H.H.S.A Guidebook for New Inhabitants
Originally published in 803 A.D by V. Atticus
Edition 34

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9. It's not at all uncommon for two people who are very important to each other to meet here in death. Many of us need to see a certain person one more time in order to move on.

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[ L - Day 12, A.D. ]

"You should be thanking me, you know." X said through a mouthful of noodles. "This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my so-called 'scheming'. But all I get is scorn." The two of us were sitting on the sofas by the Initiative table in the Communal Hall, eating breakfast together.

I scowled back at him. "Go to hell, dipshit."
"I may very well will, depending on whether or not the gods take mercy on my wretched soul."
"Well, maybe work on your karma and try not to be such an ass while you still have time."
"Oh, I'd never! I would rather burn for eternity than kiss the ring of our Gods above." He told me, and then leaned forward with a grin. "So then, tell me what happened. Did you, you know..." He made an obscene hand gesture.

"Ugh, you're disgusting." I said, throwing a crumpled napkin at him. "And no, we didn't. Sorry to disappoint."
"Then what did happen?"
I shrugged.
"I just asked him to sleep next to me 'cause I was drunk and touch-starved." You know, after saying it out loud, I get why his mind went there. I looked away, embarrassed by having to recount such a shameful event.
X raised an eyebrow. "...Are you sure you didn't fuck him?"
"Yes, I'm sure!" I told him, mortified. "Not everything's about sex, you know."

"Hey, keep it down. People will hear." He said, cocking his head at two people next to us that were giving us strange looks.

"Oh, let them talk." I muttered before sinking back into my seat, awash in my own humiliation.
X shrugged, not seeming to care. He didn't appear to acknowledge or even notice my embarrassment, because he continued with enthusiasm.
"Well moving on, what happened come morning? You guys are a thing now, right?"
"What? No, what makes you think that? We just talked is all."
"About...?"
"Stuff."
"Like...?"
"Stuff."
"Oh, come on." He chided, grinning. "Don't be shy now."

I gave him a dirty look. "Like I said, it was nothing crazy. We admitted things are complicated, and agreed to a kind of relationship that's yet to be defined."
X groaned. "That's so... lame."

"You're lame. You know, I meant it when I said things are complicated. Consider where we're coming from. The idea that I, L's manqué successor, would even consider dating him is absurd."

"Not really." He said, shrugging, mouthing the word 'manqué' sarcastically. "He's not L anymore, right? Someone else is. And you're not his successor. You're just Ryuzaki and Above now, and you guys 'fancy' each other, or whatever it is you Brits say. So you just have to move past it."
"That's a lot easier said than done, X. My being A and him being L are a big part of our identities, especially to Ryuzaki. It's hard to separate L, the detective, and Ryuzaki, the person."

"...Oh, so you told him?"

I nearly fell out of my seat. Actually, Ryuzaki had to grab my arm to keep me from crashing onto the floor.

"Don't startle me like that!" I gasped, wrenching my wrist out of his hand. "God, why do both of you love sneaking up behind me?"
"...Sorry." He said, and we both gave the other a funny look. I'm not sure what exactly was communicated with it, but I reluctantly allowed him to help me up and sit beside me on the leather couch.

At the other end of the coffee table X grinned at the two of us smugly.
"Yeah, Above told me they were supposed to be the next L. I'm not really surprised, knowing them. But I don't really care that much. More importantly - what's the deal with you guys? Are you two a thing, or..?"

I scowled and looked away, choosing not to respond. Ryuzaki glanced at me and then said to X,
"Well, I'd like to comment, but it's really up to Above."
"It's complicated." I said flatly. "Let's leave it at that."
"Aw, c'mon." He whined, pouting at Ryuzaki. "I helped you out, just like I said I would. The least you can do is let me in on the details."
"That's true, I do owe you one." Ryuzaki said, smiling. "Thanks for inviting me over the other night. I had fun."

I shot X a glare as he noisily slurped up udon, feigning innocence.
"I fucking knew it. You planned this whole thing out. Are you happy, now that you've gotten what you want?"
"Of course! I'm overjoyed for you, dear." He said through a mouthful of noodles, to which I wrinkled my nose in disdain. "Ryuzaki, I'm trusting you'll take care of this miserable wrench. I should say the customary 'I'll knock your teeth out if you make them cry', which I do sincerely mean. I don't care if it's Above's fault or if you're L, so be warned."

