✧ min ho;

it's been a few days of nothing but surface-level conversations.

good morning.
good night.

no banter. no calls. not even a little i love you attached to the messages. it's the longest we've ever gone without really talking, and i hate it.

but i don't know how to fix it.

so i do what i always do: throw on my headphones, turn on some jazz, and try to ignore the feeling that i've lost something important. except today, i only put in one earbud because i'm used to kitty taking the other one.

i look at the empty seat next to me and feel a void inside. i let out a sigh and lean back, closing my eyes for the rest of the train ride.

-

i step into matchado, the tiny bell above the door chiming as i walk in. but right away, i see her.

covey.

she's sitting by the window, hands wrapped around a warm matcha, her gaze focused on something outside. she wasn't expecting to see me too. i can tell by the way her eyes widen slightly, her lips parting in surprise.

i wasn't expecting to see her either.

but for the first time in days, it doesn't feel like we're fighting. that one small smile she gave, made everything feel normal again.

but only for a second until we look away.

i walk to the counter and order my usual matcha latte, the routine so automatic that i don't even have to think about it.

my mind is still on her as i wait in line. i glance over my shoulder, back at kitty. she's stirring her drink absentmindedly, her expression blank.

she looks tired.

i want to go over there. i want to sit across from her, take her hand, say something stupid just to make her roll her eyes at me again.

fuck, the matcha is taking too long.

or maybe time is just moving slower because kitty is sitting right there, a few feet away, and i'm acting like we're strangers.

i could leave. grab my drink, walk out, go back to pretending that we're fine when we're clearly not. but i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to keep the distance between us just because i'm too proud or too scared.

so when the barista finally calls my order, i take the drink, turn on my heel, and walk straight over to her table. kitty looks up, eyes slightly wider, like she didn't expect me to actually come over.

i nod toward the empty chair across from her, "this seat taken?"

she tilts her head, lips twitching slightly. "depends. are you gonna be all broody and make my matcha taste bitter?"

a laugh escapes me before i can stop it. i shake my head, sitting down, "i'll try to contain my brooding."

kitty hums, stirring her drink. "we'll see how long that lasts."

the tension that's been sitting between us for days eases just a little. i take a slow sip of my matcha, gathering my thoughts. then, finally, i speak.

"...i'm sorry," i say, setting my cup down. kitty glances up, waiting. i exhale, "...for being distant. for the way i acted. i didn't want to talk to you while i was still upset."

she doesn't say anything right away, just watches me carefully.

i swallow hard. "i already said a lot of things i regret. i didn't want to make the same mistake again."

kitty lets out a quiet breath, nodding. "i appreciate that."

i rub the back of my neck. "i still don't know how to fix everything, but... i don't want to keep acting like this."

she's silent for a second, then offers a small smile, "me too."

"i know i keep saying but i'm really sorry," i say, my voice quieter than before.  "i hate how i made you feel like you weren't important when you are. you are the most important part of my life."

her brows knit together slightly, but she doesn't interrupt.

i grip my cup a little tighter, forcing myself to keep going. "i think... i think i pulled away because when you started talking about going home for the holidays, i realized i have nowhere to go." i let out a small, bitter laugh. "and i guess i got jealous. everyone else has somewhere to be, and i'm just... here."

kitty's expression softens, and i hate how weak i feel saying it out loud.

"it's not like i even had a 'home' to go back to," i mumble. "but i don't know, it's different now. watching everyone else get excited to see their families, to have people waiting for them, it just...it made me feel like i was getting left behind. i tried so hard to impress my parents but still — no invitation for the holidays."

kitty studies me carefully, like she's thinking through every word. she reaches across the table, placing her hand over mine.

"i get it," she says softly.

i glance up at her. "yeah?"

she nods. "yeah. and i'm sorry too—for not noticing how you were feeling earlier." she squeezes my hand lightly. "but min ho... you don't have to be alone because you're not alone. you will always have me."

i blink at her, and before i can process what she means, she speaks again, "would you want to come home with me?"

i freeze, "wait what?"

kitty shrugs like it's not a big deal, even though it is. "if you don't think it's too soon, i mean. my sisters would love you. well, laura jean and peter would probably tease you endlessly, and margot would analyze you like a science experiment, but still."

i let out a small laugh, but my chest feels tight because she's serious. she's really asking me to go with her.

to her home — in america.

will i really spend the holidays with her family? with kitty? it feels sudden and too fast. but at the same time, it feels right and exciting.

i need to pick a feeling and just go with it.

i hesitate, staring at our hands, hers still resting over mine. i feel like she senses my doubt. kitty tilts her head, offering me a soft smile.

"you don't have to decide right now," she says gently. "but if you want to come, you're always welcome."

the idea of going home with her, of not spending the break by myself, of actually having a place to belong is ... terrifying.

but maybe it's exactly what i need.

"what if your dad doesn't like me?" i peep out. kitty breaks out into a laugh and squeezes my hand tighter.

"im pretty sure my dad will end up liking you more than me," kitty joked, "and that's saying something. trust me."

"covey...." i drag in a weary voice.

kitty places my hand in front of her lips and gives it a soft kiss, "they'll love you, i promise. you will always be welcome with open arms, okay?"

i break into a smile and let out a sigh of relief, "should i pack a swimsuit then?"

"it's oregon not la," kitty teases, "if anything you should pack some hiking boots."

i scoff, "yeah, not happening."

"tell that to peter."

"gladly," i tease back. we break into a laughter and i finally feel a sense of peace again.

god, i missed her.

-