The chaos of your train of thought continued even once you returned from Australia.

Eversince you begun the relationship with Jake, you had strangely began to look forward to work again. Even if you had to deal with a lot of irritating complaints from the faculty members upon hearing you spend a vacation with one of their students, you didn't mind because it kept you busy.

It stopped you thinking of Jake. Maybe that was why you hated the thought of leaving Australia?

Being back home reminds you that everything would return to normal.

It was definitely why you hated the night time because it was in the dark of the night you couldn't fight it anymore. You were confronted with things that you would rather forget and the heartbreak of it all was enough to drive even a far stronger person to tears.

What chance did you possibly stand against love?

Stumbling from your bed, you forced yourself to your feet and simply tiptoe your feet around a sleeping Heeseung on your way out the door. You hesitated in leaving the dorm but you knew there was little else you could do; you couldn't get any peace inside.

Unsurprisingly, when you reached the grounds, the entire premises of the Academy was plunged in darkness. It was almost 2 am, so every living soul is sleeping in their beds now.

You cast a hesitant glance at the dorm before you wiped your cheeks to remove the final trail of tears even as you knew it would do nothing to hide just how red your eyes were.

And sure enough, it didn't prepare you in the walk to see Sunghoon was there by the garden, sitting on a bench alone.

His eyes when they settled on your face, widened in surprise even as a relieved smile graced his face because you weren't some ghost as he thought. Once he got a good look at your face, his smile faded.

"Are you okay?", he asked softly and despite all your pride, that was what it took to break you.

The same question that didn't fail, not even once, to make someone cry far more worse.

With tears rushing down from your face, you hurried over to cover it to hide him from his sight and hating the way he was seeing you this weak, but it wasn't enough.

Just like that, Sunghoon is rushing towards you, his arms outstretched in an embrace. But he caught himself just short of actually holding you, likely thinking that you were going to resist as always.

Instead, you were the one to turn in his waiting arms. Sunghoon is quick to embrace you and cradled you against his chest, making soft shushing noises as you tried not to sob.

"I'm sorry", you started, hiccuping slightly against your chest.

"Don't be", Sunghoon said instantly, a single hand coming up to brush your tears away.

"It's too much", you managed quietly, looking up into his face, "I would likely be making mistakes up because of my fears"

He held you close, his nose burrowing into the crook of your neck and he asked, "What are you saying?"

"I don't know what to do", you confessed slowly, so reluctant to tell him the truth, "If I tell you, I can be sure that you would start to hate me. Is that better?"

Sunghoon moved away from you then, looking down at you with a sad smile, "Is this the point where you tell me I have no chance?"

"Do you really want me?", you were unable to help yourself but asks.

"More than anything", he says quietly and you took a step back, remembering what Jake said.

"I honestly don't know how I should process that", you confessed hesitantly, biting your lip.

"That's alright", he assured you, pressing a kiss against your forehead before holding you close again, "I can wait"

Your biggest commitment must be always to yourself. But why are you attracted to a person that isn't good for your heart?

Because you're hoping you're wrong. And everything he does something that tells you it would be dangerous to fall, you ignore it.

And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over.

But the problem is, Jake doesn't know.

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You've grown much closer to Jake than you wanted to.

It was an amazing experience really from Australia without knowing anyone there and you could be a normal girlfriend in the way he deserves. Except with all the eyes in the school, you were back to being distant to him.

"Come on, baby, talk to me", Jake whispers, following you in your way up to the third wing.

Butterflies explode in your stomach, and you frown as you walk into the elevator, taking no chances into giving in. You didn't think it was right to feel like this about him.

"Why are you not talking to me since in the morning?", he decides to make you stop once you were in your floor by taking your hand.

"I'm just tired, Jake", you told him and tried to smile.

"I'll see you later in your dorm room then", he whispers, taking you by the waist, "I love you, baby", he places a kiss on your lips, setting your whole body in fire.

But you couldn't say those simple eight letters in return, so you just muffled his protest with kisses.

"Aww", you both heard someone coos from a few feet behind. You turned around to find Jay standing by the door of their room with a scowl in his face.

The reaction was automatic in your face, glaring is the answer.

"Hey Jay, you're back, huh? I'll pick your gift from Brisbane. Wait here", Jake says, then walks into their room, not looking back.

You don't know how Jake can stomach in walking around Jay who rolled his eyes and once he disappeared, his eyes shifted back with you in it's natural slyness.

"So", Jay started, crossing his arms in contemplation, "Are you and Jake together now?"

