H.H.S.A Guidebook for New Inhabitants
Originally published in 803 A.D by V. Atticus
Edition 34

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6. You cannot intentionally heal a Soul Anomaly.

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☥ ☥ ☥

I came to the next morning thinking I was in my own room. I opened my eyes and saw the same tan bedsheets from when I first moved on that I never bothered to change, same threadbare desk in the corner. It was only after I sat up that something felt off.

It was cold. Why had I gone to bed shirtless? Where were all my books on the ground? Had I tidied up last night or something?

Last night...
I sat up and nearly fainted when I laid eyes on the scene of the crime.

None other than Ryuzaki was asleep beside me, hair plastered everywhere and mouth agape. I leapt out of bed, aghast, and wave of dizziness fell over me. I lost my balance, and fell on the floor with a loud thump.

"Who is it?" Ryuzaki called hoarsely, beginning to stir. "Above? Why are y-"
The colour quickly drained from his face.

"Fuuuuuckkk..." I rolled over on my back to shield my eyes from the sunlight filtering through the window. Through the pounding in my head, I tried to recall yesterday's events.

I... with Ryuzaki...

A second wave of horror flooded me.
What happened after we left the roof? I had some hazy memories of us stumbling downstairs, mixed with lurid details of behaving in the most depraved, ungodly manner possible. But everything after that was a mystery to me.

Wait.

"Above, did we...?" Ryuzaki's voice trailed off, having arriving at the same conclusion.
"I-I don't know..."
Ryuzaki was equally mortified, but he wasn't looking at my face, rather -

I remembered I was shirtless and jumped, scrambling to find my sweater. It was by the floor and I hastily threw it on, embarrassed out of my mind.
"Well, my clothes are still on, so we couldn't have done anything, right?" Ryuzaki said, and then groaned. "Ugh... my head hurts..."

I managed a little grimace. "Hangovers. Fun, huh?"
I hauled myself up onto my feet, grabbing the bed for support, and wobbled over to Ryuzaki's bathroom. I splashed some water on my face, and then gazed at my reflection in the mirror. I realised my heart was racing.

I looked like shit, pretty much. Fucked-up hair, bags under my eyes, crumpled sweater. I felt like shit, too. Oh, but it was nothing compared to the damage I'd just done.

Look, I may have died lovelessly at seventeen and I may be a recluse, but this isn't my first time waking up in someone else's bed after a night of drinking. I had several flings in my early years here. But this, this is a whole new level of fuck-up. I mean, what do you even do? I stared at my reflection, revelling in the absurdity of my predicament.

Our relationship was already convoluted enough, and now I've gone and kissed the bastard. More than kissed. What a joke. I couldn't think of my situation as anything less than absurd.

"...You okay?" The absurdity asked. Ryuzaki was standing by the bathroom entrance, looking just as disheveled.

"No." I said. "Are you?"
"I guess not. But you look as if you've seen a ghost."
"I am a ghost. And so are you."
"...How philosophical."

I shook my head in dismay.
"God." I muttered. "I don't know how you can be so blasé about this."

He thought about this for a moment.
"Well... I'm as shocked as you are. But so many shocking things have happened these past few days that this almost pales in comparison. No offence."

"None taken." I muttered, shouldering past him. "Let me borrow your Spawner."
"Go ahead."

I went to his walk-in closet, identical to mine, and crouched down in front of the Spawner in the back.
The 'Spawner' was a large metal slat in the floor the size of a suitcase. Mounted on the wall was a thin tablet with a search bar and I selected for myself a dark green sweater and a pair of black jeans to change into. Under my feet, the ground began to whir.

"...So, should to take it that you're going to act like nothing happened?"
Ryuzaki had appeared behind me, leaning on the doorway with his hands in his pockets. I looked at him and sighed, leaning against the wall.

"What's there to say? Isn't it better to just forget the whole thing?"
He folded his arms. "I'm sick of dancing around this. I'd rather just confront it."
"Well, what do you want me to do? Confess my undying love for you?"
"Something tells me it wouldn't be sincere."
I scoffed.
"Well... then how about we both accept the fact that we were both very drunk, and that clearly have complicated feelings, and then go on with our lives." He suggested.
"..."

Reasonable, but it still wasn't right.
"But that still ignores the core of the issue." I said. "You can hardly call that confronting things head-on."
"I mean, if you insist on saying the quiet part out loud... do you like me?"

...
I have absolutely no idea how to put in words look on my face, other than something like "?!"

