love is scary, and y/n l/n can confirm that.

some say that she's emotionally distant, some say that she's spoiled rotten to never glance their way. almost everyone she meets would have the same thought process about her; 'she's someone who looks like she doesn't want to be in a relationship'. however, only her close friends from high school would attest to that, knowing how far the rabbit hole goes in terms of the girl and the abyss we all call romance.

in reality, she's scared. 

the (h/c) haired girl couldn't count how many times she got her heart broken due to false hopes, wrong people, and loving too much. it was a never ending cycle of giving without receiving anything- loving someone until her eyes would cry as she'd plead the person to stay. 

maybe she's just unlovable.

drowning her misery in school and alcohol became her coping mechanism- kissing random strangers in the heat of the night as her mind is fogged with liquor helped her in more ways than one. 

if she can't feel loved sober, then at least she can feel wanted when drunk.

it didn't bother her that the intentions of those around her in the club isn't innocent, she relishes in the attention she's been craving from all the past relationships that made her feel impossible to be adored. all she ever wanted was to be looked at like fine art, to be told sweet nothings in the midst of the crowd- to be held with the fear of her breaking.

y/n wanted to be loved the way she loves them.

god was her only witness to the times she'd cry to herself, asking what sin she committed in her last life that she had to atone for. she'd beg until she'd pass out of exhaustion, before eventually giving up on the thought of romance completely. the closest thing she'd had to feeling love was when a certain song plays and she's stuck off to her imagination.

sad, i know.

the girl is currently sitting outside of the grocery store alone, waiting for boothill to finish his shopping as she stared at the chattering couples in front of her. who would expect that a small town like this would have so many couples? (e/c) eyes glanced from one pair to another, spotting the differences between each lovebirds with a hint of smile on her face.

it's cute, she thinks. how one seemed to be on their first date, and the other seemed to be married long enough to bicker lovingly while on their stroll. human beings are rather simple, it seems- as their happiness depends on their partner's emotions.

the unwelcomed feeling of insecurity washed over her as she watched cupid pair one person after the other, wondering when is her time to get shot by the arrow of love. rather, when will the person she loves accepts her for who she is.

she knows she isn't perfect- nobody is. everybody is unique in their own ways, and it's a fact that she likes on everyone. she likes how emma is always so cheerful despite carrying heavy sacks of feed, she likes how stan- despite the man being silent most of the time, would listen to her rant about the heat. she likes how-

"ya sure ya don't wanna come inside?" y/n was snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of the familiar voice, turning her head to the side as her eyes met with carmine ones. it seemed as if she was stuck yet again in her own mind, not realizing that the bell chimed as boothill stood beside her. 

his usual grin was gone, replaced by a small frown as his brows furrowed, causing his fair skin to crease as the man pointed inside the grocery store.

"it's hot out, wouldn't wantcha to pass out 'ere." 

it took everything in her not to chuckle at how cute he looked, his cocky attitude missing replaced with one of concern. it was unlike him, really, and she knows that too. maybe the heat got to him first before it did her and melted his brain off.

whatever the reason behind his uncanny personality, she appreciated it. come to think of it, he's been weird for the past few days too- letting her stay in the car with the air conditioning on whenever he goes to pick something up for henry, using his jacket or hat as a cushion to not ruin her outfit. 

hell, he even offered her help when the bed she's using suddenly broke. 

the girl is aware that he's a gentleman, and knows just how kind he actually is despite his annoying facade. however, he's been doing all that without making fun or striking a fight with her.

"i'm fine. it's crowded in there, i'll stay here until you're done." her words caused him to grumble in annoyance, shifting his weight to his other leg as he took off his hat, ruffling through his long tresses. 

she didn't expect her vision to get blocked all of a sudden, letting out a confusing hum as she felt the familiar weight of his hat on top of her head. y/n gently lifted it to look up at him, an amused smile creeping on her lips at the sight of him. the man had his face turned away from her, not wanting her to see the blush on his face as he clicked his tongue in feint annoyance.

