"I'm not going to protect you by being your shield or armor, but I'll be the dagger hidden below your pillow."

"Ryuk."

I can tell by his tone he doesn't sound exactly ecstatic to see me.

"Hm?"

He's still standing by my seat on the bus, we both ignore Iidas cries for us to sit as he refuses to come closer so he doesn't break the rules he has implemented.

"Back in the beginning of training. You held back against me. A lot."

"Yeah, I did. Either way if I held back or not you would've lost, figured if you were gonna lose might as well spare you the hospital bills. Do we have a problem?"

I can see him tighten the fist he had made but he face does not change, only those cold eyes get darker and aggressive.

"I don't need you holding back on me. I don't care who trained you or how you trained. I'm not weak."

"Trust me Todoroki, I know you're not weak. But I can tell your holding back to, why would I go all out against someone who is also holding back?"

I see those eyes get darker once more, who knew such a beautiful shade of turquoise could look so deadly. Before he can retort once more the bus comes to a stop.

Not bothering with my hat I put on just the mask and stand up, I push past Todoroki with a quick excuse me before getting off the bus completely. Meanwhile the rest of the class sits on the bus awkwardly and timidly. Once they see Todoroki step off the bus a loud, confused, and scared sentence comes from Kaminari.

"What the fuck just happened."

I'm assuming knowing my mom she'll probably rush over here crying because of the attack, if I know my mom well enough she should be the first one here-

"RYUKKKK!!! OH MY BABY THANK GOD YOURE OKAY!!!"

Called it.

"Hi momma- DAMN."

Still exhausted from the move I pulled out earlier and the intense healing I did I could barely hold myself up right when my mom launched her whole body weight at me with a hug.

"Ryuk. Oh my sweet baby Ryuk you're alive."

Looking down my mom was sobbing, hiccups racked her whole body, she released me from the hug for a second to remove my mask.

She moves it and sees the tiny scrapes and one singular cut on my face and immediately pulls me  into another bone crushing hug.

I gently hug my mom back while she cries.

"Yeah momma Im okay, I'm alive."

She cries for a couple more seconds before she hiccups and sniffles and pulls herself together for a second. Her tears are still flowing but her breathing is even now at least.

She gently tugs the cross necklace out of the collar of my costume. The one that used to be my dads.

She touches and admires the cross for a second before putting the cross to her lips and laying a gentle kiss before softly speaking.

"Oh my dear Kurai, thank you. Our boy is still alive. Thank you dearest."

Before I could say anything or try to comfort her she lets go of my necklace and gently smiles, the sun illuminating the dried and wet tears on her face.

"Let's go home Y/n."

"Yes please momma."

I let her guide me to the car by my hand like a little kid. Not noticing the two toned eyes staring at me and my mom from afar.

Not noticing the jealous, angry, and longing look in those two toned eyes.

We had the next day off after the USJ, which was great for me cause I really needed to rest up. Even though my healing quirk boosts me it doesn't boost my energy, my power drains my energy. So after that big huge beam I did and the healing on Aizawa I could barely hold myself up right after I felt the comfort of my mother and didn't have to fend for myself or others anymore.

~flashback~

Quickly after Ryuk's hand was grabbed by his mother, he soon fainted from exhaustion and almost face planted into the concrete side walk, luckily his mother caught him but she could definitely not carry him into the car.

Looking at her out cold son who's eyes were open and rolled back and drooling, she looked back up trying to see if anyone would help her with her son. Luckily a nice red haired boy ran up in a torn hero costume with a similar looking adult woman behind him.

"Hi ms! Sorry to bother but that's my classmate and I'm assuming your his mom?"

"Yes! I am but he uh fainted on our way to the car can you help me... please?"

"Yeah of course! That's why I rushed over!"

He shuffles to the side of Ryuk and princess holds him as Yami leads him to her car.

"Oh I'm Kirishima by the way! Ryuk's in my class, I don't blame him for fainting he was really showing off during the attack! Honestly I'm gonna ask him for training tips..."

"Ha! I'm glad Ryuk has some friends. All my baby's friends are in different schools, or I think 2 go here but they're in different courses."

