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TWO DAYS AFTER Christmas, on the 27th of December 2018, Charlie and I were together at her place to hang out as usual. Charlie was in the kitchen thinking of what we could snack on while I went up to her room to grab her laptop so we could watch something while we ate. On my way down I passed by Alfie's room and my eye immediately caught sight of a new globe on his window pane.

But it wasn't just any globe, it was the last vintage globe Charlie wanted from the antique shop she liked to go to. The thing about that globe was that it wasn't just a globe. I had found a way to take it off of its stand and crack it open at the equator which allowed me to put pictures of Charlie and I in it. The pictures were all tied at the center so you could flick through each photo like you would with a photo album.

"Hey buddy! How's it going?" I greeted Alfie as I leaned on his doorway.

"Hey Max! Not much. Just chillin'." He smiled back as he continued fiddling with his Rubik's cube.

"Nice globe you got there. Who's it from?" I smiled as I sadly pointed at the globe.

"No idea. Charlie thought it was meant for her but then there wasn't a gift tag so she gave it to me." Alfie replied as he looked at the globe and gave it a spin.

My heart clenched. I'm not lying when I say that I felt it break into pieces. At that moment I knew that I had made the worst decision of my life to admit my feelings to Charlie. I remember wanting to isolate myself and sulk in my room.

"Hmm... cool. 'Kay, well I'll catch you later, Alfie." I said as I waved at him.

"Later, Max." He smiled and waved back.

When I got to the kitchen, Charlie was peeking into their freezer. I placed her laptop on the island and started thinking of how I was going to approach her about the globe. When I got to their place that morning, I was trembling because that was the first time Charlie and I would see each other after Christmas. The topic  and discussion of what I got her for Christmas hadn't popped up just yet. Right there and then at the kitchen, I was trembling once again and I felt like I was about to explode.

"Yo! So I was thinking that today we can make ice cream sandwiches with candy canes and the mint chocolate chip ice cream Aunt Tessa brought on Christmas." Charlie beamed as she looked at me and closed the fridge door.

"Uhm... yeah, sure." I agreed, my mind was wandering and it was anywhere but where I was.

"Hey," Charlie asked worriedly as she caressed my cheek. "Is there something bothering you?"

"Yeah, actually, there is." I nodded and pulled my face away which caught her by surprise.

"Well let's talk then." She smiled as she hoisted herself up on the island. "Oh wait let's talk it over some cookies mum and I made."

"Charlie," I said, hoping she wouldn't say anything else.

"What's up?" She smiled.

"Why did you give the globe to Alfie?" I asked, not looking her in the eye at first.

"Let me just get the cookies and-" She said as she jumped down but I cut her off.

"Why did you give the globe to Alfie?" I asked again, but this time more assertive and annoyed as I looked at her.

"I think you made a mistake, Max. I know that was a trick gift. Come on, you can't fool me anymore." She replied nonchalantly.

"I got you the globe you wanted!" I said, annoyance still covering my voice. "Did you even read the card?"

"Yes I read the card!"

"Do you think I was kidding then?"

"You could have been." She sassed.

"Charlie, you know we don't joke about that kind of stuff." I reminded her. Her mood was changing and I couldn't exactly pinpoint where that conversation was going.

"I know, Max. I know. That's why I can't wrap my mind around what you meant and why you were saying all those things." She said, raising her voice.

"Because I like you, Charlie! I really, really like you!" I exclaimed, raising my voice as well. This took Charlie by surprise. "And I don't like you just as my best friend anymore. I like you a whole lot more than that now."

"You can't do that, Max!" She exclaimed, annoying and exasperation in her tone like venom.

"Why not?!" I shot back.

"Because you're my best friend! And I'm you're best friend! Best friends don't do that!"

That was it. That was exactly what I needed to hear for my heart to break into a million pieces. I felt my heart breaking and it hurt like hell. And I was angry. Not at Charlie for rejecting me and full on friendzoning me, but at myself for getting myself into this. No one else is at fault besides me. I'm her best friend—a freaking honorary pedestal that I just lost at that exact moment because I decided to ruin our friendship by catching feelings for her.

"They do in the movies we watch." I replied, mentally slapping myself for such a stupid response.

"But they're not us, Max!" Charlie exclaimed, utterly annoyed. "God, how stupid and annoying can you get?"

She was right. How much more stupid and annoying could I have gotten? Charlie paced back and forth as I leaned on the island with my arms crossed. I just watched her as she refused to look at me and she looked as if she was trying to think of a solution to a problem she caused. I felt so bad for stressing her out like that. I felt bad for letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship when we promised each other not to let anything get in the way of it.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Max." She suddenly exhaled as she stopped pacing and looked up at me.

"It's fine." I half-smiled.

"I'm sorry," She sighed as she stood in front of me. "I'm sorry but I can't say the same about you. I don't feel the same way, Max. You're just my best friend."

"I know. I understand. It's fine." I nodded and meant every word I said. I really understood her side and it was totally fine that she didn't feel the same way.

"Are you mad at me now?" She asked, worry painted across her face as she shyly crossed her arms as if it was her defence mechanism.

"Wha- Mad? Charlie, why would I be mad?" I chuckled and uncrossed my arms to rub her shoulders and comfort her. "No, I'm not mad."

"Well what are you then?" She asked as she took my hands and locked them with hers.

"Human." I joked as she laughed and pulled my arms.

"I'm serious, Max!" She exclaimed while laughing and swaying our interlocked hands.

"I'm fine, Charlie. I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I smiled at her as I rubbed circles around the back of her hands.

"Do you want a very friendly and platonic hug?" She asked shyly.

"Yeah, sure." I chuckled.

We let go of each other's hands and wrapped our arms around each other. Despite my heart beating a hundred times per minute, I was happy with how it all played out. Sure, my best friend turned me down and friendzoned me, but at least I was rest assured that we were alright and that there were no hard feelings. But I still remember hugging her so tight in the fear that that might be the last time I'd ever get to hug her like that. I took in her sweet floral scent and hugged her as if there was no tomorrow. I remember thinking of how much I loved Charlie in all ways possible at that exact moment.

"So... are you still up for those candy cane-drizzled mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches?" She asked, looking up at me.

"Fuck yeah!" I smiled down at her.

She smiled brightly at me and let go of our hug as she gathered all we needed for her unique ice cream sandwich. We spent the rest of that day enjoying ice cream sandwiches and having a movie marathon while experimenting with whatever was in their kitchen.

Although the conversation with Charlie went well, none of us knew which way things would go afterwards and how the days after that would play out. Unfortunately, it went south for Charlie and I because we didn't talk for a long time. The hours turned into days, the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months. My worst fear had come true within the time we didn't talk: I had lost my best friend and it was all my fault.