Dazai didn't know how to answer.

He never really heard these words come out of a person's mouth, never directed to him. All he heard were complaints.

What he said about himself was mostly true but that was just like that, nothing serious but this woman.

The look in your eyes as he read you the fear, the concern, the hurt, how you were shaking because of fear and not the cold.

Just why?

"Why...?"

"Because I love you Dazai."

Those words sent a sharp pain to his chest, but a good type of pain mixed with layers of unfamiliarity and complexity.

"You what?" he'd ask genuinely clueless.

"I love you," you'd say a little softer, coming closer.

"Everything about you. Your eyes, your nose, your mouth, your hair, just your beautiful face. The way you treat me and respect me, how deep you think, how hard it is to figure you out, how funny and entertaining you are, how determined you are to a be a good person. I love all that about you,"

With each word an unwanted lump formed in his throat and it built up but never released since he never cried. And he won't do it here at the moment.

"Oh belladonna," he admired the pretty hair strands of yours and ran his hands through it, contemplating and hesitating to voice his thoughts, he didn't know how this emotion felt like. How to describe it, "What if I tell you, I feel the same?"

"What an angel you truly are. You made my days brighter as we talked, your laugh, your melodic laugh, that would replay so many times in my head or your gorgeous smile..." he stared at you as if you were the only thing in the world that mattered to him.

He was still so unfamiliar with all this, it terrified him.

Your lip corners went upwards.

Then that terror in him slowly faded away.

"Yes! That's it. That smile, it would make my heart melt. You know how much I want to die and how useless everything was to me, you know how little I cared about so many things, but you, you somehow always cut off those feelings and thoughts and made me experience emotions I didn't want to feel. You made me a fool for you, I didn't ask to be so drawn and mesmerised by our cute little antics or the way you talked about something you loved. The way you'd always be kind to others. You're warmth to me, my source of light," just like my best friend and my apprentice, you're all the reason.

"Oh Dazai," you wrapped your arms around his neck as his stayed on your waist.

"Today I actually thought about you and was worried you had killed yourself and I hated thinking that. So my pretty girl, I just hope you don't want to ever leave me. Don't give you up. Please don't give up on me,"

"Let me help you live."

You almost teared up at that, smiling so happily, "I'll help you live too, Dazai,"

He closed his eyes for a moment to express what he was perceiving, "I- I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment and I've never experienced it that hard, so forgive me for that. It's still difficult for me to say all of this and act a certain way,"

You trailed your fingers along is jaw in adoration, "It's okay. Don't rush that feeling. But what you are experiencing is love, perhaps, and I'm sorry that it's all not easy for you to act upon or deal with it,"

Smiling at you, he leaned in, whispering, brown eyes scanning your face, "I belong with you. Only you,"

"Me and you? Really?" you questioned, a little bit fear and hope swimming inside you.

"Only you my girl, only you baby, only you darling," he repeated himself to assure you and stroked your hair lovingly, eventually closing the gap between you both.

Your lips touched so carefully and slowly, just so the moment wasn't rushed. A sigh left Dazai as he pulled you closer and you climbed onto his lap. You kissed passionately, lost in each other's warmth and touch, never wanting to let go. And if you ever did, it'll result to never seeing each other again. You ran your hand through his hair, earning a small groan from him as he press you into his body, desperate for more.

He never was so afraid to lose a woman like you, he never enjoyed a kiss more than with you nor did he ever think to himself for this moment to halt.

Since oxygen was needed, you parted, lips still touching slightly as you gazed into the other's eyes, content filling you up.

Dazai averted his attention away from you, blinking and then chuckling when he answered,

"Your tea is cold."

• • •

PLEASE DON'T EVER TRY TO KILL YOURSELF, BEAUTIFUL HUMAN. YOU'RE AMAZING. I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN, DON'T GIVE UP. I KNOW THERE'S A LITERAL WALL IN FRONT OF YOU BLOCKING YOU FROM HAPPINESS AND OPPORTUNITIES. BUT BELIEVE ME, YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS. I DID TOO. WE ALL CAN SURVIVE THIS. IT WILL TAKE TIME BUT PLEASE HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A WAY FOR YOU TO LIVE ON, KEEP HOPING, KEEP BEING STRONG. DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT OTHERS TELL YOU. IT'S YOUR LIFE, AND YOU CAN SAVE IT. I'LL PRAY FOR YOUR WELL BEING. BLESS YOU ALL. I LOVE YOU.
(go to the comment on this paragraph).

• • •

a VERY LONG one for my bestie _hellowearebts_ who gave me with beautiful rec and for you lovlies. godamn this took me so long ㅠㅠ, i had the half of it all written down but i didn't know how to end this but here we are!! i just love angst *heart eyes* i hope this wasn't too triggering bc i'm honestly not good at portraying it. but i guess Dazai is a good motivator for this lmao, and GUYS I READ NO LONGER HUMAN SGSJSKS i can't believe it was right in store I HAD TO buy it... it was SO good, really devastating and just geniusly made, it destroyed me, so i can understand Dazai better now ㅜㅜ and i might use some of its influence onto my future one shots, i actually also used a line from it in this one shot 👀. anyways i hope you guys liked it! i reallyyyy love this song, it's one of my favs, hope y'all vibed with it!

ㅡ evantaesce