DOUBLE UPDATE... READ THE 9TH CHAPTER FIRST

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JEON JUNGKOOK

I hadn't seen Taehyung in a few days, I physically couldn't bring myself to train with him. So I told Jimin that I was feeling down and she convinced Yoongi to give me some time off as I had worked myself hard these last few weeks. Never in a million years would I think that he would agree but he did and I was grateful.

It was now the weekend meaning that we had some time off, I had spent the majority of my morning in bed. Running my thumb up and down the scab markings on my forearm, my eyes couldn't stop looking at them. I gave in so easily, so easily to that piece of shit.

When you're in a bad headspace it's almost impossible to talk yourself out of doing something, the voices become too loud, the need to feel something increases. The desire to be punished was too much for me. I was so messed up.

Feeling anger bubble inside me, I yank down my jumper sleeve and begin to make my way downstairs. I can hear talking in the kitchen and it's not until I enter the room that I realise someone is crying.

Jimin is sat hugging Jin who is in complete hysterics, his cries sounded painful and it made my heart hurt.

Jimin's eyes find mine and he gives me a sympathetic look, I was unsure whether I should just leave and pretend I didn't see anything but I couldn't.

So instead I walk towards them both and perch on the stool next to Jin, gently placing my hand flat to his back.

Jimin nods at me and smiles.

After a few moments Jin raises his head from Jimin's shoulder and looks at me, his eyes are damp and red. He struggles to catch his breath and I begin to slowly rub his back supportively.

"What happened?" I ask softly.

My words make him clench his eyes tightly, like he didn't ever want to think about why he was upset.

His face finds his hands and she cries again. So Jimin and I just gave him a little bit of time, hearing him in such distress sent a chill down my spine. There was nothing I hated more than other people being upset. I had heard so many girls and boys cry and plead in my life that it is the last thing I'd ever want to hear again.

Jin raises his head once more and wipes away blonde strands of hair that have stuck to his face. "My life is so shit," he mumbles. "So fucking shit."

"What has happened Jin? You're scaring me," Jimin tucks his blonde hair behind his ears. I watch Jimin's eyes and they look towards Jin with sheer worry.

Jin takes a few deep breaths before choking on his sobs. "I went to the hospital because I missed a few periods, thinking I could have been pre-pregnant even though I took tests and it said negative."

His voice shakes and he pauses before carrying on. "Turns out I have polycystic ovaries and I'm-" Jin's lip wobbles as he breathes out harshly. "I'm infertile."

The second the words leave his lips he cries again and Jimin instantly hugs him into his chest.

"I'm so sorry Jin," Jimin's eyes fall sad and he doesn't look at me. One of his hands rubs his back and Jin's hand clutches onto Jimin's top.

Jin pulls away to wipe his nose with the back of his hand. "Namjoon and I will never be able to have children, to have our children." The words sting him as he closes his eyes and looks up to the ceiling.

"We were talking about what we would name our children only a few days ago, Namjoon told me he couldn't wait to see me be a Dad." Jin's head finds his hands again and he shakes his head in hysterics.

"I know," Jin starts. "I know there is adoption but the thought of having a mini person that's half you and half the person you love." Tears leak out of his eyes and they don't stop. He was hurting so much that it was making my eyes water.

"Does Namjoon know?" I ask.

He instantly shakes his head. "I'm so scared to tell him, it's going to destroy him."

"You guys love each other so much, you'll be able to support each other and get through this," Jimin voice projects honestly.

"I know," Jin's voice struggles. "But I just know how much he has always wanted a family."

"I'm sorry," Jimin says again.

"I just need to go do something, take my mind off this because it is destroying me inside," Jin pokes his eyes with his fingers. "I can't sit here in my own thoughts, I just can't."

"Why don't we go into town?" Jimin suggests instantly. "Get some late lunch, maybe go to that retro arcade."

"You know where you never took me?" I say towards Jin.

His blue eyes instantly snap to mine, he studies me for a moment before smiling and nodding. "To get your lip pierced,"

I nod and smile back. "Bingo,"

"You still want to get it done?" He asks as he wipes the last of her tears.

"Of course and you said you know the best place in town," I shrug gently as I bash his shoulder.

He smiles again. "They also have the best pizza place across the street,"

Jimin's eyes beam at us. "Let's go do that then,"

"It's a date," I confirm.

The sound of the front door being opened and loud laughter filters into the house.

Jin turns to Jimin suddenly, his face turns sour. "I thought you said they'd be gone for a while!" He exclaims quietly. I watch as more tears sprout out of his eyes and Jimin rushes to wipe them away.

"I'm sorry, I thought they were going back to Taehyung's," Jimin whispers back.

"Oh God," Jin cries. "Fuck,"

My eyes gravitate to Yoongi, Namjoon, Taehyung and Hoseok who stroll through the kitchen.

My eyes find Taehyung's for a split second before we both look away instantly. My body shudders at his presence.

When I turn back to Jin he's facing Jimin away from everyone else.

"Hey baby," Yoongi greets Jimin and he returns a smile.

Namjoon loops round the kitchen island, he's walking straight towards Jin. He knew that something was up and his determination to get to him straight away made my heart pang.

Jin keeps his eyes on the floor as Namjoon cups his face with his hands. His eyes scan Jin's face and notice the tears that stained his cheeks.

