13 | Lose

HALOS DALAWANG oras din kaming nanatili sa cafe. Kahit na masaya naman kaming nagkukwentuhan, hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang narinig ko sa comfort room. I was also lowkey looking for those girls, hoping to at least recognize their voices but unfortunately I didn't find them.

"We should go now," aya ni Aveyron na naunang tumayo. "My parents will be home later. Hindi pwedeng hindi nila ako maabutan na wala sa bahay."

Napanguso si Caes. "Ang strict naman ng parents mo. It's not like you're a bad kid and, duh, we're not bad influence to you maman, 'di ba."

Zeigmund sighed and stood up as well. "Let's go home. Gabi na."

Caes groaned pero wala na rin siyang nagawa. We stood up and left the cafe after paying.

While walking towards the bus stop, nasa likuran lang ako nina Caes at Reivohr habang nakasunod naman sa akin sina Zeigmund at Aveyron. Caes was clinging on Reivohr's arm like a leech. Sanay na rin si Reivohr kaya hindi na siya umaangal kay Caes.

"You seem bothered."

Napakislot ako nang biglang nasa gilid ko na si Zeig at nakapamulsa. He's way taller than me kaya kailangan ko pang tumingala para tingnan ang mukha niya. He's looking straight at the road.

I sighed softly bago binalik sa daan ang paningin ko. "Paano mo naman nasabi?"

"Gut feeling," tipid niyang sagot.

May naalala ako kaya mahina akong natawa sa sagot niya. "There's your gut feeling again. Kaunting gut feeling pa, iisipin ko nang may koneksyon tayo kasi baka long lost brother kita."

He clicked his tongue. "That's so cliché," aniya kaya mas natawa ako.

"Pero seryosong sagot ko, wala nga. I'm fine," sabi ko sabay lagay ng mga kamay ko sa bulsa ng blouse ko. "It's just my resting face. I look like I'm facing a very big problem."

He shrugged. "Whatever. Just know that you can trust me, Anza."

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. I was about to say something, but we arrived at the bus stop at saktong may kararating lang na bus. Nauna na siyang pumasok at sumunod naman sa kaniya si Caes.

"Bye, Reivohr! See you tomorrow!" ani Caes sabay flying kiss kay Reivohr. Natawa naman si Reivohr at kumaway na lang kay Caes.

"I'll be waiting for our driver here," ani Aveyron habang tinitingnan ang oras sa kaniyang cellphone.

"Ako rin," sabi ni Reivohr. "Gregory will be here soon."

Inangat ni Reivohr ang manggas ng kaniyang uniform para tingnan ang oras sa kaniyang relo. I was supposed to ignore him and get in the bus when I noticed something on his skin.

"Wait..." Mabilis akong lumapit sa kaniya at nagulat siya nang hawakan ko ang braso niya.

"W-What are you doing, Anza?"

Hindi ko siya sinagot. I pulled his sleeve more and I stopped when what I saw was confirmed. It's a bruise that already turned purple.

I raised my head at him. "Saan mo nakuha 'to?" tanong ko. My heart was racing because I have a feeling where he got it, and I'm praying I was wrong.

He chuckled before softly pulling his arm away from me. "It's nothing," sagot niya habang inaayos ang sleeve ng uniform niya. "Don't worry, okay? It's not what you think. Nakuha ko 'to dahil sa sparring namin ni Gregory noong sem-break pa."

May sasabihin pa sana ako pero napansin ko ang pag-andar ng bus sa likuran ko. Namilog ang mga mata ko at tumalikod kaagad para habulin ang bus. Buti na lang huminto ang bus para makasakay ako. I waved at them before taking a sit in the bus.

--

NASA KWARTO KO ako at nakaupo sa kama habang nakikipag-usap kay Caes tungkol sa magiging topic ng research project namin for next week. We were told to make a research project that can help the environment in Grendan to improve and we've been discussing for half an hour now.

Nahinto ako sa pagtitipa nang makarinig ng marahang katok sa pinto ng kwarto ko. My room's door was open so I didn't bother going down the bed and just looked up at who was at the door.

Ngumiti sa akin si Maria. "Dinner's ready."

Tumango ako. "Sige. Bababa ako mamaya."

Tumango rin siya bago umalis na.

Binalik ko ang paningin ko sa screen ng holographic monitor. Nagpaalam ako kay Caesonia bago pinatay lahat ng devices at lumabas na ng kwarto.

Tumatakbo ako papuntang kusina pero humina ang takbo ko nang makita si Mama sa table na hinahanda ang pagkain. She wasn't smiling like how she used to when preparing dinner. Unti-unti na akong nasasanay sa pagtrato ni Mama sa akin kaya hinayaan ko na lang.

I sat at the chair beside the table. Lumapit kaagad si Maria sa akin para lagyan ng plato at pagkain ang plato ko. Kumain na kaagad ako pagkatapos.

"Maria, can you give me water, please?" sabi ko nang maramdamang may bumara sa lalamunan ko.

Gagawin niya na sana kaso may hawak nang baso si Mama na may lamang tubig. She placed it beside my plate kaya namimilog ang mga mata na napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

"Come to my room later," tipid niyang sabi bago ako tinalikuran para lumapit sa lababo.

Parang nadagdagan yata ang bumara sa lalamunan ko. Kaagad kong kinuha ang tubig at ininom 'yon, walang tinira kahit butil ng tubig na laman.

