it's toxic... but it feels so good
• tw - cnc!!

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"You wanna act like a fucking slut? You'll get treated like one." Mattheo barges into my dorm and grabs my arm, pulling me out of it as I struggle.

"Let go! I haven't done anything!"

Mattheo was 2 years older than me, he was 17 and I was 15. We were in a secret relationship... if you could even call it that.

He had full control over me, he was obsessive with me and how dependent I was on his approval was unhealthy.

If I did anything that he didn't like, he made me strip and kneel before him, and count to 100.

He would make me touch myself infront of him, taking pictures if he was moody with me.

He had carved his initials into the sensetive skin of my inner thigh after the first time we had sex.

Then again, there was the basic punishments of him spanking me. With a leather belt.

All this was amongst other things that he did to humiliate me and only make me crave him more.

I know that this was wrong and I had spent countless nights crying my heart out in fear of losing him.

When in reality, I would probably be happier if I lost him.

But, when its good, its so good.

He treated me so nicely if I was good and he made me feel wanted. Loved, if you will.

He bathed me while I was shaking after a rough time with him, he held me while I cried because of something he did.

He tells me that I'm his world and he's telling the truth, right?

But right now, I could sense how angry he was as he - literally - pushed me into his dorm and locked the door.

I quickly get up from the floor and back away.

"Mattheo, I haven't done anything! Ple-"

"Cormac? Tutoring you? He is the most stupid guy I know. The story isn't aligning."

"He was just helping me with a pro-"

"I don't wanna hear it."

He grabs my already brusing wrist and shoves me onto his bed, unbuttoning his shirt as I tried to get up.

"Y/n. Don't test my patience. Strip."

I tear up, but I pull my shirt over my head anyway. He smirks.

"Mattheo pl-"

"Y/n." He snaps, shutting me up.

He's just im his boxers now and I can still feel his demeanor - oh, hes angry.

"Don't you understand that your mine? You gave yourself to me after you took your clothes off for me and slutted yourself out for me. Cause that's what you are, hm? A fucking whore."

I was just in my underwear now and he spread my legs, slipping my panties off.

He ties my legs apart and stares down at me when he's finished doing this. I shuffle around, intimidated by his stare.

He never ties my arms up because he thinks it's funny when I try and push him away, obviously failing.

He pulls his boxers down and at this point I'm begging for him to be gentle with me, saying sorry.

"Don't pity yourself." He gets on top of me and slides into me easily and with no warning.

He fills me up completely and I suck in a breath, moaning loudly. I'm so wet and I can feel myself throbbing around him.

He starts rubbing my clit and I start whimpering as he starts sliding in and out of me.

"Fuck." I hiss when he starts upping his pace and sucking my neck. I'm literally helpless underneath him.

I'm a moaning mess and the only thinm I feel is him. Us.

He's soon drilling into me and I'm screaming his name now, my stomach tightening as I get closer and closer.

He starts biting my neck and then soothing the pain by licking and sucking the same spot.

"Fuck! Mattheo!"

"Shhh." Apart from the loud noises that I'm naming in response to Mattheo's actions, you can only hear his hips slamming against mine.

"Mattheo, I'm gonna cum! Fu..." I whine and arch off of the bed as my whole body spasms and I release around him.

He sucks in a breath, but doesn't falter. He keeps drilling into me and my whole body feels like its burning.

I'm gonna cum again and God- I don't know how much longer I can take.

Fuck, he feels so good.

Abruptly, he slides out of me as I'm about to finish and I let out a moan as I feel my pussy clench.

I feel him untie my legs and I feel my body already start to hurt and bruise.

Suddenly, he flips my body over and arches my back. Like I said, my body was already sore and the fast movement didn't help.

My ass was in the air and his cock rubs my slit, teasing me. I can hear him light a cigarette as he slides into me from behind.

It hurts bad.

"M- Mattheo it hurts." I whimper.

"Good." He says and I can start to smell the smoke from his cigarette.

He starts building the pace, with one hand crossed over my waist as he fucks me.

I was so tight and he was too big from this angle. My legs started trembling when he sped up.

Suddenly, I felt a burn on the arch of my back. The ash from his cig.

"Matthe- That hurts."

I say again, my body trembling even more. "I hope it does."

He says, his movements speeding up even more. He's been teasing me the whole time, knowing how I feel.

