WARNING!
this chapter deals
with some descriptions
of rape and brief mention
of self harm. please be safe!

"What did you want to talk about today?" The therapist asked comfortingly. Her red lips curled into a smile and her outfit was so well put together, the type of put together that filled Lia with jealousy, earning to be that type of person. Her office smelt of cinnamon and honey, tapestries hung on the white walls as well as other distractions for the patients.

"Would it be okay to talk about my rape?" Lia moved uncomfortably in her seat, her teeth tugging on her inner cheeks as the situation played in her head, "I didn't realize what it was at the time until Liv told me."

Her therapist gave her a hum of approval, the story finally unraveling at once.

"I still feel the touch of her on my skin." Lia laughed awkwardly, the haunting feeling cling to her body as her breathing began to pick up, "At first it was consensual. I thought I liked it and but it was the only time she gave me her love and affection." A sigh fell from her, clearly distressed as she pulled her black hoodie sleeves down.

"She would beg for it constantly, going to my friends to tell them to get me to do it. Every moan was forced, I felt ruin and used in the moment but it was the only way she would love me." Tears began to fall from her face, the salt taste filling her taste buds as she continued her story, "I looked into the mirror afterwards, just staring at my naked body regretting it all. Showers were the worst for me. Having to see my body that she had ruined, I-"

Her therapist didn't move, not wanting to touch her after she had stated how much touch was triggering to her. Careful to address the situation, "Can you take a deep breathe for me?"

The blonde nodded, her lungs expanding as her breathe began to become sturdy again.

"I never felt validated for reasons other than my body. Even though she was my girlfriend she felt like all the others to me. We were constantly fighting and the only way she would acknowledge me was through my body. I'd catch her staring at me, taking photos of my body." Her tears had stopped falling, her body numb to the pain as her eyes were the only place that showed her true pain, "I would be sobbing to her about my assault and all she would care about in that moment was what she could get from me. I regret every moment of it, the first time was the only time I was okay with it. The rest was so forced. All the nudes, all the photos, they were unwillingly unsent. She would bother me, tell me to just give it, to just do it."

"And how did this make you feel?"

"I felt worthless. Especially after the relationship. She cheated on me and I could only ask her for sex as a way to rekindle our love. I knew the only way to get her back was through my body, even if i didn't want to give it up. I wasn't okay to see my body for months, it still effects me now and how I handle my relationships. I'm so lost at what to do." Her breath had hitched, her anxiety rising as the topic than began to shift to Olivia, "I'm so worried she's going to mess up what Liv and I have. That i'll talk about her too much to the point Olivia thinks I still have love for her."

"I don't think Olivia sees it that way. From everything you told me about her, she cares so deeply for you and understands what you've been through. She wants to give you an outlet other than me and make sure you know she's there to listen and give you the love she needs." The therapist spoke, the blonde calming down in her spot on the couch. The words hanging over her as they fought her fears from her mind.

"As for your body, It wasn't your fault. I've had several clients with similar story's that often blame yourself. You didn't know what it was at the time, you saw it as a form of love, that if you gave her something she would treat you better." She had explained, Lia nodding as she understood, "I find that many people who have been raped feel like they need to reclaim their body as their own by helping people willingly, especially those who have suffered with self harm life you. They often give blood to those in need as it not only shows you have ownership and gives blood that isn't wasted from a blade."

As she continued to talk and provide other alternatives all Lia could think of was donating blood. While her mind still didn't understand how it would help with rape, she did want to give those her blood that she had wasted previously.

"You can begin to reopen your relationship with touch through massages, or you could participate in yoga. Yoga provides body awareness and can help with relieving PTSD and Trauma. I'd mostly suggest to take time to yourself and allow yourself to come to terms that although something was taken from you, you're still alive and are doing well. You're getting the help you need and have a strong support system around you."

The rest of the session went well, covering the same topic as other healing options were offered to the blonde. The girl leaving the appointment with her friend as the two made their way to a blood bank.

"What made you think of doing this?"

The blonde shrugged slightly as they walked down the crowded streets to the place, "It would be the only time i'd open my veins for good." Lia spoke, a smile on her face as her makeup had been discarded from her face.

Olivia returned her smile, her fingers finding her way into Lia's as the brunettes head rested upon hers as they walked in peace.

"I know I say this a lot, but i'm beyond proud of you, Lia. You've gone through so much but you continue to push through it all and now are allowing yourself the growth you need."

After the two gave their blood and rested before leaving, they had found themselves at the spot where it had all started. The amusement park.

Li groaned, losing the parks water gun game for the third time. "These things are totally rigged!"

"No, you're just incredibly terrible." Liv laughed, holding a huge pink pig within her arms as she held it out to Lia, "So, what are you going to name them?"

Her eyebrows knitted together as she took it in her arms, "You're giving it to me?" A nod. "Well, I think we should name our child Wilbur! Like, from charlottes web?"

Liv's smile curved down, as she hugged both the girl and stuffed animal, "Aw!! That's so cute."

Not too long afterwards the girls had found themselves at the top of the ferris wheel, looking down at the pink and orange sky in awe. Their 'son' Wilbur next to them.

"Can I ask you something?" Liv looked over from the side of the cart, the blonde nodding as her attention was set on the parks reflection on the nearby lake.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

Her heart no longer raced when that question was asked between the two of them. Instead she was finally relieved that it wouldn't end in one of those right person wrong time situations.

That this love wouldn't be just another phase.

•

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liked by ruealderidge, oliviarodrigo and 987,923 others
liasterling: my lover

see all 872,726 comments

oliviarodrigo: beyond in love with you
liasterling: i love you

user2: WHATD
user5: sobbing and throwing up

user8: THEYRE OFFICAIK????
oliviarodrigo: :)

ruealderidge: i've been waiting for this one!! turn it up!!!!
liasterling: my biggest hype man

fayewindsor: certified dykes now!
liasterling: i've BEEN a certified dyke 🙄

oliviarodrigo: wilbur says to make popcorn faster. he misses his other mom
liasterling: tell him microwaves keep us apart 💔

user4: LAST PHOTO OF LIV TOUXHING LIAS ASS UAHDHSHD
liasterling: IM GLAD SOMEONES JOTICING HAHAHA

user7: i've been waiting for this for so long

user5: so ALL the love songs were really about her🥺

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚

during school weeks, i will probably not be able to update that much!! i'm enrolled in a college class as a junior in highschool and am in all honor classes. unfortunately class week and studying dental will take up all my time but whenever i'm doing well mentally and have free time i'll be able to publish!

-lia