Jake was having deja vu from 8 am this morning.

Oh, the game. What words mean the total opposite of amazing, awesome, and wonderful?

He was currently pacing up and down the dugout, Nick sitting on his red bucket beside him. Brennan was in the field and although Kevin was pitching better than ever, the team could not field anything. Jake didn't know if it was because they were nervous and tense or if it had something to do with anything else. He hoped, deep down in his heart, that he wasn't the problem.

There were two outs and the inning had been going on for about fifteen minutes as Brennan tried to get that last one. Jake had already used one mound visit and if he went out there again, he was gonna have to pull Kevin which he didn't necessarily want to do because he was fine. The score on the other hand...

"Nick. What's the score?"

Nick looked down at the pad on his lap, " 8-0," he said back.

Jake ran his hand down his face and shook his head.

"What do you want to do?" Nick asked, coming over to stand by Jake's side.

"I don't know," Jake said, after a minute.

And he really didn't. Ever since that first practice Jake had had with these kids, he had known every problem that they had and how to fix it. And Jake knew that he didn't have to know all the time exactly what the problem was, but it would be super helpful to know now. He paced a few times, deep in thought.

"Alright," he breathed out. "Let's do this. I'll give him one more batter and then I'm gonna put Josh in. Would you do me a favor and warm him up so I can call pitches for Grammar?"

"Of course. 'You sure about this?"

Jake shrugged nervously. "Do I have a choice?" he asked, rhetorically.

Nick gave him a knowing nod back. He heard the gate shut as Nick took Josh Freeman, the left-handed junior to the bullpen.

"Let's go Kevin. 2 outs now Brennan! Come on!" Jake yelled. He held his breath as Kevin delivered the 2-2 pitch- a perfect strike to end the inning. The team rushed off the field and Jake crowded them around himself.

"Guys, what happened out there is done, okay? It's over. We're down 8- zip. We gotta hit, okay? Let's do this"

The team cheered and went back in the dugout as Jake made his way to first base and then remembered. He leaned over the fence and called for the scorebook.

"Who's leadoff, Grammar?"

"Logan"

Jake nodded, handing the book back after he looked at it. "Okay. Frank! Go put on a helmet and coach first base. Nick's warming up Freeman so I need someone there"

Frank nodded and hustled out to first as Logan stepped up to the plate.

The inning was over after all three batters grounded out. Jake sighed as he shook his head.

Something had to give... Right?

Jake swung the red bucket underneath him as he encouraged the kids to take a seat behind the dugout after the game. The clinking of bats and water bottles filled the air as they huddled together. Nick sat on his own bucket next to Jake. His silent and still presence was quelling Jake's shaking and the bouncing of his knee. Jake took off his sunglasses and placed them on the top of his hat and took a deep breath.

"Okay. So, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, Brennan. That," Jake said, gesturing to the field. "Was crap. It really was. And I have honestly no idea what happened. But I could care less"

"Why?" Parker asked, a quizzical look on his face. "Don't you want us to watch a game tape for hours and take notes on what we would fix?"

Now it was Jake's turn to give the quizzical look. "Sorry, Fox. What?"

"Lane would make us watch our game tape and take pages and pages of notes and we would have a team meeting on what we could fix and then we ran"

Now, nothing would fix the heaviest, lingering, brokenness Jake's heart felt at that moment.

It took him a while before he could speak.

"What did I say almost two months ago that I would never make you think about?"

"Lane," the team said together.

"Exactly. Guys... I'm here now. Coach Nick is here, okay?" he chuckled sadly with a melancholy smile. " We're your coaches now. Not that guy who didn't know how to do things. Maybe it was his way, but it's not my prerogative. That's not the way I do things. And you all know that I and Coach Nick would never do that to you, right?"

"To be honest, Coach Jake," Collin spoke up from behind Parker. "All of us just assumed you were gonna be the same way," he said, apologizing.

"No, no, no. Nope, you are not gonna apologize for something that was out of your control," Jake said, holding back tears again.

"Guys... Someday... if you don't mind, Jake?" Nick asked. Jake gestured to him to go ahead.

