THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY
fragments || five hargreeves x reader

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: NO WAY IN HELL AM I LEAVING YOU BEHIND

Written By: peachyhxlland

°•.☆.•°

Your eyes fluttered open as you noticed you were sleeping on the couch with a blanket around you. You rubbed your eyes tiredly and looked around to spot Luther softly snoring on a chair. He gave you his blanket before falling asleep. Your eyes furrowed as you got confused. 'Why was I taking a nap?' You sat up and stretched your arms out. You somberly gazed at Elliott's empty room, completely missing his presence.

"You and Nico coming to my life felt like I experienced having children. Except you two are old already. One's 18, and the other one is probably 30 who's in a 16-year-old body. But it felt nice."

"Thanks for being here, Elliott. Thanks for existing. If you weren't here, I would've been homeless."

"Thank you too, kid."

Suddenly, someone opened the refrigerator, a soft rattle was heard causing you to jump in surprise while Luther suddenly sat up straight, waking up from his small nap. "Five?" Luther asked.

You stood up, rubbing your eyes again. You saw Five without his blazer on and drinking water from the fridge. Your eyes widened in surprise. "Five?" You asked in worry as you watch him gulp the water down as if he was in a hurry. Luther followed you and then saw Five as well. "Five, what... you okay?"

Five glanced at both of you as he finished the water. Five gasped heavily as he finished the whole bottle and returned the empty bottle back to the fridge. "I'm gonna need to be hydrated."

"Hydrated?" Luther questioned.

Five walked towards a table and grabbed a bottle of baby powder. He poured some on his armpits while you stared at him in awe, softly snickering. "What's with the baby powder, lil' gremlin?" You asked.

"It'll help with the itching." He answered as he poured the powder on his other armpit.

"What itching?" Luther asked. "There's itching? What the hell is going on here?"

Your eyes widened as Five poured some baby powder inside his shorts. You cleared your throat, quickly looking away, as you scratched the side of your neck. Luther then gasped. "You do have a plan."

Five jumped a bit, exhaling sharply. He grabbed his blazer and walked out of the room. "Well, it's a desperation move, but... since our brain-dead siblings are incapable of meeting a simple deadline, I got no choice."

"I never knew about the old plan." You pointed out. "What was the plan before?"

"Five got a briefcase but we just have like an hour to bring all of our siblings back to the alley," Luther explained. "The others were informed but didn't come. It was only me, Five, and Klaus. We also couldn't find you, so..."

You nodded in understanding. "But if Allison, Vanya, and Diego did came and still couldn't find me, will you all go without me?"

"Of course not." Five suddenly answered. "No way in hell am I leaving you behind."

You smiled a bit, a small blush forming on your cheeks. Luther faced at Five. "You have no choice about what, Five? What are you going to do?"

"I have to find myself."

You cocked an eyebrow. "Five, this is not the time for self-reflection or finding of what's your purpose in this world—"

"That's not what I meant." Five flicked his watch open to see the time then shut it close when he's done and brought it back to his pocket. "I just arrived in Dallas 15 minutes ago."

You blinked in confusion and exchanged looks with Luther. "Five, I just got my real memories back a few minutes ago. I don't need another confusion and another headache."

"Should we be worried about you?" Luther asked Five, also confused.

Five wore his blazer and started stretching. "Luther, (Y/n), if you two could recall, I was sent to 1963 on a job by the Commission to make sure the president was assassinated."

"Imagine Diego finding out about it." You snickered. "He would fucking slice you open."

"I'll kill him first before he even got the chance to touch my hair."

"Oh!" Luther exclaimed. "So, wait, your old self is out there."

"Precisely." Five replied.

"What, just walking around Dallas?"

"Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get us home.

Luther's eyes widened. "Oh, my God. Five, you're a genius."

You shrugged. "I'm feeling there's a but."

"However, there are two significant problems with this plan."

You smirked, raising your finger up. "Fuckin' called it."

"Problem number one: I am a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself. Problem number two, and this is the real fly in the ointment here: you're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline." Five explained. "The side effects can be disastrous."

"What are the side effects?" You asked.

He faced at both of you as he showed his fingers. "Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are... stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage."

