It was an often occurrence that everyone within the apartment would sit on the living room floor and just sob about how they felt. For some reason that's what kept their bond so close, their communication better than Lia's past relationships as they were able to express their emotions without fear nor judgement.

So it was no surprise they were now laying upon the cold living room floor, the only light in the room being a candle that flickered around dancing. Lia sobbing as Noel wallowed in his pain and Seph doing her best to comfort everyone.

While Noel no lingered had feelings for Hannah, his now ex girlfriend, her had found out heartbreaking information regarding one of his bestfriends, "Hannah was cheating on me." He breathed out, Persephone's eyes softening as she placed her delicate hand on his leg as she rubbed Lia's back, trying her best to take away her friend's pain as they never deserved the things that had happened to them, "The worst part is that it was with my bestfriend too."

"Oh fuck." Lia breathed as she stopped sobbing, the girl turning her head to look at him as she slowly rested her hand in his lap, "I've been in a similar situation and i'm just so sorry you had to go through it too."

"That's why she never let me around him, she was just worried that i'd find out she was."

Seph frowned, wrapping both arms around him as she just held him against her body trying to give the boy any peace she can, "Things are better this way. You have freedom and are no longer weighed down by backstabbing friends. You're now surrounded by those who love you and would never betray you like that."

Lia nodded, tracing circles on his legs out of boredom as her mascara had dried to her face, "Especially Seph, this girls fucking hooked." The blonde stopped talking after Persephone let out a groan of embarrassment, Lia laughing at her behavior as she sniffled.

"I'm going to be here for the both of you no matter what." Persephone trailed back to the original topic, hugging both of them this time as they stayed like that for what felt like a lifetime, "You guys mean the world to me and I could never imagine making you guys feel pain such as this."

Those words settled Lia's stomach, finally relieved to have a bond like this with someone. The feelings between the girls were strictly platonic, but at the same time they felt like soulmates, twin flames even. They meshed together so well, support and admiration fueling their bond as they constantly tried their best to supply each other happiness.

"Yeah! We love you Noey boy!" Lia added, looking up from his laps as she pinched his cheeks allowing a laugh to fall from his mouth by her actions.

After they got Noel feeling better the topic had transferred to Lia, the girl still heartbroken over her ex.

"I don't even know what to do." The blonde sobbed into her bestfriend's arms, Persephone playing with her hair as Nolan rubbing her back to calm her down. "I just want her back. I know I fucked up, but I just want her to trust me again. I haven't had proper sleep in months. I keep thinking I see her on the streets and I always want to go up and just apologize for everything." The girl trailed on, rambling as her heart felt heavy abused. The tremendous pain she was in was unimaginable.

Lia's makeup was trailing down her face. She gave up on taking her pills months ago, trying to punish herself for everything that led to that moment in time. She hadn't started dating, as much as her friends tried to push her to. Every time she tried to she found herself comparing them to Olivia, none of them having her smile or kindness. She's end up explaining to them that she wasn't ready for this, apologizing as she she left her dates. People who flirted with them were immediately shut down, her heart for Olivia and Olivia only.

She just couldn't imagine her life without Liv. She couldn't imagine loving someone who wasn't her.

"Well she commented on your post!" Persephone tried to cheer her up, only making Lia sob more violently due to the reminder.

"That's a good thing, Lia. She's trying to reach out to you again." Nolan sighed as he explained, looking towards Persephone as he got up, the boy wandering to the bathroom, grabbing a cotton round filled with micellar water as he wiped the makeup away from the heartbroken girl.

Lia only mumbled her words, too tired to try to be coherent, "But what if she doesn't want me back, if she found someone better, if she listened to my songs and knew it was about her and hates me!"

"You're just anxious, Lia." Persephone explained her voice soothing like Liv's once was, "She wouldn't go the effort to try to talk to you if she didn't still have love for you."

It felt like walking on eggshells when trying to calm Lia down. Every word sent her spiraling as she only craved to have her loved one back. She would remember all their times spent together, when Liv and her would sit outside the 711 with their slushie s and stargaze, or when they had that beach trip, or even when Liv helped her with recovering.

Lia couldn't believe that she tried to rid herself of her addictions only to be addicted to a brunette pop singer who was seemingly more deadly than the nicotine and drugs she had tried.

"Hey, Lia?" Persephone asked as she picked the girls phone, showing it to her as she rolled over to face her, "Liv is calling you."

