For as long as humans have been humans — and for the little time we have left — we have been fascinated with soaring through the air.

Be it the myth of Icarus, the Wright Brother's first flight, or that one time this dude took a bunch of ayahuasca and believed he was an eagle, throwing himself off that one cliff, our desire to conquer the air has been on the forefront of human consciousness.

It is then that we began to eat birds — to harness their powers by consumption. After all, we are what we eat. That's a historical fact. Trust me, I'm the wasteland's number one historian. I'm also the only historian. Believe my words.

There is also a case that fowl are super easy to breed, as they are easy to feed and grow incredibly fast, and that they dispense eggs, our holy savior, but that's secondary to obtaining the power of flight.

You, the apocalyptic chef, has to master the fowl, as the power of flight lies within them. Consume their flesh in a pinch to give you a boost of energy to escape towards the heights!

They are also delicious white canvases that can be customized to your own flavor needs.

With this handy-dandy guide, you will learn how to master the savor flavor that is the fowl...o.

CHICKEN:

Perhaps there is no better fowl than the trusty chicken. Easy to breed, easy to cook, and super easy to find everywhere. I'm sure Doc has a few chickens he could spare. If not, spare with his life and take his chickens. This is a dog eat chicken world. You gotta be cold-blooded.

You can keep a chicken frozen for up to 4 months without any adverse effects. After that, it will start to deteriorate, and the flavor will be somewhat damaged.

The age of the chicken when slaughtered and its sex determines the quality of the meat and part of its nutritional content.

For example, a "capon" chicken is a very typical Christmas chicken. It is a castrated and supercharged male, about three kilos and who presents a large amount of streaky fat. The "poularde" is another example: a supercharged female specimen, eight months old, with a very tender flavor.

The hen is the old female form of the chicken. Some consumers prefer to use hens exclusively for stews and broths, since its meat is very fatty and fibrous, aromatic, but with worse texture.

Another appreciable difference when choosing a chicken is whether it is free-range or farmyard chicken. The latter corresponds to specimens bred en masse, with very affordable prices. Rural or free-range chickens are fed grain, so your meat is much tastier and has less fat.

In the kitchen, and to no surprise to the being that bestows upon us the hallowed egg, chickens are a very versatile food that lends itself to many culinary preparations. The simpler preparation and, perhaps the one that highlights its flavor the most, is the roast.

There are as many ways to cook chicken as there are regional tastes: whole, or in pieces, fried, stewed, grilled, baked, grilled, on a spit, microwave, sauteed and poached. In general, the younger specimens are good for being baked in the oven, while the older ones require prolonged cooking such as casseroles and stews, to get tenderized.

For broths and soups, the wings and the carcass are usually used.

It is very important that the meat is well done, so as to ensure the destruction of salmonella, the bacteria that causes salmonellosis. There is no such thing as a rare or medium-rare chicken. I'm sure I don't need to remind you of that. 

Likewise, it should be noted that the method used influences the amount of fat, and therefore calories, of the chicken.

Many times the leanest parts — breast — are usually cook wrapped in bacon slices or battered so they do not lose juiciness, which dramatically increases the calories on the plate.

Grilled chicken breast is a staple of useless diets, since its nutritional properties are many, but it has few calories.

Grilled chicken, chopped, is a good ingredient for salads and skin, neck and quarters, are perfect for broths and soups. Other parts of the chicken that are highly appreciated are the thighs and the wings, perfect as tapas and barbecue.

How to make sure your chicken is good and not a canvass of bacteria:

Chicken meat is white in color, although it may be slightly toned yellowish, which means it has been fed corn.

At the time of purchase, you can find different forms of presentation. The birds commercialized for cooking are already gutted, although they can be purchased clean, with the liver, heart, and gizzards still inside them. This is the best way to get a chicken, whole, as you can use every part of the chicken for different things, and it's way cheaper than the ones already butchered. BUTCHERING IS A SCAM! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

Butcher your own chicken. You will thank me later.

Another option is to buy loose meat pieces, although in this case, you have to take into account that the meat is more perishable than if the whole bird is presented and covered by the skin. So, like humans, they are fresher with skin on.

A good specimen of fresh chicken should have light yellow legs, with small scales, and the skin should not be sticky, but smooth and spotless. If the chicken has fur, it means it's most possibly a dog. Pet the good boy.

It must have a strong neck, thick, rounded thighs, and broad, plump breast. I am lonely. The presence of violets or greenish hues in the flesh, the darkening of the wingtips, as well as the greenish discoloration around the neck, are clear symptoms that the meat is not very cash money.

Raw and gutted chicken should not stay more than two days in the fridge. If it's cooked, you can save three or four days, and if frozen, it can be stored for up to 6 months. The shell and Chicken wings can be frozen and used another time to make broths and soups.

Types of chicken:

Yes, there are different types with different textures and flavors. Not all chickens are equal. #SayNoToChickenism.

Capon: Male, over fed, and castrated before fattening. It is raised in a period of four or five months. His last days before slaughter, he is fed a paste of milk and corn. Its meat has a lot of streaky fat, which makes it very tender and tasty. It is usual to eat it roasted or stuffed.

Chicken or industrial chicken: gallinaceous bird, young male or female, quickly fattened with feed and slaughtered with an age of not more than twenty weeks with a weight ranging from 1 to 3 kilos. It is the most eaten meat on the entire planet, because it is inexpensive, versatile for cooking, it has a lot of lean meat of great nutritional value, and is very easy to digest.