"A-Are you actually daft?!" I sputtered. "What, do you like me?"
"Oh, don't turn the question on me."

"Well, you seem to think it's a perfectly casual thing to ask, so you shouldn't have any problem, right?!" I snapped. " 'Saying the quiet part out loud', you fucking - there's a reason people don't say it!"

"...Okay, so clearly neither of us want to comment on that matter." He muttered.
"How about this," I proposed, lifting a finger. "We write this whole thing off, blame it on the alcohol and emotional... turbulence, and then move on. Will that suffice?"

Ryuzaki sighed. "Id've rather you confessed your undying love, but I'll take it. Anyways, what are you Spawning?"

"A change of clothes." I replied, all too happy to change the subject. "I'm taking you to the Rec Centre today. I want all this be over with as soon as possible."
"Okay." He said. After a moment of pause, he added,
"So am I expected to leave you alone from now on?"
It felt like a shot in the gut, and I couldn't help but feel guilty.
"...You're not one for subtlety, are you?"
"Yes, I think it's easier to just be direct. I'm sure you know that by now. Look, I don't want to be a bother to you. So if you want nothing to do with me, just say so."

I tried hard to dissect his expression, but he was as deadpan and unreadable as ever.

Of course Ryuzaki was a massive bother to me. He made an complete mess of my previously simple and uncomplicated life. But could I really just go on regarding him as some kind of burden? Does he deserve that kind of treatment? No... he really doesn't. I realized that the way I'd been acting was childish, and that somehow, I had to find a place for him in my life.

"...It's not like that." I said, shaking my head. "Maybe our history makes it impossible for me not to have uncomplicated feelings towards you, but I don't hate you. I just want you to get acquainted with others. Normally you'd have met them by now."

Again Ryuzaki's eyes were fixed on the ground. The Spawner had stopped whirring beneath us.
"...I see. Well that's good to know." He finally replied. "I'll go change in the bathroom."

The door creaked shut, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I was utterly mystified. How can someone be so proud and so humble at the same time? He'd regularly blindside me with his bluntness, but despite that brazen confidence of his he was still hesitant at times, timid even. How did he manage that?

There's no denying that Ryuzaki is an extraordinary person. I'm not the first to be baffled by him, nor will I be the last. Others would probably say that what separates him from the rest is his firm resolve and strong moral compass, but I think what makes him so unique, admirable even, is his duality. The ability to be both arrogant and humble, assertive and yet aloof. That quality is magnetic.

In retrospect, I think that's what I was puzzling over as I sat there, at a loss for words.

☥ ☥ ☥

I watched in vain amusement from the balcony above as Ryuzaki was mobbed by half a dozen Initiatives. They'd surrounded him and were overwhelming him with questions, and I tried not to laugh as he struggled to keep them off of him.

The Recreational Centre takes up three of the Halfway House's thirteen stories: floors six, seven, and eight. Six is a massive open space with a gym, tennis courts, and a bowling alley. The 'seventh' is half comprised of a large balcony overlooking the courts below, and the solid part has an arcade and some small theatres. Eight's an indoor pool and sauna. The people crowding Ryuzaki voluntarily managed the Rec Centre, and were berating him with their friendliness. I knew that that's exactly how they'd react and quickly slipped away, leaving him to fend for himself under the pretence of making him 'socialise'.

When Ryuzaki spotted me, a look of shock and betrayal washed over him.

I couldn't help but feel some joy watching him suffer, and simply smiled and gave him a thumbs up. The look on his face was priceless.

A voice came from behind me.
"...You two are pretty chummy."

I turned around to see X, hair a disaster, wearing a black sweater and grey pyjama pants with his classic shit-eating grin.

I frowned. "Don't sneak up on me like that."
"Aw, but it's funny when you get all startled."
I let out a sigh.
"You know, it's really sad that you're the least insufferable person here."
"What high praise! I'm honoured."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get a drink." I announced, pushing myself off the banister and yawning.
"Way ahead of you." X said, tossing me a can of iced coffee. "I figured you'd want some. C'mon, let's sit."

"...Thanks." I gave him a suspicious look. It wasn't like X to be so considerate. He must have some reason for talking to me. We left the balcony to sit down at a table by to a row of games. The arcade was empty, so we enjoyed relative privacy.

X was, as am I, an Initiative. He's the person I'm closest to here, and I consider him to be a lot like myself. We're both solitary creatures, we share the same sense of humour, and we've both been here far longer than everyone else. He's the second oldest member after me, lasting four years.

