𝑓 𝑟 𝑒 𝑒 𝑑 𝑜 𝑚 | 1

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝟗, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

i've begun counting down the days. to be exact, there's two more of them. two days, before i return to the teasing, before i lose the last and smallest bit of who i am, before i become an outcast again.

the girls of beauxbatons never really understood me, and maybe that was because no one tried.

___

FAYE ANDERSON LOOKED up at the sound of someone calling her name. "faye, darling, come downstairs," her mother called. "i have something to tell you."

faye glanced back down and her journal, and already shaking hands begun a new stream of words.

my mother's probably calling me to tell me that i have to "try" to make friends again, like i didn't use to when i was little.
it's going to be my sixth year there, and no one has even acknowledged me.

what am i supposed to do about that, when i'm all but a silent ghost in the hallways?

___

FAYE LAID HER journal on her desk. she loved writing. it was her only companion in loneliness, but sometimes she wished she had a voice that could reply to her. not the traitorous ones in her head. someone who loved her. someone who would really try to see the hurt and layers of pain she'd hidden underneath.

never, the world told her each time. you're mute. you'll always be different.

sometimes, i just feel like i'm

d r o w n i n g.

___

"𝒾𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒽ℴ𝓁𝒹 𝓂ℯ 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽ℴ𝓊𝓉 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓃ℊ 𝓂ℯ, 𝓎ℴ𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒽ℴ ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝒹"

- lana del rey, cinnamon girl

___

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟑𝟎, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

today, i watched as my mother packed my things into boxes, to be sent somewhere else in an instant. then she said that we were going to move tonight. by nighttime, i'll be in a different country, different house. by tomorrow, i'll be on a train, trying to start my life over again.

dear journal, what do you do when your life is upturned in an instant? does it mean i'm free now?
this hogwarts school, it sounds strange, and i won't know anyone there. i'll be an outsider. i don't see any change.

and what's worse, tomorrow, a new group of people will discover how different i am.

___

𝑎 𝑙 𝑜 𝑛 𝑒 | 2

"𝓎ℴ𝓊'𝓇ℯ 𝓈𝒸𝓇ℯ𝓌ℯ𝒹 𝓊𝓅 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝓇𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓉.. 𝓁ℴℴ𝓀 𝓁𝒾𝓀ℯ 𝒶 𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒾ℴ𝓃 𝒹ℴ𝓁𝓁𝒶𝓇 𝓂𝒶𝓃"

- lana del rey, million dollar man

___

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟑𝟎, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞

Every day, I ask myself why I still write shit in this.
And everyday, I continue to do so.
Maybe it's because I'm so alone. I've taught myself not to care. I've turned my heart cold.
But doesn't it get tiring, having to keep gluing pieces of myself back together? To calculate every smile, every smirk, and every person that means something to me?

"Mattheo Riddle, fuckboy," they say. Fear laces their voices. I've made myself from my father's reputation. I'm going to fulfill his destiny, like I ever wanted to.
I'm that way because of them, fuck it. I'm cold because no one wanted me. Because I was discarded when I refused my father, and used as a tool when I obeyed.

So tomorrow, I leave the peace behind and jump back into the wretched place that refuses to accept me. As a student, yes, but only because they have to.
As a person? Not even.

Goodbye, summer.
The few months of solidarity you brought were far too short.

___

𝑢 𝑛 𝑘 𝑛 𝑜 𝑤 𝑛 | 3

"𝓃𝒾𝒸ℯ 𝓉ℴ 𝓂ℯℯ𝓉 𝓎ℴ𝓊, 𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓇ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒷ℯℯ𝓃.. ℐ 𝒸ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓈𝒽ℴ𝓌 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒾𝓃𝒸𝓇ℯ𝒹𝒾𝒷𝓁ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃ℊ𝓈"

- taylor swift, blank space

___

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞

Berkshire will come in first, a smile on his face despite the abuse he's gone through.
Nott will come next, sullen, serious, with his hands in his pocket- the closest mirror of me I can find, honestly.

Zabini and Malfoy come next, Blaise calm and collected, Malfoy sulky and frowning.

I don't understand why the girls come every year after our compartment is full. Perhaps it's the fearful anticipation of wanting one of us, wanting our bodies.

I suppose it doesn't matter.

Really, no one expected a silent, shy blond girl to wander into our compartment.
She's new.
u n k n o w n.

___

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧

so. i'm not really writing this down right now, as i don't really have access to paper.
i'm not quite sure what i did...
but somehow i wandered into a compartment of boys.
HOT boys.
i may not be a typical teenage girl, but i'm not so abnormal as to not have eyes.
and damn... they are really enjoying the view.
if only the boys weren't all staring at me as if i have two heads.

___

FAYE LOWERED HER eyes, sensing the tension in the room rising every second. she wondered how she'd managed to get herself into a situation like this on her first day- not even! they were still on the train.

finally, someone spoke. "come here, princess," he called.

cautiously, faye lifted her head. her eyes met chocolate brown ones, and she fought back the thoughts in her head as she continued to study the boy speaking. holy shit.

his forehead was shadowed by loose brown curls, and his eyes shone, like someone had plucked stars from the sky and put them in his pupils. right now, though, they were narrowed in wary curiosity.

when faye neared the boy, he asked her a simple question. a question she couldn't answer.

"what's your name, darling?"

powerless to answer, she shook her head silently. the boy's brows furrowed. "sorry, love?"

just a few minutes in, and he'd already used multiple pet names. faye fought the flush coming to her face at the thought of it, because after all, he probably did it with every unlucky girl he came upon.

"i don't think she can speak, riddle," another boy said. faye nodded gratefully in his direction, studying him as well. his skin was light, and he was another brunette. however, his hair was tousled and straight, unlike riddle's hair. when he caught her staring, he sent her a slight wink, and faye looked away.

"i think i figured that out, berkshire," riddle snapped without looking away from faye. she began to grow uncomfortable, but when he spoke to her again, his voice had turned gentle again.

"do you think you could write down your name for me, love?" he waved his wand, and a piece of paper appeared on the seat next to him. cautiously, faye stepped closer and snatched the paper off of the cushion, snapping her fingers to conjure up a pen. riddle's eyebrows raised in surprise, but he didn't say anything.

___

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟔
𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 (italicized)
𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 (bolded, italicized)

my name is faye anderson, and i'm a transfer student from beauxbatons. i believe i am going into my sixth year.
yes, i'm mute, but that does not mean you can take advantage of me.

And why would you feel the need to tell me that, darling?

oh, maybe just because you look just like the type of person to do that to a girl.

Perhaps. But what I do in my free time is none of your business, unless you would like me to make it your business?

your words do nothing but prove my point.
who are you, by the way?

I'm Mattheo Riddle, the son of Lord Voldemort.

___

FAYE'S PEN STILLED. the name sounded slightly familiar, but it meant little to her. she stole a brief glance at mattheo, who seemed to be waiting for her reaction. maybe he wanted her to run screaming away, like she could even scream.

...was there supposed to be dramatic music there or something?

riddle let out a laugh that wasn't happy in the slightest. looking at her with those dark eyes of his, he murmured, "you have no place with us, anderson. i'll bring you to a different compartment. don't look for me again, and ignore us in the hallways. it's better for both of us."

___

ami !!

first rewritten chapter !! are you proud of me