ch.07: feelings don't understand time
song01: upp by zebra katz

<thurgood 'good' longt>

Sunday
June 11
1 AM

part 1:
[makaveli]

𝕴𝖙 wasn't long 'til i found myself sitting off to the side somewhere. It's after midnight and I'm not usually up this late. Plus on the road, i didnt want to go to sleep— i just felt weird about Black. Something is off and nobody tells me shit.

I got up and started walking through the house looking for somewhere to lay down when I saw a familiar face across the way. I thought it was Thurgood, but he wouldn't be at a party. He definitely wouldn't be at a party thrown anybody we know. He only deal with certain people. I tried to follow this guy anyway, out of curiosity. He looked around and I caught a better glimpse of his face and it was definitely him.

I followed him out of the house and down the path to the beach where he stood, waiting, watching.

"What you doing here?" I asked him.

He didn't turn around yet. He stood still, watching the moon reflecting off the water. "I was sort of hoping to see you." He said.

I felt like it was a scene from a movie. I walked closer to him. "How did you know I would be here?" I looked up at him, "More importantly, why were you hoping to see me?"

My heart was thumping in my chest. He grabbed my hand and led me to a secluded spot behind some rocks and trees,  "This ain't the hood. White people be having cameras everywhere." I said sternly, trying to convince him to put space between us. But, i knew he wouldn't listen. I was hoping he wouldn't listen.

One of his legs filled the space between my two, closing the gap that separated us. I could feel the warmth of his heavy body up against mine and his breath tickled my skin when he put his lips up against my neck. He exhaled, "yes. You are the best i ever had Makaveli." He breathed, finally responding to the question i asked over text.

I closed my eyes to keep myself calm, but it just accelerated energy that was flying through my nerves. The way his hand was tucked behind me, cradling my head and the other traveled up and down my leg, i felt like the nineteen year old i was when he first laid me down like nobody had before. Kissed me in places i had never even been touched. When he looked into my eyes, i remembered why i wanted it to be him who showed me what it was like to have all of me bare and vulnerable to another person. Every time i see him, i know nobody could ever have taken his place.

"I miss you." I mumbled, accepting his lips onto mine. He paused, looking into my eyes and staying there just like he had at the water, i was mesmerized by his long lashes that covered half of his heavy eyes. "I want you so bad." I grumbled, trying to pull him closer to me, but something was causing him to hesitate.

I heard laughter snd the sound of flip flops coming down the hill towards where we were. I huffed and he put his hand over my mouth, quieting me. They ran right past us and down to the beach. Thurgood watched them for a little while before taking my hand and leading me to his car. It was a different car than the one he was driving before, but I still wasn't about to be seen in a car with him.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, taking my hand out of his. He turned around and grimaced.  I jerked my head back, confused by his reaction. "This ain't jail nigga." I looked at him. Once out of that 'spur of the moment' energy, i remembered what Black said about what happens in jail stays in jail. He's right, me and Thurgood wouldn't be friends out here and we most certainly wouldn't be fucking. He's breaking the rules I live by. "I can't fool wit'chu, Good." I shook my head, ignoring the pain that was traveling from my throat down my chest. "Out here, it's different. You know that."

"You saying that like your brother ain't doing the same shit with his gay ass."

"That's him. That ain't me. You met me in jail, Good. I think we should'a just left this shit in there. Jail Maki is different thatn the real Maki."

"Aight then." He said, walking backwards u til his back was up against the car. "I guess I can respect that."

"You gotta respect that." I told him, looking him over one last good time before turning around and walking back up the hill. It took a lot not to turn around and see if he was longing for me but I know that nigga aint. And i shouldn't be longing for his ass either. I gotta get outta this jailbrain.

part 2:

Lonnie pulled up to the house, parking amongst the plethora of cars on the grass. Not knowing there was a party going on before his arrival, his first mind was to find his favorite cousin or one of the others and ask questions. But, Sam found him first— "Cousin!" He exclaimed, gripping his shoulder, "Man! I was wondering when I would see you again!" He yelled.

Lonnie grimaced, uncomfortably. "Why?"

"Because i'm curious, Cousin." He lightly squinted his eyes at the older man. He shrugged, "I just don't know why you would keep such a big secret from me."

Now Lonnie was squinting, curious also.

"You and Luke James?" He asked a little too loudly, causing onlookers.

Lonnie looked around. "Can we talk somewhere else? Or another time? When there's less people around?"

"We could've talked before I had to guess. I didn't even know you were like that." He commented. "I mean, I'm not as surprised by him. But you? I would've never guessed."

"Why aren't you surprised by him? Because of how he dresses?"

"What? No nigga, this ain't the nineties." Sammy joked, "People been speculating for years. Ever since that video got leaked."

"What video?"

"Of him."

"What was he doing?"

"Shit, what wasn't he doing?" Sam laughed louder than he should've. "My bad, it's not funny." He smiled.

"Sam." Lonnie deadpanned him. "Where's the video?"

