[Melanie]

"Well tell them I have to reschedule that meeting too...No...Dammit, Nia just fix this! That's your job right? ...Uhkay, good day."

Nothing was worse than me being in a hurry and everything I needed to cooperate doing nothing but working against me. Like any other day out of my week, my schedule was jam packed with phone call after phone call, meeting after meeting, and negotiation after negotiation. When those two things weren't occupying my time, instead it was the clusterfuck of thoughts and most of all worries surrounding my personal life. I used to be able to separate the two, never allowing one to interfere with the other and have me distracted. It was something I had to force myself to do because I knew how emotional I was, and I knew how tumultuous my personal life got at times.

With no effort to leave one at home and the other at the office or in Chicago, I would be a wreck twenty-four seven. As of lately though none of that has been the case. I was dashing around the streets of New York like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get everything on my calendar completed, all while my mind was trying to wrap itself around the change in my relationship with Lamarr. The adjustment we made and were giving a chance wasn't one too nerve bending, but it was one I was trying to get used to, yet one that was difficult to get used to. Meeting up with someone close to me during my much needed and rare out of office lunch break was something I was sure would do the trick. It would help me turn this 'personal life' switch off that had been on for days now until I got home and had to deal with it. That's only if I could make it to the address Sidney had just sent to me in a text in time.

"Brother Jimmy's..." I mumbled to myself, realizing the location was in en route of the trail I was stomping down. "Great, I could use a drink and some high calorie food."

My heels continued to clack against the concrete while the wind clashed along with its echoes, the two being the only things keeping me focused on my upcoming destination. The crowds of people swarming around me were either escaping their own workplaces for the hour or touring the city, and the heap of the two made for more frustration for us all. In those moments though it was relieving to have my mind temporarily somewhere else, somewhere else being something far from what my mind was occupying all morning. Witnessing the traffic and upset natives of NYC move around the sidewalks kept me entertained too. All until my phone rang for what seemed like the one hundredth time since I left my office.

The two of us were on the same wavelength at this second, but what could be more expected of the Harris sisters? Sidney was calling to see where I was just when I was a few feet away from the door.

"Calm down, kiddo. I'm walking inside right now." I spoke clearly into the speaker, making my way through the glass door no less than a millisecond later. Her image came into view within an instance and she was already done with her Palmetto Punch. As my finger ended the call while my body eased into the seat across from her, Sid's eyes stayed sealed to my every move.

"What is that look for?"

"I'm just shocked you're actually here. My sister is always busy, so to see her in front of me right now is a bit surreal. I have to make sure it's real."

"I am not that busy." I argued, sitting my purse down beside me then reaching for the menu she had placed in front of my seat.

"Oh yes you are. If it's not your job then you're traveling, planning a wedding, in counseling or something else that is clearly more important than bonding. I'm surprised you didn't just wait until later to call me up and get back to your wedding planning. That's what I've been good for lately." she claimed, and I could hear the slick mockery and mesh of shrewdness dripping from every word.

"Don't even make it sound like I only talk to you for this wedding. Speaking of this wedding..." Sidney raised her eyebrow once my eyes looked up from the menu to lock with hers, and bobbed her head giving me the 'go' to explain what I meant by my statement.

"What's wrong now?"

"It's nothing," I quickly lied. "I really just needed a break from the office. It's a busy Monday per usual and there's a lot of things we need to talk about, you know like old times. We can start with my trip to Chicago." Her brow that had been in the same arched position for a minute now finally fell as she gave me a slight nod. My little sister, she knew me well and she knew I was being dishonest, but I could bet by the end of this conversation she would dig as far as she needed for a precise answer.

"You sort of went around my question but I'll let that go for now. How'd that trip go for you though?" Bingo, see what I mean?

"It was decent. The company finally closed a deal but daddy was daddy, if that's what you're trying to get to."

"I figured he would be. That old man is such a pain in the ass and you just love him to pieces." I had to agree with her, mentally agree that is because I wouldn't dare say it aloud as she did. Even if it was more than apt to do so since he was indeed a pain in the ass. But my lack of response was all due to me being comfortable in being a daddy's girl. Something Sid made sure she shunned away and everyone in our family, immediate or not, labeled me as.

"I've been wondering. You think we should get him back into dating? You know, just to make friends at least?"

"Isn't he a little bit too old for that Mel?" she retorted back. "Besides, this is our father we're talking about here. I wouldn't put it pass him to already be doing just that. Why do you think he keeps you and hundreds of other people busy with his company?" she added with a deep emphasis on 'his'. "So he can live the life he pleases, I mean papa was a rolling stone."

"You will never look at him as just our father. The man who loves and took care of his children to the best of his ability, will you?" Sidney shook her and took a sip from the glass of water in front of her. I could tell she was feigning for a refill on her empty glass of rum infused punch.

"Nope, because a good father wouldn't have let his dirt split his family up and he wouldn't have let his kids witness it. You only let his bullshit slide because you're his favorite. That's a given, but damn Melanie its time you acknowledge his lying, cheating and very much still thriving manipulative ways." she spat before taking a sip from her water once more.