"Someday, all of this will make perfect sense. So for now, what we are gonna do is we are gonna stop apologizing and stop making Coach Jake go on the verge of tears," Nick said, slinging his arm around Jake's neck as Jake gave the team another sad smile. "We are gonna laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and at how bad this was, and keep reminding ourselves of our golden rule. Everything happens for a reason"

"Nick's right, gang. It doesn't matter that Lane broke you. Yeah, he did, alright. I know it and you don't have to hide it. But that doesn't matter. It matters who makes you smile again and what you do with that brokenness. And I know what we're gonna do. Or rather, what you're gonna do"

"Watch you ask Riley to be your girl?" Nick asked, interrupting as Jake gave him a death stare. For Kevin and Jake Unger who already knew, the team broke into playful laughter and teases as they were told the news. Jake held up his hands.

"Alright, alright, alright. Hey! Yes, that is what we are gonna do. But before I was rudely interrupted," Jake said, playfully clearing his throat. "I was going to say, head out to a late lunch and have some damn fun today and be ready for practice Monday"

"Sounds like a plan," Nick said.

"Alright. Break it down and have a good day," Jake said. As they all put their hands in, Jake felt a swell of team camaraderie and he felt so proud and happy.

That was gonna change in a moment though as Nick turned to Jake.

"I gotta go get the baseballs from my car. Do you want the Sharpie too?"

"Uh, yeah. Just get it all. And let's do this before I throw up again," Jake joked.

But not really...

Nick nodded and grabbed his keys from his backpack and jogged to his car. Jake prayed to the girlfriend gods that his plan was gonna work. The reason Nick was going to his car to get baseballs was because, on the other field, Jake was gonna spell out the letters G, F, and a question mark with them. The Sharpie was for the paper note he would hold. Mac was in charge of getting Riley over there as discreetly as possible. As far as Jake, Nick, and Mac knew, Riley had no idea.

And Jake hoped to keep it that way.

Fifteen minutes later, Jake and Nick had set up the balls on the pitcher's mound and the handwritten note was sitting in Jake's shaking hands. Everything was there... Except for Riley.

"I texted Mac to bring her over in about five minutes"

"Why in five minutes?" Jake questioned in a whispered panic.

"So I can calm you down once again," Nick said, putting his hands on Jake's shoulders.

Jake groaned. "I'm fine"

"No, you're not. On two accounts actually. This and the team. I know that talk after the game made you upset. Don't try to deny it. And it's okay. It upset me too. But it's over now and we're gonna focus on this, okay?"

"Okay," Jake said.

"I'm not done," Nick chuckled, looking at Jake with his knowledgeable green eyes.

"You need to breathe and calm down. Remember that maybe you've never been in this place before but I have and you trust me, right?"

Jake nodded.

"I was scared out of my mind asking Mac to be my girlfriend. You may have never been in this before but you have been uncomfortable, scared, and anxious. And you survived right? The feelings you are feeling right now will fade and I guarantee you, you will look back and laugh hysterically about how scared you were. I know I did. I know it feels stressful and unbearable but you can do this"

Jake had never heard such truer words in his life. "Thanks so much, buddy. I'm ready now"

Nick nodded and walked to the gate to meet Mac and Riley. Jake felt his heart smile. Riley's hair was in a side ponytail with a white scrunchie matching her white sweater and leggings. Her black Brennan shirt was peering out from underneath the sweater and it made Jake smile as he remembered the moment from earlier that day. Mac had tied a red bandanna around her eyes as she smiled.

Man, Jake knew he would always smile when he saw Riley do the same. She just lit up the room or space she was in.

Nick opened the fence gate and Mac guided Riley to Jake.

"What is going on, Mackenzie?" she said, giggling nervously. Jake gave Nick the sign to hold as he grabbed Riley's hand.

"Hey," Jake said.

"Hi," Riley said, after recognizing Jake's voice.

Jake signaled to Mac to take the blindfold off and Nick stood in front of Jake and Riley with the sign in his hand. Riley let out a cry of shock when she saw Jake.

"Hi," he said again, nervously.

"What's going on, Jake?"

Jake took a deep breath and gestured to the baseballs underneath their feet close by. He watched Riley read them.