The blonde was now conflicted, her hands grabbing the phone immediately as she picked it up, rushing into her bedroom to have their conversation.

"I'm so fucking sorry." Was all Liv could say, her voice was shaky as if she had been crying for hours just like Lia had.

But the girl couldn't comprehend that. Did she really miss her the way that she did? She couldn't have. She was just another ex druggie with abandonment issues and mommy daddy issues.

"I know you are." Lia said, holding back her own tears to try to be strong for the both of them, "You didn't trust me and I wouldn't have either after all the mistakes I made."

Liv sniffled as Lia paced back and fourth in the bedroom, her fingers in her mouth as she ripped off her nails from the anxiety she felt.

"No I trust you... I just don't know what came over me that night and I don't know why it took me so long to reach out to you." Olivia explained, Lia feeling better as got the confirmation that she still wanted her, that she did have trust in her. "I was scared of losing you and I guess that I thought it would be better if I was the first one to give up. And I totally understand if you hate me and never want to talk to me again and-"

Lia hushed her, trying to stop her from filling her brain with more false emotions that only seemed to break them apart more, "I meant it when I told you that I loved you. That I would wait for you even if it hurt me, okay? I don't have any hatred towards you. I will always have such a strong love for you and nothing that could happen could ruin that for me, okay?"

Silence.

"I get how it feels to be scared of someone leaving. I dealt with that my entire childhood and now. But I never wanted to lose you. I would do anything to prove to you that my heart will belong to you until the world dies out. I understand why you did the thing you did, I understand why you didn't reach out. There's no need to beat yourself up."

"Can I come over?"

Lia bit her lip as she thought of a plan, peeking through the bedroom door slightly at her friends who were laying on the couch together, binge watching old cartoons.

"Yeah, Persephone and Noel are here too though."

"Oh! Never mind. I'll be fine-"

"God, you're stubborn. The door will be unlocked and i'll walk you up. Here. I sent you the address. I'll see you in ten."

And the call ended.

It felt so good to hear her voice. To be able to see her again. It had been six months and all she did was miss the girl she loved.

LIA SPEAKS!
hi!! i don't know if
i'm bad mentally or
having writers block
right now but i may

take a break from this
book for a bit? i'm not
too sure but winter is
arriving and that's when
things get worse for me.

very sorry if i stop updating
for a few weeks!! xox

photo dump time n some stories

found some shrooms with my girlfriend yesterday! everyone around us must've thought we were crazy because we were just screaming and bending down to admire them. it was highkey rlly funny because they would like,,, boing back into place tehee

me passed out with baby mads!

my car! gonna deck her out with hippie decor and named her persephone!! <3 very excited for when i get my license

video of me ignoring bestie katelyn in anatomy. if you're wondering if i'm a menace, yes. i am.

girlfriend stripping on a "children" sign in front of a little sprouts

my favorite man stripping on the children sign

a doll i found with my favorite boy, luke, and stole because i thought it would be funny. me and a few friends ripped her body parts off, set her on fire and now she's on my wall. during this video my girlfriend, mady, screamed at a cute little family with a baby if they wanted opium.

mady and luke thought this monkey was funny and was just religiously beating the shit out of it outside of walgreens. i put it in my boobs and carried it down a busy street like this

my fit for when i hung out with my lover yesterday! we walked downtown, went to a cute little store, found some mushrooms and watched some anime together and cuddled. the whole day felt like a scene out of a movie. i struggle with mental health a lot and so when i'm around her i feel my best, things no longer hurt and i have a place that i can call home, call my safety. being around her feels as if you're alive for the first time after being numb for so long, it feels as if you're healing from your pain and trauma and the sun is going to come up soon. it feels like dancing to taylor swift songs in your kitchen, sending texts to your friends about how much you love her, doing stupid things around her just to hear her beautiful laugh. words will never be able to describe my feelings towards her.

something my lover wrote for me :)

the caption is all you needed to read.

got tipsy in the bath with girlfriend and besties and watched sex fighting. yes, it was hilarious.

did taylor swift karaoke with luke. yes it was hilarious.

i did surgery on an apple. did i get intrusive thoughts during it? yes.

had a ptsd episode at a birthday party while my friends broke up & just had my family trauma replaying in my head as i kept telling them not to do this in front of me! so cute