This morning I woke up to the sound of Theodora interrogating mor suspects.

"SNICKET!!" She called.

"Hol' up bitch, I'm coming!" I got up and walked over to the table. 

"I found this guy in the alley selling weed!" She pointed at the tall white guy in size 13 nikes.

"And I found this guy in the alley buying weed!" She looked at the short asian kid next to bigfoot. Then she looked at me. 

"We almost have enough people for a lineup!" She smiled. 

She turned to Bigfoot and High Kid and shouted,

"DETAINEDDDDDD!!" 

I went to go lock them up. Sam's cell was right across from their cells, but he was still asleep, and he was still wearing his hentai hoodie. 

Theodora told me to watch the prisioners while she went to go collect mor suspects. Tiffany was awake, and she was crying. She had mascara all over her face. 

"Sir, PLEASE!! I'm so thirsty!" 

"What about the ration of water right next to you?" I asked. She sobbed harder.

"No! I need my hydro flaskskskkskskskskskskskskskskskssksk" She sksked slowly off into silence, and continued to cry quietly. 

I walked away from the cells and went to play Minecraft at the interrogation table, but after awhile, It started to smell like weed.

"HEY!!" I yelled. "WHO TF IS SMOKING!?" 

I walked over to the cells. Sam had somehow gotten a lit joint and was smoking it, his empty Juul on the cell floor behind him.

"Y'ALL ARE IN A POLCIE STATION!" I told them. "WHAT THE HELL?"

I heard Theodora come in the station.

"Y'all are smoking WITHOUT ME!?" She yelled. She had brought more suspects into the station.

There was a pretty normal looking guy, and OBAMA!? I ran over to S.

"Is that 44th US president!?!?" 

"I arrested him becuase he wouldn't tell me his last name. He kept saying 'Obama'." I closed my eyes. 

"'S' is for 'Smh my head'." Theodora told me. I locked up Obama and the other guy.

"I think we have enough suspects, Snicket!" 

"No we don't! We have a virgin highschool kid that's from a different town, Obama, Bigfoot, ONE actual possible subject, and a WOMAN!" 

"That is very sexist Snicket! Woman can do the same things as men can!" 

"That's not the point! She can't get another girl pregnant! She doesn't have the right parts, she's a WOMAN!" 

"Girls can have dicks too, Snicket! Ever heard of a FUTA before!?" 

"JOEY SAID IT WAS A GUY!" 

Just then the station door opened. It was Joey.

"Are you ready to review the suspects?" S. asked her.

"Is that weed?" Joey asked. "Can I have some?" 

I lined up all the suspects in front of Joey. She took Sam's joint.

"Recognise any of THESE?!" Theodora asked her.

"Oh, I know the size 13 nike guy."  Theodora smiled at me,

"See, Snicket--"

"He sells me weed." Said Joey. Theodora looked dissapointed. She let Bigfoot go. Then she asked Joey about the other suspects.

"I don't know what he looks like!"