You blinked in surprise, nodding a bit. Luther softly gasped. "Homicidal rage?"

"Yeah."

"Jeez, I don't know. This maybe isn't such a good idea."

"It's a Hail Mary. But what choice do we got, Luther?"

You nudged Luther. "And I kinda wanna see the old Five."

Luther sighed. "I don't know, you already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest."

Five approached Luther. "Look, Luther, I'm gonna need you and (Y/n) to help me get through this one, all right? I... I need a spotter."

"A spotter?"

"Yeah."

"What is that? Like, a wingman?"

"In case the paradox psychosis gets too severe, I need you two to help me stay on the task, all right? So whatever happens, whatever I say, we need to get that briefcase. Okay?"

"Okay." Luther nodded.

"Okay." Five turned to leave but he stopped and looked at Luther again. "And being a spotter means you don't throw a huge rock and hit it towards your sibling's girl."

You blushed and glanced at Luther who sighed heavily. "I was sorry, Five."

"Be sorry for the rest of your life for almost taking (Y/n) away from me."

Five walked away, ready to leave while you followed behind. "Um, hey, Five. Why was I asleep a while ago?"

Five turned to you. "You passed out. You probably got too tired and used your energy too much when you were fighting me."

You slowly nodded. "Right."

Five noticed Luther staring into nothingness, processing everything Five just said to him. "Luther, come on."

Luther flinched before nodding. "Right."

You, Luther, and Five got outside until you froze and looked around, noticing something missing. "Where's Nico and his car?" You scrunched your face. You finally knew Nico's your grandfather and it was weird calling him 'Nico' instead of 'Papa'.

Luther looked around. "He must have run off?"

You looked down, sighing deeply, and instantly feeling guilty for what you've done earlier. You hurt Nico but you didn't mean to. You were blinded by anger, grief, and hate. A monster was forming inside you, just like what Reginald said.

Five placed his hand on your shoulder. "You okay?"

You nodded. "Y-Yeah. Let's go."

°•○●○•°

You, Luther, and Five entered an Irish pub with lively Irish jig playing. Five peeked out to look everywhere for himself. Finally, he found him. "Well, there I am." You and Luther looked at where Five was looking to see the older looking Five, writing something. You gasped, somehow a bit mesmerized. "So that's what you look like when you're 38."

Five frowned when he saw you staring at his older self. "Hey, hey. Come on, he's not even that good-looking."

You smirked and looked at him. "Jealous of yourself, Number Five?"

"Not if you stare so lovingly at my older self, Number Eight."

Luther faced at Five. "Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?"

"Luther, I would never let that happen." Five said.

"Or (Y/n) could just easily use her powers to sneakily take the briefcase."

A smile formed on your face and nudged Luther. "Aye, you finally learned how to function your brain properly. No more bad choices and ideas."

Luther chuckled nervously. "Thanks, I guess?"

"I would love to sneakily take the briefcase but the old Five would notice and I want to see how slowly this plan will go into shit." You grinned mischievously earning a sigh from Five. 'Yep, that's the (Y/n) I know and love.'

Your grin disappeared when you heard Five's thoughts. You turned to him to ask him what was that about but the gremlin suddenly spoke. "Even if it is possible, there's still a high possibility he could notice it. We're trained to guard these briefcases with our lives."

"Right." Luther nodded.

"Plus, it's the inherent paradox where this gets tricky. I'm endangering my existence just being in the room with myself."

"Huh— what do you mean?" Luther asked.

"Luther, try to keep up. If old me doesn't travel back to 2019 like he's supposed to, the whole thing unravels itself. I cease to exist. You got me?"

Luther, unsure, slowly nodded. "I get you."

"So our best chance is to talk with him, to reason with him."

"Ah."

"He'll understand. Trust me. I know myself better than, uh... better than I know myself." Five reassured but suddenly scratched the back of his neck causing Luther to gasp while you just stared at the two. "You just itched your neck." Luther pointed out. "That's stage two of paradox psychosis."

Five shook his head immediately. "No, I didn't. I didn't itch my neck."

You chuckled. "Denial. That's stage one."

Five glared at the both of you. "I am fine, okay? Let's stay on task, shall we?"

