WARNING

LEVEL 5 ACCESS CHEF ONLY

HIGHLY CLASSIFIED MATERIAL

READING THIS DOCUMENT WITHOUT PROPER CLEARANCE WILL RESULT IN THE TERMINATION OF THE TRANSGRESSOR

GAMMA, EPSILON, ZULU

A MEMETIC AGENT HAS BEEN RELEASED THAT WILL KILL ANY TRESPASSERS

THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING

ACCESS GRANTED

You are about to become a God.

Many would call what you are about to do a heresy, while others see it as the pinnacle of human existence. You are going to create life.

Since time immemorial, scientists, mystics, and alchemists have tried to create an existence that would rival the creation of nature. From Paracelsus' Homunculus to Jewish folklore's Golem, it has been mankind's goal to create a living organism. And now that mankind is on the brink of annihilation, it is fitting that you, the Apocalyptic Chef, create something that will transcend us.

We shall create life. We shall create...a sourdough starter.

What is a sourdough starter, you ask? Why, it is a wild yeast that we create in our kitchen, out of the sight of God and Man.

You see, to create any type of bread, cake, or pastry, we need yeast to soften it, and make it grow.

Yeast is a living organism capable of growing and reproducing when it finds a suitable environment.

Technically known as Saccharomyces Cerevisae, it is a single-celled vegetable, or specifically, a fungus.

Yeast has the particularity of acting mainly on two sugars: common or sucrose, and natural flour or malt sugar, transforming them into alcohol and carbon dioxide, a gas that makes the doughs bulge. This process is known as fermentation.

It is also worth highlighting the importance of yeast due to the great nutritional power it provides to the organism, since it has a high protein content and vitamin B.

That means that no yeast equals no bread. At least one that won't be a literal piece of rock.

Of course, you can buy dry yeast and store in nearly forever, like a peasant home cook that doesn't know the difference between emincé and brunoise. But you are an Apocalyptic Chef, dang it! You won't bend to the will of the masses. You want the best bread around, and the only way to do it is to make sourdough bread, which needs a sourdough starter!

WHAT IS THIS SOURDOUGH STARTER THING?

A sourdough starter is a fermentation of yeasts naturally present in foods, such as cereals, and bacteria present in the environment. It is, quite literally, a natural yeast.

Traditionally, warlock bakers used it to make the bread ferment before dry yeast existed commercial. It is therefore a type of yeast, although bread made with this method is usually called "natural yeast" or even "unleavened".

It is usually made from cereals such as wheat or rye. Ancient alchemists and heathens used to store the sourdough, either in a liquid state or as a piece of dough (separated from the bread just before baking), for daily bread making incorporating the flour and the other elements of the bread to be made. The yeast strains of sourdough are relatively resistant to low temperatures (more than those of commercial yeast), that is why they can be stored "alive", only feeding them with flour and water to satiate their hunger for flesh; or in a passive state, numb at low temperatures, for example in the fridge, only to wake it from its slumber.

To obtain sourdough (yeast is not made or manufactured, as it is present in the environment) it is necessary to capture the microorganisms present in the air, so that, together with the yeast present in the cereals create a culture that prevents the dough from flourishing unwanted microorganisms.

This sourdough starter beast needs 3 basic elements:

-Food

- Humidity

-Adequate temperature (warm, not hot, similar to human body, for it is a child)

An excess or lack of any of them can result in the death of the microorganisms that make up the sourdough.

Similarly, increases or decreases in temperature influence the amount of food needed.

To make sourdough you need water and a cereal, preferably in a state of flour. Yeasts are usually present on the outside of the cereal grains, so it is more convenient to use wholemeal flour, since white flour lacks the bran, which has been extracted in the grinding process, but as long as the white flour is unbleached, it will be fine.

Difference Between Yeast and Sourdough.

"But Sam!" You might be asking, quivering at the edge of humanity as you ponder what it is to create another being, "why not use normal yeast? It seems both do the same thing."

And my answer, besides laughing maniacally at the implications that morality has a place in a world where even God has forgotten us, is that it just tastes better. Bread made with commercial yeast adds an unpleasant bitter and sour taste that is simply the worst. Once you bite into a sourdough bread, you will instantly notice how soft and flavorful it is. It's like biting into a beer. The texture of sourdough bread is also softer and crunchier than the ones from yeast breads, not to mention that the taste is smoother.