"Riley Tamaquez, ever since I saw you that day at Dizzy's I was captivated by your spirit and your dedication. I can't imagine holding hands with, singing karaoke, or eating ice cream with anyone else but you. So, will you be my girlfriend and give me the honor of doing all those things and more? With me?"

Riley looked at Jake, her eyes so bright as she leaped into Jake's arms and he instantly enveloped her in a hug. He heard Mac and Nick making " awhh" noises behind him.

"Is that a yes, Ry?" Mac asked, laughing as she looked at Nick.

"Of course!" Riley said.

Jake held her face in his and kissed her.

Their first kiss together.

And Jake couldn't be happier he got the perfect first kiss moment and the best girl to do it with.

He heard Nick clapping behind him and blushed, a silent cue to shut up. Jake walked over to Nick, hugging him, and then hugged Mac. He gave Nick a look as if to say

"Leave us alone" and Nick immediately understood. He led Mac away and they walked up towards the pavilion away from Jake and Riley.

Jake took Riley's hand and they started to walk the perimeter of the field, the sky starting to dim and it was the perfect moment Jake could ever have hoped for.

"So, I have to ask. You had no idea?" Jake asked, chuckling.

"No! I didn't. Mac was acting weird when she picked me up this morning for the game and she wouldn't tell me why," Riley said, laughing. "Now I know. Only... it wasn't weird. It was the best moment of my life she was anticipating"

She looked at Jake and kissed him, both their lips pulling into a smile. Jake pulled her close and hugged her again, wanting to stay this way forever.

"I really like you," Riley said, Jake grinning at her.

"I like you too, Ry"

They started walking again and holding hands, swinging them back and forth ever so slightly.

"That game looked rough," Riley said, frowning as she saw Jake's grin turn into a serious expression.

"Yeah," he breathed out, looking at his shoes as he walked. "I... didn't know what to say to them. Thank god Nick was there. I panicked. I...," he stopped mid-sentence, shaking his head, not knowing what to say. Riley put her hands on his chin, guiding his face towards her.

"Hey," she said quietly. "Talk to me"

Jake scoffed lightly under his breath and sighed. "I... was given this job because I went to a D1 school and I know the game of baseball pretty darn well," he said laughing.

"But I can't help but think there's someone out there who was vying for this job that was... A better candidate than me," Jake said, walking over against the fence and sitting down, his legs stretching out in front of him. Riley stood over him for a few seconds and then sat down next to him, leaning her head against his shoulders as Jake let his own head drift down.

"Now, you know I can't reassure you that there wasn't a better candidate," Riley said looking up at her boyfriend's face. "But what I can do is reassure you how good of a candidate you are. Jake, it's okay to tell you this now because we're dating but after I met you at Dizzy's, I thought you were so cute and after you told me you went to SJU, I... looked up your stats"

Jake grinned slyly at her as she blushed. Jake thought it was adorable. "Oh, you did?" he said, chuckling softly.

"I did. And I was nothing short of super impressed. Jake, why did you downplay how good you were?"

Jake hugged Riley tight and closed his eyes. "Because... I didn't think I was. It was only after I got accepted to SJU and started playing that I realized my self-worth in a sense?"

He could tell Riley was confused and as painful as this was gonna be, he wanted his girlfriend to know him.

And that included the incredibly emotional and crappy parts of his life. He didn't want to keep that from her.

"When I was nine," Jake began. "My mother left our family. And because I was nine, I didn't understand why. Turns out, she and my dad had been planning to get a divorce ever since my 7th birthday and they didn't tell me," Jake scoffed and shook his head, spinning a few blades of grass in his fingers. "I haven't seen my mother since I was nine, Riley. Not to make you self-conscious, but do you know how unwanted that made me feel? Nevertheless, as a nine-year-old"

Riley cuddled up to Jake and hugged him as Jake took off his hat and laid it next to him.

"Soon enough, I was pretty much living with Nick from nine to twelve years old. Long story short, the papers didn't go through right and until the divorce was finalized, my dad was adamant they still live together"

"So... lots of nights crying into your pillow and sleepovers at Nick's, I'm guessing?" Riley asked, treading lightly.