"What's wrong Jin?" He asks quickly.

He doesn't say anything.

I back away from the island attempting to give them space. When I turn around Yoongi has his arm wrapped around Jimin as he speaks quietly to him.

When I move to the back of the kitchen I don't even realise that I'm standing right next to Taehyung until his body shifts beside me, his tall frame completely hovering over me.

Jin cries which only turns my attention back to him. I watch Namjoon's eyes as he analyses him, the care and the worry. "Whatever it is Jinnie you can tell me," his eyes soften as he talks.

There was something about the way he was looking at him that made my stomach churn with jealousy. Jin was Namjoon's absolute world and I wish that I had what they had, it wasn't forced by a bond or the fact they were mates. They love each other because they get together naturally and that's what makes me jealous.

"Love please," Namjoon forces him to look at him. "You're scaring the shit out of me." The strain of worry in Namjoon's voice made me want to cry.

I avert my gaze away and peek up at Taehyung who is staring at them so intently. The look on his face was soft but observing, I know that he was seeing and thinking the same thing as me.

I almost laughed at myself. They're not even mates, they don't have a bond and you'd never look at me like that. I mindlink Taehyung.

His green eyes look down at me and we just stare at each other for a few moments.

I walk away from him and follow Yoongi and Jimin out of the kitchen to give Jin and Namjoon some time alone.

Pups. Taehyung's voice enters my head and it makes the hairs on my arms stand on end. Pups wait...

I don't wait, I take myself upstairs and away from him.

Why would I stop and wait? So everyone in that room could become suspicious about us? That would be your worst nightmare. I shoot back.

I just wanted to ask you something. He replies.

I stand in front of my mirror and look at myself. What? I ask bluntly.

Why haven't you been at training?

Why do you care?

Because of what happened the other night, I know I upset you. His voice in my head goes soft and I hate how much it sounded like he was actually annoyed at himself.

I just wasn't feeling good, that's all. Nothing to worry about.

Okay, if that's all it is.

I laugh to myself and grip onto my forearm. My body begins to shake with all sorts of emotions.

I felt guilty for hurting myself over him when there are real life problems going on, like Jin and Namjoon finding out they can't have kids. That's a real reason to be upset, not my stupid pathetic mind overthinking nothing.

I lower my eyes from my reflection, only now have I just ended up hating myself more.

. . .

There is a soft knock at my bedroom door.

"Come in," I say as I lower the book I am reading from my eyesight.

Jimin steps into the room. "Hey," he smiles. "So Jin was wondering if you were still up for going to that piercing shop?"

Sitting up quickly from the bed, I begin to nod. "Yeah definitely,"

Jimin grins back. "Great, I was thinking of taking Namjoon and Yoongi and we have a little afternoon out together?"

I nod at his words. "I'll meet you downstairs in five," I tell him and he smiles exiting my room.

Taking less than five minutes to get myself ready, everyone is already waiting in the kitchen.

Jin's eyes are still puffy but he's no longer crying, Namjoon is still at his side and when I look in his face I can tell the news has hurt him deeply too.

But a distraction with good company is what they need right now.

. . .

The five of us sat round a booth in the pizzeria place that Jin said was amazing and opposite the piercing shop.

"So did it hurt as much as you expected?" Jimin asks me as he looks at my lip stud.

I shrug. "Yeah if not less," my lip was throbbing from the pain slightly but I was pleased I finally had it done.

"When it's been like six weeks then you can change it into a ring, just need to let it heal with a straight bar not a curved one." Jin tells me.

My eyes flicked to his small silver hoop on his right ear and I couldn't wait to have a ring rather than a stud. "How come you put yours back in?" I question curiously.

He smiles and turns to Namjoon next to him. "Well I took it out because I was being stubborn towards Namjoon cause I know that he loved it on me, but then I realised it was part of me and I couldn't not put it back in."

"Best decision ever," Namjoon tells him as he looks from his eyes to his lips.

Jin grins and Namjoon kisses his lips quickly. Their hands are entwined between them and he pulls him closer.

I look at Yoongi and Jimin who are smiling adoringly towards them.

They were too cute for their own good.

Jimin starts talking towards Yoongi and I but my eyes trail back to Namjoon and Jin.

Namjoon places his thumb gently on hie chin, "I love you, you know that?" He whispered, I couldn't hear him but I read his lips.

Jin purses his lips and nods, his eyes rimming with tears again. "Of course I do," he breathes out quietly.

"Then that's what matters, we have each other and that's all we'll ever need." He tells him confidently.

"I know," Jin nods his head, a single tear escaping his eye.

Namjoon is quick to wipe it away and he cups his face in his hands.

It takes me a few moments to tear my eyes away from them, I was absolutely mesmerised. If anyone needed proof that love existed, they were the perfect example.

This is the kind of love you read about, dream about.

Something that I will never ever experience.

. . .

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you didn't forget to vote and comment what you thought! Would be greatly appreciated❤️

The next chapter is gonna go down, so if you are looking for drama IT IS coming, I am so excited

For all you guys who wanted some Jin and Namjoon loving, well I got you guys even though their news is actually heartbreaking😭💔 my babies can't have babies, ima go cry

Anyway, quick question: what's your fav Wattpad book that you are currently reading??

See you guys on the next one, KC x