through the same thing."
"Okay, I guess. Do one thing for me though - remember when you were talking to Ryuzaki in Japanese when you two first met? Can you translate your conversation for me?"
"Whatttt?" X whined, flopping down on his back. "I don't remember what I said. Translating stuff makes my head hurt."
"You have a photographic memory."
When he was done I decided to spawn a six-pack of Guinness's, ignoring X's teasing about me getting drunk and running off to Ryuzaki. As I continued to write, X lounged lounging on my bed, writing on a clipboard and sipping beer. The only thing that interrupted the peaceful silence was a steady ticking of the wall clock and X's occasional humming. Or should I say, the only thing that is interrupting our peaceful silence. I've written up to the present moment, and I'm not really sure what to say now.
Since X won't be reading this anytime soon, I can say whatever I want about him, right? Just... promise not to tell him what I said about him if he hasn't read this yet. If he wants to know, he has to read it himself.
I see myself in X. He's the mirror image of who I was at my zeitgeist, comfortable at the Halfway House but overdue for a Crumbling, unsure of why he was still alive when everyone around him was finding peace and moving on. Put off because he knows those whose presence he took for granted are going. He's realising that soon he'll be alone, taking my place as Senior Initiative and biding his time as he waits months or years for his turn. Wondering what he had to do in order to leave, how to fill all these empty days.
I hope he's able to bear it.
I wish I could communicate that sentiment to him, but our relationship doesn't allow it. We may be close, but both of us are too emotionally guarded to express it in words. We're both stoic creatures, dogs of the same pelt, roaming the streets as strays and regarding ourselves as such.
Does that make any sense at all? I guess I could be aggrandising things. After all, I don't have any other friends to compare him to.
Eventually I broke the silence.
"By the way, it's about time I start training you to be Senior Initiative. You need to get off your ass. I'm not gonna be here forever."
X groaned and buried his face into his hands.
"Ugh... I forgot about that."
"Yup." I sat up and crossed my legs, lighting up my second cigarette. "You are taking the job, right? If you don't want it, I can have Rina or someone else take your place. I need to know so I can make arrangements."
"Jeez..." X muttered, burying his hands in his face. "I dunno... I guess I'll do it."
I looked at him sceptically.
"You don't sound very confident. I won't let you half-ass this, got it?"
X scowled. "Yeah, yeah. It would be unmanly if I didn't."
"Unmanly?"
"Yeah. Otokorashikunai. My brother would never forgive me."
"Brother?"
"...Yeah. I have a half brother on my mom's side that's dad is a Cuban diplomat. He's one of the doctors they send around the world giving aid. When I lived in Florida, we'd visit Havana to see him. If he were here, he'd tell me to man up and do my job. So I'll be Senior Initative. You don't have to worry about me."
Slowly I nodded. "Ok. I'm trusting you."
A former police investigator. A brother. Florida. Havana. Why was he telling me all this? It made me uneasy, because I realised the answer.
I tried to discard the thought.
"So listen - the role of Senior Initiative is a hard one. There's a reason it's reserved for the oldest members of the Halfway House, and it's something to be taken very seriously. I'm not leaving here until I have confidence in my successor. Got it?"
He sighed. "Yeah, I got it."
"You can't be easily shaken. You're taking care of people who just died. You have to be able to handle people in hysterics, sobbing and wailing and retelling their traumatic life story in vivid detail. It's not pretty."
X's expression was grim.
"I know. I'm not looking forward to it. I hate seeing people like that."
"I hate it too. But you have to learn how to handle someone that's suffering without letting it affect you. And I'll tell you right now - it's hard at first. When I had just become Senior Initiative, there was a Palestinian kid who'd been murdered in a raid on Gaza. Some of the things he told me about were... just unspeakably awful. It kept me up at night. The world is cruel, but there's nothing we can do about it here. The only thing we can do is come to terms with that fact, and try to make peace with it."
X was silent. He was staring down blankly at his paper.
"...You're right. I know you are. I just don't think I'd make a very good Senior Initiative. I'm no good at comforting people. I just freeze up."
I laughed.
"Do you think I'm naturally good at comforting people? After awhile you learn to tell what the other person needs; whether it's space or a hug or something else. You're more of a people person than I am, so you'll probably be better than me."
X smiled. "That's true." Then, he sat up with a start. Without explanation he got up and went to my closet.
"What are you doing?" I asked, to no reply. I could hear him rummaging and the sound of the Spawner whirring. I decided to shrug it off. Weirdo.
A minute later he stepped out, holding in his hands a polaroid camera.
"Ta-da~" He chirped. "I figure that if you're leaving, we might as well take a picture to remember you by. Come on, do it with me."
"A picture...?" My muscles stiffened. But why?
Oh. Right.
"Er...I've actually never taken a picture before." I admitted.
"Huh?" X cocked his head, like he wasn't sure he believed me. "What are you talking about?"
"I've never had my picture taken. There's no record of my existence because the program I was in kept us top secret. So it'll be my first."
"Really...?" X thought about this for a second. "Then, I want one even more. You shouldn't let yourself be forgotten like that."
Without waiting for me, X took the camera to his face. A flash of light blinded me.
"Hey, warn me next time!"
The picture immediately printed out of the camera, still all-black. X shook the slip of paper and then laughed.
"Check out the look on your face!" He said, snickering, and showed it to me.
My expression was deadpan and my eyes were lined with dark circles, wide with confusion. Sticking out of my mouth was a cigarette and behind me was my table with the beer and word processor on it. Because of the flash my skin was stark, and you could see all of my pores and blemishes in high resolution.
"Really, X?" I groaned. "Take it again. I look awful."
"No, I like it." He said. "It's honest. It says a lot about you without even trying." He stuck the paper in his pocket and winked. "Sorry, but I'm keeping this."
He climbed on the bed and threw his shoulder around me.
"Say cheese~!" He sang, and took another picture. When it developed there was X, happy and laughing. Behind him was me, sitting with a dull expression. X had a good laugh at that.
"Oh man, you so aren't photogenic." He said with a snicker, and then got out a sharpie.
Jan 10, 20XX - Above Asphodel
Jan 10, 20XX - X & Above. The handsome one is X ;)
"You're shameless." I said, but I was grinning. Give me that thing." I took his camera and inspected it.
"Press this button." X said, pointing to the one on the top. "And use this to zoom in and out."
I closed an eye and brought the lens to my face, pointing it at X. Click.
Damn. He was prepared, and had stuck out his tongue.
Jan 10, 20XX - X being stupid.
X grinned. "There, now we're even. And now I've got the only pictures of A to ever exist."
"You happy?"
"Yep." He was grinning. "Now you cant ever be forgotten, no matter what."
β₯ β₯ β₯
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