Word count: 3024

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 stood outside of a building, where the name 'SOUTHLAND LIFE' was stated in glowing, blue letters. The building was towering—the top went to at least fifty feet.

Five took the card out of his pocket and unfolded it, his eyes scanning over the message once more.

"You sure this is the place?" he murmured to Valerie.

She nodded. "Mhm."

"Okay." He took a deep breath as he looked at the building. "Let's go."

He threaded his fingers through hers and guided her inside the building.

The main foyer was well lit, the ceilings being only long panels of light. Ahead of them was a twin set of black stairs, each step sleek, which they climbed up. They walked towards the elevator, and Valerie admired the large, vibrant flowers that had been painted on the beige wall.

Five pressed the elevator button, which then glowed blue. After a few moments, a ding rang through the air, and the doors opened to reveal an empty elevator, with striped brown walls.

They stepped inside, and Five used his free hand to press the button to the floor they were heading to. The other hand tightened around hers.

The doors began to close just before a hand clutched onto it, and they opened once more.

Diego entered, before being followed by Allison, Klaus, Vanya, then Luther.

"Good," Five remarked. "We're all here."

They all watched nervously as the elevator went up each floor, and listened to the small ding that came with it.

Suddenly, Luther gave a small grunt. Then, the smell hit them.

"Luther!" Klaus groaned as they all covered their noses.

"Sorry," Luther mumbled sheepishly, his gaze lowered, "I'm nervous."

As soon as the doors opened, everyone rushed out, eager to breathe in the fresh air.

"Nasty. I'm choking!" Klaus exclaimed as he got out.

The room they entered was one of a restaurant—namely, the 'Tiki Lounge,' according to the wooden sign at the top. It was island-themed, with brightly decorated round tables, and decorations of a tiki hut surrounding them.

"All right, when Dad gets here, I'll do the talking, okay?" Five said as he walked to the table in the middle, which, judging by the eight chairs, was meant for them.

"Nuh-uh, I don't trust you with talking," Valerie immediately said, instantly being reminded of all the times with Mr. Biggs and Elliott. "I'll do the talking."

"Got a few questions for him myself," Diego muttered as he and the rest walked toward them.

"Hey, we don't wanna scare him off," Valerie responded, shaking her head. "He might be able to help us stop the apocalypse and get us home."

"No, we need to figure out why he's planning to kill the president," Diego insisted, causing her to give a deep sigh.

"This is a matter of life and death, you imbecile!" Five leaned his hands against the table as he stared daggers at Diego.

"Okay, yeah, maybe we should take turns talking. Yeah?" Vanya suggested. She then picked up an orange-and-white conch shell from the table next to her and held it up for them to see. "Here, whoever has got this conch shell gets to talk."

Five looked at her, shaking his head. "Vanya, we don't have time for a debate, okay?"

"Maybe I should lead." Allison took the conch shell from Vanya and stood in front of the table. "We all know I'm a better public speaker than the rest."

"Okay, Daddy's girl," Diego said snarkily.

"Oh, jealous, Number Two?" she returned mockingly, her eyebrows raised mildly.

"Hey, no more numbers. No more bullshit." He walked over to her, shaking his head furiously. "We're Team Zero. We're all Team Zero."

"Uh, Diego." Luther, who was sitting next to Vanya at the table, snorted. "You don't have the conch."

Diego then grabbed the conch out of Allison's hand and hurled it at the wall, instantly shattering it.

"Classic," Allison sighed.

Then, the door burst open, and a slender man walked in, carrying a journal that they were all far too familiar with. Everyone froze as he walked around to the head of the table and sat down, and everyone followed suit.

Reginald pulled his cuffs out as he looked around at the group. "Not only have you burglarized my lab, set my chimp loose, conned your way into the Mexican Consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked me, but you have, on numerous occasions, called me—"

He paused as Klaus took his seat, a martini that he made at the bar behind him in his hand. "Hey, Pop. How's it hangin'?"

"—'Dad,'" Reginald finished his sentence with a look of distaste. "My reconnaissance tells me you're not CIA, not KGB, certainly not MI5, so" —he peered around at them through his monocle— "who are you?"

They all exchanged glances, keeping quiet as they hoped that someone else would answer the question.

Finally, Five leaned forward and spoke for them, "We're your children. We're from the future. In 1989, you adopted us all and trained us to fight against the end of the world. Called us the Umbrella Academy."

Reginald furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at Five and questioned, "Why on earth would I adopt seven—"

"Eight," Allison corrected. "One of us isn't here."

"Dead," Diego cut in sharply as he shook his head. "One of us is dead."

Suddenly, Klaus turned around, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Enough of that now."

Reginald gave Klaus a strange look before continuing on, "Regardless, what would possess me to adopt seven ill-mannered malcontents?"

"We all have special abilities," Valerie told him as she shifted in her seat, glancing over to Five.

"Special?" Reginald repeated dubiously, his eyebrows furrowing. "In what sense?"

"In the superpower sense," Luther answered.

"Called me old-fashioned," Reginald gave a small scoff, "but I'm a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence. Show me."