Ryuzaki smiled faintly. "I'll try my best. Oh, and about my being L - please keep it between the three of us. It would be a bother if word got out."
"Yeah, of course." He replied. "I won't tell."

In my peripheral, I caught sight of Aleida making her way towards us from the Initiative table and groaned inwardly. They just keep coming, don't they?

X turned, and his eyes lit up.
"Oh, Aleida! Good morning."
"Morning." She chirped, kissing him on the cheek. Her dark skin and long black hair was in stark contrast from X's pale complexion. X liked to fawn over her and they had an affectionate relationship, though I don't know if it was romantic.
She smiled at Ryuzaki and I.
"Nice to see you, Above. You're a rare sight these days."
"Er, yeah... I've just been busy lately."
"Well, I'm glad to see you all get along." She replied warmly. To Ryuzaki she said, "I'm surprised, really. Above usually doesn't talk to newcomers m once they're settled in, so you must be special."

I shot Aleida a sour look.
"He is insufferable, actually. I just can't get rid of him." I told her, and she just laughed.
"And here I hoped you'd finally warmed up to people."
"Oh, I think Ryuzaki will be fine." X told her, grinning impishly. "I bug the hell out of Above, but they still love me."
I sneered. "Tch. Speaking of insufferable."

Ryuzaki smiled innocently (which I found obscene).

"Well, I'm not daunted by Above's disdainful attitude. I think it's charming."
Aleida gushed at this, while X stuck a finger in his mouth and pretended to puke.
"That's so sweet..." She  said. "Though, I can't say I share your taste."

"Thanks." I said as X snickered and said, "Me neither." I stomped on his foot from under the table and he yelped, kicking me in the shins in retribution.

"You guys can't manage to say anything about me without turning it into an insult, can you?"
"Oh, don't be so sensitive." X crooned, wearing a shit-eating grin that made me want to sock him in the jaw.
Aleida laughed. "Lay off, X. Oh, by the way, there's an Initiative meeting today on the fifth floor meeting hall. Two patients are being discharged, so we're throwing them a welcome party. Rose is one of them. You remember her, right?"

"How could I not..." I muttered.
Rose was a bit of a basket case; when she first arrived here she was semi-hysterical and not really all there. Her first night, she clawed an Initiative in the eye because she hadn't heard him knock before opening her door and got sent upstairs. I silently prayed that Rina was able to help her get herself back together and said (rather reluctantly),
"When's the party?"

"Tonight, but we're behind schedule because it's on such short notice." Aleida told us. "The meeting is in about twenty minutes, and we're going to be busy all day with preparations. You're not obligated to help out of course, but tell me if you plan to attend."

Ugh... there it was. I could think of nothing less exciting than decorating all day, but I'd been neglecting my duties as an Initiative for weeks now, so I felt guilty enough to participate. I was about to offer my help when Ryuzaki cut in.

"Right now, you said? I'm afraid we can't. We have a date right after this. Above promised to take me to the botanical gardens now that the snowdrops have bloomed."

...That bastard.
I tried to mask my horror, flashing a furious look at Ryuzaki before nodding along. He smiled pleasantly, unbothered by the murderous look in my eyes.

Both Aleida and X blinked stupidly. The ends of her lips twitched to form a nervous smile, her expression blank and her eyes wide.

"...Oh, ok. I didn't realise it was like that."
"Y-Yeah." I mumbled. "I'll stop by tonight to visit, ok?"
"Sounds good." She grabbed X by the wrist. "You on the other hand need to help us out. You've been dodging your responsibilities all week."
"Aw, but it was just getting interesting..."
"Come on. Stop third-wheeling." Aleida yanked him up out of his seat and he struggled to keep his balance as she dragged him away.
"Owowow, you're gonna pull my arm off, lady!" He whined, then waved over at the two of us and said loudly, "Have fun on your date!"

I opened my mouth, flustered. A few people were giving me funny looks, and I scooted away from Ryuzaki in shame.
"I hate you both." I muttered, sinking into my seat in shame. "Remind me not to get involved with any more eccentric Japanese men that take pleasure in embarrassing me."
"That's a very specific type of person troubling you." Ryuzaki muttered. "I was only trying to help you out. Don't tell me you'd rather go with Aleida."

