I'm not gonna lie. The past few days of filming without Louis have been flat out boring as hell. I mean I'm filming with full grown adults. There's no one my age except for him.

And it sucks even more to know that I still have a week of filming without him. It's basically saying "another week of boring."

Because as much as I hate to say it, the boy and I seem to be getting closer. Don't get me wrong, I still hate him.

I mean he's been watching me from beside set, cheering me on, and mocking my lines once I'm finished.
He really does like to irritate me. A lot.

However as close as we've gotten, I haven't told him about Connor. Speaking of whom I've started talking with.
He seems slightly better than before. I mean he texts me "have fun today" and "good luck" before I go on set, and he hasn't posted anything yet.

I just hope Louis doesn't find out.

He'd be angry. I just know he would.

But I care about him too much to see him upset.

I just won't tell him. If he doesn't find out, we can keep growing as friends. If he does well... he won't. I'll make sure he doesn't.

"Scene!" Harry claps his hands as I finish the battle scene with Linthorn. Let's just say it's a pretty hard scene to film with a recovering sprained ankle.
"Excellent job y/n and Burn! That was extremely impressive," he smiles in awe as I slow my run to a walk and slightly limp.

Just as I thought it was getting better, it hurts again.
"Thank you," I slightly smile, picking up the sides of my dress so that I don't trip. I fairly like this costume. Red gown, laces on the rims, with sleeves that go just past the elbows.

"Have you been practicing?" Harry asks as I nod and try to walk normally.
"I've been trying," I huff in exhaustion and hide some damp strands of hair behind me ear. The water in that barrel was rather cold and now I can't stop sniffling.

"Well keep up the good work," he pats me on the shoulder twice before turning around as I'm excused to leave.

Louis has given me the same tiny smile he gave me after my first day of filming since day one. The one that I can't help but smile back at.
"Excellent job y/n," he mocks Harry's tone as the two of us turn and we start walking.

I gently punch him in the arm, just hard enough to cause him to make a small "ow" noise with a chuckle.
"What was that for?" He teases, punching me back with the same amount of force.

"For being a nincompoop, that what."
The boy gasps and looks at me with wide eyes, "Are you saying lines now too?"

I bite my lip and shake my head.
"No..." I say, dragging the 'o' sheepishly.
"Yeah you are," he laughs.
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"It's your fault for starting it!" I chuckle.

He and I talk for a while until I grab my phone off the shelf I had set it on before filming, and hold it in my hand.
"So what are you planning on doing later?" I ask, sniffing once more from the cold of the water and the clouded, chilled sky.

"Probably just skating or I don't know... something? You?"
I shrug and cross my arms over my chest.
"Honestly I'll probably just-"

My phone dings. The screen lights up. I peek down and see Connor's contact.

"How was filming today?"

"Who's that?" Louis asks, peeking at my phone as I quickly turn the screen off.
"Uh I- its no one," I clear my throat.

The boy chuckles a bit as if I were joking, "Oh come on y/n I won't care."

I shake my head and firmly clench the phone in my hand.

Look away look away look away.

"A-are you hiding something from me?" He asks with furrowed brows as we approach our designers trailers.
"What? No! I just- it was a notification from gmail..." I lie, gripping the phone even tighter.

"Okay..." he shrugs and pulls open the door before stepping out of the way so I could walk in first.

This whole "hiding Connor" thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

~

I'm sitting in my trailer, after finishing the long and hard day of filming, icing my ankle. I'm tired, and sore, but I'm enjoying being alone right now.
To have this moment by myself.

I talked to Tom, told him about me and Louis. I told him about how I don't know where I stand with the boy. Because I still have a bit of hatred toward him, but he and I are also becoming better friends.

I don't know what I was thinking asking Tom though, because the man had no idea what to say.

I miss him. A lot.

I also talked to Joe, caught up on his life, along with Noah, Finn, Ruth and a few others.
Now I was looking at instagram.
Looking at all the pictures of people I love, living lives back at home.