Unti-unting bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. It's been so long that I got used to her treating me like I was a ghost, and now she asked me to come to her room later!

Napasunod na lang ako ng tingin kay Mama nang pagkatapos niyang tanggalin ang apron ay lumakad na siya palabas ng kusina.

"Hindi ba kayo kakain?" pahabol na tanong ni Maria.

"I already ate," sagot naman ni Mama nang hindi nililingon si Maria at diretso lang na umakyat sa hagdan.

Binalik ko naman ang atensyon sa pagkain ko at binilisan ang pagsubo. Sa sobrang excited ko ay muntikan pa akomg mabulunan.

"Anzie, slow down!" sita ni Maria sa akin sabay abot ng panibagong baso na may tubig.

I waved my hand at her before accepting the glass and gulping down the water. When I was done drinking, I spoke, "Kailangan kong magmadali. The time we've been waiting for has finally come! Kakausapin na ako ni Mama!"

She sighed. "Yeah, but still you should-"

"I'm done eating." Tinulak ko ang sarili patayo. "Bye, Maria! Wish me luck!" Tinalikuran ko na siya at saka mabilis na tumakbo paakyat ng hagdan.

My steps slowered down noong papalapit na ako sa pintuan ng kwarto ni Mama. I stopped when I was in front of her room.

Kinakabahan ako. There's a part of me that wishes to not hear what my mom is about to tell me. Pero mas nangingibabaw pa rin ang parte na gustong malaman.

I blew a breathe to calm my racing heart before I raised my hand and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Mom's monotonous voice echoed in my ears.

I clenched my fist before pushing the door and entered her room. Nailibot ko kaagad ang paningin ko pagkapasok ko.

This feels nostalgic. When I was younger, palagi akong pumapasok dito lalo na kapag nagigising ako dahil sa bangungot. Minsan tumatabi ako kay Mama matulog dati dahil gusto ko lang tumabi sa kaniya.

Nothing changed in her room. Everything was where I remembered them. Except for the large box on top of the bed where mom was sitting, too.

"M-Ma..." I tried calling her.

"Come here," aniya habang binubuksan ang box.

Kaagad naman akong lumapit sa kaniya at umupo sa tapat niya. Nasa gitna namin ang box.

Tinanggal niya ang takip ng box at nilapag sa gilid. Ang laman pala ng box ay mga photo albums at mga lumang notebooks at iba pang gamit. I even saw a picture frame with a photo that was taken during Mom and Dad's wedding.

Bumuntonghininga si Mama sabay kuha sa isang picture frame kung saan nakalagay ang picture ni Papa. The picture had creases at the edge. Binata pa yata si Papa sa picture. He was standing beside a car with arms crossed while smiling.

"This car was your father's research project back in college," ani Mama kaya napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya.

She was smiling with a glimpse of nostalgia and longing. She softly caressed the picture.

"Back then, he was a mere stranger to me. I was silently walking to my class when he suddenly asked me to take this picture." She chuckled before heaving a nostalgic smile. "I didn't know that this stranger could be a big part of my life. This stranger whom I met back in college became my husband and even gave me a beautiful angel."

Napangiti na rin ako. I've never met my father dahil ang sabi ni Mama, he died before she could even give birth to me.

Nag-angat ng tingin si Mama sa akin. "You are just like him, Anza," aniya sabay ngiti. "Pareho kayong malikot ang utak. Pareho kayong palaging kuryuso sa mga bagay-bagay. At pareho kayong hindi mapipigilan hangga't hindi nakukuha ang gusto."

May kinuha ulit siyang litrato. It was another picture of my dad. This time, he looked a bit mature and he's wearing a white polo with a black tie under a white lab gown. He was smiling in the picture and beside him was another guy with eyeglasses who doesn't look happy in the picture and his arms were crossed.

"This was taken after he got accepted in Grendan's Research Lab. He got in easily because he was smart enough." Mom's smile slowly faded. Sadness gleamed in her eyes while staring at dad's picture.

She raised her gaze at me again. "Mabait ang Papa mo. Maayos naman siyang nagtatrabaho at ni isang beses, hindi pa siya nagkakamali." Nilapit niya sa kaniyang dibdib ang picture at saka niyakap. "Kung alam ko lang na mawawala pala siya sa atin habang inaabot ang kaniyang matagal nang pinapangarap, hindi ko na sana lang sana siya pinayagan."

Napakurap ako. "W-What... do you mean, Ma?"

Her shoulders trembled at unti-unti siyang napayuko. "They said he died due to an accident... but I never believed it! He didn't die because of an accident. They... t-they..." Her voice cracked.

Napaaawang ang mga labi ko. Wala akong maintindihan sa mga pinagsasabi ni Mama. I wanted an explanation. Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin? Who's she referring to? Who are they?

When mom raised her head at me, napasinghap ako nang makita ang mga luhang umaagos sa mukha niya. She raised her hand trembling hands and her cold palm touched my cheek.

"I don't want to lose you, too," she said with a shaking voice. "Please, Anza..."

Hindi niya na natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil mabilis akong lumapit sa kaniya at niyakap siya. Her trembling arms wrapped around me and she started sobbing.

Mariin na lang akong napapikit at kinagat ang ibabang labi para pigilan ang sariling maiyak.