"Exactly. And when it finally went through, I was thirteen and my dad was starting to get sick. He was barely alive. "

Jake stopped to finger the black ring on his finger as he showed it to Riley.

"It was my father's. He gave it to me before he died. And I never take it off. I remember a time I called Nick one morning at 2 am because I had lost it in my covers and I was hysterical," Jake laughed but then choked back a sob. " It didn't matter that my dad wasn't my blood dad, Riley. He meant the world to me and this job only seems to bring back those memories"

He went to say something else but Riley just whispered, " c'mere," and he just lost it.

Everything he had been feeling for these past few weeks was finally released and Jake realized just how stressed he was.

Meeting Sam Adair.

Meeting his team.

The team's first practice.

The first game.

All of it was honestly crushing him inside and he had no idea how he was gonna do it. And he told Riley so.

"For us humans," she started slowly, looking at the sky as Jake looked at her. "It's hard for us to let go of something that makes us happy. And I'm not saying that you have to or are even going to let this team go. Jake, I see how happy you are when you talk about them. Your face lights up, babe and it makes everyone around you happy because you're so overjoyed"

Jake smiled as a single tear ran down his face.

There goes his macho man. "It was a facade anyway," he told himself.

"You hold the power to make these kids feel so good and you should make them feel good. I know you said it makes you feel like you're being crushed, but what if you're being crushed for the best reason? What if... Life is trying to show you that you can't live without these kids. Without Nick. From what I've seen and what I've heard, it seems you two are pretty much inseparable"

"We sure are," Jake said, thinking of one of his most favorite people in the world.

"Life doesn't always give you good things but you can still feel good when you live it in a good way. The right way. And for you, that right life includes Nick, these Brennan kids, and Mac and I"

The pair fell into silence and... truthfully?

It was the most cleansed Jake's soul had ever felt.

"Are you alright?"

Jake looked up from his hands twiddling nothing in his lap. After saying goodbye to his new girlfriend( he still couldn't believe she said yes), Nick invited him over for pizza and some conversation.

"Like old times," he had said when Jake said yes, somewhat apprehensively. When they were sophomores at SJU, Nick and Jake would invite Connor Poylo and another kid named James Deeke into their dorm room and just chill and have pizza. Nick and Jake always shoved the other kids out an hour after they arrived though because they wanted time for just the two of them.

"Huh?" Jake finally answered.

Nick shifted his position on the couch and gestured to the pizza box on the table.

"You haven't eaten anything. I know you well enough now to know that when you don't eat, you're thinking about something"

Damn. Nick did know him too well.

"I so desperately need to get out of my head," Jake stated, matter of factly. "Sometimes I just want to scream because I'm so lost in my own head for all the wrong reasons. You know... I have the best life I could ever want. Why does that make me want to tear my hair out?"

Nick didn't say anything for a minute as he watched Jake. "I think.. And I hope you don't mind me assuming?"

"Not at all," Jake said, putting his uneaten piece of pizza back on the table away from him.

"I think you feel this way because suddenly everyone is looking at you to know the right decision to make and you feel overwhelmed. And that's okay. But I feel like I keep having this conversation with you and I'm getting nowhere because it doesn't matter what I say. You have to believe it for yourself. Jake, you are a damn good ballplayer, and everyone who doesn't know you should be intimated by you. You've never been a coach up until this point and you're so good at it, I can only think that this job was waiting for you ever since you picked up a baseball and turned a double play that Babe Ruth could do at 26. Do I need to remind you that you could do it at 10, Wolff?"

Jake mulled over Nick's words and smiled, genuinely, for the first time that day since he left Riley.

"Getting out of your head starts with you respecting yourself, Jake, and what you can do. Baseball is in your blood and aren't you the one always telling me, we can't hide who we are? And these kids, as tough as their life once was, I think you should stop hammering that point home. I believe... And I'm being sincere... When you talked about how the start of a new baseball season brought you a soul-cleansing feeling? You should be driving that point into their hearts. You should start doing that on Monday at practice. You should be driving the point that baseball is more than just the little white ball we throw.