[Q]

Sunday
June 18
1AM-ish

"𝕵𝖚𝖘𝖙 talk to him." Q offered Chey some advice as they laid in the bed of his hotel room. "He's a simple nigga— maybe he really doesn't understand you."

"It's way past him misunderstanding me. It almost feels like he's taunting me with his undesire to listen to my fucking voice. He got me a gift from Tiffany's the other night. This nigga got me a fucking chain with his name on it. What the fuck weirdo type shit. First off all, I don't even wear chains. I don't own a single fucking necklace."

"Because you have sensitive skin."

"See— this is why I talk to you. He should know that."

"What did you do with it?"

"It's on my wrist." She showed him her wrist with the chain wrapped clipped tightly, letting the excess hang.

"I don't think we should do this."

"Why?"

"It can get messy."

"It is gonna get messy." She said seductively. "But i'll clean it up."

He smirked at her quickness. "You forgot something though." I stared at her.

"You like niggas." She palmed her face and dragged her hand down dramatically. Them sighed. Then sat up. She turned towards me. Eyebrows raised. "But Cecil doesn't know that." She touched her lips.

I laughed, not agreeing with her thoughts.

"You're the one who said you'd be my everything, Q! You have to help me do this."

"You're crazy. Actually let me be more candid, Cheyenne you're being stupid as fuck. You have a good relationship. A good life. Do not go fucking this up. And definitely don't get me involved."

"Oh honey. You were involved since I walked through that door and laid my eyes on you." She pointed at him. "You don't have a choice, nigga."

"Cheyenne, stop."

"No. He needs to understand that I'm not to be fucked with."

"Listen. Cecil is a public figure. Your life is not private."

"No, C is a public figure. Not me. And, he should've thought about who the fuck he was marrying before he said I DO."

"What exactly are you mad about? What do you want from him?"

"He doesn't trust me!" A tear fell down her cheek as she gripped a pillow, pushing it into the bed. "He's using me— Just like he's been doing since day one. And my stupid ass married him. He doesn't even know how much he hurts me. He doesn't even care to know. He just wants to know i'm not in somebody else's bed."

"You love him?"

"Of course I love him."

"Your phone is ringing." He pointed to the light coming illuminating the inside of her open purse. She reached over, "Dame?" She asked before answering.

"Chey," he started, "What's going on with you and C?"

"Nothing why?"

"No for real. He's here looking for you. And, he told me why he was blowing me up the other day. He was looking for you then too."

"Why you in my business Damon?"

"Because you just left out of here with some dude who had his hands all on you. I can't look out for you if I don't know what's going on. And trust me, I know how Cecil is— so, just talk to me."

"I don't know where to start." She admitted, "But, I don't think we should be together. But we got kids. And he got his legal shit with his family. So I feel stuck. And he doesn't get why I feel that way. He don't give a fuck either."

"I know he has a way of making it seem like he don't care." Dame started, "But he just got some issues. He cares. He just can't show it. He been like that since forever."

"See, I knew you would take his side."

"There's no sides. I just wanna see y'all get it together. Y'all been doing this shit for years."

"You saying that like you any better. Why you keep on lying to my girl like that. Whole time, you single. If you don't want her just say that."

"Seeeee now you just doing alot."

"See how it feels? Now i'm all up in your business. But don't worry, I wasn't planning on telling her."

"Yes you was."

"Nope. Because you didn't tell Cecil you saw me. Right?"

"Why would I?" He answered her.

"Thank you." She mumbled.

"Can you tell Quincy they're looking for him here?"

"Q. You gotta go back. They looking for you." She turned around. "You mind if I stay here for a minute though?"

"Sho'nuff." He rocked her shoulder, "I'll be back." He jumped off of the bed and put his jacket on. He threw up a deuce before he closed the door behind himself.

"Don't hang up." Dame told her. Then was quiet. She could hear him leaving the event because the music had turned down and so did the loud voices. "I really need to talk to you. I know you and Sade have gotten close."

"She's my sister."

He hummed. Then got quiet again.

"Dame. What's wrong? What did you do?"

He was still quiet.

"Dame."

"I just don't know how to tell her. I really wanted to be with her— I did. I still do but I just can't. I couldn't ever do that to her. I would've broken her heart Cheyenne. And she already thinks that she's a burden on me. I take care of her because I can't live without her. She's everything i've ever wanted."

"Dame. Are you crying?" She asked him, noticing how his voice got deeper the more he spoke.

He huffed out a heavy, shaky breath.

"I don't want to ruin my kids the way I was ruined Chey. I hate myself." He sniffed.

"Dame, where are you? I'm coming right now."

