[ this is pretty much lewis being a diva tbh

warnings: language, arguing, mentions of suicide, mentions of the affair and cheating, mentions of drug use

i'm just giving the actors random names i can't be bothered give them well thought out ones tbh
they're all named after kids from the preschool / kindergarten class i interned with

anything in present tense is a scene with the actors and stuff doing their job!!

stay safe,
lew. ]

———————

"Your script is wrong," Lewis told Gavin, the actor who was portraying him. Lewis was helping him 'get in character', which seemed pretty pointless, honestly.

Gavin frowned, smoothing down his hair as he picked up the pages. "What's wrong with it?"

"For one, the day we got the first gig, we weren't at my house. And I did not walk in on him doing drugs. But it's whatever. They aren't really gunning for accuracy here, are they?"

"Well, if it was entirely the truth, it wouldn't be entertaining," Gavin said with a shrug, crossing his arms over his chest. Then, just like that, he was slipping into character, into the shy and insecure version of Lewis from thirty eight years ago.

"Can you hand me my notebook?" He asked in this tiny voice, biting down on his lower lip.

Lewis stared at him. "Don't do that. You're acting like you're faking being shy or you're trying to seduce someone."

The act melted away, leaving Gavin staring right back at him. "Dude. This is all an act."

————

"Dammit, Logan," he sighs softly, staring down at his obviously drunk friend. But he doesn't hesitate to help him up, get him changed out of his alcohol stained clothes, and get him back in bed.

Lewis struggles under the weight of his taller friend, but manages to get it by himself. He stands beside Logan's nearly passed out form, smiles sadly, and pecks him on the forehead before leaving.

"Cut!" The director shouted, leaving Collin, the actor playing Logan, to pop back up out of the bed, and Gavin to reenter the set.

"Was that okay?" Gavin asked lazily, finding Lewis' gaze out of all of the people watching.

Lewis held his breath, and the director gave the thumbs up.

There were obvious differences. The real Lewis never left the room that night. He laid down beside his best friend, got him a bucket when he needed to vomit, and made sure he kept drinking water. But it was more of an entertaining thing this way. Logan was 'truly alone' or whatever, according to the writers.

If the rest of With Love had it their way, the smallest details would've been followed and this damn movie could've been more of a docu-series.

————

"Today, we've got the other breakup scene to film," the director told Lewis, glancing towards the soundstage. "You'll probably want to go do something else during this. For obvious reasons."

"I promised Ty he could be on set today," Lewis murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'd like to stay."

Here he was, staring into a cross section of his damn house, and some of those pictures hanging on the wall were actually his.

He forced himself to take a deep breath, relaxing immensely when someone tucked themselves into his side. His face melted into a smile, gently ruffling the teenager's hair. "What do you think, Ty?"

"I think the guy playing you needs to get his head out of his ass," Tyler answered seriously, pulling Lewis' arm around himself further. "I don't think he's my favorite actor anymore, honestly."

"Porcelain."

"Dad, what? Are you just saying random shit now?"

"It's a song. 'I don't ever want to meet you because you're like porcelain'. Pretty and perfect from afar, and an absolutely flawed and imperfect blank canvas up close."

"I worry about you so much."

————

"This bit doesn't follow what actually happened. I don't want everyone to hate Logan, so this is different," Lewis softly told Jon, Spencer, and Tyler. Harry was listening too, but was pretending to ignore the other four.

"Why would they hate him, Dad?" Tyler asked, looking confused.

Jon put his arm around the teenager's shoulders. "Things happened and there was a lot of regret, I think. Your dad doesn't want a momentary bit of being an asshole to change everyone's perspective."

"That's actually kind of sweet, in a way," Harry added. Lewis just waited for a snide remark to follow, but it never came.

The director glanced at the group, then turned to the two actors in the fake house. "Action!"

Lewis rubs his sleeve over his face, tears welling in his eyes. His voice is soft and shattered when he murmurs, "I'm breaking up with you."

You can see the hurt in Logan's eyes, but it's gone quickly when he asks, "What about the band?"

There's that typical Lewis hesitation, hands curling in the fabric of the hoodie that swims on his emaciated frame. "I think it's best that I quit."

"What am I supposed to do, then?" He steps closer, running a hand through his already tousled hair. His eyes are reddened, though it's hard to tell if it's due to the drugs or tears.

"It'll be easy to replace me, you'll still probably have Jon and Spence. You can have the lyrics I've got started for the next album." Another tiny pause, another breath in, a shaky exhale. "Can we... maybe still be friends? Eventually, not right now."

Logan gets close enough to cup the older man's face in his hands, brushing away a few of the tears that have started to fall. "Could you still be friends with me after everything?"

"I'd wanna try. You've been there for me for six goddamn years, I can't just throw it all away. I want you in my life, just... I need some space," Lewis murmurs, gazing up into Logan's eyes, his hands carefully curling around the taller man's wrists.

Logan recoils, shaking off the other man's hands as he backs up. And it's in that moment that he leaves.

————

"Which one is your favorite picture?" Collin asked, gently resting his hand on Lewis' shoulder.

Lewis thought it over, staring at all the images on the wall. There were two that caught his eye, right off the bat. One was of him and Logan, with Spencer and Jon in the background, and the other was of Logan and Ruby on their wedding day.

"This one was after our first concert on the first tour. Logan and I were so pumped, we ended up dancing around in the hotel room after the show, and we crashed in the same bed," Lewis told him. "Then, the one with Ruby, because she made him so damn happy. He looked at her like she hung the stars in the sky. I wish I would've known her better, but I only met her once for like, five minutes."

Collin nodded, inspecting the photos before pointing out one. "This one is my favorite. Definitely."

The image the actor pointed out was of Lewis leaning against Logan, braiding together a chain of flowers while the taller man watched fondly. It was one Lewis didn't recall ever seeing, but he recognized the setting as his mother's garden.

Instead of questioning it, he just smiled and nodded. "That's a pretty good one too."

————