CHAPTER EIGHT

Jealousy

     Estelle wanted to leave right away from Kribirsk on her own, but she was forced to wait a day to heal and gather information. She'd withdrawn from meditating for so long, and she needed to catch up for all the time she'd missed watching the world.

A son that had run away, now dead. The division of stranded First Army soldiers made it back home, though not all survived. Bridges were burned, built again, used before they fell from the weight of it all.

Not always literally. Estelle loved metaphors.

Ana walked into her tent, distracting Estelle from the private conversation she was listening in on. "Am I interrupting?"

"I'll have plenty of time to listen to it later," dismissed Estelle, waving Ana towards her. "How's Kribirsk treating you?"

The deaf girl shrugged, pulling up a stool to sit on across from where Estelle sat, cross-legged, on her cot. "I always need a translator, so I think it would be an understatement to say that I miss the sea."

"Sorry about that," Estelle apologized. "Do you regret coming, at least?"

She shrugged. "When I start to see the overall good we've spread because of this, maybe. We'll see, I guess."

They sat in silence for a while. It had also been a while since Estelle could say she enjoyed the silence. When there was quiet, bad things always followed.

For some reason, not this time.

It was refreshing to breathe in the lull of the tent, not a single worry about him invading her mind in sight.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," Estelle signed. "It'll help me get ahead and plan out our strategy before they get to Os Alta. I can scout it out and make a few stops along the way, as well. I don't need a returned prince, a Sun Summoner, and his ensemble slowing me down."

Ana nodded. "Will you go visit your parents?"

That was a question that Estelle hadn't expected. True, their encampment was near Terev, a town by the Shu Han border. But Estelle hadn't seen them, or the rest of her family since she was fourteen. When she'd fled the Little Palace, she knew that the first place the Darkling would look was there. She wouldn't put her parents at risk like that.

They were one of the people she checked in once she was healed enough to do so without keeling over from exhaustion. They seemed relatively good, still living in the same camp as before she'd left. Her cousins—all of her cousins—were just as they always were, just older. They didn't seem as traumatized as her parents, but they all had something Estelle hadn't expected.

Hope.

Hope that she would come back.

Hope that she was still alive.

Hope that they'd see her again.

And it almost made Estelle cry when she'd seen it. But one of the twins was always patrolling around her tent, checking in on her every now and then, and if they knew she was crying, she didn't know when it would end.

So she made a promise instead.

"Yeah, I think I will," she replied to Ana. And seeing her first mate's expression, she added, "And you're not coming."

Ana frowned, taken aback. "What? Why?"

"Because, for one, it's dangerous. Who knows how many of the Darkling's Grisha are still in Ravka, waiting to pounce?" Estelle asked. "And this is something I have to do for myself."

"Gathering intelligence is not something you 'have' to do by yourself," Ana countered. "Visiting your parents, maybe. I can let you have some privacy with that. But the more people with you who are trained, the better. It means more chances you'll survive the trip to Os Alta."

Estelle blinked. "'The more people'? You can't bring the others into this, too."

"I don't have to. They volunteered." She glanced at the tent flap. "They all know that you don't plan to stay in Kribirsk for long, and if you leave them—us—we won't feel right. Being here without you feels pointless and letting you go off by yourself doesn't seem very smart."

"Are you insulting me, Arbana?" Estelle smirked.

"I'm telling the truth," she signed honestly. "I hate to beg, but please. Make the right decision."

As much as she didn't want to admit it, Ana was right. Going off on her own would only prove to be more difficult for Estelle. Having a small group of women who were trained to fight did seem like the smart option.

"Fine," Estelle decided. "But we're leaving first thing tomorrow. Tell them to get their affairs in order before then."

Ana stood up, triumphant. "Easy. They never had any to deal with."

—

"Leaving without a goodbye?"

Estelle turned, somehow already expecting the egotistical prince to be standing only a few paces away, his arms spread out as if he were expecting a hug. His smirk might have been dazzling, but the hurt in his eyes couldn't be mistaken.

Estelle nodded to Ana before leaving her group of women and horses to join him privately. "I was hoping you'd still be asleep."

"At the crack of dawn? Never," he said with a grin. "Where are you going?"

"Os Alta, that's the ending point," Estelle said. "But we'll have some detours to take on the way."

Nikolai nodded, his hazel eyes sparkling in the low sun. "To Terev?"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "You know, how am I not surprised that you know?"

"I have some very handy spies." He leaned in, the mischievousness in his face nearly unsettling. "The twins make for some good eavesdroppers and guards."

"Not surprising at all." Estelle looked over at an approaching figure. Ana.

"We're ready whenever you are," she informed. "And don't forget that you were the one who wanted us to leave first thing in the morning."

Estelle grinned. "Yes, thank you very much, Captain Obvious."

"You're the captain here, not me." With a wink, she walked back to the rest of the group and Estelle turned to Nikolai. He had a raised eyebrow and a curious expression.

"What?" she asked.

"You two..." he deduced. "Were you...?"

Estelle held out a hand, stopping him. She had to set the record straight. "Okay, we were a thing of the past. There are no more feelings, other than the ones of friendship. Don't read into it."

"If you're sure..."

"Nik, it was years ago." She crossed her arms. "And I don't believe you have room to talk. You proposed a marriage alliance with Alina."

He looked away, a grin upturning his lips, sticking his tongue into his cheek. "So you know."

