𝟎𝟎𝟗, 𝗁𝖾𝗒
𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍': 𝗌𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖺 𝖻𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿 𝖻𝗒 jcole

𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

i love the music makes me feel. the security, the warmth, the feeling of your muscles relaxing and the calm feeling as if were a waterfall.

but no music could make me avoid how i've been feeling for these past weeks, nothing could clear my mind or even come close to making me feel okay.

tuesday kept coming closer and closer, i knew it was bad idea the night i sent the message because i also i had to do this... for me.

i had to let her go and that seemed impossible but it wasn't because all i had to do was talk to her like I've been itching for these past five years and then it would all be over.

she'll be gone, i'll move on and everything will be okay but all that seems to easier to think about then to do. i had been hiding myself in my dream working on fashion pieces.

elijah always seemed to find me, he had felt like the only person i didn't need to shut out. he didn't invade my space or overstimulate me with questions, we sat together enjoying each other company.

the faint sounds of him scrolling on tik tok filled my dorm as he laid on my bed a little too comfortable, i laid across the floor focusing on a clothing piece that was due for an assignment soon.

"mani", eli called out turning his attention away from his phone and down at me, i hummed softly in response. he slid down from the bed being all dramatic as he took a seat beside me.

"shot me if wrong and kill me if i know too much but the girl that you've been talking about... it's juju isn't it", he asked but it was more of an ask of confirmation not if he wanted to know because he already knew.

i snapped my eyes towards him eyes widen and my movements frozen, "how the hell do you know that?", i asked my voice uneasy.

he looked me with a shrug, "i didn't know for sure it's just based on observations... i mean the way you've been acted for these past couple of weeks started when juju came around, then how she was trying so hard to get you talk to her that day, then the party...", he trailed.

"what? what about the party?", i asked. she hasn't text back since the party which meant something had to happen, elijah must knew. "she came looking to at the party with all these excitement but when aaliyah and i told her that you were with that girl, she had that look her face, ya know that same look on your face when she introduced herself, so then it all started to make sense", he told me.

there was a silence, there was no denying it. he had it all figured out, "yeah", is all i say. "she's the girl but that doesn't change anything eli... our history together doesn't have anything to do with you or aaliyah.", i pleaded. "i know that but why didn't you tell us? or tell me at least?", he asked titling his head at me.

i shrugged my shoulders, folding my bottom lip into my mouth. "i didn't want you to see her differently... like she's some bad person because she isn't. shit happened but that doesn't make her bad...", i told him. he hummed nodding, "okay", is all he said not pushing the issue further.

should i tell him about the meet up? no, i doesn't matter. "i'm meeting up with her on tuesday", i confessed. he shot his head up, "is it a bad idea?", i asked.

"do you think it's a bad idea?", he asked.
"i dont know", i trailed.
"yes you do, do you think it's a bad idea?", he went on.
"i miss her, i want to talk to her but...", i mumbled.
"but",

i sigh as i lay my back on the floor staring up at the ceiling, "but what if what im looking for isn't what i get... ya know.", i turn my head looking at him.

"yeah", he mumbled laying down beside me. "but you'll never did you don't go and maybe what if you get more than what you're looking for...", he trailed. i hummed at him, he was right but there was a million what if situations. "im gonna go", i told him and he only smiled at me. "okay", was all he said.

we sat in silence, "thank you eli, for being my friend", i said and he laughed at me. "girl you don't have to thank me for that, but if you really thankful you'll walk to McDonald's with me", he teased and i rolled my eyes. "it's always something with you", i joked as i stood up from the ground getting my stuff anyway.

i need to pay attention in pre-cal and i wanted to pay attention in pre-cal but all i could think about was judea and i met up after this.

the clock was ticking and so was my mind, i wonder how we'll act, what would we say, what would happen and so on.

it was only about 30 mins left in this class and i haven't written down a single thing for this upcoming assignment, i was fucked but that didn't matter.

what should i say?
hey?
fuck you?
or maybe i should just cancel?
no.

i tapped the wooden pencil i had found deep in my tote bag against my desk, leaning back in my chair and staring at the time on my screen. "can you please stop, i can't focus", a voice snapped. i mumbled a soft sorry dropping the pencil onto my desk and trailing my eyes over at juju.

she sat straight up in her desk, her head bent down a little as she took notes and she seemed fully focused. how she was not going crazy right now? or maybe she was but she knew how to put on a front well.

𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐣𝐚𝐡

𝗎 𝗀𝗈𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅．

i smiled softly at elijah messages replying to him with thank you, im not scared and a okay which he all hearted before sending a chill guy meme sticker. i took another look at the time and then another one at juju, fuck.

when the bell ringed i stayed glued to my stick, my things were already packed and i was clearly ready to go but i couldn't. I watched as juju packed her things and made her way out the door but she stood there waiting.

waiting for me.

i sighed as i stood up from my seat and let my feet drag me along towards the door, when i made it there was with her head in her phone along with one of her hands in her pocket.

i cleared my throat adjusting the strap of my tote bag on my shoulders, "hey", i spoke first. she looked up from her phone quickly pushing it into her pockets giving me a soft smile. "hey... hey imani", she spoke.

so this was it.
here we are.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞
im really dragging this shit... but ITS BUILDING YA KNOW