After what was an extremely late night for me, considering the fact that I'm usually in bed at the latest by ten but came home last night at nearly three in the morning,  I'm left feeling as though I were a zombie crawling out of bed this Saturday morning. Whilst I had no plans for the day and could have slept for as long as I pleased my mind didn't feel like letting me relax. Instead it thought it'd be nice to turn my inner alarm clock on, waking me up at nine in the morning and that was with me tossing and turning for who knew how long in an attempt to get some extra sleep.

 Six hours was most definitely still a decent sleep for most people but I truly loved my sleep and devoured the chance to sleep in when the opportunity would arise, hence the usually going to sleep earlier. I knew I wasn't selfish to ask for my sleep as Charlie was still deep in sleep at the foot of my bed, barely lifting his head to acknowledge me as I moved out of bed.

After slipping on my fluffy blue robe and going to the bathroom to rinse my face, I escape the stuffiness of my room and make my way to the kitchen. My stomach had been rumbling repetitively for the last half an hour or so, clearly eager to have something new in it since my addictive eating of popcorn early last night.

As I make my way to the kitchen through the living room I make sure to tread ever so slightly, consciously avoiding the spot by the couch where the floor would creak every time. I felt as though I was a teenager trying to sneak around the house without getting caught by their family after they returned from their late night escapades. It certainly wasn't a situation I ever experienced when I was a teenager, being quite the demure introvert that I was. Meanwhile, Lexi still laid ever so innocently on my couch, curled up like a baby in her deep sleep; a stark contrast to her actions last night. 

Once I reach the archway where the kitchen begins I let out a sigh of relief that I didn't know I was keeping in, glad that I had made the trip across the living room without waking up Lexi. Lord knows how badly she needed this sleep after spending night after night out partying.

My desperation to keep her asleep wasn't due to any sense of anger or wrath that might arise upon waking Lexi up. She was generally a decent person to be around in the morning, no more cheerful or grumpy then the next person. It was actually quite satisfying to be in Lexi's presence in the morning in comparison to any other time of the day because she somehow managed to cut down on her usual amount of speaking which could get quite tiring.

Rather, the reason for my relief in not waking Lexi up was that I was definitely not ready to socialise so quickly after waking up, even if it was the dreary discussion that took place between my sister and I in the morning. Whilst I wasn't a bad morning person I most certainly was not a good morning person either, the line for my mood so early on being able to switch quite easily if I found myself in an interactive or annoying situation during my morning.

As I pondered over my routine morning habits, grateful for the solitude I had been gifted with in these initial moments of my day, it seemed that God was looking down at me and laughing like I was the mere puppet to his puppeteer.

"Ella," Jess remarks right into my ear, sending me jumping into the air and into the side table which I would stub my toes on. A combination of her scaring me and the unbelievable pain of hitting your toes into something forces a shout of "Fuck" out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"Jesus christ Jess, what's wrong with you?" I whisper shout at her face and a strong slap of her arm in revenge too.

"And good morning to you too," she replies sarcastically with a cheeky smile growing across her face. "So how did last night go?" she asks me at far too high of a volume for my liking.

I quickly put my finger to my lips to remind her to be quiet as Lexi was still fast asleep on the couch. I motion for her to follow me further into the kitchen where we could speak a bit more freely with each other without me worrying about whether Lexi would hear what I have to say about last night or without waking her up. When Lexi was little she had a tendency to pretend as though she were sleeping and listen in on conversations that were not intended for her ears. I didn't exactly want that to occur in case there was a chance that my thoughts regarding Theodore came up in the conversation.

"So?" she asks again, waiting expectantly for the latest gossip. She knew that any time associated with Lexi tended to come with a juicy  story.

Once we are sitting side by side at the kitchen bench, close enough that I don't have to speak too loud and hence Lexi wouldn't hear, I begin to fill her in. "Let's just say last night was eventful," I answer succinctly.

"Why? What happened?" she questions as she sips on the coffee she must of prepared earlier as she was usually awake even earlier than me. Side affects of being an on-call nurse. I knew very well how much Jess depended on coffee to make it through her mornings and therefore how well she'd probably need it now to listen to my recollection of last nights events.

"Well, Lexi begged me to come in to the party because she was clearly drunk," I begin.

"Oh wow. What a big surprise," Jess quips dryly with an eye roll to accompany her snide. Jess and Lexi weren't exactly the best of friends. Their relationship would be classified as at a state of tolerance for the sake of me following some conflict over a guy. Apparently they had vied over the same guy and there was accusations of stealing. Blah, blah, blah. You know how it goes.

I didn't know who to believe although deep down I had some instinct which guessed that Lexi was in the wrong as she had the tendency to be quite naive and thoughtless when it came to the male species. Regardless, I had chosen to be Switzerland in this never ending feud between my sister and my best friend. I couldn't possibly choose between the two of them as Jess was essentially my sister too.