"Of course I know. How long did you intend on keeping it from me?" She shook her head immediately after. "You know what, it's probably best if I didn't know the answer to that question."

"You would probably be right," agreed Nikolai. "But that has nothing to do with romantic relationships. It's merely political. You know that."

"Do I?" It was stupid, really. He was a prince, and she had no business being in his business. She had better things she should be worrying about instead of worrying about Nikolai.

Yet she couldn't help the bit of jealousy that crept into her head. Sure, Alina had made it pretty clear that she didn't want to marry him, but it did make for a strong marriage to unify Ravka. A symbol of strength to show the people. And Nikolai was known for being seductive.

Very seductive.

Even to those girls who wanted nothing to do with him—if they existed. Even to those who saw him as a jerk. Even to Estelle, who'd really only seen him as a friend for a while.

No, especially to Estelle. Because he hadn't hoped or tried to seduce her. He'd succeeded.

And she knew that they both remember that night like it was yesterday.

Shaking those thoughts out of her head, Estelle shrugged, playing off her jealous words. "It doesn't matter either way. She doesn't want to marry you. I guess Ravka won't have her Queen just yet."

"Maybe," he looked unconvinced, "but we both know I can be very convincing."

Nikolai spun around with a proud grin, not needing to see her reaction, a mix of shock, embarrassment, and vexation. Estelle did the same, just in case he decided to take one last look at her betraying features before she left. She would not let him have this win.

As she approached her crew, they all turned to her at attention. "At ease, ladies," she said. "It's just us for the next few days, so there's no more 'Captain' or 'miss' or anything. I'm Estelle, and Estelle only." Estelle looked around at the women, glancing at each other and her nervously. "Now, who's ready to go?"

Smirks and grins, nods and small cheers came from the half a dozen women Estelle was proud to call her friends. Among them, Ana stood, the most enthusiastic of them all.

Estelle went to Ana when she was at her lowest. They weren't right for each other, no matter what she tried to tell herself. It was foolish of her to think that she could continue to get the best treatment from Ana and not give as much in return.

She was just lucky that they were still friends, no bad blood or resentment between them. That Estelle knew of, of course.

As they mounted their horses, Estelle nudged her horse into Ana's direction. She waited for her to get herself settled in the saddle before signing to her.

"Ana, we're still friends, right?" Estelle wondered.

"Of course," replied Ana. "Why? Is it something Nikolai said to you?"

Estelle shrugged. "Just brought up old doubts, that's all."

With a sincere smile, Ana exhaled. "Estelle, we were a force to be reckoned with. We were everything, while it lasted. But I was giving more than I was receiving in return, and you couldn't give that to me. Simple as that. No hard feelings."

Simple as that.

It was an understatement to say that Estelle was relieved.

And so they set off from Kribirsk, heading east along the Bone Road, using side paths and taking back roads that were rarely used. It was imperative that no one would see them and get suspicious, so they all acted like a group of friends traveling together when they crossed paths with other people, instead of the convoy they actually were.

Over the next few days, Estelle earned a lot about her crew that she didn't know before. Emil, a Ravkan First Army vet had been honorably discharged from the military when she'd lost her leg and left her immobilized. However, she'd refused to let it go and fashioned a metal leg so that she would still be able to move, with help from her brother, a Grisha Fabrikator.

Farrah was Suli who'd been driven away from her home by bitter Ravkans from a town nearby her camp. She decided to take up sailing for the better, helping refugees like her to find a home and their families.

Then there was Jiel and Lije, best friends from Fjerda who'd run away just because they wanted adventure that the Fjerdans wouldn't let them have as women.

Kenna was a former half-Shu mercenary. She might have been reserved when she first joined Estelle's crew, but now her sarcasm and calm demeanor made for a great peacemaker. Sometimes even a great scary storyteller around the fire.

Mars didn't like to talk, but she was fiercely loyal, so Estelle didn't feel the need to be suspicious of her. Guessing by her accent, she was probably from Kerch. Aside from that, there wasn't too much that Estelle knew about her, except that she was the only other Grish in their group.

She was a Tidemaker, and a good one, too. She'd kept the Izoćeici from drowning on more than one occasion, as well as everyone on Estelle's glorious ship.

Being private wasn't something to be ashamed or suspicious of, especially since Estelle had plenty of secrets to keep about herself.

As they traveled, Estelle tried not to spy on Nikolai and his entourage on their slow way to Os Alta. She tried not to clench her fists as he continued to grow closer to her in the public eye, sparking rumors of a possible romance between the prince of Ravka and the Sun Summoner.

She didn't get much sleep. At night was the best time to meditate and scout with the stars, so she only usually got about two bells of sleep before it was time to get on the road again.

Every town they went to, they created a new identity for themselves. Estelle was Ceila in Balakirev and Kier in Poliznaya. She was Kerch in Grevyakin and Ravkan in Kelink.

Then they made it to Terev, after about six days of travel. It was a quiet little town with a church in its center and everything else built around it. They stopped by the nearest market to gather more food and scout the surroundings, Jiel and Lije volunteering to keep a look-out.

That night, they left the inn they stayed at and set down a hidden road along the Shu border. Their faces hidden, with no confirmed tails, they entered the Suli camp where Estelle's family lived.

a/n— Another chapter, spmehow, during finals week! It's a bit packed with a lot of information, hope it's not too much. Lmk!