They make it to the car while she hurriedly opens the back door, Kirishima gently lays Ryuk in the back seat, he gently smiles at out cold boy before shutting the door.

~Present~

So I spent my whole break being hand fed in bed by my mom and sleeping. And also being embarrassed about fainting and my classmate literally having to carry me back. I've taken maybe 8 different naps today but none of them were peaceful, couldn't sleep right so I'm still exhausted.

Deciding it's useless to just sit here and sleep when it doesn't even make me feel decent I got up and decided to shower and get dressed to at least feel confident. I turn up my phone all the way and stare at the missed calls from my mom
from earlier and my friends.

'I'll call them back when I feel clean.'

I say to myself in my head, but my frown deepens as I subconsciously say clean. I haven't felt clean in years I know what I'm doing, what I was trained and 'saved' for, is the righteous thing to do but it still doesn't solve the guilt.

I take off my clothes slowly pulling my shirt off my body and stopping still half lost in thought. Shirtless just in my black sweats with a gem cross on them staring at my scars scattered all over chest and arms and back.

No matter how sure I am this gonna help the world, it doesn't take away the always feeling of dirty and disgusting feeling in my chest. When I stare at my scars all I have is memories of my training, of my blessing.

"Cmon kid look at his face. He's rancid. Remember we do this to pay back for what they've done to pay back the Shinigami so the souls they've killed and injured will be reborn with no burdens in life. And so these disgusting souls will be forever bound to our gods of death. We're are doing what's right blessed child."

one of the feathers says to me while I hesitate to finish off a local murderer. I feel sympathy for the man sitting in front of my then tinier frame, could this guy really be a murderer? He's backing away from me as much as he can crying like a young orphan begging me for mercy.

"But what happens to us when we die? If these guys are getting forever stuck to the shinigami realm 'cause they killed. Why are we killing to? Aren't we also going to be punished?"

The feather who I barely knew at the time settled one of his many rough, scary, cold hands on my back and chuckled before answering.

"Oh sweet crow... We don't get punished because we are chosen by the Shinigami, they want what they are owed and so they send us to do the dirty work. And once we die, we become just like the gods of death we become Shinigami and choose the next generation of beast hunters."

I need to stop letting myself reflect on disgusting beasts and remember I am blessed.

I take off the rest of my clothes and necklace and shower, some blood was still in my hair and on my body so I watched as it ran down the drain while I scrubbed my skin till it was red, trying to rid myself of the icky feeling.

Once the water felt cold I step out onto the white bath mat that supposed to look bloody when you step on it. My mom got it for me a couple months ago, whenever I have my friends sleep over and they shower it freaked them out and gave me a quick laugh.

I wrap a black towel around my waist and dry my hair until it wasn't dripping onto my floor and got dressed into a pretty simple outfit, black baggy jeans with the band of my boxers showing, studded belt, black T shirt, and black skeleton zip up hoodie.

I check my phone once more after I got dressed and brushed my teeth and see all the missed calls from my friends.

I haven't talked to my friends for more then 10 minutes recently just been caught up with UA, especially since most of them don't go to my school it's hard to keep up and usually I'm to tired to hop on any game with them.

Calling back the top notification, I notice it's Akira, one of my newer friends but definitely the biggest asshole I've ever met, but in a funny way.

"Yo it's Ryuk-"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH I THOUGHT YOU WERE- YOU WERE DEAD."

"Woah."

I could've misheard but it sounded like his voice was cracking towards the end.

"I'm sorry Ryuk. I was just panicked, I ended up scouring the school's system for your moms number and called her. She was pretty shocked to hear from me but she had explained how you had been sleeping for most the day..."

I forget how good Akira (A as a nickname) is at computers, he knows everyone and if he doesn't he will find them. He broke into some private hero government thing trying to find his uncle. Never gave us an update on what he found and I don't wanna push him.

"Yeah I'm sorry A... I'm okay promise just a couple scratches on my face and shit but I'm all good man."

"... Ight. Call everyone back okay? We've been worried sick, can't lose our classic emo boy how else we gonna pull hoes."

