CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Warning

     Estelle couldn't pay attention to what Nikolai was saying.

They were in a council meeting with various of the King's advisors and commanders who wanted to know what they were to do about all the looming problems hanging over Ravka's head. Nikolai didn't have many answers for them.

Estelle, as his appointed Secretary of Affairs and Protection, she was to be at Nikolai's side at all times, and she handled his "affairs", which had become to mean anything from writing and delivering informatory letters to attending these useless meetings and writing down everything useful that came out of them.

So far, she had a blank page.

It was a lot of going back and forth between men who were too proud for their own good, talking about what they believed was for the good of Ravka. Everything that came out their mouths made Estelle want to throw herself out the window.

Nikolai nudged her leg with his knee from next to her. She glanced at him, then quickly looked away. Why? Was she still bitter about their encounter, when it was weeks ago?

Weeks since she distanced herself. Weeks since her friends left to reunite with the Izoćeici. Weeks.

Nikolai stood up. "Thank you all for your counsel, but I need to be left alone to think. We can convene tomorrow at your earliest convenience."

The lords and generals exchanged looks, but they couldn't defy a prince.

As they left, Estelle stood to leave him alone, as well. "Not you," he said quietly, so the others wouldn't hear. She looked at him, bewildered.

The doors closed behind the men, leaving them by themselves.

"Are you okay?" Nikolai asked, worry in his eyes.

Estelle shook her head, heading for the door. "I'm not doing this with you right now. Professional, remember?"

"But you're not being professional," he countered, blocking her from leaving. "Your head is somewhere else all the time, I have yet to receive a well-written council meeting report from you. So, I'll ask again, are you okay?"

"What do you think?" Estelle bit back bitterly.

Nikolai's face softened. "I get it. Your friends left. You feel alone. But you're not."

"I don't need solace right now," she snapped.

"Fine. Then I'll give it to you straight up," he said. "You're pitying yourself and forgetting about everyone else. You think that your life is so horrible, that you're forgetting that other people have horrible lives too." Nikolai stepped forward. "There is a war going on, more than one, and we need you with a clear head."

Clear head.

This past week, she had been distracted. So lost in her own thoughts that she couldn't focus on one thing for long. She had pitied herself.

She'd told herself that she deserved it, and then turned around and convinced herself that she didn't. Everything she saw reminded her of one of her friends or the things she'd lost over the years. And sleep didn't come easily.

But Nikolai was right. She couldn't go on like this, not when so many people depended on her to help win this war. Help defeat the Darkling. So many people, all needing her help. She couldn't do that if she was constantly pitying herself.

Estelle took a deep breath. He was right.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "I have been distracted. And I've let you down. It won't...it won't happen again."

He nodded, a small smile coming to his face. "Okay. Now we'll be professional from now on."

She'd almost forgotten. "Of course. Professional."

Nikolai opened the door and held out his arm to let her go first. Estelle went through and he followed, falling into step side-by-side.

"I do have something I want your advice on." Nikolai nodded at a passing group of guards. "The matter with Vasily is becoming more and more pressing. He wants to be in more and more council meetings, and his quest for the throne is increasingly desperate. I'm not sure what to do."

Estelle smiled cheekily. "What? You don't know what to do? The infamous Nikolai Lantsov?"

He chuckled softly. "Yeah, yeah. Got any advice?"

"Not sure, to be honest." They turned a corner. "He's determined to keep you a prince. He doesn't even want to be king." Estelle looked at him. "Don't."

Nikolai frowned. "What? I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to. I know you, you're thinking. And if you're thinking what I know you're thinking, my answer is no."

He groaned. "Why not?" Then, Nikolai paused. "Wait, what do you think I was thinking?"

"I am not going to seduce your brother, Nikolai."

Nikolai groaned again. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to. Think of something else," Estelle said.

They walked in silence for a while, before a page hurried up from behind and whispered into Nikolai's ear. He stopped, unfolding his hands from behind his back.

"I'll be back after I handle this." He smiled at her and bowed, before turning around to walk back the way they came.

Estelle sighed, watching him go. But, she kept going until she reached her room. What she wasn't expecting to be there was Alina, waiting outside the double doors.

"Alina," she greeted, bringing the girl's attention to the present. "I wasn't expecting you to be here."

"I'm sorry for showing up unexpectedly," apologized Alina. "But I needed to talk to you."

Estelle raised an eyebrow as she opened one of the doors to invite Alina inside. "Oh? What can I do for you?" She closed the door behind her and walked over to her dresser, where she began to take off her jacket and hang it up.

"It's to do with the Darkling."

Estelle stilled for a moment, before quickly covering it up and closing her dresser door. "What about him?"

"I've been seeing him," Alina told her quietly. Estelle turned, noticing her fidgeting with her fingernails. "I don't know what to do."

Plopping down on the bed, Estelle patted the spot next to her. Alina was hesitant at first, but she sat on the bed.

"Are you seeing him in your dreams?"

Alina shook her head. "No. I'm seeing him like he's actually there. Like I can touch him. I swear it's like he's really there."

Estelle frowned. "Hmm. I have some experience with this, but I haven't seen him. I've..." She paused, hesitant. "It doesn't matter about me. What does he do when you see him?"

"He gets in my head," she explained. "He makes me doubt myself. I hate him."

"Yeah, well, get in line." Estelle placed a hand on Alina's shoulder. "Look, it's just an illusion. He's not really there. You have to remember that."

For a second, Alina stared at her, bewildered. Then, she began to nod and stood up. "You're right. It was ridiculous, I should have known that."

Estelle stood as well. "The next time you see him, tell yourself 'It's not real' over and over again."

Alina gave her a forced smile. "Okay. Thanks."

As she got to the door, Estelle spoke up one last time. "And Alina?" She turned around, her hand on the knob. "Don't do anything impulsive. Please."

Alina merely nodded before slipping out silently, with a small click of the door behind her. Estelle let out a breath, her eyes falling to face the floor.

"You should take your own advice a little more seriously."

Gritting her teeth, Estelle dug the heels of her hands into her eyes. "Go away."

A dark chuckle from her right. "You're not doing very well at determining what's real and what's not."

"I didn't ask your opinion," Estelle snapped.

"Oh, Estelle, it wasn't an opinion. That was fact."

Finally, she lifted her head and turned to face him. The Darkling was as cruel-looking as the last time she saw him, all sharp lines and black shadows framing his face.

"Why are you here?" Her voice was more wavering than she would have liked it to be, but Estelle raised her chin at him, refusing to give him the impression that she was afraid.

A smirk crept onto his face. "What, you don't miss me?" Estelle glared at him. "I simply wanted to give you a warning."

"A warning? I don't want your threats."

"Oh, this isn't a threat." Holding his hands behind his back, the Darkling took a few steps closer to her. "It's a warning, like I said. You don't want to be on the wrong side of this war. Because if it comes to it, I will force you to do what I want."

Estelle folded her arms. "Really? And how are you going to do that?"

"Oh, I have my ways."

a/n— I'm going to Mexico on Saturday, so I'm going to do a double update, and then one more chapter before "Act Two"!!!!