This book has a bit of a funny place in my life. The idea of a story following Ryuzaki after his death actually came to me during my first stay at a psychiatric hospital, following a failed suicide attempt. Kind of fitting, don't you think? I started writing the guidebook you see at the beginning of each chapter in a notebook I was given, as well as the basic plot. I'd actually completely forgotten about this fact until recently. It was a good way to pass the time. I remember writing it all down on my desk, watching the nurses pass by.
For the record, this was years ago, and I'm in a much better place now. I'm very grateful to be able to say I made it through. If you've ever felt the way I felt back then... I'm not sure anything I say could give you much solace. But I urge you to keep going. Because for me at least, it was worth it in the end. Life has a way of evening things out, if you just give it time.
It's interesting, how pieces of my life are reflected in this story. I think it's the only thing I've written that I can call myself proud of (though I'll probably change my mind in a few years or so, lol). Above's growth as the story progresses mirrors my own โ going from the ghost of a failed suicide attempt to something more promising. So it holds a special place in my heart.
I'm a completely different person from the one I was when the idea for this story first came to me. I'm stronger, more mature, more resilient. Even though I still have plenty of traumas and fears I've yet to overcome, I might actually be happy. Sometimes. Which is an improvement, you know? At the very least, I won't die. This book symbolizes to me my own transition from utter despair to a fragile sort of hope. It began in a psych ward, survived through the darkest time in my life, but ended off on a hopeful note. And I can't help but think of that as a beautiful thing.
Thank you for reading this far. I hope you enjoyed it, I really do.
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