✧ kitty;

the air is cold as we walk across campus, but my mood is light.

i'm excited.

winter break is coming up, and i finally get to go home and spend time with my sisters. it's been months since i've seen them, and i already have plans to binge movies with laura jean, go on ridiculous shopping trips with margot, and just... be home. i wish min ho could come with me but it's too soon.

"it's gonna be so nice to unplug for a bit," i say, adjusting my grip on my bag. "i love london, but i miss them, you know? i feel like i haven't seen them in forever."

i glance over at min ho, waiting for a response but he's not listening. his eyes are glued to his phone, thumb scrolling through something, completely unaware that i'm even speaking.

i already know what he's looking at before i check.

comments.

he did an interview a few days—a short one, nothing major but it's everywhere now. people online are analyzing his every word, dissecting his body language, speculating about his next move... waiting for me to disappear.

he's reading everything.

i should say something.

i should tell him to put his phone away, to be here with me instead of inside a screen filled with opinions that don't matter but i don't.

instead, i press my lips together and keep walking. we reach the computer lab, but the light feeling from earlier is gone.

i hold the hard drive in my hands, ready to hand it over to the editors so they can start piecing together the final version of our film.

this should feel exciting.

but all i feel is a creeping sense of... distance.

the computer lab is quiet except for the soft hum of computers and the clicking of keyboards. min ho and i step inside, and i spot a girl with long brunette hair sitting at one of the desks, flipping through a set of papers.

she looks up when she notices us, her sharp brown eyes brightening.

"hey, you must be the directors," she says with a friendly smile, standing up. "i'm nini, the editing supervisor."

"kitty! we are the directors but also the script writers and cast!" i introduce myself, returning her smile. but when i glance to my right, min ho is still looking at his phone.

seriously?

i elbow him lightly in the ribs, and he finally looks up, blinking like he forgot where he was.

"oh," he says, stuffing his phone into his jacket pocket. "uh—min ho."

nini nods, her gaze flickering between us before her smile tightens a bit, "oh ... well ... must of been a crazy busy semester then!"

we all slightly chuckle and fall into silence. the moment feels awkward now, and it's his fault.

"yeah... it definitely was," i say quickly, trying to cover up the awkwardness, "here's the script with all the editing notes we put together." i hand over the drive along with a few printed pages of our vision for the final cut.

nini takes it and nods. "cool. we'll get started this week, and i'll send you updates when we hit major milestones."

we exchange a few more words before saying our goodbyes, then finally, we leave the lab.

the second we step outside, i can't hold it in anymore.

"that was rude."

min ho barely glances at me. "what was?"

i scoff. "are you serious? you were on your phone the whole time, and i had to nudge you just to get you to introduce yourself."

he lets out an exasperated sigh. "okay, sorry. i was distracted."

i cross my arms. "you're always distracted lately."

his jaw tightens. "so what? i can't check my phone for five minutes without you making it about yourself?"

his words hit me like a slap, "excuse me?"

he rubs a hand over his face. "it's just... not everything has to be about you. i can't have five minutes to breathe without you making it seem like i'm ignoring you."

anger rises in my chest, hot and sudden. "it's not about that, min ho. it's about the fact that you're never present anymore. it's like i have to fight for your attention, and even when we're together, you're somewhere else."

he lets out a bitter laugh. "you think this is easy for me? you think i'm ignoring you on purpose? i didn't ask for any of this. i didn't ask for people to be obsessed with my life, to analyze everything i say, to make me feel like if i mess up once, i'll lose everything. it's exhausting."

i stare at him, breathing hard. "and where does that leave me, min ho? you don't even see how hard i've been trying to be supportive, to be here for you, even when it's hard for me too. but it's like no matter what, i come second to your notifications."

his hands clench at his sides. "maybe because this is bigger than just us, kitty. maybe because for the first time in my life, i actually have a chance at something real, and i can't just put it on hold every time you want my attention."

my heart stings at his words. i force myself to take a deep breath, steadying my voice.

"i never asked you to put anything on hold," i say quietly.

he exhales sharply, looking away. we stand there, neither of us speaking, the weight of everything pressing down between us.

"well it feels like you are," min ho finally says, "i was chasing you for a majority of this semester. i was attentive and trying to be perfect for you and im sorry that i haven't been at your beck and call lately but some of us actually have real shit going on. i know you want to talk to me about how many eggs you ate this morning or some stupid twitter post you laughed at yesterday but i can't pause my important things just because you can't keep a single thought to yourself."

"are you seriously saying this to me right now?" i ask as my voice cracks a bit, "i was trying to take everyone's feelings into consideration — you and dae. i wasn't just making you chase me for no reason. i wasn't scared to hurt you, hurt dae and ruin the friend groups dynamic! and i'm so sorry that my life isn't as important as yours because it's not as glamorous or high end."

"no, don't even go there kitty," min ho sternly says, "this whole time you've talked about what you're gonna do with your family for christmas and how you're excited to go home. you haven't asked me once what i'm doing or how i'm feeling. all you talk about is yourself or the film."

"because all everyone else talks about is you!"

"yeah, except the one person that i actually want to talk to!" min ho yells back. i look at him with confusion and step back a bit.

"you're the only one who knows my actual family...you're the only home i have," min ho breaths out, "i'm just a placeholder you rent out until you get on a plane and go back to your actual home."

"min ho... that's not true."

i reach for him but min ho steps back and looks away from me. i can see the warm tears falling down his cheek as he shields his face away from me.

"i gotta go, ill text you later," was all he muttered before he quickly walked off.

and for the first time in our relationship, i feel like i'm losing him.

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