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AFTER RUNNING IN the cold December night, my feet had led me to the church. I stood outside hesitantly not wanting to go in there alone, but when I heard the voices practicing a Christmas song, I led myself inside. Inside I saw little children practicing the nativity scene for Christmas Day and the choir up in the choir loft practicing as well. Not all the lights were open so I lurked in the dimmer part of the church and took a seat at one of the back rows. I took off my heels and slumped on the pew, finally letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I didn't expect tonight to go south. Did you see that coming? Of course you did, you're God. You know everything." I spoke quietly as I took off the pins holding my hair up and finally letting my hair down.

I always found the church to be a very good place to either clear your mind or gather your thoughts. Either way it was a good place to be alone but at the same time not be completely alone because God was somehow lurking around the corners to listen. Sitting there allowed me to think of everything that had happened today. I looked down at my wrist and fiddled with the bracelet Alfie made for me.

The astounded look on Max's face when he saw me in my dress for the very first time flashed across my mind. He looked so happy to see me and he looked so in love. Then there was our first dance for the night to such a romantic Ne-Yo song which caused me to fall deeper in love with him. Dancing the night away with him and our friends was such a bliss that it felt like something right out of a teenage romance film. Being crowned Winter King and Queen was the most unexpected thing of the night, I have to admit. With the other nominees being more popular than I was, I really didn't expect to win. Nonetheless I'm thankful for it since I got a chance to dance with Max to an iconic High School Musical number. Something I've dreamt of since we were little but never got because I skipped prom.

There was obviously more dancing after that which made the night even more memorable. For people who didn't like to dance in public, Harvey, Summer, Max and I were dancing our asses off on the dance floor. Then there was the dance with Harvey to my favorite song from Enchanted. But then that was ruined after I saw Max with Heater Bassett and all those other girls.

Truth be told, after things went downhill with Keith Jones, I've been feeling insecure about myself from time to time. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't pretty enough or wasn't skinny enough or just simply not enough to meet the standards of being someone's girlfriend and to be loved. The only remedy would almost always be Max and his different ways of cheering me up. He never cheered me up the same way twice, he always had a new gimmick every time.

Seeing Max being swarmed by all those girls who could sweep him off his feet in a blink of an eye made me feel so insecure. I didn't come to the formal wearing a dress that hugged my body and showed my curves like all the other girls did; I didn't come wearing a full face of makeup; I didn't come looking like a whole ass meal that guys would drool over. So seeing them try to seduce my best friend, who I was falling madly in love with, hurt me too much.

Max isn't mine to begin with. He's not my boyfriend or anything to give me the right to feel jealous or whatever. He's just my best friend and that didn't matter when it came to the situation I witnessed. He is nothing more than just my best friend who can easily fall in love with someone else and have a girlfriend in a snap because we had nothing going on between us.

"Can you please just give me one sign? Just one sign to tell me that there's nothing wrong with catching feelings for my best friend." I quietly begged the Lord.

"Charlie?" The soft voice I knew all too well filled my ears.

"I'm not one to complain, but did he really have to be the sign?" I whispered before I turned to see Max and wave at him. "Hi."

"Hey bub, there you are." He smiled as I scooted to make room for him. "You got us worried back there."

"I'm sorry." I apologized nonchalantly. The space between us was exactly what people would mean by leaving space for the Holy Spirit. "How'd you know I was here?"

"I know you that well." He smirked but I gave him a face telling him I was serious. "That and I came across a police officer who saw you headed in this direction."

"So much for running in heels and wanting some time alone." I sighed and rolled my eyes.

A moment of silence veiled us as we watched the children practice. As much as I loved the church choir, their singing was making the moment a little too sentimental that I was afraid I knew where this conversation would go. Max turned to me while I kept my eyes on the children and their instructor telling them what to do.

"Hey... what happened back there? Are you alright?" He asked gently and quietly.

"Yeah... I mean, not really. I mean, yeah. It's whatever." I stuttered but quickly waved off.

"Charlie..." Max warned. From the corner of my eye, I could see him giving me a warning look.

"I'm fine, Max. Just go back to the formal." I sternly told him.

"Do you really expect me to go back when you just gave me the most questionable response to such an easy question?" He asked. "Plus, you're my date, so there's no point in going back if you won't."

"Yes." I nodded then turned to him so I could push him off of his seat. "Yes, I expect you to go back, so please go. Now. Shoo."

"We're in the church, Charlie. I'm not leaving you." He chuckled as he glued his ass on the seat.

"Your point?" I asked as I gave up pushing him off.

"Well in movies, the characters end up in a church when they're sad or something. Kinda like Home Alone or The Christmas Chronicles or Moms' Night Out or Before Sunrise." He shrugged.

My heart jumped when he mentioned Before Sunrise. It's one of Aunt Tessa's favourite movies but all Max and I ever get to see, for some reason, is the part when Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy are in a church. The mention of it made me conclude that I knew where this conversation was going. The church scene from Before Sunrise would already predict what was going to happen right here and right now.

"Wha- No, Max, please. Just go. Go back to Heather and you can dance the night away with her instead. I'll walk home in a while." I told him as I tried pushing him off again.