Luther grabbed Five's arm before he could go anywhere further. "Wait!"

"What?"

"Maybe I should go first."

"Why?"

"Well, you'll freak him out. Bumping into your own tiny doppelganger? He will lose his shit. And if (Y/n) go first, he'll definitely lose his shit as well. Just let me break the ice."

Five thought about it before looking around frantically. "Okay." Luther took a deep breath before approaching the older-looking Five. Five then turned to you. "You won't show yourself to him."

You instantly turned to Five and frowned as you crossed your arms. "Well, why not?"

"Luther's right, other me will lose his shit when he sees you. Just stay here while Luther and I talk to him."

You huffed, puffing your cheeks. "Fine."

Five took a step forward to you before stopping himself. You raised an eyebrow at him. Five thought about kissing your cheek but he looked away from you and just awkwardly patting your shoulder then approaching Luther who's talking to the old version of him.

You sat down on a chair as you watched the old Five finally seeing himself but in a younger version. You were watching from afar at the three men finally sitting down and the two Fives glaring at each other. You rest your cheek against your palm and tapped your nails on the wooden table. Suddenly, someone approached you and tapped your shoulder. "Excuse me, miss? Is this seat taken?"

You turned to the person who asked you a question with a British accent and you shook the head. "Nope. You can seat on it or take it."

A young man smiled and sat beside you. He was in his teen years and probably younger than 18. You turned to him. "What are you doing here? Minors aren't supposed to be here."

"And yet you're here." The boy pointed out.

'I forgot that I'm in a child's body.' You mentally sighed. "I'm with someone, just waiting for them to finish."

"I'm waiting for my friend's uncle. I just got inside because it was too hot outside." The boy stretched out his hand and grinned. "I'm Louis."

You shook your hand with him and returned a smile back at him. "(Y/n). I'm (Y/n)."

Louis smiled back before looking around. "So who are you with?"

You pointed at the three men. "Them."

Louis looked at the direction where you are pointing at. "Your... father, uncle, and probably a friend?"

You snorted quietly. 'Ah, if only you knew.' You nodded, pretending it was true. "Uhh, yeah. My father, my uncle, and my friend."

"Which one's your uncle?"

"Maybe the one who's giving a death stare at my friend."

"Your uncle and your friend seems to hate each other."

"Yeah, they hate each other's guts."

Louis was about to talk again but a girl called his name from outside. Louis sighed. "Well, I must go. I think my friend's uncle is here. It was nice to meet you, (Y/n)."

You smiled back at him. "It was nice to meet you too, Louis."

He stood up and was about to walk away before stopping in his tracks and turned to you. "Will we see each other again?"

You looked at him before shrugging. "I don't know. I'll probably be out of Dallas in few days. Maybe soon."

Louis nodded. "Then I'll look forward to that soon and hope to meet you again." He waved goodbye before walking out of the pub. You glanced at him one more time before looking back at the three men. Louis adjusted his hair, combing it back, as he approached his friend and his uncle. "Ready to go?" His friend asked.

"Yeah." Louis glanced at you again from afar. "Where are we going again?"

His friend blinked in confusion. "Back to England. Are you okay?"

The boy nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, Millie. Come on."

You sat up straight when the Old Five stood up with the briefcase and going inside the bathroom. You jumped off from your seat and approached Luther and Five. "So, was the conversation too serious that Five over here looked like he was showered in sweat?"

Luther quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped the sweat off from Five's forehead then face. "Well, besides the flop sweat, I think that went pretty well, am I right, Five?"

Five shook his head, setting Luther's arm down. "No, no, there's something... something doesn't feel right about this."

"What... What do you mean?"

Five pointed his finger in the direction where Old Five just went. "I don't trust him."

You blinked at Five and crossed your arms. "But he's you."

Five glanced at you, nodding. "Exactly."

Luther decided to follow Old Five while you stayed behind as you sat on Luther's chair and wiped Five's forehead with new tissue. "I know that feeling, y'know."

"Hmm?"

"Not trusting your own self." You sighed. "But it's nice to know that there are people you truly care are trusting you. At least they can trust your own self than yourself."