Plus, I certainly thought that the both of them could do better than this guy who was most definitely aware he way toying with the both of them. Much like my sister, Jess was a natural beauty. She almost seemed to exude a sense of ethereality with her luscious strawberry-blonde waves, her long Grecian-goddess-like limbs, beautiful olive skin tone thanks to her multiracial background, and bright green eyes like the fresh tones of the plants blooming in spring.

Not to mention that she was a truly amazing person and friend who had been the definition of caring, hardworking and supportive over the years that I had known her. I found it truly ridiculous that she would think even for a minute that a worthless and self-centred guy such as the one both her and my sister had pined over was worth her time.

Thankfully, by the end of the disagreement they had both agreed to simply tolerate each other when in each other's presence since both of them came to recognise that the male in this situation was not worth their time. We had now somehow gotten to a state in which Jess would actually be okay with Lexi sleeping over and Lexi with using, or in this case sleeping on, anything owned by Jess.

"Anyways, once I got up to this extremely lavish party, which might I add I was incredibly underdressed for, I couldn't find her anywhere. So I just hung around for a bit, met this nice guy called Damon, and then Lexi and I found each other so we finally left. That's it," I tell her, intentionally leaving out the bit where I went off and completely fell under the spell of the elusive Theodore Harrington only to find out he was dating my sister. Just a minor bit to leave out.

"You're not telling me everything," she matter-of-factly responds, giving me a look with which her one raised eyebrow seemed to ask me 'Really? You're trying to trick me?'.

"What are you talking about Jess? What could I possibly be keeping from you?" I ask her, trying to feign innocence.

"I don't know what it is but I can just see it so clearly written all over you face. Your eyes are just slightly too widely opened, your cheeks are blushed, and the one downside of your amazingly thick eyebrows is that it is so obvious when you've raised them up as though you're on alert," she whisper-shouts, pointing at me with each observation in excitement because she knew she was right.

Unfortunately, I had been diagnosed with a very obvious face to read since an early age, displaying many unwanted thoughts or reactions across my face over the years. Jess happened to be one of the very few people who had mastered the analysing and observation of what my facial expressions could reveal.

"My guess is that you  seem to be leaving something out regarding what exactly you got up to while you were waiting around for Lexi," she guessed, quite uncomfortably correct for my liking. "So, am I right or am I right?" she teases me, pretending to flick her hair over her shoulder in pride.

"Please. You've just been watching too many Criminal Minds episodes," I begin, trying my best to distract her. 

We sit there across from each other at our kitchen bench watching the other's facial expressions and responses for a few moments after her remark, almost in a stare-off. We both wait for the other to respond, the time ticking by eerily slow with the sounds of the clock in the living room seeming like it surrounded us with how loud it was within our silence. As the time goes by and no sound continues to be uttered I allow myself to truly overthink and analyse the situation, something I might presume that Jess intended to happen. She knows me so well that she would most likely guess that with a few moments alone in my head it'd lead to me analysing the situation and possibly revealing to her what she wanted to hear.

It pained me to admit it but she was right. As I sat there without anything but my own thoughts to converse with I contemplated the pros and cons of me revealing to Jess what had occurred last night; a practice which I incorporated into nearly every decision making process throughout my life.

If I were to tell Jess about the fact that I had been undeniably attracted to a guy who I believed was dating my little sister then I could no longer deny it and would have to live with the understandable guilt of this initial betrayal. Sure, I most definitely hadn't acted on anything with Theodore in the few short moments that I had known him. And it's not a crime to think someone is attractive. Plus, from what I knew their relationship was not one of a serious state so far.

But my lonely, single self did more than just think about how attractive was. I still felt an immense amount of guilt for solely my thoughts. My life had been governed by the priorities of family and loyalty so if there were a list of things that I felt were wrong this situation was one of them.

I also simply didn't want to relive the disappointment the situation brought to me.

On the other hand, if I were to reveal to Jess the true events which had occurred only hours ago then I would at least be able to release the tension that had been building up inside of me. I'd get the chance to let out all my little thoughts that had been running around inside my mind, to finally rant- a favourite past time of mine. Maybe if I talked it out with her then she could help me through it and rationalise the situation like she did so often with me when I got in one of my overthinking states. Maybe then I could move past this.

As I listed these arguments in my mind Jess just watched on until finally she would raise her eyebrows as if to ask me once again 'So what's your answer?'. With that look I decided I would tell her what had happened, especially since if I didn't tell her she would eventually find out anyways with me being so transparent and her so persistent.

"Fine, I'll tell you," I surrendered, a beaming smile instantly appearing across her face. I notice her slowly moving in, her face moving closer to mine so that I could reveal to her the secret details I clearly didn't want Lexi to hear.

"So, like I said, I went upstairs to this party which was hosted by this guy Lexi's apparently seeing. Anyways, after I got there I couldn't find Lexi anywhere. I started to get a bit overwhelmed with it all, you know what I'm like.  So, I escaped to the balcony for some fresh air and there turns out to be this guy out there. So we get to talking and we hang out for a while and I guess it's nice," I recount for her.

"Oh, is this the Damon guy you mentioned?" she jumps in, making me wish it was that simple.

"No, he came around later on," I reply.