"No. No. You— Cheyenne just listen to me."

"Okay." She whispered.

"Rane and I broke up because I had a kid with Sade. Me and her was in love like love love before I went away to college. But I met Sade."

"You regret meeting her?"

She could hear the crack of his smile from the other end of the phone. "I regret not meeting her sooner." He chuckled, like air until the shallow breaths turned into heaving.

"Fuck." Cheyenne cursed, a sudden realization hitting her in the gut. "Dame." She fussed, in a soothing motherly tone as she'd used on her own son many times. She paused, listening to him breaking down on the other end. "How old?" She asked and covered her mouth waiting for his answer. A tear fell down her face.

"This is why you and C gotta make it work. He's trying— I know he is. We all talked about how we would be different from our own parents. He's the only one actually doing it."

"Damon—" she interrupted, "how old?"

"There's no kid Cheyenne." He inhaled, catching his breath. She let out a long sigh.

"I'm going to kill you for scaring me like that."

"Okay. How did you know?"

"Woman's intuition." She said simply.

"He's almost three years old." He admitted to her softly. "She didn't want to tell me because I had just told her that Sade was pregnant and that I was planning to take care of her."

"See how I always fucking know?" She said to herself, " Wait, THREE YEARS OLD?! Your nasty ass was sleeping with both of them at the same time?" She asked. "That is so stupid. That's just wild." She mumbled into the silence that was created by Dame's lack of response. "How long have you known? Wait, so you and Rane were together the whole time? That's why you and Sade weren't official? Did she know?"

"Yes, we were together. No, she never knew."

"Damon what fuck? Why the hell are you telling me?" She nearly whined her words, guilt of knowing something Sade doesn't know filling her belly.

"Because I know you the only one in my life who can keep their mouth shut. Plus, I know you had questions after meeting her today."

"But how the fuck am I supposed to keep this from her? She knows me like the back of her hand." She slapped her leg. "You can't ask me to lie to her."

"I'm not asking you to do that. I just needed to talk it out. If you want to tell her, go ahead." He sighed.

"And for the record— I'm not going to sleep with Q. He's not into me like that." She told him, clearing her name in case he'd want to get back at her for talking to Sade about what he'd just told her.

"You're into him though. I can tell."

"Doesn't matter. I'm married. To your stupid brother. And, i'm not a cheater. I might lie sometimes. But only on special occasions— like today where he'll think I left him at home for a real big reason. I just don't know what yet."

"Cheyenne just talk to that man." He huffed. "His ass starts bugging everybody else when you ain't messing with him." He told her, "He kept calling me the other night about you while I'm trying to focus in the studio." He complained. "But, any way, thank you for listening Chey. I've been holding this in for a long time."

"How long is a long time? When did you find out?"

"She called me from the hospital just to tell me he was born. Then she blocked me."

"Fuck that crazy bitch."

Dame laughed.

"She didn't even give you the chance to say if you wanted to help raise your kid or not."

"It was her decision but it was because of my decisions. So I understand why she went about it that way." He told her, "I don't even know his name Chey. She won't tell me. She doesn't want me to meet him. He's going to grow up thinking his father abandoned him just like mine did."

"Does she know about all of that?"

"We talked about it. We was together a lot when everything was going down. So as I found out new shit, I talked to her about it. Especially once Cole started being an ass. She was all I had."

"You had Sade--who was very confused and very pregnant at the time."

"I know. But, she didn't know anything about my childhood yet. And I didn't want her thinking I was a train wreck of a nigga when she was getting ready to have my child."

Chey huffed, "Okay, understandable. But, Dame. If she already knew your insecurities and if she really loved you, then why the fuck would she handle the situation how she did?"

"She probably thinks I'm just like Maverik. A weak ass nigga who can't handle his shit."

"I want to talk to her. Is she still here?"

"Around here somewhere." He told her, looking clear at Rane across the room. "Listen, I don't want it to seem like I chose Sade over my son. It's not like that at all. If I had known—"

"I know that Dame." She ignored his ongoing guilty venting. "Is Cecil still here?"

"He's around here somewhere too."

"Okay." She breathed out. Climbing off of the tall bed. "I'm on my way back. You need a drink?"

"I been drinking all night. I probably don't need nothing else."

"I'll see you in a couple minutes." She quickly hung up, going to the stocked mini fridge she'd been eyeing. "Well I need a drink. Shit." She opened it and took a tiny glass bottle from it and tossing it in her bag before taking a next one and opening it, downing the whole thing. "Okay." She whispered, shaking her arms and head, preparing herself for the on-taking she was headed for.

[ranesha 'rane' cosby]

"Sooo, how do you know Quincy?"