Poularde: Large, slow-growing, supercharged female that has never mated nor has put an egg. It is slaughtered from six to eight months when it weighs 2.5 or 3 kilos. It has very tender, tasty white meat and is cooked in the same way as chicken.

Poussin: It is a common chicken and equivalent to a "suckling" of the bovine with only a month of life and with no more than half a kilo of weight normally. Very tender, juicy and with a soft flavor, ideal for grilling and roasting.

Coquelet chicken: It is sacrificed with a weight between 500 grams to 1 kilo. It has a firm, tender, juicy and very good tasting meat,  ideal for grilling or oven.

Free-range, rural, farmhouse or grain chicken: It has a higher production cost than industrial chicken, since it is raised in free fields, without drugs, and fed only on grain, and therefore their growth is slower, making their slaughter age longer. Compared to industrial chicken, its meat is firmer, has less fat and is tastier. The color of the meat is more intense and the skin is much more yellow due to its feeding.

Hen: It is the most numerous bird in the world. Sacrificed in adulthood at the end of her laying bird capacity. Meat is harder and more fibrous, takes longer to cook and is used to make broths and soups.

Rooster: Male chickens from five months of age. His meat is hard, its crest is highly appreciated in gastronomy, and is prepared in confit or long stews, such as the traditional coq au vin (rooster in wine).

Most common cuts of chicken:

Full Chicken: The complete bird without viscera consists of seven main parts: two wings, two legs, two thighs, and a breast. Ideal for roasting or grilling.

Neck: It is mainly used for soups, we can even prepare a good stock to be able to prepare some sauces, such as veloute.

Breast: It corresponds to the bird's chest and is then cut with the least concentration of fat. It can cut into cubes or strips, make scallops or roast. If you divide the breast in two, each one is called a supreme.

Whole thigh: Lower quarter of the bird, with meat darker than the breast and with a higher fat content. Both whole and boneless, it is highly appreciated all over the world. The fatter, the better. Just some big-old thighs.

Wings: Upper quarters of the chicken, which despite its low amount of meat are highly appreciated for its delicious flavor.

Rump or spine: This cut comes from the movable end of the birds, in which the feathers of the tail are located. They are mainly used to prepare broths, soups, and stocks.

Gizzards: It is part of the set of viscera. It is used both in stews and in the preparation of broths.

Heart: Central muscle of the bird, with a very intense flavor, like most of the viscera. It also holds all the love. Sauteed or cooked in a sauce is a typical dish of Spanish cuisine.

How to break down a chicken:

An apocalyptic chef worth its mettle know to break down a whole chicken. Not only will breaking your own chicken save you a pretty penny from those scammers in apron called butchers, but also will make you store it better. Defrosting a whole chicken just to get the thighs is a no go, since, and say this with me, it will risk the whole chicken by putting it in the danger zone. Even if you defrost a whole chicken and then frost it again, you already kickstarted the decomposition process.

This is a very interesting practice for your defining skills, as we will be suing the debunking knife for this one. This technique also works for any other type of fowl, so pay attention. Just...don't try it on a pigeon to start. Those are better whole in a stew anyways.

1. Remove the wings:

Place the chicken on your cutting board, breast side up, and give it a good slap. That will teach it who is boss. Pull on one of the wings away from the body. You will see the skin tense up. Cut through it with the knife to reveal what lays hidden. Feel out the joint that connects the wing to the breast, and shimmy-shammy into it with your knife to cut it. Repeat with the other.

2. Remove the legs:

Resist the urge to caress them. I know we are all lonely as the last remnants of human civilization fight to the death for toilet paper, but you have to resist. Still with the breat-side up, pull the leg away from the body and cut the skin.

Move your hand underneath the thigh, and press the leg down while pushing the thigh that is connected to the rib cage up. You will hear a pop, and the joint will be exposed.

Jam your knife between the joint and the bone, and cut the leg away.

3. Backbone time:

Flip the bird to have the breast facing the cutting board, with the gaping hole that swallows men and women alike facing you. With a pair of cooking shears or your knife, cut the spine from top to bottom. Set aside.

4. Breats aplenty:

Drop that wine bottle. It is creepy as hell. Please. It's just a chicken. Contain your hormones.

Use the knife to follow the middle bone as close as possible. Cut along the bone, leaving as little meat behind. Do the same with the other. Save the carcass for soups and stocks.

5. Drumsticks and Thighs.

Feel with your knife where the joint between the drumstick and the thigh meat. Flex them as far apart as you can to jam your knife between them.

6. Done!

It might be a bit hard at first, but over time, you will get better at it. Just keep practicing. And don't be creepy.

Other Fowls To Take Into Consideration:

Turkey: Of great protein content, and very healthy meat with little fat, it is usually eaten roasted, especially at Christmas time. Its meat is somewhat drier, firmer, the breasts are tender and the legs somewhat more fibrous and with dark meat. You can probably hunt these in the wild in a pinch. 

Goose: If you see one, run. It's not worth the effort. Nobody wins when going against a goose.

Duck: A fresh or saltwater duck. Its meat is firm, lean, darker than from chicken or turkey, and their skin contains a lot of fat. The breast is highly appreciated, also its liver, but somewhat less considerate than that of the goose. Like chicken, in addition to its meat, we eat its internal organs, blood, and eggs, but unlike chicken, its skin is very useful for making confit. They are good for hunting, such as the mallard or mallard duck, the