Simply put, sourdough is the Dr. Pepper to yeast's Coca-Cola. And if you don't agree, then you're not ready to have that conversation.

With sourdough, you can make:

- Breads aplenty.

- Pancakes.

- Waffles.

- Crackers.

- Homemade grenades.

- Pies.

- Cakes.

The possibilities are endless.

How to make your own Sourdough Homunculus

To make your own living abomination, all you need is EQUAL PARTS FLOUR AND WATER, BY WEIGHT, NOT BY VOLUME.

And aside from that, you will need some kind of vessel to contain your homunculus. A glass mason jar, a quart jar, or even a mayonnaise jar will work. Better to use glass than plastic as to allow your child to see the wonders of the world, and also because plastic is porous and harvests bad bacteria. Badterias. The container must have a lid that allows air to escape, as the child will need to breathe. A piece of cloth with a rubber band works the best. It has to be big, about 1 to 3 quarts, as the starter will pulse and grow.

Now, making a sourdough starter is a long process, usually around 6 to 7 days, so make sure you're in a safe house that can be met secret for at least that long. It will take you some time to build the natural yeast of the flour. You can use every kind of whole, unbleached flour, even non-gluten flours like Buckwheat or Rice flour.

Rye flour is particularly tasty, as it gives the state and aroma of a stout beer. But use whatever you want. There is no God here to tell you no. No God but you.

If you have a Scale you can use to measure your ingredients, great! For those of us who like to live free of the clutches of the metric/imperial system, we can use our trusty measuring cup!

1 cup of water weights the same as 3/4 Cup of Flour.

With that measurement out of the picture, and casting our humanity aside, we are ready to create a live culture!

Day 1: Laying the Groundwork.

Note: For this recipe, we will use 1 cup Flour and 3/4 Water as a base.

1. In a bowl, combine equal parts water and flour(1 cup flour and 3/4 cup water in our case) until it turns into a thick paste. It should be thicc enough that you can slap it with a spatula. That's the slap of life.

2. Put into the vessel. It might cling to the walls, so use a spatula to scrape it down to the bottom. Don't let it get away.

3. Put the lid on and store somewhere dark at room temperature. Baby has sensible eyes.

4. Name your sourdough. I'll call mine  Baby, cuz I constantly put it in a corner.

Day Two: Feeding time.

1. After 24 hours have passed, or until you start to see bubbles form, it's time to feed the sourdough starter. Bubbles mean that Baby is still alive and that the natural yeast has started to create carbon dioxide and alcohol, thus making bubbles. It has also started to smell like fresh beer.

2. You are now going to take half of the starter out and discard it. In a bowl, combine the same amount of water and flour that we started with(1 cup flour, 3/4 cup water), mix it, and add it to the jar with the remaining started. What we are doing is feeding Baby more nutrients to create yeast. We take some of the old and add more new stuff. He is quite a hungry child!

3. Scrape down, put the lid on, and back to the dark place it goes.

Day 3: Feeding Time.

1. 24 hours later. By now, you're going to see Baby grow a lot. He might even be twice his size! You are also going to see several bubbles all over and beginning to take an almost dark hue. That means it is working!

2. You're going to repeat the feeding process, taking half and adding the initial amount back in. Baby needs food!

Day 4: Feeding time.

1. You're staying to see a pattern. By this time, you will definitely see some bubleage, and a sour, almost grimy smell. Baby has become a teenager!  Time to feed him. You know what to do this point.

Day 5: Feeding time!

1. Baby is going full angst. He will begin to try and escape the jar. Don't be afraid. You have to let him grow. Feed him once again and keep him locked in his dark cell.

Final Days: Bubble Trouble.

1. When things start to get wild, and you see thick, almost soapy strong bubbles, it means that baby is ready to go. Feed him one more time to let his power run through your baking.

Now, once you're done, you can keep Baby in the fridge. It will control their power, for now.

Now, to keep baby alive, you have to feed him once a week, or less he will be too weak to maintain the yeast. Every time you use baby, says you use a cup of baby, you will have to feed the same amount back.

And with that, you have become God. Have fun with your abomination of nature.