"use that then. 'm almost done, just gotta check out. if ya get too hot, go inside yeah?" 

y/n nodded, her eyes shining in amusement and gratefulness as she watched boothill go back inside to finish his chore. 

he truly is acting weird to the point that she misses their bickering.

 a sigh left past her lips, letting the hat rest on her head as she went back to watching the crowd go on about their day. however, she couldn't help but smile at the gesture of her newfound friend. she's already sitting under a shade, and the sunlight can't even reach the tip of her shoes, making the hat albeit useless. 

it's the thought that counts, right?

she couldn't help but feel her stomach churning in delight at his actions, chuckling to herself as she tilted her gaze upwards, her fingers toying with the soft fabric of the brim of his hat in adoration that made her heart swell. 

her eyelashes kissed the apples of her cheeks as she closed her eyes, her mind going back to the times he'd been kind to her throughout the past few days without saying anything relatively annoying.

'take my jacket. wouldn't want to ruin yer poor dress.'

'stay inside the truck 'n wait fer me, won't be long.'

'ya feelin' hungry? i can whip up some mean sandwiches.' 

ever since that night the two talked again and spent the majority of the evening talking in his car, he's been uncharacteristically soft to her. it was something she never expected coming from a guy who likes to put bugs in her mug for fun.

did he hit his head when they weren't hanging out?

nonetheless, she likes this.

but she also liked hearing him annoy her to no end.

"didn't make ya wait fer too long now did i?" 

(e/c) eyes met his, causing his heart to flutter as she stood up, helping him with the groceries as he got a whiff of her perfume. aeons- she's making him go crazy.

"not at all." he watched how effortlessly carried a bag filled with goods with her, noticing how big his hat was for her head as he kept a chuckle to himself. she looked cute, with her little sundress and her hair being crushed with his hat.

the two of them walked around the lot, getting greeted by some local farmers as they made their way towards his truck. boothill helped her putting everything at the back, before walking over to the passenger side and opening the door for her, causing her to raise a brow to which he merely nodded.

"get in will ya?" he could tell that she was about to say something funny by the way her cheeks puffed up, struggling to bite back her tongue as she got inside and closing the door behind her.

y/n watched a old woman stumble behind him, her eyes glossing in concern as boothill turned to look at the commotion. she watched as he jogged up to the woman, helping her up gently while others helped in picking up the fallen groceries. 

she stared as the man asked her if she was okay.

she gazed at how gentle he was in guiding her towards the smoother part of the area.

ah, this is what she liked about him.

the girl liked how he's kind. he always gives and never expects anything in return- how he helps anyone even if he has to get his hands dirty if it means the person is safe. boothill isn't selfish, that much she knows. 

despite the man's rough edges, he has a big heart. 

boothill jogged back up to the truck, entering the driver's seat as he wiped his hands on the fabric of his jeans. 

"so, d'ya have anywhere else ya wanna go to?" carmine eyes stared gently at her, etching her features to memory as her hum reached his ears, liking the way it made his heart flutter. 

"the field?" he nodded at her words, starting the truck as they pulled out of the parking lot. the breeze from the open window caused her hair to get blown behind her, the air nipping at her skin as she looked at the passing rows of corn with a smile on her face.

if she was being honest, anywhere with him is an adventure as it is. they could just be in his car cloud gazing their afternoon away, or by the lake where he'd teach her how to know if fish lives there or not. boothill was her walking adrenaline pill- a man who can give her entertainment without needed high tech stuff. 

he's someone who looks at her the way she wishes to be looked at.

she might not be aware of it yet.

and her fears might be holding her back.

but that day, she fell deeper in love with someone who she meant to see as a mere friend.

i'm alive <3. i js noticed that the book is nearing its end and wanted to finish it before my own summer ends itself. enjoy the chapter!