"I trust you." Five replied, faintly smiling. "And I trust you to try and keep my sanity on this task because we don't want to hurt anybody."

"Are you sure you don't want to hurt the old you?"

"Of course I want to."

Then, older-looking Five and Luther came out of the bathroom and the Old Five froze when he saw you. You mentally facepalmed. 'I forgot I shouldn't show myself to him.'

"(Y/n)?" Old Five asked, his mouth hanging in surprise.

Five immediately took your hand, clutching it and intensely glaring at Old-Five. 'This one's mine. Yours is waiting in your 2019 so back off.'

You smirked at Five when you heard his thoughts. Five set his drink down, his eyebrows still furrowed. "Yeah, it's (Y/n). Now, are we good?"

Luther nodded, smiling. "We're good."

Old Five shakily took a deep breath. "You got a deal. We gotta hurry. Kennedy's en route. Less than an hour until showtime."

Five let your hand go and stood up, suspicious about his older version of himself. "Why are you so anxious to get going all of a sudden?"

"Relax. You're getting paranoid."

You stood beside Luther, awkwardly exchanging looks with him. Five scoffed. "Oh, am I?" The two Fives started itching and then farting. You rolled your eyes with a snicker, softly slapping your hand on your forehead.

"Okay, let's roll," Luther exclaimed before walking out of the pub first and Old Five followed. Five stared at the two before walking out of the place too with you.

°•○●○•°

You froze on your spot before looking around. It was bothering you. You were feeling about something. Like something terrible is coming, happening, or happened. You jumped a bit when you heard Five screaming at someone behind you.

"What are you looking at? See something funny? Mind your business!" Five exclaimed. "Or I'll give you something to stare at. You wish you could pull off these shorts!"

You rolled your eyes and dragged Five to your side. "Now that was mature."

Five scratched the back of his head as he saw Old Five and Luther talking. "What do you think they're talking about?"

"Maybe Old Five just asking what's going to happen, y'know."

"I don't think so. They both looked serious."

"You're always serious, Five."

"Yeah, serious about you."

It was a blunt statement that made you blush and slapped his arm causing Five to wince. "Ow! What was that for?"

"S-Sorry. That was just a reflex."

Luther waited for you and Five while Old Five went ahead. Luther chuckled nervously at Five. "Hey, brother. How are you doing?"

Five cocked an eyebrow at him. "He's gonna kill me, isn't he?"

Luther scoffed with a laugh. "What?"

While you turned worried. "What?"

Luther shook his head. "What, him? He's gonna kill you? Yeah, right. That's ridiculous."

"You know, you're a terrible liar, Luther." Five remarked causing Luther's nervous smile to fade instantly. "You're a worse liar than you are a spotter."

"Okay, whose fault is that? What good is having a spotter if you won't even listen to him?"

"So you admit you're conspiring against me?"

"Do you admit that you're suffering from paradox psychosis?"

"All I'm suffering from is bracing clarity about you and your murderous intentions."

"Look, it's not like he's gonna 'kill you' kill you. He just wants to kill a, um... version of you."

Five paused before looking at you with a look of disbelief. You just shrugged and just followed Five as he approached Luther. "But I am that version of me."

"Hey, I don't love it, either, but he's actually got a pretty good plan."

"You do know that his plan is to kill Five, right?" You questioned Five. "The Five who's with us right now."

"What's the plan, huh?" Five asked. "The one where you guys off me and then jump to 2019 to save the world?"

"Yeah, wait, how did you know that?"

"Because Old Five is literally him." You answered. "Of course he would know."

"Exactly." Five wiped his sweat off his forehead. "And that is exactly what I would do if I were trying to kill me!"

"Okay, all I know is we've got one Five too many, and you're the one acting like a maniac."

Five snapped his head towards Luther. "Maniac? Luther, you have seen nothing. If you want a maniac, I will show you maniac." Five threatened earning a step back from Luther. Five continued walking while Luther glanced at you.

"Don't look at me, him being a maniac is a normal thing now."

Luther sighed before catching up to Five. "Okay, as your spotter, I think the best thing I can do for you right now is put you out of your misery."

Five scoffed and grabbed Luther's arms, stopping them both. You