"Wha-" He gasped and tried to stop me from pushing him. "Charlie, is this about Heather? Is this about all those girls at the formal?"

"Charlie..." He insisted after I stopped pushing him and went silent for a while.

"So what if it is? It's not like I'm in any position to feel the way I feel right now." I replied as I crossed my arms and looked back at the children.

"Are you jealous of her?" He asked as a small smile crept up his face.

"Glad to see you're still the quickest to catch up on things between the three of us." I chuckled sarcastically.

"Charlie, that was nothing. Heather is just a friend. Well, not even, actually. She's just a girl I talk to. They're all just girls I talk to."

"Right." I scoffed.

"Believe me, Charlie. I'd never lie to you. You know I would never!"

"Okay, whatever. I don't want to argue right now, Max. So just leave, please."

"No. I'm staying right here with you." He said determinedly as he crossed his arms and faced the children as well.

We sat there in silence watching the children once again. The choir started singing Silent Night as the tension between Max and I grew thicker. There was no escaping where this conversation was going to go. My fear was materialising right in front of me—the closer we're getting to Christmas, the more the memory and pain of last Christmas is becoming clearer and more painful for both of us. We couldn't just sit here all night and not talk. Someone was going to have to talk about the elephant in the room.

"Of all the people in the world and all the people in our lives, why me, Max?"

"What do you mean why you?" He asked and looked at me.

"I mean, of all the girls you could have had feelings, why me?" I clarified and looked at him.

"Well, why not?" He smirked at me causing my heart to jump a little.

"That's not exactly an acceptable answer that puts things into perspective, it is?" I retorted.

"Sorry." He chuckled and looked down at his feet. "You wanna know exactly why I like you, Charlie?"

"I asked, didn't I?" I sassed and mentally slapped myself because that had not come out the way I hoped it would.

"Of course you did." He chuckled then looked up at the children. "Well... for starters, it's your eyes and your smile. It's also your soft skin because of your shea butter lotion. It's your scent and how you've been wearing that Marc Jacobs Daisy EDT since we were 15. It's the way you can rock any outfit whatsoever, whether you're going out or just hanging at home."

"All physical, huh?" I laughed a little.

"Not really." He said while scrunching his nose and looking up at me. God, I felt like I wanted to kiss him. "It's the way you carry yourself to a standard of grace by not being too reserved or too demure."

"Big words there, mate." I chuckled, really entertained by his use of words.

"Will you shut up?" He laughed causing me to laugh as well. "You're a ray of sunshine wherever you go. It's like you're the bit of happiness and hope this world so desperately needs. It's also how you know me more than I know myself. You always look out for me and you support me."

"And Harvey."

"And Harvey." He corrected himself. "You're just this huge chunk of me and Harv, mostly me, that we'd be lost without you. Like seriously, I cannot imagine life if Charlotte Wright and her family never came along."

"I-" I tried to say something but he laughed and covered my mouth with his hand. Well that's one way to shut me up, I guess.

"No. Shut up." He laughed. "It's also the way you listen so intently to me. Even though you butt in often, that's fine because you just always want to understand things more and share your opinions. You always motivate and inspire me to be the best version I can be. And we all know that the adults always preferred you over Harvey and I when we were growing up."

"They still do." I commented after I took his hand off my mouth.

"They still do." Max smiled and nodded in agreement. "That's what makes me and Harv strive to be better so we could actually be worthy of being your friends."

"What am I? Mjolnir? You have to be worthy of me and shit?" I laughed.

"Yes." He said seriously.

"Max!" I laughed and shoved him.

"Kidding. Moving on..." He chuckled. The air between us shifted and I wasn't too sure if it made the tension worse or not. "Charlie, I don't know any way else to put this but you make me really happy. Like I'm a different kind of happy when I'm around you. I used to think that I was probably just really attached to you, because I can't imagine life without you. But even when you're not around, you still make me really happy."

My heart jumped. His words encapsulated exactly how I feel. I was trying to think of what to say without making myself look stupid, but all that came out of my mouth was, "Yeah, same here."

"You're my best friend, Charlie. And no matter how hard I try to repress my feelings, I'm always going to have a part of me that loves you no matter what. Because I would do anything and everything just to see you happy." He said, the genuineness of his words seeping through.

"When did you know?" I asked without thinking.

"That I was falling in love with you?" He clarified and I nodded. "A week after your 16th birthday when I got sick and you took care of me despite me telling you not to because you'd get sick too."

I felt a hundred bricks crash on me when he said that. A week after my 16th birthday would mean he's been in love with me for about a year and two months now. He's been in love with me for that long and that's kind of a long time considering we've been friends for about 13 years. But I remember that week all too well. Max had come down with a bad fever which came with bad colds. I was beyond worried so everyday after school I would go over to their place to help take care of him even though he told me not to because he was worried I'd catch whatever he had as well.

"You're kidding right?" I gasped, not wanting to believe it.

"No, I'm not. Charlie, ever since then, I told myself that I had to make sure to protect our friendship no matter how bad my feelings for you were and that above all else, protect and love you more than I ever have in my whole life."

