A/N Trigger warning self harm

Jade's POV

It was day two in London and after a well needed nights sleep after the performance everyone seemed full of energy again.

As far as I know David and Aquaria haven't spoken yet, but I did catch them smiling at each other before going on stage, so I'm sure the conflict is resolved. I hope so anyway.

Today there were no performances so there was time to explore the city. David decided he wanted to stay back at the hotel room because he was still sleepy, so I headed over to Katya and asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me.

"I'd love to! We can also go buy some gifts for our friends back home." She suggested. I thought about Jujubee in that moment, she really deserves a gift after she volunteered to take care of Blu while we were gone. She was also one of my closest friends, so I was excited to get her something.

While going through random shops, I spotted a cute keychain with a cat on it which was painted with the British flag.

"She'll love that." Katya grinned after buying a small doll for Trixie.

Before we knew it it was already evening. Katya and I spent the whole day in London together, shopping, getting lunch and scaring ducks in the park. Well, mostly Katya was the one frightening the ducks.

I recorded our whole journey on my instagram story and I saw that all the girls had viewed it.

Everyone texted me about how funny they thought Katya scaring away ducks was and I couldn't help but agree. Katya truly was such a fun and crazy friend of mine.

When I walked back into the hotel room I saw David and Raja sitting together on the bed watching movies.

"Come sit with us the movie just started!" Raja pat the space next to her and I sat down there. She put an arm around me and pulled me closer to her. I cuddled up to her and within the first 30 minutes of the movie I had already fallen asleep.

I woke up the next morning when the sun shined on my face through the window. I was still in someones arms and when I turned around I saw it was Raja.

When I observed the room I saw it wasn't David's and mine. I didn't mind it because I trusted Raja, so I cuddled closer to her and I felt her squeeze my body lightly and place a kiss on my head.

"You fell asleep on me last night, so I decided to carry you to my room and let you sleep here instead of waking you up. You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to interrupt that." She explains with a smile.

I mumbled a small "Thank you" and buried my head in her chest and went back to sleep, seeing that I was still tired.

When I woke up again I had to quickly jog over to David's room and get changed and pack my suitcase because we were leaving for Paris today.

"Raja told me you slept almost all day." David giggled as we checked out of the hotel and drove to the airport with a taxi.

Just like last time, I sat next to Katya on the flight and we talked about conspiracy theories the whole hour long plane ride. Once we landed we had to hurry to the concert hall instead of the hotel because our flight had a delay and we were running late.

I helped all of the girls as best as I could by handing them makeup, helping them into their costumes and also giving the girls pep talks before the show. For some reason they enjoyed me encouraging them and said I was good at it. This made me really happy, because it made me feel useful for once.

I often feel like I'm just in the way and that people would be better off without me. It also wasn't helping that I was receiving a lot of hate online from people telling me this. So many people commented how worthless I was and that it was a mistake from Raven to adopt me.

These comments were really getting to me, especially the ones that said "Raven doesn't love you." That one really struck me.

After the show was over we all wanted to go partying, but I lied and said I was tired and wanted to sleep. Instead I just wanted to be alone, the hate was making me very sad and I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry.

And so I did, the girls and David headed out to the clubs and I sat in bed and cried. I kept staring at the comments which came flooding in with hate.

I felt the sudden urge to cut when all of a sudden comments came in which said things like "Cut yourself".

I began shaking uncontrollably. I felt so much like I did in the past when I was with my biological parents. I felt so alone and like nobody cared if I was hurting. It was like I was in a trance, I wasn't in control of my body anymore, the dark side of my mind was.

While tears were still streaming down my cheeks, I headed to the bathroom and shattered a razor. I held the blade in my hand and obsessed it. The way the silver glistened when the bathroom light reflected off of it.

I was about to make it come in contact with my arm, when the door burst open behind me.