"Oh, bullshit." I scoffed. "You just wanted to bring light to the sorry state you've put me in. You want everyone to know of my shame."
"Shame? What, is our relationship shameful to you?"
"Yes!" I snapped. "What, does that hurt your feelings?"
"A bit." He frowned, and took my hand. "But I really do want to go to the gardens. Will you come with me?"
"Don't hold my hand when there's people around." I complained, but begrudgingly agreed. I stood up and followed him out of the Communal Hall, disposing of X's breakfast on the way. When we got into the lift Ryuzaki took my hand again, replying to my nasty look with "What? There's no one else around."

"You're being cheeky." I frowned, pinching his side. He laughed, and when the doors opened to the ninth floor he kept his hand clasped to mine.

The botanical gardens are, to put it simply, stunning. A sea of dense foliage awash in dappled golden light. I'm not sure how this is even possible or if anything on earth can hold a candle to it, but the floor contained a small lake and waterfall as well as plants from all different climates - a tropical swathe with bright green canopies beside a field of poppies next to a bed of desert succulents. Mossy grey rocks jutted from two of the walls, and other two were glass to bring on sunlight. Stone walls with dirt paths cutting through them partitioned the different segments. There were some animals, too. Fish swimming in ponds and birds flittering about.

It's undoubtedly the most beautiful thing the Halfway House has to offer, run by a girl by the name of Thalia and her girlfriend, Lily. Plenty of people volunteered to tend to the gardens, and it was a popular date spot.
I looked at Ryuzaki, who seemed unfazed. Usually the gardens leave people breathless their first time stepping inside, so I was surprised.

"Have you been here before?" I asked.
"Yeah. Luca and Irina took me the other day."

"...Luca, huh?" There was a noted sourness to my voice.
"Are you still jealous of him? It's not like he asked me on a date. We ran into him when we were already here."
"Why should I be jealous? You're already this attached to me. I couldn't keep you away if I tried."

"Is that so?" He grinned and kissed me on the cheek. "I guess you're right. Now come on, let's see the koi fish."

He took me past a grove of trees that obscured what I guess was the 'Japanese' area, because there was bamboo and a blooming sakura tree hanging over a stone pond with one a red guzei bridge over it. We sat down under the tree at the shore, little pink petals scattered around us. A dozen or so fat, brightly coloured koi fish swam around in the clear waters. Beside us was a bag of fish feed, so I took some between my fingers and sprinkled it on the water so they darted towards us, snatching up the orange flakes.

"Aren't they beautiful?" Ryuzaki said, eyes twinkling. "One time in Japan, I took a day off and went to an inn that had a koi pond outside my room, and I've liked them ever since. They're very social creatures. Sometimes they'll even let you pet them."

"Really?" I said. He nodded, and stuck a finger just below the surface of the water. A mottled orange-black fish with long whiskers swam over and came to the surface, brushing his head over Ryuzaki's fingertip before turning around and repeating the motion enthusiastically.

"Oh, wow." I stuck my own finger in near a white one, but I must've been too rough, because the water rippled and the fish swam off, frightened.

"You have no tact." He told me matter-of-factly. "You're not good with animals, are you?"

"Shut up." I said, taking my hand out of the pond and flicking him with water it. He chuckled and flicked me back good-naturedly, wetting my sweater. "For the record, animals do like me. There's a black cat named Psychopomp that lives here, and I'm his favourite. He sleeps in the library at night and sits with me while I'm reading. I just don't get along with fish is all."
"Wait, what? Is there actually a cat here?"
"Yeah, no one's told you about him?"
"No. What kind of name is 'Psychopomp'? That sounds like the name of a band."
"A psychopomp is a spirit that escorts newly deceased people to the afterlife, so I guess someone with a very obvious sense of humour named him. Most people call him Pomp or Psy. X calls him Psycho. He doesn't like cats."

"That's... bizarre." Ryuzaki muttered. "Though, I'm sure the cat only likes you because he's known you the longest. Animals tend to like me, but they can probably sense your apprehension."

