warning; suicidal thoughts. insecurity. self harm (burning water)

isabella, ever the socialite, had hosted a party in the factory. a hub of networking and business connections. soft melodies floated through the air, mingling with the murmur of conversations that filled every corner of the opulent venue.

the grand ballroom, adorned with crystal chandeliers that cast a warm, golden glow, was the epitome of elegance. exquisite floral arrangements cascaded down from tall vases, filling the space with the fragrance of fresh blooms. elaborate decorations adorned the walls, showcasing isabella's impeccable taste and attention to detail.

as you sat there in the corner, observing the vibrant scene, you couldn't help but feel like an outsider amidst the sea of power suits and polished personas. the room buzzed with animated discussions, a delicate dance of corporate maneuvering and strategic alliances. groups of executives leaned in, their voices laced with ambition and a touch of calculated charm.

couples twirled gracefully on the dance floor, their movements synchronized with the soft melody that carried them away. the elegance of their steps seemed to mirror the intricate negotiations taking place within the conversations that echoed around you. the clinking of glasses and the occasional burst of laughter created a symphony of sophistication, a backdrop against which the mingling of business and pleasure unfolded.

but amidst the swirling currents of power and networking, you remained an island of solitude, your thoughts drifting elsewhere. your wine glass, filled not with the intoxication of spirits, but with the clarity of water, reflected the dazzling lights above.

as you sat there, gazing into the depths of your water-filled wine glass, a sense of unease settled within you. the opulent ballroom buzzed with an air of anticipation, and whispers of admiration and curiosity traveled through the crowd. the elegantly dressed ladies, adorned in flowing gowns and sparkling jewelry, fluttered around the room like ethereal beings, their laughter and flirtatious glances weaving an intricate dance. you looked at yourself, you were dressed nicely too, just not as nice as them

you couldn't help but steal glances at the enchanting beauties surrounding you, their radiant smiles and graceful movements captivating the attention of those around them. their poise and allure seemed to embody the very essence of the evening's glamour.

but as you watched these captivating figures, an insidious doubt crept into your thoughts, clouding your mind like a thick mist. doubts about your own worthiness, your appearance, and your place by onceler's side began to erode your confidence. your eyes shifted downward, avoiding the captivating scene before you, as you questioned your own attractiveness and desirability compared to the other women in the room.

you watched as a girl walked up to the group of people onceler was chatting with, her perfect smile and impeccable dress catching everyone's attention. she laughed at something he said and touched his arm lightly, sending a shiver down your spine. you felt like you didn't belong here, surrounded by all these beautiful and successful people, and couldn't help but compare yourself to them.

as you sipped your water, you noticed a couple in the corner, swaying to the music. they looked so in love, lost in their own world. you couldn't help but feel a pang of envy, wishing that you were the one dancing with onceler, lost in your own little world together. but you knew that was just a dream, a fantasy that would never come true.

as the music ebbed and flowed, carrying with it the cadence of countless stories and whispered secrets, you couldn't help but envision onceler amidst the crowd. his tall figure, framed by the soft glow of the ambient lights, appeared both confident and vulnerable. the thought of approaching him and revealing the depths of your longing made your heart race, and yet, a nagging fear lingered beneath the surface – would he be embarrassed to admit that you were his?

you closed your eyes, and leaned back, but little did you know that a gentle presence was slowly approaching you, drawn by the unspoken stir that lingered in the air. a soft rustle of chains reached your ears, and you opened your eyes to find onceler kneeling in front of you, his gaze filled with concern and a touch of vulnerability. it was an unexpected sight, yet one that brought a glimmer of hope to your weary heart.

his voice, laced with tenderness, resonated like a delicate melody as he asked, "what's bothering you, sweetheart?" the endearing term washed over you, momentarily melting away the weight that had settled upon your shoulders. you hesitated, not wanting to burden him with your inner struggles, but he was persistent, refusing to let your emotions go unnoticed.

with a sigh, you lowered your gaze, your fingers nervously tracing the rim of the wine glass filled with water. "it's nothing," you whispered, attempting to dismiss the ache that clung to your heart. "just tired, that's all." the words fell from your lips, sounding feeble even to your own ears.

but onceler knew better. he had always been attuned to the subtleties of your emotions, and he could see through the facade you tried to maintain. he reached out, his warm, gloved hand enveloping yours, and pressed a gentle kiss against your skin. it was a gesture that held both reassurance and a silent plea for honesty.

