2322 words

┌─────────────────┐

-ˋˏ " Because the way you look at me makes me think that you want more. " ˎˊ-

└─────────────────┘

•| ⊱✿⊰ |•

𝒀/𝒏

"You know, when I allowed the three of you to sleepover I wasn't expecting it to just be the two of you acting all lovey-dovey in my kitchen." I laughed at Emma and Norman who were arguing in the kitchen, "what are you even fighting about?"

"Because I'm trying to make cookies and HE is trying to steal the cookie dough!" Emma groaned, struggling to fight Norman away.

"Just one spoonful and I'll back off!" The albino whined while trying to grab the spoon.

"It's no use trying to get them to knock it off, they'll never stop." Ray sighed from the cushion beside me on this tiny couch. He was taking almost the whole sofa up by resting his feet on the arm of my 'side.'

"Speaking of fighting, why aren't the two of you arguing?" Emma glanced over at us, blinking per usual, "Ray's taking up all of the room on the couch by putting his legs up."

"Because every time I try to NICELY ask him to scoot over, he KICKS ME!" A groan escaped my lips, as I shoved Ray back.

In return, Ray kicked me in the shoulder. "Nicely? You actually YELLED at me." He spoke, being dramatic as always.

"Hey, I was just raising my voice!" I held my hands in the air, surrendering, right after I nudged Ray back again with my elbow one last time.

"That's yelling." Ray rolled his eyes and erased something in the blue notebook resting on his knees.

A sigh left my mouth before leaning over his knees, trying to read whatever he was writing. "What does that say?" I questioned, "looks like gibberish to me."

"That's because you're reading it upside down, dipshit." The ravenette flipped the notebook around so that I'd be able to read it.

Why do I act so stupid around Ray? I'm never able to think straight when I'm with him. His stupidity must be rubbing off on me, I guess.

"If forever exists," I read the paper out loud slowly. "If forever exists? That's it?" I looked up at him, resting my chin on his knees with furrowed eyebrows.

"No, I just don't know what I want the end to be yet," he says, "it'll be a poem."

"Oh? Is it dedicated to someone?" I questioned him, hoping for an interesting answer.

"No, y/n," he rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time, "it's just a silly poem, that's it."

I wasn't going to give up that easily. With a huff, I continued to pester him, "oh, come on. Who's it about? You can tell me." She winked at him jokingly with a slight giggle.

He stared into my e/c eyes for a moment, then looked away chewing on his lip. "I already told you, it's about nobody in particular." He had a slight red hue plastered on his cheeks. He probably thought it was unnoticeable, that nobody could see, but he was so bad at hiding whenever he was flustered. Ray is naturally awfully pale, so whenever he'd blush it would be clear as day.

She pulled away from him, slumping into the arm of the couch. "You're so stubborn."

"I'm stubborn? You're the one who won't stop pestering me with stupid questions." Ray blew a strand of black hair out of his face. Man, he needs a haircut. I could probably tie all of his hair back into a bun if I wanted to. It was so long and dark, it sort of reminded me of this one guy from an anime I saw on tv one time. It was called, Miyahori? I think? Oh, no sorry, It was Horimiya.

"If these questions are so stupid, why don't you just make up some random answer?" I continued and continued to pester him with this dumb question, though now I wish I hadn't. I don't even know why I was so obsessed with getting a response from him, maybe a part of me wished that he would say it was about me. But he'd never say that about me, even if he did have feelings for me. Sometimes, I think maybe he does have feelings for me. That's before I remember the truth, though. Even if we did have feelings for each other, we could never be anything more than friends. Unless I'm willing to ruin a marriage, but that would just make me a whore.

He groaned, pondering to himself for a second, "my future wife." His words were plain and quiet, like the thought of himself becoming a husband to someone he didn't love was dreadful. But how could that not be frightful?

"Oh right," was all that I could manage to get out of my mouth. I frowned, crossing my arms and looking out the large window behind the tv. "I forgot."

"So did I." Ray spoke softly, voice full of despair. He continued writing more rough drafts of his stupid poem. That couldn't possibly actually be for his fiance, right? He doesn't even love her or know her. Should I even refer to her as his fiance?

It was awkward between us for a while after that, until Emma had the brilliant idea that while the cookies were being baked, we would play a round of hide and seek.

The four of us all voted as to who we thought should be 'it', and somehow individually we all voted for Norman. We knew he was the smartest among us ( i stg if any of you dickheads say something dumb ), and considering how we wanted it to be a challenge our choice was very fitting.

Norman snickered, "I'll be able to find you all within 10 minutes."

Emma smirked with confidence, "that's why we'll be playing outdoors."

"Outdoors?" I questioned, "the cookies will still be in the oven, won't they? You might burn my apartment down."

Emma rolled her eyes playfully and nudged me in the shoulder, "I have a timer set, dummy." She laughed, "I wouldn't burn your house down."

"Somehow I highly doubt that." I chuckled as we made our way out my front door.

My house wasn't really an apartment, although we all called it that. It was more of a townhouse, I had someone on each side of me. I haven't met them personally, although I've seen them outside a few times. One was an older woman, the other a young couple. I lived more into the city, so typically around this hour more people were out walking, heading towards clubs, returning from work.

"Let's face it, if anyone was going to commit arson out of the four of us, it would be Ray." Norman laughed, teasing his friend.

Ray scoffed, "I don't have any need to burn things down."