"Okay, shut the fuck up jackass. I'll call everyone else right now. Bye Akira."

"... Peace out... Be safe."

"I will promise."

He hangs up and I just sit there for a second. I really do miss my friends , I mean they're all stupid but they're my family and genuinely some of the best people.

I call back each friend one by one and assure them I'm safe I talk to everyone about what happened and how UA is going, just simple stuff we're all eventually gonna make plans to hang out soon and everything but they wanna give me rest before I have to stress the fuck out having to plan the whole thing because their all dumb and can't listen. But it always works out, finally making it to the day of the plans and hanging out is the best feeling in the world.

Oh shit Aizawa...

I was reflecting on everything while I listen to Pierce The Viel's song Floral and Fading, I was remembering just how beat up he was and possibly my dad contacting me.

Logically, there's no way it was my dad, but a part of me really wants to believe that was my dad still looking out for his kid, just like I hoped he was while I cried on the bring your parents to school day and I could only bring my mom while all the other kids played ball with their dads or wrestled in the grass while all the moms laughed at their perfect family.

I don't really wanna focus on that right now I should be worried about the living, about Eraserhead. I'm gonna find out what hospital he is at and go see him, I need to see him I mean he was pretty beat up and the possibility of him loosing his eye sight is definitely worrying.

As soon as I stood from my bed I heard the door open and my mom start speaking to someone surprised, leaving my room Im surprised to be greeted by a casual Present Mic who looks very very tired.

"Yamada! Oh please come in I apologize about the mess I wasn't expecting guests."

"Nah don't worry it looks spotless in here, sorry for popping up but it's about Aizawa."

I can immediately tell Mic isn't like himself at all, he speaks normal and almost quiet and he just overall sounds so anxious.

"Ah yes... Is he okay? I know based on what little I know from the school he doesn't sound-"

"What's going on? Is Mr.Aizawa okay?"

I fully walk out my room and kinda rudely interrupt my mother but I'll apologize later right now I'm most concerned about Aizawa.

"Ryuk! There you are you little rockstar! I was just about to ask for you!"

I could very obviously tell he was forcing himself to be as energetic as usual now that me, his student, was around but I ignore it and just let him keep talking.

"Don't you worry your little head listener thanks to you Mr.Aizawa will be just fine, I came here to ask for you because if you're okay with it Eraser was asking me to bring you to his hospital room so he can check up on you and ask you a couple questions."

He turns to my mom before he keeps speaking.

"Again I'm really sorry for the intrusion and I understand you guys are probably still in shock, Ryuk can take as much time as he needs to-"

"I'll go right now."

Mic turns to me once more, you can tell the persona is starting to fade again."

"Im sure if Mr.Aizawa is asking me to go to his room of all people it's something weighing on him, plus I wanted to check on him anyways."

Mic turns to my mom once again (his neck has gotta hurt.) my mom just nods in my direction giving her silent permission before Mic turns to me and goes back into his persona for a second.

"Rock on little listener! Let's go see the grump!"

"Yes sir."

Mic leads me to his car and we both get in while he turns on the radio and offers me to connect my phone which I politely decline and let him play whatever he pleases and I zone out trying my best to remember my 'father's' directions on how to see deeper into a person and close my eyes and place my hand on my opposite arm and I start trying to focus and recite all my fathers words in my brain.

But all his words seem blurry, all the instructions don't make sense anymore, I'm getting frustrated and just angry. Why the fuck doesn't this work anymore it worked perfectly before what is happening what is wrong with me?

"AHHHH KID PLEASE IM TRYING TO DRIVE!!!"

I jolt my eyes open in a panic to be met with a sunset lit car and crows everywhere squawking and panicking and getting in Mic's face and I immediately poof them all out and look down at my arm my nails dug into my arm and it's bleeding now.

"Oh thank god, you okay little dude?"

"Yes I'm fine. Sorry about the freak out."

"It's fine don't worry about it kid."

And we both go silent exhausted from everything, the melodies of what Mic put on flows through the car once again. I'm so frustrated to use my powers so I just grip my arms from a second to avoid getting blood in Mic's car.

'God what has been up with me?'