It hurts to see everyone. Time doesn't wait for you. For a while, the pictures were just friends. But then I scrolled to Dad. Johnny. Joe. And Wyatt.

"Celebrating the graduation of these boys!"  That was what the caption read. And I stare at the photo. Wyatt and Johnny in their graduation gowns and caps. I missed it. I missed my two brothers graduation, all for this movie.

Slowly, my eyes heated up and the photo went a little blurry. I swipe to the next picture and see a silly picture of them both, arms around each other, tossing their caps up in the sky.

My eyes grow so blurry that I can no longer see the screen. It's just blobs of colors. I wish I was there. I wish I could be there to celebrate my last two brothers graduation ceremony. I'll never see them toss their caps, or hear their names get called over a microphone. I'll never get to say goodbye to all the seniors who are leaving this year.

This post just makes me realize how much I miss home. I miss my family. I miss waking up and having nothing to do all day. Hell I even miss being forced to do push ups in front of the whole class for gym.

I just can't hold back my tears anymore. They all slip out of my eyes, landing on the phone screen. I wanna hug my family. I wanna cheer with Joe and cry with dad, and I wanna tell them I love them.
I wanna go home.

As I sit up, tears roll onto my sweatshirt, causing little darkened blobs to appear on the fabric. So you wanna know what sucks about acting? This. This sucks.

I quietly whimper under my breath and feel tears streaming down my cheeks. That is until something interrupts me.

"Hey y/n? Harry wants us to go work on more of that chem- wait are you crying?" Louis asks, barging into my trailer without knocking.
I jump a little and quickly wipe my tears in shame. Of course Louis had to see me crying. Of course.
"You can knock you know?" I say sarcastically, looking down to hide my pink eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks, ignoring my comment and slowly walking over to my bed after closing the door to my trailer.
"Nothing," I lie and sniff a bit, using my sleeve to wipe past my nose.

Louis sits down on the bed and looks at me. I avoid eye contact.
"You look like you were crying..." he says in a super soft voice, "Plus your hoodie is covered in tears..."
I shake my head once more and deny.
"I wasn't crying."
He quickly puts a hand under my chin without warning, and lifts my face up to his, which was only inches away.
"Hey!" I complain, swiping his hand away and feeling my face burn up.

"Yes you were. I can see those tears y/n. Now why?" He stays persistent. But what? Does he think I'm comfortable with ranting to him?

Well... I don't know. Maybe I am.

"Homesick aren't you?" He fills in after I don't speak. I chuckle a bit and wipe the underneath of my eyes, "Is it really that easy for you to tell?"

He grins with the corners of his mouth and then looks down at his hands, which were placed in his lap.
"It sucks doesn't it? Being away from family," He says in a quieter tone. It seems to calm me in a way I can't describe. One that just makes me feel like I'm not alone.

"I cried last night for the same reason," he shrugs.
Turning my head toward him, I wear a subtle shocked expression.
"And why would you tell me that?"

That sounded a little harsher than intended. Me and him are better friends but I feel too vulnerable right now.

"Because I'm showing that you aren't alone. Well that, and the fact that as much as I don't want to say it, you're a pretty easy person to talk with," He admits, scratching the back of his neck.

Woah. Louis trusts me?

Wait. Stop y/n.

"Oh," was all I could spit out as I try to look unfazed. Why was he trying to comfort me? I mean yeah we've warmed up to each other, but not to the point where I'd be open with him.
"So... what are you missing right now?" He asks softly.

He's being so gentle. Almost too gentle. To the point where I'm suspicious.
"Why are you suddenly being so nice?" I ask and carefully scoot away as I realize his knee was touching mine.

I don't know how I'm supposed to shoot that big battle scene at the end. Holding his hand, practically on top of him, and crying, when I'm struggling for him to see me upset right now.

"What? Is it not okay if I wanna make sure you're alright? I thought we were starting to be friends or something?" He shrugs as if having a normal conversation without insults with me was common.
"It's just... you're being too nice," I say with a little bit of unintended anger, refusing to answer his questions. I hate opening up in front of people. And the thought of opening up to him... it makes me feel weird.

