𝟎𝟎𝟒, 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌
𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍': 𝗆𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗒 𝖻𝗒 lola young

𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

i softly mumbled the lyrics of messy by lola young as i prepared myself to the first day of classes, "but cut me some slack, who do you want me to be, cause im too messy and then im too fucking clean", i went on lining the shape of my lips with a dark brown lipliner applying clear gloss on the top.

i quickly check the time wanting to be on time or a little be early to make a good first impression to my professors, my ma had always told me first impressions is good and it's the only thing a person will remember you by and since then I always hunt out to make a good one.

8:45 am

the time read, stuffing my books into my beige tote along with my gloss and throwing my beats onto my head i made my way out my dorm and on the way to class. i hope the theory of having early classes don't bite me in the ass but i knew it would as the year progressed.

"early bird gets the worm", my professor speaks to the class as he shuts the door. "and everybody else will be getting tardies", he said in a stern tone making his way to his podium.

strict asf??? fa what

"im not gonna do that thing where we go around the class and introduce ourselves because i don't have time for that, i am here to teach and that's it... but i am mr.wells and ive teach pre-calculus for 20 years", he informs us. "ill go over the syllabus and then we'll get right into the first lesson", he says with a fake smile.

there's a knock on the door and he groans making his way towards the door opening it, "what's your name?", he asked the student still not allowing them in.

"judea sir, judea watkins".

what? no? my judea???

he quickly writes something down onto his paper and lets her in... and there she was with her head with a walk of shame for being late to her first class of the year.

she scans the room a bit but she never looks my way, making her way through the students she finds a seat on the other side of the class without even noticing me. i let out a sigh of relief but my chest still felt tight.

it was judea... its was juju...

that feeling was still there and over the years it became faint but seeing her and hearing her it all came back, and it hurt.

sure we were kids and were only silly teenagers who knew shit about feelings but I knew my feelings about juju, and I knew they were real.

she was my best friend, she was the only person i had to grown to love outside my family and as much as i try to lie to myself... I loved her more than a friend.

until i realize thats where i had to draw the line, just friends until I couldn't... i couldnt continue to lie to myself saying this was normal for me to feel at this certain age.

"are you okay?", a girl besides me ask whispering into my ear. i turn and look at her giving her a quick nod as i sit up straight in my seat clearing the itch in my throat. "yeah yeah im fine", i tell her and she nods at me awkwardly focusing her attention back on the professor. "okay", she says.

the whole class i was wondering if I could be the first or last one out class so juju and i don't meet ends, after an hour and thirty minutes i came up with the decision to blend with everybody else to make sure i wasn't seen.

the bell rings and i throw my tote onto my arms rushing to make my way down the stairs, i felt a short tap on my shoulder, "excuse me you dropped this", the voice says holding out my fashion journal.

"oh shit thank y-", i start and realize it's juju... the person i was tryna to avoid. she quickly meets eyes with me and she seems in shock, "mani?", she says confused but more hurt than anything.

i quickly grab my journal from her and disappear off, i wasn't ready... im not ready. i stuff my journal into my bag and pace off trying my best to get far away.

"and what happened after that? you just ran off...", elijah asked still confused as i tell him the situation. i nod with a sigh, he shakes his head and lets the silence fills us.

"not be like all in yo business and shit like that but... you gay?", he asked randomly arching his eyebrows telling me that was serious about his question. "because like my gaydar has been going like DING DING DING around you and then it exploded when you started talking about this girl", he said laughing and i give him a glare making him stop.

i take a seat beside him and nod my head, "yeah... i like girls", i tell him and he hums. "i like girls too and boys", he says and i hum back at him.

"we not suppose to be doing this but me and my sister go up the roof on her dorm building and smoke a lil... you wanna come?", he ask and i look at him. "look like you need it after this first rough day and it'll get your mind off ole girl", he says.

i stare off a lil and shrug my shoulders, i mean what's the worse that could happened. "fuck it let's do it", i say and he smiles rubbing his hands together.

after a walk towards his sister building and banging on her door, she finally opens the door the front half of her in a puffy ponytail and the other half in some braids as if she was doing her hair.

"oh it's you", i say as i look at elijah sister, she was my RA. she looks at me and then back at my brother, "im coming", is all she said as if she already knew what we was up to. "and the name is aaliyah", she said.

"oh sorry... i just forgot", i say and elijah looks at me. "she ya RA ain't she", he said as he noticed the connection and i nod. "which im not sure... if I should be smoking with my RA....", i trail.

she laughs coming out her room throwing her coat onto her arms, "ian no snitch now, and plus i get it... i smoked the whole first week of college my freshman year, that shit was rough", she says and i let out and okay as she leads up the roof.

elijah and aaliyah argue the whole time they prepping the blunt, "elijah you just learned how roll this shit don't think you better than me at this shit", she said smacking his hands away from her blunt.

elijah rolled his eyes, "guh just roll that shit... quickly because my friend need it BADLY", he say as he takes a look at me and i jerk my head back. "fuck im getting a stray for, ian no fein now", i defend myself and aaliyah laugh.

"right got her fucked up", she says licking the wood sealing it before grabbing the lighter out her pockets and lighting it up. she takes a look at me from head to toe, "yo outfit fire, ian even seen nun like that before", she compliments me.

i thank her, "thank you, I made it myself", I tell her. "damn girl you got talent, you sell?", she asks pointing to my outfit and i shake my head. "nah ion think im there yet", i say and she shrugs.

"I think so", she says before handing me the blunt. I thank her again as I grab the blunt and take a couple of puffs hoping the clear my mind.

yeah.... this was all i needed.

hope yall liking the book soooo far !! ❤️❤️❤️