I feel more burns on my back and I tear up, lips quivering. He groans. I bet it feels good for him.

"P- Please." I say inbetween moans.

I hear a small thump which I assume is the dead cigarette being stumped out and thrown on the floor.

he lightly presses down on the burns with his thumb and I start crying.

Mind you, his been harshly thrusting into me from behind the whole time and it hurts so bad.

I can feel that he's close though by the way he's gripping my waist.

He goes harder and I hear him suck a breath in through his teeth as he spills inside of me.

I'm on birth control so it's fine.

I've been on birth control since Mattheo forced me to saying that if I he got me pregnant he would kill the baby and then me.

That's a story for another day though.

I cry out when he still thrusts insude of me for the last few times. Hard.

He pulls out and I instantly let out a breath of relief, which is all took away when he grabs my body, flipping me over.

He grabs the soft rope to tie me up again and I cry out. "I can't take anymore Mattheo."

The minor burns on my back are touching the sheets beneath me and it hurts so bad.

It hurts. Everything hurts.

"You know your safe word." He starts rubbing his already-hard-again cock as he says this.

This time, he ties my arms up too and I frown. He opens his bedside drawer and finds the dreaded gag ball.

"No- Mattheo I don't need it. Please."

He grabbed my throat, lifting my head up and clasping it into my mouth.

Even if I wanted to say my safe word, I couldn't.

I can still breathe, but now I know that Mattheo will just go 10x harder on me because of the fact that I'm now 100% in his power compared to when my arms weren't tied up.

He slides into me and I let out a moan - that goes, for the most part, unheard.

He keeps going - slowly at first.

God, I can't even think straight. This all happened so fast.

There was like a 1 minute difference separating all the positions and my body still hadn't calmed down from all my previous orgasms.

And naturally, he starts speeding up snd rubbing my clit. Fuck, it feels good.

I squeeze my eyes shut and let myself feel the moment, my body going limp.

He presses down his thumb on my clit - hard - and then starts going at an ungodly pace as I scream.

Well, attempt to scream.

He thrusts start getting sloppier and he pinches my nipples making me cry out.

I'm so close.

The familiar feeling of my stomach tightening returns and I try to hold it in for as long as I can but he starts easing me into it and I can't hold it anymore.

"Mhmmm, baby. You like that don't you?" He says, sounding determined to make me finish again.

I let out a muffled scream as my body shakes and I release around him again.

His thrusts start getting sloppier now and he starts pressing his thumb down on my throbbing clit making me moan.

He then abruptly thrusts into me hard. Harder than the other times and he finishes inside of me again.

He then starts sucking my neck again and I feel the pain because of how sore it was from when he had already bit down on it earlier.

He slowly pulled out and I whimpered.

My body was slightly trembling but he still insisted on keeping me tied ul and gagged as he went to shower.

I cried silently, sniffing as he came out of the shower and got dressed.

He smirks down at me, kissing my forehead and whispering sweet nothing into my ear before untying me and taking the gag out of my mouth.

"I love you, yeah baby?"

I nod, pouting. He chuckles and picks me up, taking me into the bath. The water is warm and he rubs my bruises, making everything feel better.

I stay silent, looking everywhere but him as he washes me.

"If you even talk to Cormac again, I'll kill him and his family. You don't want that, baby."

I nod, tearing up.

"I don't want it either, but you make me do these things. I could never hurt you, though. You're precious, sweetheart."

I smile softly and he uses his thumb to wipe a few stray tears. "Let's get you dry, hm?"

-

He does just that, and lays me back down onto the bed, massaging my body with some lotion.

I relax my body, groaning at the sensation. He smirks. "Calm down it's just a massage." He teases and I roll my eyes, smiling.

He then passes some cream on my neck because of all the bites and hickeys, making me wince.

He then passes some hesling cream on the small burns, kissing my forehead and smiling down at me.

"You wanna watch a film, darling? Or go to sleep?" He positions me on top of his lap, laying down.

"Sleep." I mumble, already fighting the urge to fall asleep.

"Mmkay, then." He turns the light off and strokes my hair as I fall asleep.

Unspoken words linger in the air; we both know that what he does is wrong but it doesn't matter.

Because time and time again, I come crawling back. I asked for this, right?

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first time writing something of this

it could be worse, but the relationship that ive just wrote is not healthy!!

part 2 of down the drain will
be posted in the near future!!

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