"Oh, it was wiped from the internet like thirty minutes after the leak. It's gone."

"But you saw it?"

Sam shrugged.

Lonnie raised his eyebrows, leaning in towards his cousin.

"It'd be weird if I kept the video, right?" He asked awkwardly."Wow, it really is weird. But, i'm sure i'm not the only one. It's not like I be watching it. I just knew it was gonna get deleted. That's the only reason I saved it."

"Send it to me." He nodded, tapping Sam's shoulder as he walked away. Stepping onto the terrace of the beach house, he noticed his brother, Makaveli talking to someone out on the beach. He kept watching to see who the man was, light skinned with a full beard and thick eyebrows.

A message came through, stealing his attention from the two men on the beach. He opened the message from Sam that said,

Sam
Aye, don't shoot the messngr

Sam
Video attachment

Sam
I figured only because of how you was changing your outfit like three times just to go say hi that nigga

Sam
I cant belve u got boyfridn

Sam
A whole niggaaaaaaaaa 🫨

Sam
*bouyfeinf

Sam
*BOYFRIEND

Sam
But its cool bro

Sam
Be who u are!! For your priiiii🌈deeee

Sam
🥳💅🏾✊🏾🌈🌈🌈

Sam
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sam
Oh, i forgot uncle Mac was looking for u

Sam
He was mad too. I told him not to ruin the vibes because tonight is about fun but that made him angrier. So, good luck with that

Sam

Him and Uncle Mav got mad anger issues

Sam
I cant stay around them too long 🧘🏽‍♂️

Sam
But anyway

Sam
🌈🌈🌈🌈👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Sam
🧍🏽‍♂️

Lonnie looked up feeling someone near him. "Aye, when you get here?" Mak asked him, taking hold of the banister, taking space beside Lonnie. He looked out over the railing to notice that his brother had a clear view to where he just was— with Thurgood.

"Not long ago." He replied, melancholic. "You spoke to Dad recently?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?" He tried reading the expression on his brother's face, but couldn't figure him out. "Did you get to talk to ol' dude?" He asked, referring to Cole who Lonnie was meant to meet up with a couple days ago. "You never said how it went."

"Nah, we never hooked up." He lied, not wanting to talk about the failed encounter. "He was busy."

"Oh, that's not whats up."

Lonnie nodded, "Seem like you and your nigga not too busy tho."

Makaveli snorted, "Oh huh?" He asked nervously. "What do you mean?"

Lonnie shrugged, leaning onto the railing too. "Who was that?" He looked over at his brother. "Was he the nigga from jail?"

"What? You mean the story I told you? Man, that happened years ago."

"Years don't mean shit. Feelings don't understand time." He told his brother.

"I thought I couldn't have no real feelings for a guy. Remember that shit?"

"Oh did I make you feel a way? Good. I hope you not doing what I think you doing though. And I hope that wasn't who I thought it was. Because if it is, you gone wish you left that nigga alone."

"What the fuck." Makaveli mumbled.

"Stop acting confused," Lonnie continued in his monotone voice, "If that's that nigga, Mohammed's cousin, I can't help you when shit go left. You don't know what went down while you was away. I think you should chill for a minute."

"Why I gotta chill, man? You the one who should chill on niggas. Nobody like's a fucking stalker— that's probably why his ass ain't wanna see you."

"Walk away." Lonnie sighed, putting his attention back onto his phone.

"You're such a hypocrite." Maki argued, indeed not walking away. "You had sex with Mohammed. It really can't get more fucked up than that yet nobody said shit to you."

"Yeah? That's because I wasn't all out in the streets cheesing in a niggas face."

"Just because you are good at hiding doesn't mean nobody can see you." Makaveli told him, "I don't think I would ever take advice from somebody who never been honest with themselves."

"Nigga, you're not gay. That is a whole man you playing with. A man who went to prison for chopping another nigga's arm off. And you fucking with him."

"Shit, Cole fucked with you and you done way worse."

"Walk a fucking way Maki."

"Fine. And i'm gonna tell Dad where you been staying."

"Bitch."

"Stay out of it and I wont say nothing."

"What ever."

"Fine."

Makaveli did not walk away. Instead he stayed beside his big brother who was occupied by his cellular device. He leaned over to see that Lonnie had a video up on the the screen but was staring at it on pause— or he hadn't even pressed play yet.

"What's that?" He asked.

Lonnie exited out of the message thread, putting his phone into his pocket.

"You know, we used to tell each other everything. Now look at us." Maki stated, disappointed. "I can't stand this shit man."

"I ain't keeping nothing. You the one with the secrets."

Makaveli sighed, standing up from the banister. "I'm gonna go find Carti— see what he up to." He excused himself from his brother's presence.

Lonnie too excused himself from the terrace, making his way to his bedroom in the rented house and locking the door. He rummaged through his suitcase to find his headphones. After lying down on the bed and plugging the white wire into his smart phone and one corded bud into his ear, he finally pressed play on the video striking up one of his most unforgettable memories.

[09062022]
e/rw: 05/21/2024