Sidney was the youngest and for some reason people considered her the shy and naïve one. She was far from that though, in fact her attentive ways were mistaken for shy and naïve. That itself was the reason she was so combative when it came to our father.

Our parents hid all their problems from us as they should have, but Sid. Sid paid attention to details. She paid attention to when the energy was offset in the house, and she connected that to our parents and their frequent quiet spells amongst each other. Though we were young, she knew it meant something deeper while I simply ignored it. Back then just as now, it literally only took one syllable of his name to get her angry. It didn't matter where she was, if you brought our father into the dialogue Sidney went from "timid" woman to feisty real quick.

Out of the three of our father's children I was the sensitive one who minded my business. I was also deemed his favorite, which was odd since I was the middle child. It only got worse when, unlike Sidney and my older brother Julius who was the reckless one, I decided to love my father regardless of what hurt he may have caused our family. I loved him when everyone turned their back on him. I mean, he was our father. You only get one and I didn't want to lose him.

 Either way, the elephant in the room that bloomed amid our family called infidelity was never spoken on, but was seen. This unbeknownst to us all had altered our lives in some of the worse ways possible.

"Don't you think I'm aware of his unlikable ways?" I asked rhetorically, giving the waiter headed to our table a shake of the head. He didn't need to hear the earful I knew I was about to be given on a silver platter.

"I don't think you do, Melanie. Have you ever thought about how mom felt?"

"Of course I have!"

"Right, sure. The moment she finally left and divorced his ass you resented her. When she moved on and got remarried you resented her even more, which is fucking bizarre since she should have done all of that and more! That bastard cheated on her several times and she stayed. He had two kids out of wedlock and she finally left. I'm sorry to tell you this but not all women can be as noble and stupid as you." Sid scoffed, getting right to the chase of how she really felt. I wasn't that stunned nor insulted by her scorned tone toward me because all these feelings brewing it were obvious since I had got engaged. It was evident Sid didn't agree with my choice in saying yes to Lamarr's proposal. She never admitted it or explained why, but she made her bitterness known whenever Lamarr and our wedding plans came up.

"You know, your anger towards him doesn't have to make you a bitch."

"I'm just stating facts. You're marrying a man just like your father. Do you not see that?"

"Alright, let's do this. In front of all these people since that's what you're aiming for anyways. Our father is a changed man, it's obvious and has been for years that he is sorry and regrets his disloyalty to the family. If we put aside that, he is still the warm man he has always been. You know the one who taught you how to ride a bike and drive? The one who took us to school every day and taught us how to be the best at whatever we did. The man who rocked us to sleep at night when we had nightmares and broke his back to take care of us all."

"Okay, so he was a good father. You want me to give him a cookie for doing what he signed up to do? It still doesn't justify and make up for his ultimate fuck up, and it still doesn't make him a good man. Those are two coexisting things. You accepted it and I chose not to, but see the thing about you Mel is you've been so oblivious to it all or at least tried to, that you found a man just like him."

"And you haven't found one at all?" I shot back. Sid leaned into her chair, nodding her head with a smirk slowly etching her face.

"So now that's what this is about? Who has a man or not? I'd rather be single than hold on to someone who is no good for me." My eyes took a quick glance around the restaurant and patrons around us. I wanted to make sure none of them were overhearing our war of words. It was embarrassing to be having such as touchy conversation in a public setting, but I guess this all needed to be said at some point.

"I love him alright..." I murmured lowly.

"When will you realize that sometimes love isn't enough?" she quizzed with such an ease.

No one had ever asked me that question, so I had no way of answering it like I figured she intended for me too.

The answer that she probably hoped I'd reply back with was one that proved I was more than aware love was not worth a shit when it came to the things I've endured with Lamarr. But all I could do in the moment was grasp onto the fact that my baby sister was giving me such an adult lecture and wake up call. One I didn't want to hear right now and one I wasn't ready for. One that I could tell would get me thinking yet let go in one ear and out the other until I needed to hear it again. One that was nevertheless mortifying. I hadn't even told her about where Lamarr and I currently stood as far as our relationship and I was sure this wasn't the best time to do it either. It would all just give her the right to say "I told you so", and make me look even more foolish than she had already presumed me to be.

There was no solid reasoning behind why I stuck by Lamarr's side through thick and thin, and I couldn't completely understand why either but I would soon have to. That was my goal during this 'time to fix ourselves'. All I knew was that our ups and downs were filled with more than the typical relationship issues that many couples struggle with. There was more distance than usual, rumors that I had to tolerate, rumors that came out be true, and a slew of other mess that no one knows about other than myself and Lamarr. Over time I became almost numb to a lot of his behavior, and found other ways to settle my steadily changing emotional state and ways to strengthen myself.

"I never thought about that..." I nearly whispered. Sidney continued to stare at me but her eyes softened, almost to push me to continue on. I didn't know where to start though with my thoughts running at one hundred miles per second right now.

In my head love was enough, and all I ever wanted was genuine love in a relationship. A sense of security was another factor, but those two were what I yearned for and all from Lamarr. It had been that way for years now.