He quickly sits straight up and moves himself away from me, "Look, I'm sorry for asking okay? I'll just go back to my trailer or something."

I watch him as he stands up and starts walking to the door. A weird part of me had this urge to call his name. Like I'd be worse off without his presence to calm me.

"Wait Louis-" I blurt, causing the boy to stop and turn back to face me.
"I'm sorry... I'm just not used to people asking me how I feel... I don't usually open up."

Why am I telling him this? What has possessed me to be honest with him?

He nods a few times and slowly starts walking back over.
"It's fine..." he says in a deep and gentle tone.
The bed slightly sinks as he sits down next to me and I feel his knee brush mine. This time I don't move.

"Talk to me dar- y/n," he stutters slightly.

I sigh, thinking about home. Dad and his cringey jokes. Wyatt and his Teddy Grams on the kitchen island. Facetiming Joe as he makes Mac and cheese. Hell I even missed being ignored by Johnny.

Don't cry in front of him. Whatever you do, no tears with slip from your eyes. None.

"Well I um..." I begin to speak, "I've just been missing my family. I miss sleeping in my own bed and seeing Jess or Ruth. But working here has been amazing it's just- I don't know... it's hard to talk ab-"

Uh oh. I can hear my voice slightly shake. One of those moments where you're trying your absolute hardest to stay strong but the little shakiness ruins it while tears build up in your eye.

It's one of those cry's where your eyes are so filled, that you don't even have to blink for tears to drop out.

"I'm sorry," I quickly whisper. It was then that I realized he's been here. Just listening. Not interrupting, not trying to make it sound like he has it worse, just listening.
And it was nice for someone to finally make me feel heard.

"Don't apologize darling," he says as he sets a hand on my shoulder, and looking a little hesitant after talking.

Darling. I love being called that. And I thought hearing it from him would suck, and I'd hate it but... it was really nice...

I don't know. I just want a hu-

"You need a hug?"

God dammit can he read my mind? Wait. Do I want a hug? I mean yes, but from Louis?
I'm trying so hard to continue hating him, just like we've always been but boy he's been testing my strength since we've started filming.

I look at at my knees and another tear escaped from under my eyelid without blinking, "Yeah," I whisper in a tone so quiet I thought he couldn't hear.

The boy turns toward me, and I feel arms gently snake around my back as I'm pulled closer to his strong and warm chest.
Ugh this isn't happening. I can't keep crying. I just ca-

"You're a prettier cryer than me. I'm jealous," he whispers after laying his head on top of mine. I give him a small squeeze and chuckle softly into his chest, "Yeah right."
Somehow, even if I say I don't like the boy, being with him here in this moment is... comfortable? Him resting his cheek on my head, and quietly saying tiny jokes to cheer me up when I'm upset.

Why the hell are we hugging? Why the hell is Louis Partridge comforting me. We aren't supposed to act like this. I mean we play pretend in the movie but not off set. But I just couldn't help but feel happy with the way his hand gently traveled up and down my back, trying to comfort me.

"Feel a little better I hope?" He smiles, carefully letting go of me as I quickly wipe my eyes from tears.
I shrug and smile a bit, "Yeah... god I'm sorry I shouldn't cry in front of you. I sound so pathetic." I sigh.

"No not at all," he says quietly, continuing to rub my back, "As long as you feel safe with me, you don't have to worry about crying. It's normal okay?"

I do feel safe with him. And I want to tell him about Connor too. How he and I started talking again. How Connor seems to be getting better.

But I can't. I can't tell Louis that part. I know he's afraid of me getting hurt. And I lo- I care too much about how he'll feel when he finds out. I guess some secrets just have to be kept.

~
A/N: I make myself feel single when I write these.

Okay but why did I start crying when I wrote about Johnny and Wyatt's graduation?? Like dude I haven't even met them😭💀✋🏻

Ah y/n has no idea what's about to go down... and neither do any of you😈