[Ch 10, In His Mind]

───〃𖠰

     I've been walking around in the blackness for a while now, maybe a few minutes. The dark is a little chilly. My lucid dreams don't normally start like this, but this isn't half bad. Nothing like a good ol' walk to clear the mind. A small blob of light floats past me, one of a few I've passed before.

     Continuing my stroll through the darkness, the cold gets to me a bit. Another ball of light is not far behind the last one, and I speed up to get to it. It's a little larger than the rest, and offers some warmth. The ball looks familiar, almost like... "The emotion bubbles?" I feel another warmth behind me, and look back to see a doorway that was slightly ajar. The door had a pine tree on it, totally not ominous at all. Though I guess this is my mind.

     I gently push open the door, stumbling back at the scenery of the room. It wasn't a room at all! It was the pier end at Lake Gravity Falls. I see myself sitting at the end with her. I clench my shirt over my heart, feeling tears brim in my eyes. Looking from the outside, it almost looks like a movie. The two of us, the bright bubbles all around, smiling at each other. I almost lean in to kiss her, and the door gently closes on its own, before fizzling away. With the warmth of the door gone, the cold of the darkness gets to me. I'm not sure if I'm glad if I pulled away that day or not...

     I check over my shoulder, but the bubble of light is gone too. I walk through the dark again, crossing my arms over my chest to keep myself warm. More bubbles or doors would have to come along eventually. I spot another door a small distance away. The cold bites at my arms a bit, so I jog over to the door and open it. The warm floods my now shivering form as I look at the scene. I'm sitting at the pier again, but I'm alone. There's something in my hand. "Is that...?" I watch myself throw the rock I had found into the lake, unknowingly starting everything. I slam the door, not wanting to see it. Tears slowly flow down my cheeks as I lean my head on the pine tree door.

     "To think this all started with a simple rock..." I murmur to myself, feeling warm tears run down my nose. "What would have happened if I never threw it? What if I put it back?"

     I hear a quiet splash, and the door dissolves. With what I was leaning on having disintegrated, I stumble forward a bit. I wait for the freezing cold, but it never comes. I stay warm. I open my eyes slowly and look around. Surrounding me are multiple scenes, but they have no doors. Half a dozen clouds of light lined up on either side of me, offering their warmth in the chilled darkness. Looking at them collectively, I realize what they are. Memories. My memories with (Y/N).

     I wipe away my tears and take a deep breath. "If I get through this, maybe I'll wake up." I convinced myself. Taking a careful step forward, I look at the first scene to my left. It... It's the day we met. Her rubbing her head in pain, silently wincing. I see myself mouth an apology, hearing it in the back of my mind. "It's almost too bad I can't hear it." I say to myself. I smile at my awkwardness, 'Was I really that anxious on that day? Heh'. The memory fizzles out, and The next forms around me.

     I see us on the pier again, (Y/N) smiling widely. "When was this?" I say while walking closer into the memory. She starts mouthing something, and I try to catch it. "...to my cave.." I mumble. I can't help but chuckle. 'This was the day we went to her hideout in the Island Head Beast's mouth.' The memory fades away, and I walk around while the next comes.

     The both of us sitting in the Diner, engaged in a butter knife fencing duel. I smile widely, feeling my cheeks warm. I walk in the memory until I'm standing in the ghost of the table. My heart flutters at her expression, so... happy. So joyous. I reach out for her slightly, and the memory fizzles out. The cold returns slightly, and I take a deep breath, waiting for the next memory.

     My heart twinges at the scene. I remember it so thoroughly. The both of us, standing at the edge of trees, ready to head into town. But she wasn't ready, not yet. I see myself hugging (Y/N) to calm her down, and she's crying profusely. I can hear her words in the back of my mind. I see her mouth them, and say them for her. "There is so much you don't know... but I can't tell you anything.. I can't". Tears brim in my eyes, 'she was right.' "There was so much I didn't know. I thought you were a Mermaid. I blindly followed your words... Why did you lie to me, (Y/N)?" The memory fades away, and I wipe my tears. The next memory comes, and out of the corner of my eye, I see another door a small distance away. I keep my attention on the memory at hand.

     I see her on a bean bag, a children's book in her hands, reading to a group of kids in a circle around her. I walk around in the memory, glancing at myself in a chair. I look so lovestruck, and I can't help but snicker at the silly expression I had on. I sit among the memory kids, watching (Y/N) mutely read from the book. I lean back on my hands, enjoying the silent moment. I take a deep breath, and it fades away. I close my eyes, and I can still see it behind the lids. (Y/N) looking so gentle and sweet. I slowly stand up and look around the new memory. The second I spot it, my heart leaps in my chest, and my face warms up.

