Holy shit. I've never been more nervous for something in my life. Today is the first day of shooting. The first day of everything.
I stayed up last night reviewing lines, which I had already memorized but I wanted to make sure I really really got them down.

I also texted Connor just to talk because he hasn't been reaching out. And I don't know how he'll feel about me having to kiss Louis. I just won't tell him yet. I'm afraid that Amara's plan will work, and I'll fall in love with Louis while still dating Connor.

Wait no. I won't fall in love with Louis. Psh. Not possible.

I told Connor about my nerves and my costumes and hair. But every time he replied with a simple "ooh" or "fun."

But then I asked if we could FaceTime and the boy said he was busy.
That was the end of our conversation. It hurts a bit when he doesn't show interest, but then posts us and gets a ton of new followers and likes. It reminds me of my first boyfriend. And I really hope we don't end that way.

But back to now, Willow told me to keep my hair natural, because it fits Enola's character well.
So now everyone gets to see my lovely frizz. Yay.

Today we are filming the scenes on Enola's bicycle, and the scene with her, Sherlock, and Mycroft at the train station. I wear the blue dress, with a blue ribbon. It was a fun little scene, and the opener. Harry told me that the film will switch from me, to small clips of activities with Helena. Those small scenes will be filmed at the very end of the movie. Apparently they jump around scenes quite a bit in the industry.

But that just made me worry that my kiss with Louis would come sooner rather than later...

Anyways, we start shooting at nine. It's seven. Leaving me two hours to get up and changed, and then head down to the hair and makeup trailer and get all dolled up.

The scenes with Tewksbury aren't for a while yet. Lucky Louis was given the option to stand by and watch the scenes until his turn to join in.
And I know he will. It'll give him another thing to tease me about.

For breakfast I decided to eat two donuts and a glass of Apple Juice. Nutritious, I know.
Then I went to brush my teeth and tidy myself up in the bathroom.
I don't think my heart has beat any faster than right now.

And once everything was ready, and I had packed a small bag with things like my script, water bottle, phone, and lunch. I was ready.
One hour left.

~

"Ahh y/n! You're here! How are you feeling?" Amara squeals, moving aside so I can step into the trailer.
"I'm great! I mean I'm obviously nervous but more excited."

I smile, following her to my chair in front of the bright mirror.
"I'm glad to hear that! You got all your lines?" She double checks, untying my hair and gently brushing it out with a comb.

I make a little 'mhm' noise and then it's quiet for a moment, the only noise was the quiet noise of the TV, which was tuned on the news station.
I have to tell her about Connor. I have to tell her that I can't fall in love with another boy. Because despite the fact that Connor had acted suspicious a few times, I can't cheat on him.

I'm not like that.

"Amara?" I get her attention, as she holds two bobby pins in her mouth.
"Hm?"
"D-Do you remember when you told me you'll try to make me and Louis fall in love yesterday? During the costume try ons?"

She pauses for a second and looks to the upper right corner of her eye as she thinks.
"Ooh yeah! It's my mission. I'll help you two stop the hatred. And besides, Harry will be really impressed by your "acting."

She giggles, holding up two fingers on both of her hands and bending them down and up when she says acting.
"Yeah about that..." I begin as she ties in the ribbon and bobby pins, "I- I have a boyfriend."

Amara's eyes open a little more and she sighs, "Is that so?"

She finishes my hair and then reaches for the makeup to start my face.
"Yeah," I shrug, realizing I sounded a bit too disappointed by the news.

And Amara being the mind reader she is, immediately grew a skeptical look on her face.
"So... tell me about him. We have literally like an hour to talk."

Ah where to begin.

"Well his name is Connor. I've always had a little crush on him. He's got these beautiful sea green eyes and blonde fluffy hair. He and I would get along great in school. But ever since we started dating it's just... he's different. I feel like I'm watering a dead plant."

Amara places some foundation on a beauty blender and then gently pats my skin, blending the color out.
"Explain."

I told Amara everything. Almost too much for someone who I've only known for a day. I told her about the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. How he didn't seem interested in me, but rather the idea of the fame that comes with dating me. I told her about how he kissed me and pushed me on the bed. I told her about how he keeps posting without my permission. And how he says he will next time, but never does. And I told her about our texts. How I'm always the one who has to text first and his responses are only two letters.

But I also mentioned the time I talked about Louis. And how he said he has a bad feeling about him. But what's there to feel bad about? He hates me, and I hate him. There's nothing going on between us.

The more I talked about Connor, the more I noticed the tiny grimace on Amara's face. She would try to hide it, but I could see. She definitely didn't like him.

"I don't know... but it's been about a month and it's not getting any better," I sigh while Amara has me suck in my cheeks for light blush. And then she lets out a little sigh.

"Sweetie he's not in the relationship for you," she says and allows me to look in the mirror for a second before filling in my brows a bit, "Can you tell me something?"

"Yeah?"

"How does he make you feel?"

Like an old toy. Like someone who you play with and use for a while, but then tuck it away and barely acknowledge it. Useless. Stupid. He makes me feel like I don't deserve anything better than how he treats me.

And even with all these thoughts running in my head, all I managed to say was,

"I don't know."

Amara gives me a few nods and then puts the makeup away and reaches for my blue dress and corset, "Okay well I know how some relationships can be complicated. And maybe you guys are still figuring things out. So I'll let you be okay? But let me know if you see any more red flags. As far as you and Louis... instead of helping you actually fall in love, how about I teach you how to make it look real? I can give you tips or help you guys out? You know, like playing pretend?"

I hold the fabrics in my arms and give her a little smile, "Yeah... yeah that'd be good. And I'll tell you more about Connor and if anything odd happens again."

Then I start walking to the small dressing room, thinking about Connor. He doesn't make me happy. He never reaches out. He's a really dry texter. He only shows love by posting us on his Instagram.

Looks like there are a lot of red flags...

So... should I break up with him?

Would it even hurt him?

...Would it even hurt me?

I don't know. But that's not the focus. I have filming to do. And I can't let my boy drama distract me.

I quickly change into my dress, making sure not to ruin my hair or makeup, and then come back out for help with the corset. Amara smiles and ties it up.

"Alright! You ready for this?" She asks, handing me my small bag and double checking that she didn't miss anything. I nod and tightly grab the straps of my bag.
"Ready."

~
A/N: Oop- Y/N DUMP HIM ALREADY OML
sorry I'm legit talking as if I can't control what she does💀 I have the power to control y/n's actions, and I choose to drive you all insane😈
I'm so nice😌
Have a great day everyone :)