"Who knows, maybe you'll do it for fun." I laughed, leaning into the boy. He seemed slightly startled at my touch, not looking at me. Ray seemed sad and distant. He hasn't been talking as much as he used to lately, not that he talks a lot ever, anyway. I can't help but grow worried about him. He must be upset about the whole arrangement thing, but I can't blame him. 

"Okay, so only hide in this neighborhood." Emma began to explain the rules, "and it's hide and seek tag, remember, so if Norman sees you, run."

Ray and I nodded before Norman covered his eyes and began to count. Emma, Ray, and I all ran in separate directions.

I headed towards the end of my street, hiding in between two houses. It was pretty dark here, so if I just stood still and kept quiet, Norman wouldn't be able to see me.

But with my luck, of course, I forgot that the lights turn on automatically in each alleyway.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. Slowly, I peeked out and saw the albino boy making his way down the road in my direction. He was checking each alleyway very quickly and easily, as each one was lit up entirely. I couldn't stay in my spot, I need to make a run for it. Norman is a fairly fast runner, but I'm faster. He's better with strategy and planning ahead.

I inhaled deeply, darting across the street as quietly as possible. Of course, he saw me. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, even though it was just a silly game. I take these games seriously, no matter who I'm playing with. 

Shit, Norman was faster than I thought. He was close behind me, just a few feet away. It was quiet out tonight, other than the crickets and the smacks of our feet slapping against the cold concrete. I dashed into one of the alleyways, which led to a small parking lot behind the houses. It led to the main road, but we weren't allowed over there as we agreed to just stay in my neighborhood. I lost Norman, at least for now. The parking lot was packed with cars, and I panicked as I wasn't sure which one was best to stay behind. Just as I heard Norman approaching and I was sure that I had been caught, I was pulled behind a red car.

We ducked behind the large vehicle, him clasping his hand over my mouth. I furrowed my eyebrows and squinted at the boy, assuming it was Ray. My assumption was right, I could barely see him as the only light was coming from the dim flickering street lights though.

We both watched through the tinted car windows as Norman stopped for a moment, catching his breath, and glancing around the parking lot quickly. He sighed before continuing through another alleyway with a slight jog.

Ray removed his hand from my mouth as we both exhaled with relief, turning around with our backs resting on the trunk of the car.

"Thanks for saving my ass," I whispered with a quiet laugh.

"No problem," he mumbled. "Don't think of it as me caring about you getting caught, though. I could really care less." He explained although I knew he was lying, trying to seem like he's all tough and doesn't care about me.

He really has a new personality every day, doesn't he? I mean, one second he's in awe of me, the next he's all distant and rude. 

"I only did it because if you got caught, you'd both quickly look around here, and, you know." He rolled his eyes.

I frowned, "okay, got it." A sigh left my mouth as I chewed on my lip. "Why are you being so difficult lately? You're... distant." I lifted my eyes to his, even though he was looking straight ahead. "I- I don't like it."

"Sorry, I've just got better things to do than talk to you," he muttered so carelessly as if it would have no effect on me. "I'll be running a business soon, remember?"

Ouch, that hurt. What's his issue?

"I'm aware, but I just thought that you'd at least be kind to me. We are friends, aren't we?" I asked, even though I thought the answer would be obvious.

"Are we friends, y/n?" He scoffed, locking his eyes on mine. "Because the way you look at me makes me think that you want more."

The way I look at him? What's that supposed to mean? Could he be talking about our teasing and bickering? I thought that we both were kidding, what else could he want from me?

"Ray, what do you mean?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"God, you're so clueless," he sighed.

He's so annoying, I want to punch him. But sometimes, I just want to wrap my arms around him and embrace him. 

And then it clicked.

Oh, wait. Is that what he means? Oh god, are my feelings for Ray that obvious? I mean, I'm not even sure if I like him or not, not that it even matters.

"I understand what you mean, now." I looked away, embarrassed. "But don't act like you don't look at me the same way, Ray."

I could feel his eyes practically digging into me.

"What are you- What do- What do you mean?" He choked on his words, anxiously. He's so annoying, I can't stand him. I guess he's shocked to be treated as he treats me.

"You know what I mean, your eyes light up when I walk into a room, Ray." I sighed, leaning my head back on the car. I continued, "I mean, I haven't seen it myself personally, but Emma and Norman are constantly telling me about it."

"Well they're just messing with you, I don't." He probably thought I didn't notice, but I could see him holding his breath, nervous for my response.

"Fine, we're just friends. That's what you want, right?" I lifted my eyes to him again.

He turned to face me, staring at me for a minute while chewing on his lip. "I don't know what I want, y/n. It doesn't matter what I want anyway, my future is set for me. Everything's changed since we met, and not for the better."

I frowned, "fine. We're friends, okay? That's it." I stood up, hearing the voice of a ginger cheerfully shouting while running down the road.

"Emma, you'll wake my neighbors." I laughed, pretending the previous conversation never happened.

"Sorry! But the cookies are done, let's go!" Emma reached her hand out towards me, to which I quickly grabbed as we ran towards my apartment.

It didn't matter whether or not I had feelings for Ray, it's just as he said. It doesn't matter, even if we want to be together. I'll pray for his wife, I'm not sure how she'll be able to deal with his mood swings. As soon as I graduate, I'm leaving this horrible town and all the pain it's caused me.

•| ⊱✿⊰ |•