     I see the both of us in the forest again, close. Real close. I'll never forget this moment, my first kiss. I can practically feel the sensation again, my arms around her waist, feeling like my heart was being cradled by an angel. "But you weren't an angel, were you (Y/N)?" I whisper, tilting my head to the side slightly when the memory me does, reminiscing on the feeling. I close my eyes, and when I open them, I see the memory is gone, replaced by another.

     I see us in a small clearing of trees, a rock in front of us. I look behind me, seeing the lake. My heart, which was still racing, drops to my knees. I quickly look at (Y/N), seeing her sketchbook in her hands. She was flipping through it. I could see her mouthing words, but I didn't want to remember what she was saying. I stumble back. "I don't want to see this." I mumble. The memory of me hugs her from the side a bit, and I back away more. I see (Y/N) look down, and tears brim in those beautiful black eyes... "Please! I don't want to see this again. PLEASE!" I look away sharply, feeling tears sting my eyes. I notice that door again, and run for it. Anything to get me away from this memory!

     I turn the handle and push the door open. I run in, slamming the door behind me and breathing a sigh of relief. I run a hand over my perspiring forehead and wipe away the few tears that escaped. "Thank goodness... Now where am I?" I scan the area for a memory, but I can't see any people. All I see is the pier, the trees, the water, and Scuttlebutt Island in the distance.

     I walk down the length of the pier, sitting and the end with my legs over the edge, gently kicking back and forth through the phantom water. I can't hear the splashes, nor does the water ripple. I kick the water with a heartbeat pace, slowly willing the sound into existence.

     I can hear the birds; seagulls, sparrows, and woodpeckers... The white noise of the lake calms my storming mind. I close my eyes to tune in completely to the gentle splashes of water. It's so peaceful here, just like always. This place is perfect.

     "Dipper, don't go." I hear her. (Y/N). 'Why did she have to be here? Can't I have a peaceful lucid dream?' I turn back to make sure I wasn't hearing things, and I spot her. I give the Siren a fiery glare. "Please, just hear me out!" She says desperately. I shake my head, my mind fighting my heart in every which way.

     "No! Why would I do that? Why give you another chance to trick me?" I stand up slowly, never letting my eyes leave her. I cross my arms and sneer at her. I can see the hurt in her eyes, and I try my best to look past it. My heart aches in my chest. My eyes burn.  "Is that what this dream was really for?  Did you do this?"

     "Dipper, please-" She starts, but I don't let her finish, terrified of what it could be.

     I cover my ears and yell at her. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I told you not to talk to me, to stay away!!" My eyes blur as new tears overflow. I turn away from the Siren and wipe the tears away.

     The silence that follows my outburst is deafening, and my heart clenches so tight it feels like it will burst. "Fine..." I hear (Y/N) whisper. I look up at her with confusion. "I'll stay away." She finishes. "I'm sorry that I overstepped your boundary."

     I turn to face her completely. I reach out to her slowly, my hand shaking. "W-WaIt-" I clear my throat. "How... Do you keep doing this!?" I gesture around the both of us, feeling my throat close up.

     I look at the Siren as she stares at the ground. Her body takes that scarier, sharper, more dangerous look. "Dream sharing" (Y/N) mumbles. "It was on that page of mine."

     "T-Then... Can you do me a favour? In the name of our past.. Whatever it was, can you burn the paper, and never do this again!?" I say softly, but not without hiding my anger. I start feeling smaller and smaller. She nods slowly, stepping away.

     "I can do that, for you." She looks up at me, and those black voids give me so many mixed feelings. "I promise to leave you alone permanently and burn the paper..." I nod a few times and turn away. I sit back down on the pier, hiding the tears. I hear that soft voice behind me, cracking ever so slightly with emotion. "Goodbye, Dipper."

     "I told you not to call me by name, but..." I take a deep breath. "Goodbye (Y/N)." I look back, but she's already gone. My gaze falls, and I wonder if she heard it. "I... I want to be sorry, so bad. But... I don't know what to think. You make me so confused, (Y/N)." The scene fades, and I'm left sitting in the cold darkness. I mumble, knowing she can't hear it. "I'm so confused.."

     Slowly, I open my eyes, and I immediately recognize where I am. I look around my room and sigh heavily, feeling my mind storm. 'Is this how Great Uncle Ford felt when Bill wouldn't leave him alone? Annoyed and... torn?'

     "Dipper! I need a hand with some sample collecting, if you're interested!" Speak of the devil. Well, not the demon, just Great Uncle Ford.

     "I'll be right there!" I call back, cleaning off the last remnants of tears and heading downstairs for a good distraction from all this.

[Word Count: 2044]