𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐚'𝐬 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

the constant bounce of the balls and the sound of the swish as i make shot after shot starts to become tiring and no longer a coping mechanism to escape the thoughts clouding my brain.

i sighed grabbing the ends of my shirt and wiping the sweat beads off my forehead, i hold the ball in between my arms and place my hand onto my hip as i stare ahead.

USC

a place where my dreams would only grow from here, the classic gold and cardinal banners of the legends before me was imprinted into my brain and i knew i had to be next.

"you're not focused", my training coach says tapping her pen against her clipboard and a arch in her eyebrow as she looks at me. i shake my head and look at her, "i know, i know... im trying", i say and she hums biting her lips as she continues to stare. "we're done for today", she says and i look at her crazy, "we're only been in here for an hour", i plead.

she hums again, "like i said we're done, we can't work if you aren't focus and it's clear something is clouding your mind so take the rest of the day to handle your business be ready tomorrow and focused", she tells me leaving the gym leaving me no choice but to go.

i throw the ball out my hands irritated mumbling a fuck to myself, I didn't know what it was exactly that lead me to be unfocused. i had everything i needed right now.

i was moved into my dorm months ago, my schedule was clear, school haven't started yet, i was getting along with my teammates and everything was fine... so what was the problem?

my routine here at USC had became repetitive since summer sessions, wake up, eat, shower, practice and then summer classes now with school officially starting it was almost the same.

i haven't adventured outside of my classes and the court, isolating myself in my dorm and with my teammates. "juju, it's your freshman year... when you're a senior gonna look back and regret not doing anything", dom an red shirt junior on the USC women's basketball said.

shrugging my shoulders at the comment, she sighs and turns to clarice, "she's right ju, i did the same thing as you and now i have no friends and i bring my iPad to football games... but i mean at least i have all of you", she said making us laugh.

clarice was the outgoing, funny and bright person around on the team, even during her bad days she's always cheering somebody up.

"there's nothing to do", i lie and malia sucked her teeth. "yes there is, i asked you to come to the freshman orientation with me tonight and you said fuck no... kinda hurt my feelings", she said.

dom looked at me, "see go with Malia, don't leave your teammates hanging", dom encouraged me. i threw my back groaning and then i lifted it back up looking at all of them that seemed pretty eager for me to go.

"okay", i say and they all smile squealing at their accomplishment to get me out. "but im staying for an hour max", I warned them and they continued to clap. "whatever lets go", i say to malia getting off the couch and grabbing my things.

"our freshman trojans, welcome to the university of Southern California freshman orientation, thank you all for attending this event and we hope to make this a successful first night for all of you. we will briefly talk about the rules and all that and then you'll be able to mingle along meeting your class... GO TROJANS", the speaker spoke holding the thin white note card in her hand.

after a good 20 minutes, she had finished talking all over the rules which wasn't really bad but i doubt anybody would actually follow them.

malia quickly jumped out of her seat ready to meet new faces, I trailed behind her not really in the mood to talk, pulling the black hoodie over my head and stuffing my hands into the pockets on it.

"imani", the name had slapped me in the face, a name i haven't heard in five years but the voice sounded so familiar, my body had froze and my mind went still.

no

was all I could think, "let's go malia", i spoke out my trance pulling her slightly. malia looked at me crazy, "what no, we just got here", she said and i sighed with a plead.

"p-please malia... can we go?", i asked and she let out an huff irritated and a bit disappointed but she quickly scanned over my face. "hey ju, what's wrong?", she asked the disappointment leaving her face and worry feeling it.

i shake my head,"nothing", i lie and she only hums seeing right through my lie. "okay yeah yeah... let's go, i was ready anyway", she says clearly lying to make me feel better which didn't help.

we leave the orientation and the whole walk back to our dorms, she didn't talk or try to make me talk but i felt obligated to and i felt so guilty from ripping her away from opportunities like the orientation.

"i-i had this friend", i start and malia shakes her head. "you don't to explain anything juju to me, you needed to leave and i was ready to go worked out for the both of us", she tells me lying again for the sake of my feelings.

i stopped in our tracks and looked at her, "stop lying malia, you weren't ready to go... you were having a good time and i... i took that away from you. im sure you didn't come here to sit around in the dorms all year and just play basketball... i mean its college it's more to that", i say. "and back there i wasn't being a good friend, i put myself first instead of you and im sorry malia... i promise ill be better", i tell her and she smiles softly.

she pulls me into a hug and i laugh a bit, she always nice and affectionate. "then it's all good, and it's okay juju", she tells me as she pulls us apart. "we're good", she assures me and keeps walking.

"imani", i spit out, she looks at me confused. "she was the friend and we were best friends... but uh... something happened and back there... i thought i heard her and i... i can't face that", i tell her the truth.

she nods, "okay", is all she says. "that's it, okay?", i asked and she nods again. "that's it, like I said you don't owe me an explanation and we're good", she says. "but im hungry so let's go", she pulls me to keep walking.

i don't know how i got here, twisting and turning in my twin size bed as i try to forget what happened tonight and ignore the what ifs but i can't so instead i pull out my phone and go to instagram.

imani

i search millions of users popping up but none of them sticked out to be here, so i retype in the search bar mani , the users lowered and I scrolled down hunting.

@theflykidmani

my heart dropped as i click the profile and there she was... my mani.