𝟎𝟎𝟓, 𝖽𝗈𝗇𝗍 𝗀𝗈 𝖻𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝖼𝖾
𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍': 𝗌𝖼𝗈𝗍𝗍 𝗉𝗂𝗅𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗆 𝗏𝗌 𝗆𝗒 𝗀𝗉𝖺 𝖻𝗒 mom jeans

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐚'𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

i thought us not being friends would be better, not for me but for imani. in everybody else eyes imani was reckless, a fighter and most people around had already planned out her life saying she ain't going far if she kept acting like that.

people talked and they talked bad about her, i just felt guilt because she was ruining her character for me because she felt the need to protect me.

imani wasn't none of that talk, she was smart, kind, beautiful and she had plans ahead of her... maybe bigger than mines. i knew it, she knew it but she refused to live it.

the only way for imani to find herself was to remove myself, i know it wasn't my decision to make but i had to because that's what you do for the people you love... you choose them instead of you.

everything started to make sense, that pit of sorrow that roamed over me like a dark cloud and the constant thoughts that filled my mind. it was like my body was warning me this whole time because she was here.

imani was here at southern cal, and she wanted nothing to do with me. the way she ran off hurt but i guess it was understandable, and if im being honest i was okay with her running because I wasn't sure what i would say if she stayed.

i had to tell somebody about the situation, the only people who knew were malia and my parents. "wait mani is at southern cal?", my mama asked back tracking what i just told her.

"yeah yeah... i saw her in my pre-calculus class", i tell her and she gasps covering her hand over her mouth being dramatic as always. "so-so what happened?", she say.

i sighed and tell her about mani running off, "can i be honest ju?", she asked and I nodded my head. "i tried to do the whole ian know thing but i knew mani was at southern cal... me and her mama still friends on facebook", she told me and I gasped.

"why you ain't tell me maaaaaa?", i asked confused. she shrugged, "well i know losing mani wasn't easy...", she trailed. "and plus the campus is big ian think yall was gone see each other", she went on.

none of this was my mama fault, ian have the right to blame her but it would've been nice to know. "you okay ju?", she asked sincerely. i nodded my head giving her a soft smile, "yeah ma".

she hums at softly, "okay baby... well you know you can always talk to mama or ya bald head daddy", she laughed and i shake my head.

i checked the time and let out an oop, "i gotta call you back ma, i got I class in thirty minutes, i love you talk to you later", i tell and she lets out an i love you and hangs up the phone.

as promised, i went outside more not wanting to bare the burden of having a bad freshman year. the team decided to attend a frat party that was a lil off campus, and we all pregame at malia and i dorm.

"i am not mother tonight, tonight I am... dom", dominique said clearly drunk off her ass, i had no plans of drinking or getting under the influence tonight.

i had other shit to worry about and worrying if i could handle my drinks or not was the least of my worries, but i still wanted to have fun tonight.

after getting everybody together, making sure everybody had their stuff we finally let the dorms and made our way to the party. the party was packed and it was hot and sweaty asf.

people mingled among each other, the classic red solo cups decorated the house, it was dark with the party lights that barely lit up the room, it was loud and of course graphic and inappropriate rap song was playing.

maybe parties wasn't for me, i already knew that though... no crowded area was my scene. i liked my space and i liked the quiet and both of those things were being broken.

it wasn't even an hour into the party and i had lost my teammates, they had crowded me with their purses and jackets to hold and i was more than welcome but i was tired.

i had failed my plan to have tonight before i even got here... but I really did try. i sigh as i push my back off the wall and make my way upstairs trying to find an empty room to hide myself in.

after interrupting about two couples i finally found an empty room, i place the jackets and purses on the bed and shut the door behind me locking it.

ian trust sitting on the bed so i took a seat on the floor, i pulled the wired headphones out my pocket along with my phone before shuffling my music on spotify.

i don't know who i would be be without music, it was something that allowed you to escape the world and allowed you to also connect with others. i was in discord where people explained lyrics, recommended music or gave certain updates ... it was the first thing i checked when i wake up in the mornings.

it was like i couldn't stop, I couldn't stop thinking about imani and i had went from spotify to her moms facebook and from there back to instagram page.

she recently made a new post, posted with a boy and some girl on campus. it seemed like she was doing here in california, i learned that she moved back to georgia during high school and came back california for college.

i had missed her lil southern accent, her laugh, the silk of her dark brown skin and the aura she radiated off. i continued to scroll until i came to the bottom of her page and post that was made five years ago... it was us.

♥️ 💬 ↪️
𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐫𝐦𝐠𝐚 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝟐𝟓 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬
𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗳𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗶𝗱𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗎 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌，𝗆𝗒 𝗃𝗎

ⁿᵒᵛᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ ¹⁵ ²⁰¹⁹

it was posted a week after our altercation and the day she had moved back to georgia, my heart twisted at the post and my finger hovered over the like button.

this was stupid???

im here at party locked in a room, music blasting through my ears and i stalk my ex best friend socials because i miss her, im suppose to be enjoying this party and having fun not dwelling on the past.

i like it anyway, i like an post from five years ago because i owe that to myself... right?

i quickly screenshot it and place it into my hidden before removing my headphones and stuff them back into my pockets along with my phone, i leave the room and try... i try to enjoy this party.

and i did.