𝐱𝐱𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟

"Come on, Nayeon, you almost did that!"

The black haired girl bit her lip, squinting her eyes, while the younger girl was jumping in one place next to her, screaming for her excited. Nayeon held a dart between her fingers, trying to point at the only left pink balloon on the target.

"Soo, can you shut up, I need to focus," hissed the older girl

Soojin stopped screaming for her, but she was still jumping like a little kid. She put her hands in fists, holding the thumbs inside, hoping that her friend will win. She pursed her lips when Nayeon threw the dart.

The balloon popped loudly.

Nayeon clapped loudly, shouting exited. Soojin also started screaming happily, catching the girl's hands as they started jumping around together.

"I'm amazing!" exclaimed Nayeon making Soojin burst out laughing, "It's true, don't laugh!"

"Ma'am," the girls stopped screaming and jumping, and looked at the man that was standing behind the counter, "You can pick your award"

The girls looked at many plush toys hung all over the stand.

"Which one do you want, kid?" asked Nayeon, looking at Soojin, who rolled her eyes

She was only four years older, but she always treat her like a kid, and when she called her that, it made Soojin annoyed. But she started looking at every toy. She was thinking about it for a long time, before Nayeon nudged her ribs.

"This one," she pointed at the black-white animal, "The panda one," the man turned around, and started to take off the big plushy panda, but the girl stopped him, "No, the smaller one"

He looked at her a bit surprised, but handed her the smaller toy. The girl took it from him with a smile.

The girls were walking through the amusement park, eating chocolate ice creams. Soojin had her toy put under her armpit, focusing on her food. Nayeon was looking straightforward when they walked out of the park, slowly getting closer to the dark alleys.

"Why did you pick a panda?" she asked the younger girl, "And why didn't you take the bigger one?"

Soojin shrugged, "I don't know," she stopped and so did Nayeon. The girl took the panda in her hand, and moved it closer to her friend's face, squinting her eyes, "It kinda looks like you, unnie"

The black-haired girl raised her eyebrows, "I look like a panda?"

"No," Soojin licked her ice cream, "Panda looks like you," she chuckled

Nayeon rolled her eyes, and shook her head. The cat ran in front of them, on the way to turning over the empty can that hit the ground.

From the other end of the alley came out two men, holding in their hands bottles of beer. Their walk showed that they were already drunk. Nayeon held Soojin's arm tightly, just in case. As they passed them, one of the men clapped the younger girl on her body, making her all tense. And Nayeon didn't miss that.

"Ya! What the fuck is wrong with you dude?" the girls stopped, turning around to them, "Say sorry to her, before I get really pissed, I'm giving you a chance," the men exchanged gazes, and burst out laughing. Nayeon furrowed, "You think it's so fucking funny?"

"Alright, alright," the man that touched Soojin raised his hands like he was under arrest, smiling all the time, "But maybe instead of apologising, I can get your number? Or hers?"

He looked at Soojin, and the girl grimaced.

"She's sixteen, you creep," hissed Nayeon

"And?"

Soojin put the panda under her armpit, and took in another hand ice cream that Nayeon handed her. She already knew what was going to happen, so she took a few steps back.

Nayeon rolled the sleeves of her jacket, making both men laugh. They stopped when she punched one of them right in the face. The man groaned loudly, holding his nose, as the trickle of blood strolled down his neck. His friend's eyes widened as he cursed the girl. He turned to her, and wanted to punch her back, but she grabbed his arm without any problem. The man looked at her terrified, as she swung her head, hitting with her forehead his face. She kicked him in the stomach, as the man dropped on the ground, groaning from pain. Nayeon walked to his friend, but he pulled out his arm.

"Okay, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, "Alright? I'm very sorry"

Nayeon smiled, "Apologies don't accepted"

She hit him on the back with her elbow, as he landed next to his friend.

Soojin watched this whole scene unmoved, eating her ice cream in peace. Nayeon breathed deeply, and went back to the girl, taking the food from her.

"So..." she licked her ice cream as they continued to walk down the alley, leaving two men behind, "How am I similar to a panda? Because I don't get it at all"

Soojin chuckled, as Nayeon embraced her neck.

————————
TW: !self harm!

