𝟎𝟏𝟎, 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝖾𝗅𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝖺 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋
𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍': 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗋𝗎𝖽𝗀𝖾 𝖻𝗒 olivia rodrigo

𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

as we walked it felt like i was being held back with quick sand sinking me deeper and deeper in. it felt like i was here but at the same time it was like i was floating outside of my body watching myself.

we made small talk as we arrived at the cafe on campus, it was a small shop ran by an couple that's lived here in southern cal, their story was beautiful of how they got here.

yet they had a small cafe filled with love despite their differences, judea and i took a seat in the back in a comfortable booth close by the employees only door.

the finger tips danced around the ring of the yellow coffee decorated with a smiley face, my eyes roamed around everywhere but at her. this was a bad idea. i knew i wasn't ready. i shouldn't have rushed this.

"talk to me imani, please", she pleaded her voice cracked but deep with sorrow. there's a silence again as she waits for me to speak but only a sigh escapes her and she leans back in the booth.

i tear my eyes towards her, i wonder if her skin was soft as it used to be, or if she laugh sounded the same, or if her smile grew as twice as large as her heart like it always have, or if all that had changed.

i've been holding onto memories from years ago so it was destined she had changed. she looked like my judea but now she was just a stranger.

a stranger i had once loved.
love if im being honest.

"do you still have that spot on your back?", i asked randomly breaking the silence between us. she turned her eyes away from her drink where she also seemed to be drowning her thoughts before she let out a soft nod.

"yeah", she replied with a faint sad smile. i hummed softly as i let the silence come back to us.

i had so much to say but it seemed like i couldn't say it out loud, i had so much to ask but i was afraid i wouldn't get the answer i hoped for, i wanted this to go right but what if this go all wrong.

"i don't really know what to say... i guess i just wanted some closure but now that im here im not really sure what if i want that", i admitted.

her mouth parted a bit as she sat up straight gaining control of herself. "i-well what do you want?", she asked me and i shrugged in response. "i dont know", i said with honesty. "but all i want to know is... do you ever... wish... we never walked away from each other?".

if you were a stranger walking into this coffee shop and spotted me and judea sitting here, what would you think?

my body was glued to the seat, my heart had stopped beating since i left the class and i was so detached at the moment.

"that's impossible to answer imani, and im not going to say yes to make you feel better or no to make my answer simple. i wish what happened that day never happened but what if all that stopped happened that day and we still walked away...", she trailed.

i sucked in a breath, "i never thought of that way", i mumbled. it almost sounded she felt like we were meant to walk away from each other and i wasn't sure if that was something i wanted to hear.

"that day is was just all anger build up and we let it get the best of us but everything after that i regret, i regret not reaching out to you, i regret not taking accountability, i regret not being there for you... imani i regret losing you", she talked.

was this real?

what does this mean? for five years that's all i wanted to hear and I finally got it but why didn't i feel like i expected it?

my shoulders still felt heavy, i was still holding in my breath, my heart still wasn't beating and i was only sinking further.

"im sorry", i spoke. "i've been blaming you for what happened but it's not all your fault... we were kids and I shouldn't have made you feel like you were responsible for that. i think i was just hurt at the time that you didn't accept me for who i was because your opinion was all i cared about... it's all i ever care about", i admit.

"making you decided between us being friends and your peace wasn't fair, i know i was a lot. and, i could reached out, been there for you... all those things because i wasn't the only one who lost their best friend. so i'm sorry ju", i finish.

the weight was off my shoulders, a deep breath exhaled, my heart made a steady pace and wasn't sinking in my feelings because they were all out.

she gives me a smile... a smile that was twice as big as her heart. "i forgive you mani", she says her voice soft and secure as i return the smile back to her.

this was nothing like i imagined, i didn't think i would have the heart to stand up from my wrongs or to have a actual conversation but i did and i felt nothing but happy for it.

but i still didn't know where we stood?
do we go back to strangers, friends? what

"i-can we be friends?", she blurted out. "or work our way back to be being friends... i know it's not going to be easy but i don't want this to be the end", she trailed as she stepping on nails.

it was a step but i felt the same way, now that i had judea back the last thing i wanted was to lose her again.

but alex was still in the back of my mind, the whole point of this was get closure and move on, but who said that wasn't what i did?. we made mends and moved on from the past, and plus we were only friends. "yes", i replied before i let my thoughts overcloud me.

after our talk, judea paid for our drinks making sure to tip the couple and we as we said our goodbyes we stood out of the cafe.

"thank you for talking to me mani, i know you said this wasn't for me but i needed this.", she said throwing her backpack over her shoulders adjusting the straps.

i hummed softly at her, "thank you too ju. see you later?", i spoke and she nodded with a smile. "yeah see you later", she said and we parted our ways.

𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐣𝐚𝐡

𝗂𝗍𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝟤 𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌， 𝗋 𝗎 𝗈𝗄𝖺𝗒？
𝗐𝗍𝖿 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗂
𝖽𝗂𝖽 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎？

𝖭𝖮𝖮𝖮𝖮𝖮𝖮 𝖬𝖸 𝖲𝖧𝖠𝖸𝖫𝖠
𝖮𝖪𝖠𝖸 𝖨𝖬 𝖮𝖳𝖶
𝗇𝗈 𝗂𝗆 𝗇𝗈𝗍
𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗑𝗍 𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄
𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗂𝗂𝗂𝗂
𝗒𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖿𝗎𝖼𝗄𝗂𝗇？

𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝗅

𝖸𝖮𝖴𝖱𝖤 𝖠𝖫𝖨𝖵𝖤𝖤𝖤𝖤𝖤

𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖽𝗋𝖺𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝖼

𝗂𝗍𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌， 𝗂𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀
𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄 𝗇𝗈𝗐．

𝗒𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗍 𝖽𝗂𝖽， 𝖽𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖾𝗂𝗋𝖽．
𝗂𝗆 𝗈𝗍𝗐 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝗈𝗋𝗆

𝗈𝗄𝖺𝖺𝗒𝗒𝗒𝗒
𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖿𝗈𝗈𝖽

𝗇𝗈

𝗈𝗄 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗇