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Trigger warning: Self-harm

JEON JUNGKOOK

I watched as the clock ticked past the hour, my hands itching with anticipation. I had already decided that I was going to meet Taehyung at the stream but the time seemed to be going so incredibly slow.

I knew that if I told Jimin I was going he'd be worried about me so instead of saying anything, I decided that I'll sneak out. Normally I barely even make a sound around the house so it's not like anyone will catch me, I am a pro at being silent. It's what I do best.

Pulling on a red flannel shirt over my dark wash jeans. I knew that the walk to the stream would take at least twenty five minutes so I needed to leave soon.

Discreetly making my way downstairs, I suspected that everyone should be in bed by now. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I can see the TV light glaring off the wall and Namjoon and Jin cuddling in front of it. They don't even acknowledge me which makes my escape easy. I slip out the front door and shut it behind me quietly.

My feet move instantly into the trees, darkness swarms me. The air was cold and I could see my breath in front of me. Dammit, I should have bought a coat.

The walk was peaceful and it calmed my mind. I didn't realise that I was nervous until I reached the stream five minutes early and my body began to shake. Meeting alone at night only now just struck me as terrifying.

Why did he want to meet by the stream?

What did he want to talk about?

A million questions buzz around my head. I find a rock and perch on it as I listen to the water trickle through the stream, the sound of nature was beautiful to my ears. I never really get to have time like this to myself so I felt grateful for it.

I tug my flannel shirt closer to my body as I sit patiently and wait.

When it reached 11PM I kept my eyes peeled for Taehyung, I looked left and right and right and left.

I huffed when ten minutes tick by and yet I was still alone.

Deciding to wait a little longer, maybe he got caught up, maybe he had Alpha duties to sort out. I think of a million possible scenarios to try and calm myself, there is no way that he would stand me up.

Another ten minutes tick by and my foot begins to shake from how cold it was. Sighing I close my eyes and rest my head in my hand.

Taehyung? I mindlink. Are you there?

Nothing, just silence.

A chill runs through my body.

Another ten minutes go by.

Taehyung, I'm at the stream. Where are you?

Yet again, silence.

My lips pulled down onto a deep frown, why wouldn't he show when he sounded so desperate to see me?

He was now officially forty-five minutes late.

This was a joke. He was making a joke of me.

My heart sinks into my stomach and I feel like an absolute fool. Of course he didn't want to see me at the stream, this was just some stupid fucking sick joke to him.

I was a fucking fool.

Tears well in my eyes, this was the last time he would humiliate me like this. The last time he would have me on a yo-yo. He knew I'd come running to him the second he showed me attention, God I was so fucking weak. He must love that he thinks he has me wrapped around his little finger, he snaps his fingers and I come running.

I hated myself.

I hated him.

Standing up from the rock and I begin to walk back to the house, I'm stomping aggressively and I don't even realise. I'm so angry at myself for crying, for caring, for giving him a chance to make a joke out of me.

My cheeks are damp and my mind feels like a maze.

I wasn't in a good head space. I really wasn't in a good head space.

I knew this because as soon as I got back to the house and back into my room. My sleeves are rolled up and my arms are bleeding. I'm crying. Sobbing. The pain is throbbing.

I can't remember the last time I had done this but I deserved it right now, I was constantly fighting a battle in my head and they always won. The words, the voices. They always won.

The words of my brother echo in my mind, of being pathetic, weak, nothing but shit. He was right. I was these things. My mate didn't even want me.

My crimson blood drips onto the bathroom floor and I cry endlessly. My eyes scan over my white healed scars underneath my fresh ones. How had I ended up here again?

As I choke back a sob I realise what I had done, in a moment of madness I was back to square one. Back to losing my mind.

"Oh God, oh God," I cry as my wrists throb uncontrollably. With my shaking hands I attempt to clean myself up and wrap my arms in a bandage to stop the bleeding.

Afterwards I take myself to bed and cry until I can't cry anymore.

. . .

A strange presence in my room startles me awake, when I look at the clock it's 5AM and pitch black outside.

I sit up in my bed and make out a silhouette standing by my window, my senses are instantly heightened and once I smell gasoline I know that it's him.

Taehyung steps forward where I can see his face properly.

"Get out," is all I have to say. My voice almost gets stuck in my throat but I power through.

"I'm sorry," he said instantly, his voice was so deep it made me shiver.

"I said get out," I say through gritted teeth, I wasn't going to cry again. Especially not in front of him.

Taehyung's face looks troubled and I can't even bear to look at him. "I'm sorry I didn't show, I was caught up and I-"

"Too busy trying to humiliate me?" I answer harshly.

His brows furrowed and he shakes his head. "What? No I-"

"I mindlinked you, I waited almost an hour like a fucking fool. You were never going to show were you? Just wanted to see the little pathetic boy come running like an absolute joke," my voice almost cracks but I try to sound as strong as possible. "And here you are making up some bullshit excuse just so you can try and tear me down again."

Taehyung's face hardens as he steps closer to my bed, I swipe the covers off me and stand parallel to him.

"You've got it all wrong, I wasn't trying to humiliate you. You're not a fool," he tells me, his voice calm and controlled.

I scoff at his words. "I'm done with your shit, I'm done with all of this. You don't get to make me feel like this."

"Just fucking listen to me," Taehyung raises his voice and it startles me. My eyes slowly trail up his body until they rest on his eyes, looking at him pained me. "My dad showed up last night okay? I couldn't come, I'm sorry I didn't mindlink you. I didn't do this to make you out to be an idiot."

I cross my arms and shrug. "I don't care, I'm just so done with everything. We don't belong together."

"What are you saying?" Taehyung's voice turns defensive.

"What I am saying is that I, Jeon Jungkook reject you Kim-"

Taehyung takes two big steps towards me before his hand comes flying over my mouth and we go tumbling down onto the bed. His eyes look at me with a sense of desperation. "Don't do that pups, please don't do that." He pleads.

His nose touches mine as his hand still clamps over my lips. "Please, don't do that," he whispers so quietly I'm almost convinced he didn't say it. His eyes tight shut for a few moments before they open and zero in on mine. I have never seen this side of him before, this soft gentle side. My head started to hurt, he was confusing me too much.

The proximity between us was burning through me, his body firmly pressed against mine wasn't doing anything for my train of thought. The bond was shooting between us with the contact and it was getting harder to deny, no matter how much I hated him this moment in time.

Two tears slip out of my eyes and down the sides of my face. Taehyung removes his hand from my face and I cry. "You confuse me so much, you make my head feel like a fucking war zone and it is killing me." I find myself saying, I hated being honest but the words had to come out.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung leans closer and rubs his nose down my cheek. His gesture comforted me which only resulted in more tears. "I'm sorry pups,"

"Are you?" I cry at him. I clamp my eyes shut, hating the fact I felt weak from crying. "I don't get you, I don't get you at all. One minute you want me and the next you don't. I can't do this, I can't do the uncertainty."

Taehyung lets out a deep sigh and rests his forehead gently onto mine. His hand reaches up to the side of my face and he flicks away my tears that fall from my eyes continuously. My skin burned from his touch and it almost stopped my tears altogether.

"I don't get me either," he mumbles above me.

When I open my eyes I avoid his gaze at all costs. "Believe me when I say that I wanted to come tonight, my dad is just complicated. He's a tough man and I just didn't want him finding out about this."

"Finding out that I'm your mate?" I say instantly as my eyes find him.

His eyes look sad as he nods once.

"Do you need to figure out what you want?" I whisper as I never break eye contact.

His eyes flick between mine and he stays silent for a few moments. "Maybe,"

I somehow use the strength in my body to push him off me. "Maybe isn't good enough for me," I say as I instantly move away from him and stand from the bed.

He sits up and perches on the edge as he runs a hand through his dark hair.

"I'm not going to be a game for you Taehyung, I'm a fucking person." I spit harshly.

His eyes find the floor and guilt is laced through them.

"You should go,"

Taehyung snaps his head back up to me. "Pups,"

"Go." I demand.

"Can we talk about this another time?" He questions as he pushes himself from the bed and stands a few feet in front of me.

I scoff at his words and shake my head. "Just let me reject you."

"No," Taehyung's voice is hard.

"You. Are. Fucking. Impossible."

"Things are just crazy for me at the minute and my dad he-"

"Do you not think that things are crazy for everyone?!" I raise my voice and throw my hands up into the air. "You are not the only person to exist Taehyung, everyone has shit going on. All you had to do was mindlink me that you weren't coming! That is all."

Taehyung watches my lips as I speak. "I know," he hangs his head in shame.

"Please just go, I don't even want to be in the same room as you right now." My eyes avert away from him and I look towards the window.

"Okay," he sounds defeated.

When I look back up he's gone. My curtains flap in the wind, window wide open.

The air felt cold and the ache from my arm was making me feel guilty.

One thing I knew was that Taehyung was a piece of shit and he was well and truly going to destroy me.

. . .

Hey huns, so this chapter was sad but I still hoped you enjoyed

Are you guys back to hating Taehyung again? He is a confusing guy with a lot of problems, I can't wait for you guy to discover more about him

Don't forget to vote and comment, I love seeing you guys getting so involved so please do share your thoughts

What do you think is gonna happen now?

Also anyone suffering from mental health problems, self harm or whatever and need someone to talk to, my messages are always open to anyone. Don't feel shy❤️

See you guys on the next one, KC x