I sat up in my bed panting my heart still racing from the constant nightmare I just escaped, It always starts with the letter having been a mistake and that Jessie, Leo, and Kaity all made it back to the house with Constable so without permission I make it off the school grounds and teleport back to my house running inside to see the ones I missed, only to find then ripped and torn to pieces in piles of there own blood but they're all still alive calling out for help in pure agony begging for me to save them, I try so hard doing everything I possibly can, but none of my spells are healing them they just fall further and further apart as their voices become girdled and distorted forming into one.

"You lied"

"You killed us"

"Why do you hate us?"

"What did we do?"

"Help us"

"Please it hurts"

"(y/n) you lied"

Then I would wake up tear and sweat soaked.

I looked over at the clock, it read 3:24 I ran my hand through my hair as the tears continued to fall against my will, I walk into the bathroom shutting the door and leaning against it, I slid down and just let them flow not even trying to calm down what's the point, if they suffered I should too, it should have been me out there, I could have saved them...but I'm too weak, the only problem with me and my wand is it relies heavily on my emotions and morals, If I do not truly believe in what I'm doing...it will fail, right now I'm at such an unstable point that I can barely even cast a spell properly...it's become dangerous to even try, so I'm going to stop using my wand, I can already use advanced wandless magic so I'll train without it I have been for nearly 4 years more precisly whenever Bellatrix is snooping but this time...I won't pick it up again for a while. I stood and walked over to my shower and turning it on I peeled off my shirt enjoying the cold air that slaped my skin, I walked over to the mirror seeing my disheveled state I splashed a bit of water in my face it helped a little but not too much, I sighed and finished getting undressed I was about to hop in till someone knocked on the door,I threw on my towel and walked over opening the door a little, a tired Sirius stood there "whats up?" he looked at me then yawned.

"Just seeing if you were ok... you do know it's 4:00 in the morning?" he asked and I nodded putting on a smile.

"Ya I know, I just had a small nightmare is all" I laughed lightly and his stare intensified.

"I think you're lying about two things, my eyes went wide and I was pushed back slightly as he stepped in.

"Look can you do this when I'm dressed after my shower?" he shook his head and I just backed up a bit trying to create space to avoid the situation but he only closed it again as he walked forward, I was forced to stop when I felt the cold wall on my back making me jump.

"Sirius I really don't know what you're intentions are right now..." I let out a nervous laugh as he stepped forward once again trapping me against the wall "Sirius stop" I squeaked tears in my eyes as my breathing picked up, his face softened and he frowned.

"I knew it" he slowly wrapped his arms around me "you so bad at faking, I knew right away" I just let the tears fall once more "where did the other scars come from?" I tensed wanting to lie but I'm so done I looked over my shoulder to see one of the many scars that covered my back.

"When my parents died hey sent me to an orphanage" he looked down taking in the new information.

"So McGonagall didn't get you right away?" I shook my head.

"At the orphanage, the oldest child died of sickness and that left me as the oldest child" He nodded not understanding.

"The eldest child was assumed to never be adopted so the owner used them as her personal punching bag instead" I whispered but I know he heard because his grip around me tightened.

"How could someone so kind have such a bad fate?" I frowned.

" because I deserve it I've done so much more than you think...I got my siblings killed" I choked out, he placed his hand under my chin lifting it, he looked directly into my eyes.

"don't you keep that though in your head any longer, we were on the train, they were not, it is not your fault that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, remember I knew them too, I loved those kids too, it hurts me as well but I decided I was gonna stand up and fight for them rather than just cry and morn over what could have been, now you need to do the same." I nodded but against my will more tears fell as i ried to wipe them away as quick as they came "you don't have to not cry silly just don't sit there malnourishing yourself over it, instead use that feeling to make yourself stronger, so one day. you can kill the one that took them from you." he smiled and I hugged him as tight as I could crying into his chest he just held me petting my head till I calmed down enough for him to leave the bathroom, so I could take a now cold shower, though that didn't bother me much, the chill was almost calming, I stepped out waving my hand three times the first time drying my hair, the second time made an outfit appear on the counter in front of me, and the third time removed any left over dirt or grime, I threw on my uniform and walked out of the bathroom, it was now 5:00 am and I had nothing to do, or maybe I did, I walked out of my room and down the hall, of course, my room wasn't even in the Gryffendore tower all thanks to ministry order, whoopie! It's a long walk to the great hall but I guess the privacy is nice. I walk down the hall keeping my senses high I walk out the front of the castle and sneak down to the forest using a secret path I discovered my first year that leads to the place that has exactly I need, I shocked myself when an image of Sirius popped into my mind, and I shook it away quickly. I continued down the overgrown path I move a branch to reveal a dark opening, nearly pitch black, and once again Sirius pushed his way in but this time it was a memory of how we hid from one of the prefects here, I smacked my forehead as my face heated up a bit. I raised my hand and a small blue orb appeared above me, Sirius, the whole place seemed to light up a bit with all the dew that lay untouched on the leafs of the plants, Sirius, this is where the potion teacher goes to get the dew needed to make a potion like this one I pulled a vial from my pocket and walked away from my light to the back of the clearing where I could barely make out a large leaf, Sirius, I lifted my hand once more causing the leaf to tip and I placed the vial at the tip I knew it was filling because it felt heavier through the second I felt it drips down the side I grabbed the lid to the vial letting the leaf free from my spell, Sirius, I screwed it on a little more overflow dripping down my hand I placed the vial in my wand pocket and stepped back getting more irritated, I walked out letting the orb disappeared I walked back up the path and into the castle getting more and more frustrated at how deep in my mind he was digging himself and in my state I didn't notice the figure behind me.