He really does have the nerve to ask that when he had his chance and waste it over having a girlfriend.

"How's that girl you were seeing last time?", is the question you ask him instead.

"She break up with me the same day", Jay says, like it was nothing to him, "I realized it wouldn't work because I wanted someone else"

You don't like the sound of his tone, so you just stare at him and frown slightly because your blood was boiling at the thought of the ex-girlfriend. She seemed so nice to be played around.

That's what you hate about boys as well, thinking they could change their girls faster than they can dress.

Knowing that you would say nothing good to him, you brushed past him and quickly tried to walk away. Well, tried is a big word when you failed as Jay quickly follows with his legs much longer to reach you faster.

"Y/N, I really want you, I swear!", he is now sounding like a desperate man.

"Bullshit", you cursed, starting to quicken your pace and heads to your dorm room.

"Please, can we just talk?", Jay begs and you stop, turning around to face him but not to talk.

He doesn't expect for you to be suddenly punching your fist up to his sharp jaw and perhaps all the anger from his cheating have amounted down to that punch, it leads for him to slides down on the floor.

Damn, that feels good, you think to yourself, looking down at him with a satisfied smile.

"Please can you just give me a chance?", Jay is asking again after wiping the blood from his nose.

You can't stop yourself from scoffing upon staring him down, "I can't believe your guts to be asking that to me? Jay, you used me as your fucking side hoe when we were what? Together? That's like the biggest fucked up mistake I've ever done", you told him hatefully.

But why does a sharp pain latches onto your heart?

"I was just trying to make you jealous, really because that's what I felt about Jake all this time", he whispers and it shocks you, because why else?

Were you really that obvious about your slight better treatment to your boyfriend from before?

You turn away from him, closing your eyes, "Do you really think just because I go around dating you once, I would really like you? I just used you because I was fucking afraid to fall for Jake", you turn around quickly to make a point, "It feels like I'm lying to myself being with him-"

Only for your point to stop, the words get stuck in your throat as you see Jake standing behind Jay and he was holding onto the souvenir before it falls from his hand due to his shock.

Feeling your whole body freezes at once, with your eyes widening and the icy sensation of knowing you were in the wrong creeps in. Jake stares at you silently, not saying anything.

After a while longer, you decide to break the silence, "Jake, let me explain", you tried to be soft, walking towards him, hoping he would stay.

Jay shifted to face Jake, a deep frown etched onto his face before asking, "What the hell?"

"Stop", Jake says, only looking at you and you immediately stop walking towards him.

"Jake, I swear it's a mistake. I really felt something for -"

He just shakes his head, "I just don't understand", he whispers, his voice now shaking in pain, "What did I do wrong for you to hate me?"

"Nothing. It's just me being heartless -", you were saying as a sharp pain latches in your chest, making you suck in a deep breath.

"Well obviously because I tried to be right for you", he spits out, taking a step back, his hand running through his hair. His face dropped in fear, "This is some kind of punishment. It has to be. I should have never fallen in love with someone like you"

You were about to talk, hating the way he looks so stressed out but on top of all, he was now trying to wipe tears from his eyes, but he beats you to it.

Once again, he was not letting you speak, "If you were too damn afraid to me, why can't you just tell me? I could have waited!"

"Jake, please, I'm so sorry -", he cuts you off again by punching the wall beside him and this time, even Jay was looking out in worry for him.

The sight of him breaking down in front of you was just too much especially when he slides down to the ground and then he puts his head around his hand, hiding it from your eyes as he cried.

The sobs were too far weak and that is why it was more striking in it's own.

"I really did something worse between us", he choked out and finally looked up, his eyes were now looking mad in spite of the tears.

"What?", you asked dumbly.

"Trusting you", Jake says then runs to the elevator, leaving you to Jay who then walks into their room silently.

There is nothing you can do but to accept it, to rub a hand over your pace because of what you just did to the boy you liked this much.

If not for this happening, you wouldn't have realized how much you really cared for him.

And now, you messed up so perfectly in the most stupidest way.

But what can you do? It will hurt, and hurt and hurt and then maybe one day, it won't.

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Like I said, there is drama!

But hey, you have to learned from it as well. I wonder who else will cry for her.

Added note - ( Dec. 30 -21) Am I a fortune teller? I wrote this back in September..

And then suddenly Enhypen have decided to have three rooms.. In here, Jake and Jay is the roommate, so in real life too.

And then in the way Jake break down here.. in falling to his knees and hiding his face from his hands which what he did in En-Companion last november.