Now that I think back on it, I had met Lamarr at a very vulnerable time in my life, right after my parents finalized their divorce to be exact. He was what I needed to take my mind off of this sense of loss I was feeling. For a while after the separation of our parents and family, it literally felt like a death had occurred. As if one of them died instead of moved out and along to a new phase in their life. I was so used to having my mother and father around that it felt like part of me was missing when I'd come home to visit, and have to go to two separate houses instead of one.

It didn't help that it caused tension between my siblings and I because we all took a side. I couldn't do that initially, but the lack of care my mom seemed to have any more toward my father ultimately pushed me to his. Though I knew she deserved to have happiness and be in a healthy relationship with someone who loved her, in my head vows meant what they both read them to be at their wedding almost thirty years ago. It meant working out every kink, it meant dealing with the triumphs and finding a space of contentment. My mom instead did otherwise and I somewhat held a grudge against her for that. If only she had just gave him one more chance is what I always thought, because this almost fictitious idea of love I had created in my head seemed like enough to hold on to any relationship.

I was gradually starting to register that the reality of my idea of love and all the things such as witnessing my parent's relationship, and Lamarr and I's opposite personalities and upbringings enmeshed with it had morphed my understanding. I didn't digest any of the positives of their union and maybe because there weren't any positives, or there were but the bad outweighed and obstructed the good. Usually when that happens it seems like the best time to reevaluate and readjust. My mom did but I hadn't. I didn't know if I would ever get to that epiphany she had come to; that point of no return.

"You know, some days I wish I had as much guts as mom did. She knew leaving what she was used to essentially meant starting over. She literally left him every nickel and dime, she left him the house, the cars and started from scratch." I shook my head in a bit of amazement thinking just how brave of a woman she was and how I discredited her and made her out as some coward instead.

"She started from scratch, Sidney. She was with this man since she was in high school, had been married for years, and even put all her dreams on the back burner for him. But she finally left and went for it, not knowing where the hell she would end up. On top of that she was a middle aged woman stepping out into a new world."

"Mommy was strong and fearless." Sidney said under her breath. 

"She was...she is. Now look at her."

"She's happily remarried, traveling the world, still that kick ass nurse she always wanted to be. Mommy is genuinely pleased with the choice she made, and that was leaving behind what held her behind." Sidney sighed before reaching over to grab my hand. That was the moment I felt a tear sneaking its way down my cheek. "Look Mel, when I said you were marrying a man like dad I didn't mean it the way it came out. I just know that you've went through damn near the same things mom went through and I don't want you to have to start over like she did. Lamarr may change, he could be changing, hell he might have changed but what if he never does? You're just stuck then."

"I'm starting to think you're right though. He is like daddy and I never noticed it until someone else pointed it out. How damn weird is that?" I inquired before wiping another tear away with my free hand. It reminded me that I still had my engagement ring on, an object that I didn't want to lose meaning but had a large chance of that happening.

"Well you know what they say, we sometimes find partners just like our parents. You got a winner with that one." she said with a chuckle, releasing my hand from her own. "Aside from Lamarr's bullshit, he is a decent guy. When I first met him I could see why you loved him so much, but you know..."

"Things change," I interjected. "I guess this is a great time to tell you that we're calling the wedding off for now."

"What? When did this happen? You just came back from Chicago." she actually seemed shocked and maybe even sorry.

"It happened once I walked through the door. He seemed so, so...I don't know how to explain it, Sid. It seemed like he had thought all this through and carefully. Like something happened while I was gone that made him come to this brilliant ass revelation." I uttered sarcastically. "Lamarr said word for word, that he wants to work on himself because he feels that's the only way he can attempt to love me like he used to. He also said that I need to work on myself too, that way we can get to know each other better in the process and see if marriage is still an option."

"And for once I can agree with him." she added cleverly.

"Alright, agree with some of that but what the hell do I need to change about myself? I didn't cheat on him and I've never lied to him to the extent he has. I'm the one who has been doing nothing but loving his sometimes trifling ass when he least deserved it."

"Tell another lie."

"Excuse me? When have I ever did those things to him?" From the corner of my eye I could see the waiter making another round toward our table. This time we were ready to order since the conversation had died down some, and we did just that. Adding unnecessary appetizers along with the order and refilling our drinks before Sid continued on with her allegations.

"Be real Melanie, you've never ever cheated on Lamarr? Not even once?" she pressed on with a purse of her lips.

"No I haven't." 

"You're lying! Not even emotionally? Most women fall under that category, and call me petty or not but you should have been allowed to when he was out doing his dirt."

"I mean, there was this one guy but it never became physical. He was just a good friend to me during a lot of Lamarr and I's lows, and he kind of still is." I said shrugging my shoulders casually, provoking me to sit back in my chair as Sid had. I didn't want it to seem more than it really was but I knew Sidney's brain had already altered my words to appear as so.

"Ooh, you are something else. I wonder what Lamarr would think about this if he found out?"

"Sick as hell. Men can't handle the shit they do to women being done to them. He doesn't need to know either. I just want us both to improve ourselves because though I