Soojin from the present was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, hugging tightly to the plushy panda. That was the first thing she took from her apartment when she went there with Hyunsoo. Earlier she felt embarrassed about that, so she was hiding it at the bottom of her backpack, but who cares now? She hid her face in the toy, muffling her cry. Her head hurt, and she was tired from this crying, but she couldn't stop no matter how hard she tried. She grabbed her hair and pulled it, making her head hurt, wanting to feel relieved, but it didn't help.

Soojin put down the panda next to her backpack, which she opened again. She looked inside for a second, before taking out the small blade. She crossed her legs, leaning on the wall. The girl took off her jumper. She wiped her eyes from tears, and took a deep breath. Soojin pulled out her arm, and put the cold blade on the skin. She started dragging it, cutting the skin. From the wounds started slowly coming out blood.
  Soojin felt empty. She didn't even felt pain anymore, she felt nothing. She was dragging the razor on herself, but it was like the hand did that for her. She didn't stop, until she felt maybe bit more relieved.

To the bathroom walked Hyunsoo. He had been looking for the girl for the past dozen minutes, since no one had seen her. He noticed her sitting under the wall, with her head tilted on the side, and her arms all in blood. His face dropped, and his stomach twisted. He rushed to the girl, taking her hands in hers. Soojin looked at him and the boy calmed a bit, because he was terrified that the girl had killed herself. He looked down at her cuts. Luckily, they weren't so deep and too close to the veins.

"Hyunsoo"

Soojin was embarrassed. She felt like such a crybaby, who can't stop crying for hours, and now here she is, in the dirty bathroom, cutting herself, because she doesn't know any other idea of coping with things than hurting herself. And now Hyunsoo saw how pitiful human she is. The girl started sobbing.

"I'm sorry," she cried, but she pursed her lips, trying to stop, "I'm so sorry"

"Shhh," Hyunsoo hugged the girl, putting his hand on her head, stroking her brown hair, "Don't apologise. It's okay, you can cry"

And these words made Soojin cry even harder. Hyunsoo pursed his lips, as the tears came to his eyes too. He took a deep breath.
The girl didn't stop for the next ten minutes. And they would stay like that for another one, but the boy got worried about Soojin's arms. He couldn't just sit there and do nothing, knowing that the blood on his clothes was coming from the wounds on hers hands. So when the girl calmed herself a little, he moved away.

"Can you stand up?" the girl looked at him, "Soo, you think you can do that?"

She nodded her head. The boy stood up, pulling her a little, helping her to get up from the ground. She looked down to see a small blood stain where she was sitting. Hyunsoo helped her walk over to the sinks. He turned on the water.

"Do you want to sit?" the girl shook her head

Hyunsoo decreased stream, so it wouldn't hurt Soojin too much. She gently took her arm, and put it closer to the sink, taking the water in his hands, and washing off the blood from girl's wound. She grimaced at first.
The tears came to her eyes again, but now it was more because she felt that someone cared about her. Here she was, standing in the dirty bathroom with cuts on her arms, while the boy of her dreams was cleaning them for her. She didn't even have to ask him to do that. He touched her gently, trying to wash off all the blood. He didn't judge her, he was just there for her.

Another person walked to the bathroom. Eunyoo looked at Hyunsoo, and then at Soojin and her arms.

"Oh God, you look fucking pathetic," she scoffed, "You think she would want you to do that? Crying all the time and cutting your own hands?"

Soojin looked at the girl without any emotions. She was right. Her coping with it was the last thing that Nayeon could want. If she were still alive, she probably would scream at her for doing that. And Soojin would appreciate that, because later, Nayeon would take her to the city to eat something together.

"Can you leave?" said Hyunsoo harshly.

Eunyoo rolled her puffy, red eyes. Maybe she tried to act tough, but it was noticeable that she also had a hard time.

She walked to the boy, and took his hand. She gave him a box of Band-Aids.

"Not everyone wants to see that"

Eunyoo turned around and walked away from them. Before she left the bathroom, she was stopped by Soojin.

"Hey Eunyoo?" the younger girl turned her head to them, "Fuck you"

Soojin smiled slightly, and so did the girl. She shook her head, and closed the door behind of the bathroom.

"She's bullshiting," murmured Hyunsoo, turning his head to Soojin, "You are not pathetic"

"She's right, Hyun. Nayeon would hate me for acting like that"

Hyunsoo started swinging his hand fast, so the little wind would dry the water from her arms. He then opened the box that Eunyoo gave him, and started sticking the patches on her arm. When he finished, he still held her hands.

