[ i keep telling myself 'write something else you dumb fuck' but i keep taking screenshots of ideas for this

stay safe,
lew. ]

—————————

"Logan. Hey, look at me," Bailey said quickly, looking dead serious.

Finally, Logan looked over, an unamused expression on his face. "What?"

"Bitch."

——

"Five, stop picking fights with people that are bigger than you," Bailey sighed, applying a bandage to the cut on his sister's forehead.

Ezra was lounging on one of the couches in the room, and decided to chime in with: "Isn't everyone bigger than her, though?"

"Do you wanna die, bitchboy?" She snapped.

——

"Hey, do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?" Ezra asked during a commercial break in the show he and a couple of his brothers were watching.

"You're a hazard to society," Lewis mumbled.

Bailey snorted. "And a fuckin' coward. Try twenty."

——

"How high are you?" Bailey asked, putting his hands on Ezra's shoulders to stop him for a moment.

Ezra laughed and shook his head. "No, Bailey, it's 'Hi, how are you?'."

——

"Give us all your money or we'll kill you!"

Ezra seemed taken aback by that. "Bold of you to assume I have money. Or that I want to live."

——

"Mom, there's a monster under my bed!" Bailey shouted.

Five, who was on the bottom bunk bed, rolled her eyes. "Shut the fuck up."

——

"This can't be too hard, I'll help you," Ronnie told Lewis, sitting beside him on the bed. "If you have twelve apples, and you give five to someone, what do you have?"

"... somebody," he mumbled, tears welling in his eyes.

[ or, alternately— ]

"Wait, what does Five have to do with the math problem? Am I selling her for more apples?"

——

"Five has murdered people! Like, she killed actual people! For years! She's a literal assassin!" Logan shouted.

Bailey shrugged. "All valid points. But you don't have all the facts!"

"Which are?"

Ezra came into the room then, holding a struggling Five against his chest. "We love her. Sometimes."

"Fuck off, Ezra!"

——

"Hey, guess what number I'm thinking of!" Ezra practically shouted, throwing himself down in between Ronnie and Bailey on the couch.

"Is it 420?" Ronnie asked in a monotone.

"No, and that was really immature of you. Take this seriously."

"69." Bailey replied flatly.

Ezra straight-up giggled, then said, "Yeah. It was 69."

——

Logan was just minding his own business when Five walked past him, one of the sharpest knives from the kitchen in her hand. Immediately, warning bells went off in his head, so he followed her up to her room.

She left the door open, so he just stood in the doorway. There was a cardboard box sitting on her bed, and when she used the knife to break the tape and open it, he relaxed.

Right as he was going to turn and leave, she plunged her hand into the box, and, with an almost maniacal look in her eyes, she pulled out a gun.

"Fuck no, give that to me."

"Screw off, Spaceboy. It's my gun, get out of here."

——

"Tomorrow is garbage day," Logan told his siblings. "So-"

"Wow, I can't believe they have an entire day dedicated to you."

"Damn, Bailey, you got mean since I left," Five chimed in, taking a sip of her coffee.

——