Helia emerges from Naobito's office, her heart filled with guilt and regret. She knows she has no choice but to continue this act of betrayal, to maintain the facade of loyalty to Toji's father.
But deep down, she can't help feeling a pang of remorse for not telling the truth about her mission to the man she has grown fond of.
With a deep breath, she pushes aside her conflicting emotions, focusing on the task ahead. She makes her way to the training grounds, her mind clearing as she approaches the arena where her and Toji train together.
She steps into the training grounds, and to her surprise, Toji is nowhere to be found. It's unusual since he's usually there before her, already warming up or waiting for her arrival.
A sense of unease starts to prickle at the back of her mind. Something seems off.
She decides to wait a few minutes, hoping that Toji will appear at any moment. The training grounds are strangely silent, and the lack of his presence only magnifies the uneasiness that's growing inside her.
[...]
After half an hour of waiting, her worry for Toji starts to deepen. She decides to leave the training grounds and embark on a search for him, her sense of concern growing with each passing moment.
She figures that he might be in his room. With a pang of worry, she starts walking towards his room, hoping that he's there, but also fearing something might have happened to him.
When she arrives at Toji's room, she sees that the door is slightly open. A wave of trepidation washes over her as she hesitates for a moment before gently pushing the door open.
She sees Toji sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands and his body tense with emotion. He looks lost in thought, his gaze fixed downwards.
She knows something is off, he didn't even notice her entering and getting closer to him. She asks worried.
"Toji...? Are you okay...? Why weren't you at the training grounds...?"
His head snaps up as he hears her voice, and her question causes his eyes to ignite with a burning anger. He fixates his gaze on her, the intensity of his anger and hurt visible in his expression.
His look almost freezes her. It had been a while since he had looked at her like that. Last time was when he had found her in the library after being released of the confinement she had put him through.
At that time, he hated her with a burning passion, then why was he looking at her like that right now?
"Why do you care?" He says coldly.
Minutes after minutes all his pain had turned into a boiling anger. He was so angry at her, he hated her for playing him like that, he wanted to make her pay, to see her suffer. But Helia was just confused.
"What do you mean...?"
"Don't play dumb with me! Don't act like you care about me when all you've been doing is spying on me for my father and pretending to care!"
His voice is filled with bitterness as he looks at her, his previous trust in her care and concern now replaced by anger and disbelief.
Her heart drops in her chest, she knew this would eventually happen, but she wasn't ready for it to be today. She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out.
"That's what I thought." He says, his voice laced with disappointment and anger. "You can't even deny it, can you?"
She finally gets a hold of herself and speaks as clear as she can. "I can explain everything-"
His stands up forcefully, his anger flaring at her attempt to explain yourself. He ignores her words, his voice rising as he almost yells at her.
"Explain what?! That you've been pretending to care all this time? That you've been lying and deceiving me?"
"No! Toji that's not-"
He interrupts her, his anger reaching its peak as he accuses her.
"You knew how much I despised my father, but yet you still did it! You still went ahead and spied on me, reporting everything to that old man!"
No that's not right, that's not how it happened. She didn't know what his father had done to him when she accepted to spy on Toji.
Because if she had known she would have never accepted. Even if she's not sure that Naobito would have welcomed a refusal.
She had to tell him that she had stopped reporting what Toji was doing the moment she knew about what his father had been putting him through since his childhood.
"Toji, let me-"
His voice raises even higher, his anger boiling over as he pours out his hurt and anger at her betrayal. It's like he doesn't even listen to her.
"I opened up to you, trusted you completely! I told you things I've never shared with anyone else! And you betrayed me, all for what, to gain the favor of my father?!"
She was getting angry because he wouldn't let her talk that's why she raised her voice. "Toji!"
He cuts her off one more time. His voice shakes with anger and disappointment, and he is now shouting.
"Damn it, I trusted you! I bared my soul to you! And you threw it all back in my face, selling me out to the very person who has made my life hell!"
When he puts it like that Helia felt like a terrible person. Even if his shouted words were not entirely true, she should have at least told him about this whole spying mission. She should have been honest.
His anger and hurt push him to the breaking point, and he utters his next words with a mix of pain and anger.
"I should just end you now. You don't deserve any mercy, not after what you've done. Betrayal is unforgivable in my book, and you, you're nothing but a damn traitor!"
His voice is raw and intense as he shouts at her, his face a mask of bitterness. At his words her eyes widen, she wants to respond but the words are blocked in her throat, as his statement cuts deep into her heart.
He was ready to hurt her, and tears are now threatening to flow out of her eyes.
"You don't get to cry now. You don't get to act all hurt, when it's you who betrayed me! You don't get to be the victim here after what you've done!"
He steps closer to her, his body tense with anger. His jaw clenches, and his teeth grind together as he stands face to face with her. His anger is palpable as he glares at her, his eyes burning with a mix of hurt and rage.
