-YOUR POV-

It was finally Saturday and I was listening to music while jotting down some notes for the science project.

My cuts were healing up which was good, I always hid them so mom wouldn't find out I did it again.

I couldn't get Finn out of my head. The way he held me as I cried into his shoulder, I felt something I haven't felt in a while, I felt safe.

I looked over and saw Finn waving over at me to open my window. I opened it and gave a small smile

"Hey" he smiled."Hey"

"Um so did you get anything else for the project?" He asked. "Yeah" I say "I was thinking maybe you can come to my house and we can paint the balls for the planets?"

"Uh sure but I have plans with Chloe and the others so..." "Okay so later?" "Sure" I said.

// time skip//

I got to finn's house and put all our stuff on his desk until he stopped me. "Wait you seriously think we're starting now?" "I'm here to do our project so yeah."

"Follow me" he said. "what are you doing?" "Just follow"

we went up to the roof and sat down.

"Are you going to push me off or something?" I asked "Why would I do that?" I shrugged.

Finn sighed and took out a cigarette

"You want one?" He offered. "I want my lungs to be normal" I lightly push the box back.

"It numbs the pain, trust me" he smiles at me, I hesitantly take one and take lighter and lit it up.

I take a puff and lightly coughed "Wow good try for a first-timer" Finn says "It's not my first time"

"Oh" "yeah I did when I was like 13 but my dad started to notice they were missing" 

We sat there in silence smoking our cigarettes. I had my my legs up to me chest and I just stared at my feet

"This is my go to place to smoke, I just sit here and look at the sky and just relax" Finn explains "Then why am I here?" "You need this" He smiled.

"About yesterday-" "Don't worry about it" he said. "Why'd you come to my house and stop me?" I asked.

"You were hurting yourself I didn't want you to be in serious pain"

"

My sister... she killed herself" (I know Finn doesn't have a sister just for the story) Finn frowns "She seemed happy but she really wasn't. I didn't see the pain she was in until she did it. I still remember the day I found her in the bathtub, her wrist and the tub had blood everywhere, I felt so empty I wondered why she did what she did and I'll never forgive myself because I didn't see the pain she was in! If I did something she would still be here!" Finn broke down into tears.

"You reminded me of her, I hated that, your clothes was what she wore, your hardworking was her thing, I hated you because you reminded me of my sister. I used my grief and anger on you and everyone else I just... I felt powerful"Finn explains and sobs even more

"Finn... I am so sorry" I frowned. "When you fucking put that thing on your wrist it just triggered memories and I couldn't let someone else do it without me stopping it." Finn said between sobs.

I burnt the cigarette out and put my arms out to hug Finn, he hugged back and just cried, it didn't feel real on how tough he was.

"I miss her y/n I miss her so fucking much" Finn sobs out, now I get it. He was just broken inside like me.

"I know, I know just breath" I say rubbing his back "I feel like this is my fault, I loved her so much she was my bestfriend" "I'm sure she loved you too but I guarantee it wasn't your fault"

About 5 minutes later Finn had stopped crying but was still hugging me.

"I'm sorry I got tears on your shirt" Finn says sniffling and pulling away from the hug "It's okay"

"What was her name?" I ask "Alisson" he says

I wiped the tears from his face and fixed his curls, in this moment I didn't feel scared I felt what this boy felt, broken.

I stared into his brown twinkly eyes and just lost in them, I felt this urge to just kiss him but I couldn't, I can't like this boy.

But I think I do...

-Finns POV-

I finished sobbing while hugging y/n, I just told her a huge secret but there's something about her that she'll keep quiet

I got lost into her y/e/c eyes I want to kiss her so bad, what is wrong with me?
I was happy for some reason, I caught my self staring at lunch, then yesterday I stopped her hurting herself and held in my arms and kissed her forehead, and now she comforted me after the horrible things I've done to her.

This girl was special, she needs to know people will want her, I want her but I can't.

A/N KSNISHSIE this went dark real fast💀 I feel like this was poorly done but whatever hope you're liking the story so far! <3