"Thank you," she said quietly. Hyunsoo nodded his head, and wiped the tear from the girl's cheek. She hugged him once again, knowing that made her calm, "Thank you for understanding me."

"Always"

——————

"Nayeon, come here and try this"

Soojin scooped a bit of sauce that was boiling in the pot, and put a hand under the spoon, so it wouldn't fall on the floor by accident. She started blowing on the food, so it wouldn't be too hot. Black haired girl got up from the chair, put the colourful magazine on the table, and walked to her friend. She opened her mouth, and Soojin put the scoop inside. Nayeon consumed the sauce she made, and after the taste hit all her taste buds, she raised her eyebrows.

"Shit, it's really good," the girl wanted to put her finger in the pot to try more, but Soojin slapped her hand, "Aish!"

"Don't put your dirty fingers here," she murmured

Nayeon gasped theatrically, "Dirty?" she exclaimed, "Who let you talk like that to me, you little asshole"

She started punching Soojin on the arm, as the girl was trying to cover herself, almost dropping on the floor the wooden spoon she was holding. Nayeon didn't stop hitting her, so Soojin started running away, swinging the spoon in front of her, trying to protect herself.

"Don't run away you coward!"

Soojin jumped on the old couch, trying to kick Nayeon, still swinging her spoon. The black haired girl took one of not many pillows, and started hitting the brunette with it. They were fighting like that for a few minutes, before they heard water splashing in the kitchen on the floor.

"Shit, my noodles over boiled!"

Soojin rushed to the kitchen, almost tripping on the rug, making Nayeon laugh.

————————

"You have to eat something"

Hyunsoo put his hand on Soojin's arm. The girl laid on the bed, with her head turned to the wall and her eyes closed.

"I'm not hungry"

The boy pursed his lips, "If I bring the food, are you gonna eat it?"

The girl twisted towards him. She looked at him without a word for a few seconds, and then nodded her head. Hyunsoo smiled slightly, and got up from the bed, leaving the room. He went to the canteen, taking a tray, while Jieun put the watery porridge on it. He thanked her with a head nod.

Soojin held her panda closer to her chest, putting her cheek in the fluffy fur. She closed her eyes, waiting for the boy. She tried to get over the situation, as she heard in her head one sentence. Whenever she was looking in the mirror, only this was howling in her head.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

YOU'RE PATHETIC.

Hyunsoo walked to the room, holding in his hand the tray. Soojin opened her eyes again, looking at him. The boy sat back on the edge of bed.
The girl was moving slowly when she tried to sit, so he helped her. He put the tray on her legs. Soojin took the spoon, and just held it in the air. She looked down at the porridge. And she was sitting like that without moving.

Hyunsoo pursed his lips, and took the spoon from her. Without a word, he scooped the porridge, and started blowing on it so it wouldn't be too hot.

"Open your mouth," the girl didn't do anything, "Please. Soojin, you need to eat"

The girl wiped one tear from her cheek, but did what the boy asked her. He put the spoon inside her mouth, and the girl started chewing the porridge slowly. She felt like a small child, sitting there with the toy in her hands, being fed by someone else. She almost started crying again, so she tried to focus on eating. The girl was looking at Hyunsoo, and that was the moment when she realised that she loved him. The boy knew that for a few days. And he tried to show the girl his love for her, by being with her at her lowest, trying everything to comfort her. He didn't need to use the words. Because if you love someone, you have to show them it, and not expect that they know it.

"Thank you," whispered Soojin, "Thank you for everything"

"You don't need to thank me, Soo," the boy put down the tray on the floor, "Someday you'll feel better. Just give yourself time"

The tears came to her eyes. She lay down on the bed, looking at Hyunsoo, "Can you lay down too?"

The boy nodded his head. Soojin moved a little, making space for him. He hugged the girl, as she put her face on his chest. She closed her eyes, listening to his breathing.

"I love you, Hyunsoo"

The boy looked down at her. Soojin heard his heart start beating faster, which made her smile a little. Was it bad timing to say that? Maybe. But the words escaped her mouth without thinking about it.

"I love you too, Soojin"

Hyunsoo kissed her on the head, stroking her arm. The tears from the girl wet his shirt a little, but he didn't mind. She breathed deeply.

She knew that wherever Nayeon was, she was screaming for her happy.