"Yeah, because you're such a ray of sunlight." I said sarcastically, and took a pinch of fish flakes from the bag before holding it below the water. Three fish swarmed me, their mouths poking at me with a funny sensation as they tried to pry the food from my fingertips. "See? They do like me."
"That's cheating." Ryuzaki said. "I don't need to bribe them into liking me."
"Whatever. You're just upset because the fish left you for me."
He chuckled and sighed, and I laid down in the bed of grass and wilting flowers, gazing up at the powdery pink tree swaying above me. Ryuzaki laid beside me after a moment, settling down and resting his head by my hip.

"...I really am grateful to X, you know." He said. "We wouldn't be here without him."
"Speak for yourself." I said, although I shared the sentiment. "But, I'm lucky to have him. He's a crafty bastard, but he's genuine in his intentions. He seems to enjoy your company, too."
"...It's strange to talk to someone and not be regarded as L, even if he knows that's who I was. The same goes for you. I enjoy being treated so casually. To have a friend."

"Well, I can't imagine you had many friends when you were alive. Unless you count Watari."
"He's more of a parental figure. It's too bad he didn't end up here."
"You don't get many old folks in Halfway Houses." I said. "Besides, no one arrives here over the age of 25. Usually people who die later in life have lived long enough to make peace."

"That makes sense. It's probably better that he died without any unfinished business."

"Yeah... speaking of which. The other day you said you won't Crumble until see Kira in here. Which I get of course, but what exactly do you plan to do once he spawns here?"
"I want to have an honest conversation with him." He replied. "I've never heard anything come from his mouth that wasn't a lie. I think that if it's closure I need, that's how I'll get it. I only saw a flash of the real Light Yagami. I want to look him in the eye and see him for who he really is."

I thought about this for a moment, before drawing closer to him.
"I can't pretend to understand your motivations. But you know, you could be waiting awhile. Depending on Kira's fate, you might be here even longer than me."
"That's fine. If it means I have more time to spend with you."

I glanced at him. I remember the earnest look on his face filled me with a deep sadness.
"Ryuzaki... I'm telling you this for your own sake: don't get too attached to me."
Ryuzaki's expression darkened. He sat up, brushing off his jeans, and I did the same. Tentatively I put my hand over his. I leaned on his shoulder and peered down at our interlaced fingers, grazing his palm with my thumb.

"Why shouldn't I get attached to you? I like you. I'm extremely lucky that you've allowed me to exist alongside you. Why would I throw that away?"
"...I'm saying this as someone who's seen hundreds of people Crumble over the years. I've dated other people here, you know. And if there's one thing this place has taught me, it's that everything is temporary. Everyone that arrives here will eventually leave. You're better off falling in love with Psychopomp. He's the only one not going anywhere."

"I know that." He replied, without hesitation. "I can still be with you knowing that we won't be together long. If anything, it's all the more reason to cherish this while it lasts. So don't tell me to go date a cat instead."

Despite the gravity of our conversation I couldn't help but smile at this.
"What's wrong with Psychopomp? He's a handsome guy."
"I still prefer you." He smiled back and kissed my cheek. I turned so that our lips met. In that moment, it felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Suddenly I could breathe easier.

It's hard to let go of your pride. To allow yourself to cherish the very person you've scorned for over a decade. I'm sure that if it weren't for Ryuzaki's earnest sincerity, I couldn't have done it.

That's what I want from Ryuzaki. That's what I want impressed in my soul, etched into my being. I crave his sincerity. I want nothing more than to be able to say that I like someone or that I want to be with them so easily and confidently. And when I lay beside him, it feels like I can do that. I truly believe in the power of physical touch. That by holding someone, you can take a piece of them with you.

When we pulled apart, I drew closer to him. I sat between his legs, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head resting on my shoulders. We sat there together under that sakura tree, comforted by the trickling of water and the swaying grasses.

I looked down at my feet and picked up a small pink sakura flower, one of the few not wilted or crumpled, and held it in my hands.

"...You know, I found out that Beyond named me after an asphodel because of its symbolism. When I first came here, the Senior Initiative at the time asked me if that's why I called myself that. Afterwards I became interested in flower symbolism. Daffodils mean new beginnings. Snowdrops mean rebirth. Rosemary, remembrance. Do you know what sakura flowers symbolise?"
"What?" Delicately he turned over the my hands and examined it.

"It stands for renewal and optimism, but because of their short blooming season, it also symbolises the fleeting nature of life. It's a major theme in Buddhism.