I leaned forward, resting my chin on the palm of my hand.
"So." I said. "Who's the new Head Initiative?"
"Aleida, naturally."
"Mm... good for her." Aleida was a charming woman, one he in particular liked to dote on. "She'll make a good Head."

"You know, you should've come to Jameson's memorial." He said. "You are Senior Initiative, after all."
"That's just a formality." I replied, waving him off. "Besides, I've been busy looking after the new Inhabitant."
"Right. So tell me," He said, flashing me a grin. "Who is that guy? It's not like you to be so friendly with the new ones. You interested in him?"
"Stop." I rolled my eyes, and X snickered. "I'm not. I told you, his name is Ryuzaki."
"Ryuzaki? That's an odd name."
"Yeah, like we're ones to talk."
He grinned.
"Fair point. But surely you have a reason for taking interest in him."

My first impulse was to lie, but I stopped myself. It was pretty unlike me to want to divulge this to him, I felt a need to get it off my chest and decided if there was anyone I wanted to confide in, it'd be him.
"...Actually, I knew him when I was alive."
X's eyes widened.

"Wait, seriously?" He said, visibly surprised. "How'd you know him?"

I debated what to tell him. X knew how I was raised, but not why. Would I be better off completely honest?
I looked him straight in the eyes.
"If I tell you, can I trust you to keep your mouth shut?"
"Yeah, of course."
"...He's L."

"Wait...what?" His eyes were wide with disbelief. "Are you serious? You're not... like, messaging around, are you? Wait - is that why you were asking me about Kira the other day? You're saying L's dead?"
I nodded. "I don't know all the details, but Kira wields the power of a shinigami. Like a god of death. You're probably more familiar with that term than I am. But that's apparently how he kills criminals. He just writes their name in his shinigami's notebook. He must've learned L's real name."

"Shinigami? Christ..." X was absolutely stricken, quite out of character from his usual laid-back self. "That's fucking... insane, dude. Shit, if L got killed by him, what chance does anyone else have? We're fucked, aren't we?"
"Not necessarily." I winced, knowing that I'd have to come clean. "You asked how I knew L. Remember how I told you I was raised to be a sort of wunderkind? The people who made L the person he is were trying to find someone to succeed L, and I was the first of two candidates. We were a disaster, but I'm sure they've improved their methods since then. L has plenty of successors lined up. The world won't know anything even happened."

X leaned back in his chair and was quiet for a long time, trying to digest all this information. Finally he just said,
"Well... fuck."
"Life's a bitch, huh?"
"No kidding." He scoffed. "Jesus, so that's your damage, huh? That must've been one awkward reunion."
I gave him a dry smile. "You have no idea."
"No wonder you've been so weird. So, do you not hold it against him? How you were treated?"

I took a long sip of coffee, drumming my fingers against the cold black can.
"Well... he apologised sincerely, and I don't think he knew the extent of the abuse. But it's hard to adjust. I don't how how to feel about him."
"That's fucked up, Above."
"...Yeah, no kidding."
"So, what's your impression of L? Or Ryuzaki, I guess. What kind of person is he?"
I thought about it for a moment.
"He's... a lot. I can't figure out what he wants. He leaves me completely blindsided and I never know how to feel about him. It's exhausting."
"Really?" X raised an eyebrow. "I think you fancy him."
"...Why would you think that?"
He shrugged. "Well, I've never seen you care about someone so much. History aside, you two would be compatible, don't you think?"

I narrowed my eyes.
"I knew it. You're a terrible liar. Be honest, who put you up to this?" I didn't want to believe it until I saw the look on his face. I groaned, sinking into my seat in shame.
"Alyosha saw you last night." He admitted. "She said you two were plastered and getting handsy by the elevators. But no one put me up to this! I was genuinely curious."
I buried my face in my hands and scowled.
"...All of you Initiatives are insufferable gossips, you know that?" I said, sinking into my seat. "Don't get any weird ideas. I was drunk."
He scoffed.
"Yeah right. Even drunk, you don't hook up with someone unless you're into then."
"We didn't hook up!"
"Okay, then you made out like drunken idiots."

"...Yeah! It's different!"

"Sure... look, I know my opinion isn't much, but can I tell you what I make of this?"

I leered at him suspiciously.
"What?"
"I think that L's being here's got to be fate." He said. "I mean, you've been here for seven years. What if he's what's supposed to heal your soul anomaly?"

