"𝒾𝓂 ℴ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃ℊ ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾 𝓃ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝒹..
𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓂ℯ 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁ℯ 𝒷𝒾𝓉 𝓉ℴ 𝒷ℯ 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻ℯ𝓇ℯ𝓃𝓉"

- gracie abrams, hard to sleep
(lyrics slightly cut by author)

𝑟 𝑒 𝑚 𝑒 𝑚 𝑏 𝑒 𝑟 | 7

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟑, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

dear journal, i've found this nice place. it's a tower, and when you look up, the night sky is directly above you.
i've always liked the stars. something about them calms me, even when i'm crying so hard i can't breathe.

i can't really remember how it developed. in fact, i can't really remember what happened in my early childhood.
but anyways.
a few times, I felt as if someone was watching me, but i was too exhausted to check. sobbing takes a lot out of you, especially when you do it so often.
at around 2 am, i headed back, shivering and cold. did i mention i have insomnia too?

i still wasn't able to sleep, so i sketched someone.

someone.. i can't remember.
i was sitting there, idly moving my pencil, until suddenly it resembled a face. a shadow of a boy with curly dark hair and brown eyes.

i stared at it like... what the fuck?
how can i have sketched someone i don't know?

my thoughts right now are wild, fleeting and quick. flying in and out so fast i can't get them ordered in my own mind, let alone down on a flimsy piece of paper.

i'm sorry. you, my journal, are far from flimsy. you've been the best in all of this pain, and i shouldn't repay you like this.
(am i seriously talking to a notebook?)

i need sleep.

but i know one thing.

something is hidden from me, because no one draws someone they've never seen before.

___

𝑠 𝑙 𝑖 𝑝 𝑝 𝑖 𝑛 𝑔 | 8

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟓, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞

Something is happening to me.
My mind is reeling.
I'm remembering things I never knew I'd had.
Things I don't understand...

___

𝑏 𝑒 𝑙 𝑙 𝑓 𝑙 𝑜 𝑤 𝑒 𝑟 | 9

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟔, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

FAYE WOKE UP early in the morning after getting a few hours of sleep. she looked at the shimmering clock in her room; it read 6:24. she'd gone to sleep at 2:57. sighing, she looked at the sketch of the boy she'd drawn a few days ago, and yet nothing in her mind yielded themselves, if there was anything.

the blonde slid out of her bed and put on her robes. as she brushed her hair, she looked into the mirror and wondered, who is that girl in the mirror with the big eyes and long blond hair wearing silver robes that say slytherin? who is that girl who can't speak; with no friends? who's the girl who breaks down every night and sleeps after 2am every day?

her heart began to pound, because she couldn't break down. not now. faye's eyes landed on her sketchbook again, and to distract her mind, she simply drew vague lines on a fresh sheet. as she worked, her mind swum and finally landed on a memory.

"do you know why my favorite flower is?" a young faye asked, turning around to look at the boy beside her. he shook his head absently, toying with the rough pebbles on the pavement.

faye shoved him. "teo, you're not even listening!" the young brunette glared at her, but made an effort to pay attention as she continued to talk. "anyway, my favorite flower is the bellflower," she said, pushing windblown strands of her messy blond hair out of her face.

the poor boy looked bored out of his mind. "anna, i don't care about your favorite flower."

the little blond girl looked at teo with a childish anger blazing in her eyes. "that's mean!" she cried. "the bellflower represents humility and love! isn't it perfect?"

teo merely shrugged. "anna, can we please do something else? your walks are a bit boring."

anna rolled her eyes. "fineeeee," she said, drawing out the word dramatically. "go grab the ball, then."

instantly, a childish grin appeared on his face. without a second thought, teo eagerly ran off towards the toy shed to grab his ball. anna watched from the small hill they'd been standing on as he tumbled through the grass in his excitement.

years later, both children wouldn't remember this.

___

FAYE'S EYES FLUTTERED open to a pounding in her head. she glanced down at her tightly clutched hands, and it revealed a ball of paper.

on that crumpled scrap, there was a completed drawing of a bellflower.

but fainting people don't finish sketches in their sleep, the logical side of her brain argued. but faye knew she had drawn this, either before the memory had taken over or before she'd passed out due to the retaining of a memory.

speaking of which, how had she even lost those memories in the first place?

the pounding grew louder, and she realized it hadn't just been in her head. someone had been knocking on her door, and she'd left the poor person in the cold. feeling slightly apologetic, faye snapped her fingers and the door flew open, revealing a surprised pansy and astoria.

"wandless magic?" astoria murmured.

faye nodded, confirming her guess. pansy shared a look with the other brunette, and then they were guiding faye to the great hall.

___

ALL HEADS TURNED towards faye as she walked towards the slytherin's table. she pretended not to hear the whispers.

"wait, is she actually mute?"
"i don't know, just ask her."
"she won't be able to answer if she actually is, dumbass!"
"why is she actually so pretty though?"
"can she hear us right now?"
"i want to touch her hair."

pansy and astoria tactfully ignored the whispers as well, instead bringing faye to the boys she'd accidentally met a few days ago. she wondered for a short minute where they'd been the past few days, as she'd not seen them anywhere, not even in the common room. then she remembered riddle's warning about searching for them and abandoned the thought.

"so, faye, i don't know whether you were properly introduced to all these idiots," astoria said, pulling faye down on the bench next to her.

faye did not miss the way riddle's eyes flicked to astoria's in irritation. a warm feeling spread up her neck. did she really mean so little to everyone in the room?

"enzo, you start," pansy said bossily, pointing at the boy that had winked at her in the compartment. so, does that make enzo berkshire?

"yep, that's me," enzo said with a wink. "you know, if you ever think about jumping off a tower, you can always count on me to catch you."

at the mention of jumping off towers, the blond-haired girl flinched, and although lorenzo might have missed it, mattheo did not. his gaze pierced her skin, unblinking and unyielding. but as quickly as his eyes had fallen to her, they flicked away again.

"berkshire, don't joke about things like that," mattheo said, the kind words not matching his smirking expression. it made sense once he continued. "it seems our pretty little moon girl here doesn't like it."

faye glared at him, which only made his smirk wider. concentrating on the piece of parchment paper lying next to him, she managed to scratch out:

if that was your way of caring, i think you need serious work on your people skills.

riddle's smirk disappeared in a flash. "i do not care about anyone, anderson. i only hurt, and you would do better to remember that before i have to tell you again."

without another word, he got up and stalked out of the room, not looking back once.

___

an excerpt from faye's mental notes

lorenzo berskhire. a flirt, obviously. i'm guessing he does it with everyone?

theodore nott. In a world of boys, he's a gentleman. or maybe just towards me, i don't know. but he's actually... sweet.

blaise zabini. from what happened when lorenzo and theodore started a food fight, he's the instigator... but he seems respectful to women, nonetheless.

draco malfoy. the 'ferret', according to enzo. i thought his name meant dragon??

mattheo riddle. quiet, mysterious, and closed off. remember what his father has done. remember that he's no good. he himself has told you that, and yet... something is drawing me to him.

___

ami !!

this book is so wordy it's mildly disgusting

dare i say the irl parts are much better now?