"let's dance," he suggested, his voice soft and coaxing "we haven't in a while, have we?" a flicker of surprise danced across your features as you glanced up at him, "you know i can't dance.." unsure of your abilities on the dance floor. but onceler's confidence and unwavering support ignited a spark of courage within you.

as you set your glass down, a blush tinted your cheeks, casting a delicate hue upon your features. as he led you toward the smooth expanse of the wooden dance floor, a wave of excitement washed over you. you couldn't help but giggle, the sound echoing like a melody within the ballroom's hallowed walls. onceler's mischievous smile only widened in response, his eyes alight with a playful glimmer.

he twirled you gently, allowing the fabric of your clothing to flow gracefully around you, as if caught in the magic of the moment. with a deft motion, he took your hand in his and placed the other on your back, his touch both firm and gentle. a subtle pressure lifted you slightly, as if he were carrying you through the dance, ensuring your comfort and enjoyment.

you found yourself floating across the floor, guided by his expert steps. the world around you seemed to fade away, replaced by the intoxicating rhythm of the music and the rhythmic beat of your hearts. In this moment, you surrendered to the enchantment, allowing yourself to be swept away in the arms of the one you loved.

not long after, he changed the subject and asked if you wanted to sit outside. a flicker of hesitation crossed your face. you remembered the desolate landscape that awaited beyond the walls of the grand ballroom.

you frowned, and onceler noticed the shift in your demeanor, his head tilting in curiosity. "i'm guessing... that's a no?" he inquired, his voice laced with concern. with a heavy sigh, you nodded, struggling to find the right words to explain your reluctance. "yeah, just... not feeling it... you know?" his understanding gaze met yours, and he nodded in silent acknowledgement, a gentle smile gracing his features.

respecting your decision, he released his hold on you, allowing a fleeting sense of loss to wash over you. but before he could utter another word, his mother's voice pierced through the air, calling him. "oncie! come here!" the interruption caused him to bite his lip, a conflicted expression passing over his face. "sorry," he murmured, his voice barely audible over the din. it was a small word, weighted with unspoken apologies for the countless times he had been pulled away from you, leaving you standing alone amidst the vibrant whirl of life around you. with a reluctant nod, he turned and left you, his silhouette fading into the crowd.

there you stood, a solitary figure, lost in a sea of movement and festivity, feeling detached from the joyous energy that permeated the air.

with a heavy heart and tired body, you left the bustling ballroom behind. the cool breeze in the dimly lit halls offered some respite, although it made you shiver as you hugged yourself for warmth. making your way to the elevator, you pressed the button for the top floor, where your room with onceler awaited.

the elevator hummed softly as it ascended, its comforting sound providing a brief distraction from your emotions. when the doors opened with a gentle ding, you stepped out into the quiet corridor. soft lighting cast a gentle glow, creating an almost dreamlike atmosphere. onceler's brothers, usually present at the door, were absent tonight, drawn to the party below.

reaching the entrance of your room, you let yourself collapse onto the inviting bed. the familiar space enveloped you, granting a momentary escape from the weight of your thoughts. gazing up at the ceiling, you let out a groan and rubbed your tired eyes, no longer concerned about smudged makeup.

alone in the room that once brimmed with shared memories, a profound sense of solitude settled upon you. the silence was overwhelming, broken only by the rhythm of your own breath. it felt like a gaping void.

you rose wearily from the bed, the weight of your emotions pressing down on your shoulders. with a heavy sigh, you made your way to the bathroom, seeking relief within its comforting walls. closing the door behind you, you stood before the mirror, gazing at your reflection. it didn't look as bad as you had imagined, a hint of beauty still visible in your weary eyes. a fragile smile graced your lips, momentarily brightening your face with a flicker of self-appreciation.

turning on the bathtub faucet, you let the water flow, filling the room with a soothing hum. stripping yourself of the formal attire that stuck on you, you stepped into the warm embrace of the steamy bathtub. the shower was on, but instead of cleaning yourself, you stayed sitting on the floor, feeling the water cascade around you. the sensation failed to get rid of the numbness that enveloped you. it was as if a thick veil separated you from the outside world, trapping you within your own thoughts. the pressure in your chest grew, weighing heavily on your heart.

in an attempt to break free from the emotional torment, you turned the water to its highest temperature. the scalding heat washed over your back, yet you couldn't feel the pain it should have caused. numbness shielded you from the physical consequences, creating a disconnect between your body and the sensations. the steam thickened, enveloping the room, making it difficult to breathe, but even that suffocating atmosphere failed to do anything. instead, you fantasised about what might happen if you stayed in there long enough to suffocate. to pass out from the lack of oxygen, and eventually fade away.

you were aware of the consequence, the saddess it would bring to onceler if you indulged in the selfish act of killing yourself. the weight of that knowledge burdened your soul, but in the depths of your weariness, caring felt overwhelming. a conflict raged within you, torn between the desire to make the ceaseless pain stop and the guilt of causing irreparable harm.

you were selfish.

closing your eyes, moisture mingled with the steam, tracing a path down your face. you didn't know if it was just the steam or tears, too exhausted to figure it out. your limbs, heavy and unresponsive, refused to listen to your commands. washing away the sorrow that clung to your skin seemed a tiring task. giving into the tiredness, your eyes closed, and a sob escaped your throat.

you let yourself release long-suppressed feelings under the cascade of water and the symphony of tears. your sobs blended with the patter of droplets to create a sad tune that filled the room. There was no more strength to control the pain, so it flowed out in floods, drowning out the quiet. you felt the crushing weight of loneliness at that moment of weakness, as if the entire universe tried to isolate you within the boundaries of your own pain.