Suddenly, she feels afraid. Afraid that he might actually hurt her. Even if she wants to believe he would never do such a thing, the look in his eyes makes her hesitate.
"You know what?! I bet you didn't even discover what my father wanted you to find out! You've been spying on me, reporting back to him, but I bet you haven't actually learned anything valuable!"
He cannot think straight right now, he is blinded by a burning anger that reaches its breaking point. He yells at her with a voice filled with determination and defiance.
"I'll tell you what you were meant to find out! I plan on killing every single member of this damn clan! I'm going to have my Goddamn revenge!"
Her eyes widen even more, as she steps back. Was he saying this in a fit of anger or was he actually being serious? "You don't mean it-"
His anger and determination are evident on his face as he looks at her, his jaw clenching tightly.
"Oh, I mean it. You have no idea how long I've been planning this moment. To taking down every single family member who has ever hurt me, mistreated me, and looked down on me. It's time for them to pay for all the pain they have inflicted!"
Helia is paralyzed by the shock of his revelation, or maybe by the fear of what he's planning to do. She doesn't speak nor move.
His voice is cold and resolute as he continues with his plans.
"I will slaughter every single member of the clan! Men, women, children and even the maids!"
Her blood runs cold, and a shiver runs down her spine. He looked at her dead in the eyes when he pronounced the last words.
He was also planning to kill her. As the realization hits her, the tears in her eyes threaten to flow once more. He was planning on killing her, alongside with the whole clan. No, no he wouldn't do that...
He notices the look in her eyes, the look of intense fear. It's a look he has seen countless times, a look that was directed at him his whole life.
He stops and looks into her eyes, his own gaze filled with a mix of anger, hurt, and resignation. His anger is evident and his voice sharp and cold.
"Get out of my damn room. I don't want to see your face. I don't even want to look at you anymore."
"Toji..."
Her voice was barely a whisper. Her tone was shaky, and she wasn't able to pronounce anything else than his name.
His anger simmers beneath the surface as he continues speaking, his voice filled with bitterness.
"Get the fuck out of my room before I do something you'll regret!"
He points towards the door, his actions making it clear that he wants her out of his sight. As she opens her mouth to try to protest, the look in Toji's eyes stops her cold.
There's a cold, steely determination in his gaze, and it's clear that he's not in the mood to listen to any more excuses or pleading.
His eyes bore into Helia with a coldness that sends a chill down her spine, and she can't help but feel a pang of fear. No, it's more than fear, it's the primal instinct of self-preservation.
She quickly turns around and leaves the room, her whole body feeling heavy under the weight of shame and regret.
As soon as she leaves, shutting the door behind her, Toji is left alone in his room. The weight of his anger and hurt presses down upon him, and the thoughts racing through his mind are dark and seething. He doesn't know why he revealed his plan.
Sitting back down on his bed, his hands clench into tight, white-knuckled fists, his body taut and tense with emotion. In his intense state, he has the overwhelming urge to destroy everything in the room, to release the raging storm of anger and pain that's coursing through him.
His heart is heavy and hurting from all the anger and hurt and his mind drifts back to the look in her eyes when he shared his plans.
The fearful look. The same look he has seen countless times before from people who've judged him, looked down on him, scorned him.
The memory of that look only fuels his anger further, the sight of it burned into his mind, a painful reminder of all the times he has been treated as less than human.
For a brief moment, a small pang of guilt flickers within Toji, a passing notion that perhaps he was too harsh on Helia.
But the overwhelming anger and hurt from her betrayal quickly extinguishes that flicker, consuming it in a blaze of resentment and bitterness.
His mind is a cyclone of questions and thoughts, each one more painful than the last. A relentless barrage of "Why's" that torment him endlessly.
Why did he trust her?
Why did he open up to her?
Why did she hurt him like this?
He struggles to silence the thoughts swirling through his mind, but they refuse to be silenced. The anger and resentment are like a fire burning within his heart, fueling the thoughts and consuming him from the inside out.
As the weight of her betrayal settles upon him, he finds himself asking another question, a cruel and ironic twist that only adds to his pain.
Why did it have to be her? Out of all the people in the world, why did it have to be her who betrayed him? The one person he allowed himself to love, to open up to, to trust with his most vulnerable parts.
The words spoken by his father echoed through his mind, a scathing and harsh reminder of all the insults and cruelties he had endured at his hands. "A failure." "A Burden." "No one would want him."
Maybe he had been right.
Despite his strength and skills, the words held a certain amount of truth, making Toji question his own worth and his ability to be truly loved.
Then something happened. Something he thought would never occur again. After all the pain he had endured as a child, he had promised himself it would never happen again.
But his body, mind, and soul are in agony, a suffering that runs deeper and cuts more sharply than any physical wound he's ever endured.
That's probably why he didn't stop the single tear that rolled down his cheek. And all the others that came after.
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Sorry guys not a very funny chapter! But don't worry it'll get better...at some point.
Hope you guys enjoyed!
Sarah ☆
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