An irritated smile grew on Allison's face as she stirred her straw in her cup and muttered, "Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden."

"We're not circus animals, okay? We're not gonna bounce balls on our noses and clap our hands like seals for your amusement," Luther stated, clapping his hands together for extra effect.

Just then, Diego whipped out a knife and threw it so that it curved around Reginald's head and stuck itself in one of the wooden poles behind him.

Reginald stared at him for a moment before he pulled a thin pen from the inside of his suit. He turned his gaze downwards as he opened his journal, his eyebrows scrunching slightly as he began to write in it.

They all leaned forward in worry as they tried to peer at his writing, and Diego questioned, "What are you writing?"

Reginald stopped writing and looked up at him as he deadpanned, "You are zero for two, young man."

Rage filled Diego's expression and he stood up, about to storm toward the man.

Instantly, Valerie got up and sped over to him, pressing a hand on his chest and pushing him backward.

"Stop!" she whispered angrily, receiving a glare in return.

Reginald stared at her, his eyes glinting with interest. "Now that is interesting."

"All right, uh, quick rundown," Valerie sighed as she pushed Diego and walked back to her spot. She pointed to each person as she listed them off, "Luther, super strength. Five can teleport. Klaus can commune with the dead. Allison can rumour anyone to do anything."

"Except she never uses it," Diego muttered as he sat down.

Annoyed, Allison looked up at him. "I heard a rumour you punched yourself in the face."

Diego's eyes glazed over and he immediately sent a punch in his own direction.

"Aah!" he groaned as clutched his nose, his face scrunched up in pain. "Dammit!"

Allison grinned before taking a drink out of her cup.

Reginald turned to Vanya and lifted his eyebrows. "And you?"

"Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run." Luther gave a small smile as he patted Vanya's arm.

"Oh, yeah, that's probably not a good idea," Klaus agreed with a shake of the head as he brought his martini to his lips.

"It's fine." Vanya shrugged as she reached over and grabbed a fork. "I can handle it."

"Handle it?" Allison repeated incredulously as a humourless smile came onto her lips. "Last time you 'handled it,' you definitely blew up the moon."

"No, Vanya, don't!" Five exclaimed as the girl leaned her head down.

Ignoring everyone, Vanya tapped her fork against her wooden cup. Soundwaves emitted off, and instantly, the platter that was overflowing with fruit in the middle of the table exploded. They all covered their faces as the small pieces of fruit launched themselves toward them.

"Oops," Vanya giggled.

"That was actually impressive," Luther mumbled, shrugging.

"Look, we know that you're involved in a plot to assassinate the president," Diego accused as he stood up, leaning over the table while he stared at Reginald.

Valerie exchanged an exasperated look with Five as she sighed. This wasn't going to go well.

"You were recently hospitalized, isn't that correct?" Reginald queried as he quirked an eyebrow. "You still appear to be suffering from delusions of grandeur and acute paranoia."

"Am I?" Diego scoffed. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the photo from the Frankel Footage before tossing it to their father. "Explain this. That's you. That's two days from now on the grassy knoll at the exact spot the president's gonna get shot."

Reginald picked up the photo and inspected it. A smirk grew on his face as he handed it back to Diego. "Well . . . I suppose you've solved it. You've single-handedly unearthed my nefarious plot." He paused for a moment, taking in the grin that had approached Diego's face. "Is that what you want to hear? You fancy yourself a do-gooder? The last good man who will save us from our descent into corruption and conspiracy? This is a fantastic delusion. The sad reality is that you're a desperate man, tragically unaware of his own insignificance, desperately clinging to his own ineffectual reasoning. More succinctly, a man in over his head."

Diego, who had been slowly sinking back into his chair, stuttered, "You're wr . . . wrong."

"Look, forget about the president." Five leaned forward on the table, looking intently at Reginald as he sighed and told him, "We have a catastrophic war coming in five days. We need to figure out how to stop it."

"War?" Reginald echoed with a scoff. "Men will always be at war with each other."

"No, this isn't just some war," Valerie cut in, her eyebrows knit together tightly. "We're talking about an apocalypse. The end of the world."

"Well" —Reginald leaned back, an amused smile on his face as he looked at all of them— "you're the special ones, aren't you? Why don't you band together and do something about it?"

Suddenly, Klaus's hands raised to the ceiling and he began to shake violently, gasping and groaning.

"Is he having a seizure?" Allison asked worriedly as they watched him writhe.

"Overdosing probably," Diego said dismissively.

"Should we do something?" Valerie questioned as she stared at him, her eyes widened and her eyebrows furrowed.

"Klaus!" Five leaned towards him, whispering furiously as he shook his head. "Now is not the time. What are you doing?"

Klaus's reddening face turned to Reginald, and he managed to wheeze out, "I'm . . ."

"Out with it, boy!" Reginald, who looked absolutely repulsed, exclaimed.

" . . . Ben!"

And with that, Klaus fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Well" —Reginald swallowed— "thank you for coming. I've seen about enough." He grabbed his journal and stood up, clearing his throat.

As he headed towards the door, Luther slammed his hands against the table and stood, causing Reginald to halt in his place and turn his attention to the man.