Don't say something stupid, Charlie. Please don't say anything stupid, I told myself. God, please don't say anything stupid that would cause a fight.

"Let me stop you right there. Here's what you can't do, Max. You can't just go around making me fall in love with you and then guilt trip me by singing Last Christmas for your song on the X Factor without even telling me! I was crying for days on end when you weren't around and thankfully, you never noticed. Because that shit hurt, Max. It fucking hurt."

"If it hurt for you, how the fuck do you think I feel? Trying every day to make you fall in love with me despite the fact that I know you never will." He responded, his words seeping like venom through my veins and my heart.

"You just don't get it, Max! How thick could you get?" I sighed exasperatedly and ran my hands down my face to try to calm myself. "Ever since last Christmas I have tried so hard not to fall in love with you but every day I found something to love about you that I never have before! Whether or not you were explicitly giving me all the reasons to fall in love with you, I still did. I fell so hard for you, Max. And right now, you're making everything a whole lot more confusing!"

"Charlie..." He tried to say something in a hushed tone, making me realise that we were getting a bit loud, but I didn't let him continue.

"No! I don't want to hear it, Max. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said and turned my attention back to the children who were now practicing their song number along with the choir.

"No, I want to know. What's so wrong with falling in love with me, Charlie?" Max demanded, turning this into a game of who's more dominant than the other.

"You wanna know what, Max? You wanna know what's so wrong with falling in love with you?" I snapped as I turned to him and he nodded at me challengingly. "It's goddamn everything. Because you know... You always know how to get me! One smile, one hug, one look, one song, one word. That's all it took for you to make me fall in love with you and you knew it! That's why every day I had to suck it up and tell myself, 'No. You are not falling in love with Max because he is your your best friend.'"

A few tears were starting to fall down my face and my whole self was shaking that my voice was shaking and failing me as well. I wanted to run away and leave him hanging like I always do—run away from all my problems until they never come up ever again. But I knew I had to face him and I knew I'd never get a chance to tell him this ever again if I back out now. So I continued on despite my voice cracking and my heart breaking.

"And I tell myself that because every time I look at you and Harv, I still see these two little boys who made my life so much better and brighter because of our playdates and sleepovers. But then it also takes a split second for me to realize how much we've grown up and how much you guys mean to me. That's why I can't let any romantic feelings get in the way because any inch of romance in a long-time friendship always makes it all go downhill."

"That's another reason why I like you! Because if there's one person I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's you. I can't bear the thought of seeing you go off and living your life with someone who's not me. I don't want you to go through the bad days without me, because let's be honest, I always know how to cheer you up more than anyone else. I want to be there for every minute of your life to protect you, to take care of you, and to love you." He moved closer to me and caressed the side of my face. His touch was so gentle and so delicate, it was like he was afraid he would break me. "I could go all over the globe and not find a single girl as special as you, Charlie."

I felt my heart breaking and piecing together all at the same time. My emotions were going haywire that I felt like I was going to short circuit. As Max rubbed small circles around my cheek, I cupped his hand on my face and smiled at him. It was the first time I looked him right in the eyes since we got here. I couldn't help but think of where this conversation would go if it went any further. It could end up in a bigger mess than it already is or it could end with Max and I together. Either way, I didn't think I was ready for whatever was coming. I gently removed Max's hand from my face and held it instead. I looked away from him as I spoke.

"Look, whether it's going to be me in the end or not, I will always be there to support you and Harvey through the highs and lows of your career and your lives. Didn't it occur to you for even a second that I want to be there right by your side when you travel all around the world, sharing your talent and making people happy?"

"Of course it did! Why'd you think I gave you that globe in the first place?" He exclaimed as he placed his fingers under my chin and turned my face to look at him.

"Globe? What globe?" I asked, completely forgetting for a split second.

"Right... I keep forgetting you gave it to Alfie. Guess you never got to open the globe up either." He sighed as he looked away and retracted his hand, making me a little sad that he did.

The globe. Holy shit! How could I forget about the globe? But it was just a globe. Why does it seem like such a big deal in this situation? But then again this is Max we're talking about. He had a look of dismay painted on his face and he looked like he wasn't telling me something. He wouldn't have that look on his face if the globe wasn't just a globe.

I knew I needed to get home quickly and get that globe from Alfie. I quickly texted my brother to ask if anyone was still up. He quickly responded and said that everyone was up and I told him I needed him to distract everyone once I get home so I could sneak in. They're not exactly expecting me to be home yet so if they catch me, I'd be bombarded with questions, and I really wasn't in the mood to tell them anything right now.

"I'm going home now, Max. You can go back to the formal if you want. I'll be fine." I said as I put my heels on then stood up and turned my back on him.

"No. I'm coming with you." Max said worriedly as he stood up as well and held me back by my wrist.

"And I'm telling you not to." I said as I turned to look back at him and look him right in the eyes. I had him right where I wanted him, all I needed to do was plead with my eyes. "Just please, Max, let me go. Just this once."

Max and I are a package deal—wherever I went, he went as well and vice versa. Max and I being apart is just as weird as Max and Harvey being apart and living separate lives when you thought that all they did was spend their time together