"(y/n) what are you doing walking around this early in the morning?" I turned panicked but was relieved when Ember stood there, I just smile and held up my hand, to the naked eye it looked like I was just telling her I was number one at something but we already made this code 'I have ingredient one', she smiled and did the same only holding up a two 'I have ingredient two', I nodded and she walked up, joining me on my journey to my room we entered to see the others asleep I look over at the clock that reads 6:30 I smiled and decided I would be gentle today, I waved my hand and all of them rolled from there blankets to the floor.

"What the fuck?" James yelled looking around his eyes half open and peter was still asleep. As I was laughing at them I realized I was missing one I looked over and saw, Sirius wasn't next to his bed anymore, I was confused till I felt something hot on my neck.

"Are you trying to get yourself thrown into the lake?" he growled into my ear and I just shivered before running forward trying to escape but of course, as usual, a death grip found its way to me.

"You wouldn't dare." I turned looking him straight in the eyes only to see a playful look in his eyes.

"I won't on one condition," I thought for a second but I didn't even need that amount of time to know my answer.

"Deal, what is it" his smirk only grew and suddenly I felt I would regret this.

"You have to go to Hogsmeade with me" I was confused by the simple request, I did last year, all of us went together (untilRemus and Ember dissapeared) "but it will be just us, a date" he chirped, and I had to hide my small smirk.

"Off to the lake, I go" I started walking to the door.

"Oh come on!" I just laughed and turned smiling the feeling from before taking over as my mind was only filled with the though of him.

"Sure" he looked up.

"Wait are you serious?" I laughed.

"No you are" he frowned 'Idiot why did you accept, you know what he does! but maybe... maybe if I snatch him now...no he'll break away from me, no matter what I do, that I already know.'

"But, yes I'll go on a date with you to Hogsmeade" against all my self-doubt I might as well try,

"I've been waiting to get with just you for nearly forever" he called cheering but I glared lightly.

"Say that after you haven't screwed half the girls in the school" I turned crossing my arms.

"Oh (y/n) come on I can explain-" I put up my hand as he deflated ending the subject, I turned to Ember who nodded pulling out a piece of parchment showing it to the others.

"What's that?" James asked now patting a dull Sirius on the back, though I didn't look for too long, a warm feeling filled my cheeks frustrating me again as I was supposed to be mad but instead i only fealt butterflys in my stomach, what the hell is wrong with me! My feelings weren't this strong before so why are they just all pouncing on me at once right now! don't fall into temptation...

"I heard from (y/n) that you guys wanted a map that told you where people are, so just draw a map of the castle on this paper, me and (y/n) have already enchanted it, all it needs is a code but that will come after you guys finih it" after Ember explained Peter finally sat up rubbing his eyes.

"Also Ember and I got the other ingredients for the potion all we need is your guy's hair and the Mandrake leafs."

"On it," Peter grumbled as he stood and walked out the door.

"He does know how early it is right?" Ember shook her head.

"He knows exactly what time it is, the Herbology teacher is an early riser" I nodded looking back at the last two.

"You two should head back to your room and get dressed" James nodded.

"Speaking of room, where's Remus?" James looked around stupidly.

"He's still asleep he should be down here in about a half hour to get help with the side effects" Ember looked out the door "Or he'll be here now" just as she said that a sleepy Remus stumbled through the door practically falling at one point until Ember ran over helping him stay stable I walked in front of him and began with the spells.

"...Wait didn't you say it would kill people who aren't werewolves?" Ember looked over and I tensed as I saw Ember about to speak, I was gonna stop her but.

"Don't be stupid it will only kill a full human" she continued to hold Remus and I stopped the spells staring at her does she want to reveal herself.

"Then why are you not dead?" Sirius asked and I saw her tense I smack my head and she laughed nervously she went to back away but a now motorized Remus grabbed her.

"Why do all the guys here have death grips" she struggled a bit, but as the others closed in that light struggle turned to terror as she tried to rip herself from Remus.

"P-please let me go?" I couldn't just stand there, we both screwed up just now, I know she didn't mean to.

"Why are you not affected" I had to help her.

"Because the first spell I cast on her would protect her from them" the others looked over at me "you really think we would be stupid enough to make a spell that might accidentally kill someone without making a spell that could protect them?" I looked over to see the desperation in her eyes slowly fade as the others seemed to accept the info though Remus was a bit too smart for his own good and didn't let Ember go, probably because he realized someone would only struggle like that if they had something to hide.

"Hey Remus, could I talk to you?" Ember turned giving him a sincere look, it seemed they had a silent conversation of sorts before he nodded, slowly letting go of her as she straightened herself out before grabbing his arm and once again led him out of the room still Smiling.