I clasped my hands together and pretended to swoon.
"Oh, how romantic! The gods have destined us to meet in death, to mourn our tragic lives and heal the rift in our souls~" I rolled my eyes. "Come on. You can't really think that."

X shook his head. "You're hopeless. You clearly have chemistry, so why deny it? If you can't date him, just hatefuck or something. If you haven't already. Fuck the hurt out of your heart."
I wrinkled my nose, but laughed. "You're disgusting. And for the record, I prefer hopelessness. There's comfort in not expecting anything of anyone."

"...That's a morbid life philosophy." A low voice said from above me. I jumped, startled, and found Ryuzaki looking down at me with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth.
"Hey."

"Jesus, Ryuzaki. You scared the shit out of me." I silently prayed to the gods above that he didn't hear anything else we'd said. "So, you escaped?"

X's eyes lit up, and he stood up to shake his head.
"Hey! I'm X, a friend of Above's. You must be the new Inhabitant."
"My name's Ryuzaki." He said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Careful Ryu, I'm sleeping with him." I warned him dryly, folding my arms together. "Don't act too chummy. He gets territorial."
"...What?"

"Shut up, Above. Like I'd ever have sex with you. You'd be a dead fish in bed."
"Oh really? Wanna find out?"
"Why would I, when I can just ask him?"
I sneered. "You're such a dick, you know that?"
"What?" Ryuzaki looked at the both of us, puzzled. "Did you say something?"

Before I could speak, X said to Ryuzaki,
"I'm curious. Did the two of you actually do it? Above's a tsundere, so they're denying it."

"I don't remember, but I woke up fully clothed, so I it." Ryuzaki replied. "What's a tsundere?"
"Hmm. Oh, a tsundere's a person who's 'tsuntsun' then 'deredere'. You feel me?"
"Shut up!" I said. "What does that even mean? I swear, you're like a kid."

"Ow..." He whined, sticking out his tongue. "It's nihongō. You're just mad 'cause you're embarrassed. I bet you like him, too."

Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow. "Really? What do you think my chances are?"
"Ohoho!" X guffawed. "Hey, do you speak Japanese?"

Unintelligible words came spilling from Ryuzaki's mouth.「うん、以前そこに住んでいました。」[ Yes, I used to live there ]

X replied back, 「僕も日本人だよ。あいつら、お前のこと気になってると思うけど。」
[ I'm Japanese too. I do think (Above) is interested in you ]
I was at a loss for words. Even though I had no way of knowing what they were saying, it was clear they were both fluent.

「本当？どうしで？」
[ Really? How do you know? ]

「あいつららしくないな、って思って. でも感情を出さない派だったら難しいね。」
[ I've never seen them act this way before. But, it'll be difficult. They're the type to bury their feelings ]

「でも。。。昔、すごく傷つけたから許してくれてるかわからないよ。」
[ But... I hurt them quite a bit in the past. I don't know if they've forgiven me for that.

「お前が着く前に話してたんだよ。嫌われてはないけど、お前の気持ちがわからないって。突然くるもんだからびっくりしてんだよ。俺だったら粘り強く行くよ。俺から見れば、あいつらお前のこと嫌いじゃないから、少し時間をあげなよ。それに、なんだったら、俺から友達になろうぜって、いえばいいじゃん。あいつら、ぼっちだから、おまえならぴったりだよ。あいつら、恋人ぐらい至っていいだろ。」
[ Well, I was talking to them before you arrived. they don't hate you; but they're unsure of their feelings and are still adjusting to your sudden arrival. My advice is to be persistent. I can tell they have feelings for you, you just have to give them time. And for what it's worth, I can encourage them as a friend. They're the lonely type, so you would be good for them. They deserve a lover. ]

"You think so?" Ryuzaki replied. "...Well, ありがとうございます。よろしくお願いします。"
[ Thank you so much. I'll be in your care ]

The two of them smiled.
"...Are you done now?" I gave X a sour look. "What did you tell him?"
He winked. "Secret."

I scowled and turned to Ryuzaki. "This isn't what I meant by making new friends. That guy's a bad influence, you know! Stay away from him!"

Ryuzaki glanced at X. 「でも、これはツンデレとは何か？」
[ Is this what you mean by 'tsundere'? ]

X grinned and said,
「うん、頑張ってね ~ 」
[ Yep. Good luck with that. ]

☥ ☥ ☥

3518

[ A/n ]

That was really hard to compose.
If there are any people fluent in Japanese reading this, I'm so sorry. I study