"We met at an internship in Connecticut yeeeears ago." Ranesha smiled, "How about you?"

"We had a mutual friend." Cheyenne nodded. "Is that where you met Dame too?"

"Nah, girl me and Dame grew up together. We became friends in the after school art club in like late middle school years. Like eighth or ninth grade."

"Oh, cute."

"So you and Dame are friends?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"I mean, you obviously knew we dated once upon a time. But, why didn't he tell you that we stopped dating?"

"That's what I was going to ask you, girl."

Chey looked out the window and noticed Dame and Cecil were outside together.

"And did you talk to him yet?" Cecil asked Dame.

"No. I just — last time I brought up our relationship, he got mad and left. I don't want to trigger him."

"Fuck a trigger, Dame." Dame stared out into the street while listening to Cecil. "The least his deadbeat ass can do is give you some advice. He probably been thinking about what he could've done differently for the past thirty years i'm sure. He certainly has a list of things he could share about how to fix the situation."

Dame cleared his throat. "I still can't believe you were listening to my conversation C. That shit is just not sitting right with me."

"Why can't I know?" He asked, "I obviously can keep a secret."

"Yeah, until you feel like you should spill. Like when you told me about Cole's suicide attempt. You were dead wrong about that shit by the way. We talked about it."

Cecil blew out air through his lips. "How was I wrong? I was there."

"But you don't know what happened that lead to that. And since I actually CAN keep a secret, you'd have to ask him yourself."

"I just don't see what I could misunderstand about a nigga with a gun to his own head."

"Open your fucking eyes C. Niggas be hurting. Niggas be struggling right in your face.. standing right next to you and you never see that shit, my baby. It's like, it's almost like you just don't want to."

Cecil rolled his eyes.

"See what i'm saying?" Dame mumbled to himself at Cecil's reaction.

"So what am I supposed to do? Beg niggas to want to be around? I can't make nobody feel better. I'n fucking hurting too."

"And there's the problem. You only think about yourself. You're married and have two kids and where the fuck do you be at?"

"Work nigga. And then I come home where my kids can see me and I can see them. But you wouldn't know nothing about that?"

Dame smirked. "I told Cheyenne I would be dumb to tell you any type of shit and look at you here— proving my point."

"You used to come to me for advice all the time." Cecil reminded him.

"Yeah I used to. Then I realized, your dumb ass don't know shit."

"Matter fact, I don't know why you talking to my wife when i'm not there anyway. The fuck you thinking?"

"Bitch maybe you should talk to your wife since you don't want nobody else doing it!"

"I don't even know why I call myself trying to come check on you." He complained. "You ran up outta here looking like you could cry. Yet, I'm the one catching strays." He stared at Damon. "So, that's the reason you been acting all different and weird? All this because that girl left you?"

"You wouldn't understand. You're usually the one who does the leaving."

"I'm going to let that one slide brother. Because you hurting and shit." He turned, using the building as a support, "I want to tell you something from the perspective of the so called 'leaver'. It's never an easy decision and most times has nothing to do with the people or person being left behind. It's personal. So, if you want to understand why she did what she did, you should just ask her."

Dame didn't respond.

"I know I never really explained my self-- my reason for leaving and cutting contact with everybody. And I still don't think I can really put it to words. Even after all these years. Maybe she won't be able to either. But you gotta respect that too if that's the case."

"Sometimes I want to disappear too. But I don't. I don't see how running away solves anything." Dame said.

"Sometimes all you can do is run. But you eventually get tired of running and everything is still there when you stop. Actually, sometimes nothings left if you run long enough." Cecil started. "I know you hate people who run away. That's what you seen your whole life. It makes you furious to think that someone could just forget all of their responsibilities and loved ones and just start over. But that's not what it's like at all. There's no doover button. You suffer."

"You trying to make me feel sorry for you?"

"No, I'm just trying to give you some perspective. Life is hard for everyone. Some people just cant handle the shit."

"My son is going to think that about me."

"Yeah, he will. But as he gets older and can ask questions, he'll discover that isn't true."

"But he will already hate me. You're the one who emphasized breaking the cycle of our fathers and now I'm supposed to just let it fly."

"You already broke the cycle Dame."

"Not if I don't fight for my son."

"And what about Georgie?" He asked him, "Where's she right now? Did she eat today? Has she had a nap? Do you know her favorite cartoon? Her favorite food? The time of her birth right down to the minute? Did you see her today? Does she question wether you love her?" He stared at Dame. "You break that cycle every fucking day Dame. You did it. You are better than your father."

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?"

Cecil shrugged.

"I thought you had all the answers."

"Like you said before, I don't know shit."

September 26 2024: published