"Look at you go Ella. Picking up guys like at a grocery store," she teases, "Tell me all about this mysterious balcony guy. What was he like? You don't understand how long I have been waiting to hear you talk about someone that is not Derek," she rambles on in her excitement.

"Well, he was very charming to say the least, personality and appearance wise. He seemed to have this cloud of mystery that loomed around him, maybe it was those captivating blue eyes of his which seemed to gaze into your soul. But he also just seemed to be this simple chivalrous soul. He seemed like he was the type of guy who actually paid attention to what I was saying and didn't make me feel like an idiot after basically running into him. He made me feel a bit less lost in the sea of socialising and luxury which was going on inside; like he needed an escape too," I blurt, the words rushing out of my mouth like water out of a faucet which couldn't turn on for so long but was now running free. I kind of felt like my twelve year old self gushing about a crush. Although, at the same time it felt so good to finally let out my thoughts out.

"God Ella, you're making me even fall for this guy," she remarks, her eyes wide in interest as she listens in on my story. Clearly her job as a nurse and sleep deprivation lately had also deprived her of some much needed entertainment in her life if she found my stories this interesting.

"Remember, Jacob Wethers from high school?" I ask her, bringing back the memories of the teen heartthrob which had captured the heart of essentially all the girls back in our high school days together, including Jess and yours truly.

"How could I forget that amazing specimen? Those amazing hazel eyes, the glowing tanned skin, the chiseled jawline and abs. God, I don't know how puberty could be that good to someone," she reminisced, practically drooling over the memories of our fascination.

"Well, remember Jacob and then think even better than that," I tell her, Jess' jaw dropping in response to my claim.

"No way. How does someone look that good?" she questions in bewilderment with me simply nodding my head in response and pressing my lips tight so as to say that I understood her amazement.

"Exactly," I simply say back to her.

"So what happened with Mr. 'looks better than Jacob Wethers'?" she asks me with pure interest.

"Well, we kind of just hung out for a while. We made small talk, shared food and drinks, played little games to pass the time."

"And then?"

"And then I kind of let him just walk away back into the party," I answered, waiting for the backlash from Jess to come. As expected, I get a loud and painful slap on the arm which had the both of us looking out to the living room couch to check if it had woken Lexi.

"Why would you do that?" she whisper-shouts, giving me a more quiet but still painful punch on the arm in annoyance.

"I don't know. It was all just happening really quickly and I was stuck in this kind of trance. Lord knows I've never been very good at the whole flirting thing either," I argued.

"So what ended up happening after you let the guy get away?" Jess wonders.

"I went back inside and waited for Jess to find me. I happened to meet the Damon guy which I told you about, who might I add, also wasn't harsh to the eyes--"

"—Jesus christ, what runs in the  water at this place and how do I get into one of these parties?" Jess cuts in jokingly, or at least I thought jokingly.

I let out a light laugh in response to her remarks and then continue on with my recount of last nights, or should I say this mornings, events. 

"Anyways, Damon, who might I add was quite a nice guy, kept me company while I waited for Lexi. It was all going well until Mr 'better looking than Jacob Wethers' appeared in front of everyone to thank them for attending his event," I recalled.

"Wait a second, I thought you said that the party was for the guy that your sister is dating?" she checks with me, catching on to what was wrong with what I said.

"Exactly."

"No!" Jess exclaims in shock, her reaction surely challenging the shock which I had overcome me when I had learnt who 'Theo' truly was. "Mr. 'Better Looking Than Jacob Wethers' is the guy your sister is seeing?" she asks me in a hush tone, finally understanding the full extent of my need to speak quietly about last nights events with my sister only metres away.

I nod.

 It felt like God was watching down on me laughing to himself or was trying to entertain his Friday night when he made the one guy who seemed to reignite my hope in finding that magical spark with someone that everyone had spoken about the guy that was also completely unavailable.

After trying to convince myself for so long that I would be fine settling with a relationship and guy who would make me happy enough, I finally caught a glimpse of what everyone was talking about only to have it snatched away before I even had a chance to savour the moment. Those fireworks that were meant to rush through you, the sense of captivation, the longing to be around them again, and to hear them utter your name or look at you. I thought I finally felt it all. I thought I finally had a taste of the love or connection at first sight notion which I had long ruled off as bullshit.

"Damn it Ella, I'm sorry to hear that. Sorry to say this but your sister really knows how to fuck things up," she comments.

I raise my eyebrows  and tilt my head to the side with judgement  to say 'that's really not helping' but also to let her know that I know what she means.

"So what are you gonna do?" she asks me, as if suggesting that there was any other option but to act like nothing ever happened.

"What else am I meant to do but forget about it all?", I ask her with utter helplessness, hoping that somehow Jess has some magical solution to solve all my problems like she had so many times before, including only hours ago when I was wallowing over the guilt of ending my relationship with Derek.

"Jesus Elle, I'm sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve it. You deserve your happy ending and the whole love at first sight shebang. But don't worry, I know you'll get it one day," she tries to reassure me, her words doing little to comfort me unfortunately.

"I still can't believe it"