"Look at what you did to me!" Luther yelled as he ripped open his shirt to reveal his gorilla-like torso. "Look at it!"

"Oh, shit," Five breathed out in exasperation as he leaned back in his seat, his face distressed. "Why?"

Reginald stared at the man before turning to Valerie and Five and saying, "You two, in the uniforms. A word, in private?"

The two of them glanced at each other before following Reginald to the bar as the other family members left.

The bartender wiped the bar counter clean with a rag as they took their seats, with Five sitting in the middle.

Reginald sighed as he looked towards the two of them. "You two seem to be the sensible ones of the bunch."

"That's because I'm the oldest," Five answered drily. "And she's—" Five glanced back at Valerie, who only gave him a shrug. "Well, she's Valerie, so . . ."

The bartender placed a crystal bottle filled with brown liquid beside Reginald who then raised his eyebrows at them and offered, "Cognac?"

Valerie shook her head, and Five smirked. "Just a smidge."

Reginald peered over at Valerie as the bartender handed the two men their drinks. "The other night you quoted Homer at me. Why?"

"You forced us all to learn it as kids," she sighed with a small shrug. "In the original Greek, no less."

The two men took a sip of their drink before Five started, "This world ends in five days if we don't get out of the timeline."

"Worlds end," Reginald said airily. "Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on."

"We can do something about this one," Valerie pointed out as she furrowed her eyebrows.

Reginald shook his head. "Man's greatest flaw: the illusion of control."

"We need your help. All right? You're our last sane option. Otherwise, I gotta make a deal that I really don't wanna make." Five swallowed. "What do you know about time travel?"

"In theory?" Reginald raised an eyebrow, his head tilted.

"In practice," Five corrected.

Reginald exhaled. "I know it's akin to descending blindly into the depths of freezing waters and reappearing—"

"As an acorn," both Five and Valerie finished for him.

Reginald stared at them for a moment before questioning, "What transpired when you tried travelling before?"

"Botched it," Five sighed.

"How?"

"I jumped too far forward, got stuck in the future for twenty-one years in an apocalypse," Five answered heavily, giving a small shrug. "Then I jumped too far backwards . . . except this time I brought my entire family with me."

Reginald gazed interestedly at Five and slowly said, "Maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities. Start small. Seconds, not decades."

"Seconds?" Five repeated incredulously, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Mmm," Reginald hummed as he nodded.

"Look, no offence," Five scoffed, "but I need a bit more time for what I'm trying to accomplish."

"So much can change in a matter of seconds," Reginald told him as he shrugged. "One could overthrow an empire. One could fall in love. An acorn doesn't become an oak overnight."

Five's jaw clenched. "I was really hoping you had more than that."

"I'm sorry I can't be of more help," Reginald replied as he looked down at the bar counter, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm sorry, too," Five sighed. He was silent for a moment, his gaze lowering before murmuring, "I gave you such a hard time as a kid. I didn't know any better."

"Hm." Reginald gave them a smile that they never saw too often on him before he reassured him, "No skin off my teeth, old man."

Five drank the last of his drink, and the two bid goodnight to Reginald, who clutched his journal quite tightly.

They walked outside of the building, and rather than going back to Elliott's, Five sat down on a nearby bench with a sigh.

Valerie sat down next to him, her eyebrows furrowed as she peered into his face. Tentatively, she asked, "You okay?"

He was silent for a few moments before he mumbled, "I have to do it."

"Do—oh." She frowned when she realized what he had meant and she heaved a heavy sigh. Her eyebrows knit even more closer when she processed his words and she quickly questioned, "What do you mean 'I'? I think you mean 'we.'"

His head snapped towards her as he shook his head and firmly stated, "No. You're not coming with me."

"What?" Valerie sighed as she folded her arms. "Why?"

Five's eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head once again as he told her, "The board of directors—it's too dangerous."

"Too—Five, are you kidding?" She scoffed as she looked off towards the side and licked her lips. She looked back towards him after a moment and pointed out, "Everything we've been doing for the past two weeks has been too dangerous!"

He swallowed, his eyes hardening as they set onto the pavement in front of him. He let out a small exhale before he mumbled, "This is different, Val."

Valerie stared at him, her gaze pleading. "Five."

It took about three seconds of staring for him to give in. "Goddammit," he muttered to himself, ruffling his hair with one hand. Suddenly, he looked up at her, his eyebrows scrunched together. "But . . ."

"But what?" she questioned as she tilted her head.

"You . . ." Five sighed before he pointed out, "This assignment is to kill."

She nodded slowly. "I'm aware."

He tilted his head as he slowly said, "But your code . . ."

Valerie was quiet for a moment, her eyes dropping to the ground as she thought. After a moment, she shook her head and sighed, "I don't care anymore. I just want to go home."

He frowned, cupping her cheek with one hand as his gaze met hers. "Are you sure? This is a lot for—"

"I'm sure."

Five's eyes roamed her face for a moment before he exhaled and gave a short nod. "All right," he murmured, getting up and kissing her forehead. "Let's go visit the Handler, then."